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Funny / The Cynical Brit

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    WTF Is... 
  • The various unintelligible...noises he makes when faced with dying often.
  • His reactions to the voice acting (Particularly with regards to the use of their British accents) of Anomaly: Warzone Earth.
    HQ: This ain't no sightseeing tour, 14. Get your butts on board-
    TB: BUTTS??!! Oooohhhh, WHO WROTE THIS SCRIPT?! Ohhh, man! As a British person, this makes me *get* VERY ANGRY!
  • The entirety of Enviro-Bear 2000.
    • Made even better if (as suggested by a youtube comment) you pretend that Jesse Cox is controlling the other bear driver.
  • Around 7:10 of his "WTFree is..." video of Nitronic Rush, things get incredibly...silly.
    • Even funnier is the fact that the trick system encourages things like this.
  • In Part 5 of his Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning livestream he attempts a sneak attack on a bear. In Song.
    It's a bear
    Can you backstab a bear?
    Yes, you can backstab a bear!
    It doesn't care!
    It doesn't care! AAAHH!
  • From WTF Is...Limbo:
    *after snapping off two of the spider's legs* "Ah, you are so predi- *gets skewered by the third leg* Aaaaaah! (Beat) I didn't say that. That was a...mic error.
  • WTF Is...Snuggletruck From wondering where his career has gone to pointing out how little sense the game makes, this video is 10 minutes of hilarity; he also lives up to his moniker as "The Cynical Brit" in this video.
  • TB, not known for his skill in platformers, plays I Wanna Be the Guy: Gaiden as part of his WTF series. It takes TB twenty-four deaths to reach stage one. Not within stage one, but merely selecting stage one.
    • "This game should be against the Geneva Convention. But it isn't, so I guess we're playing it."
    • "This was created by a very, very angry man. This guy was an orphan. I can see how it is." (several death-related interruptions later) "This guy was an orphan, he was bullied in school, and what he decided to do was to create a game designed to torture people. Which is what he has succeeded in doing."
    • His bizarre fixation on the fishing boat in the parachute ride in stage one, which he describes in more and more diabolical terms as he gets angry (first it's a fishing boat, then a whaling ship, then a floating meth lab staffed by hateful diseased orphans who eat diseased puppies, then it's "the spawn of Satan in boat form," then "orphan Satan with diseases in boat form")
    • "This game is a metaphor for the harsh mistress of LIFE! The painful, agonizing GRIND into old age and eventual DEMISE with no one on your bedside to care for your passing! It's what this is! It represents that!"
    • "There is no God! If there was a God he would never have allowed this to happen! I'm going to subscribe to r/atheism right now and post some Facebook screenshots!"
    • "I Wanna Be the Guy Gaiden, ladies and gentlemen. The download link is in the video description. SUFFER LIKE TB DID!"
    • One of the tags was "THISFUCKINGGAMEWHY", however, this happened to just be part of an experiment to see whether or not his fans were smart enough to dislike the episode for being exaggerated and dumb. Said experiment failed.
      • Looks like he's changed the tags now. Now they read "This video is terrible why are you watching it"
  • WTF is... Scribblenauts Unlimited has many of TB's solutions to puzzles being... unusual. Such as:
  • At the 21:10 minute mark of WTF Is Far Cry 3?, amid a serious speech criticizing the lack of realism in the protagonist being an Instant Expert in weapons despite never having fired a single one up until the beginning of the game, TB is suddenly jumped by an alligator. Angrish ensues.
    • A similar thing happens at the 27:20 minute mark of WTF Is Far Cry Primal? as he was ranting about how the melee system in this particular release lacks impact. He even lampshades how it always happens when he is doing a "WTF Is..." for a Far Cry game. It is seriously turning into a running gag.
    • TB also spends an awful lot of time looking for a hang glider to show off. Around 40:46 there is one directly in front of him that he somehow didn't notice.
  • In his WTF is Super Amazing Wagon Adventure, at the very start of the video he decides to name his crew after Jesse, Dodger and him. But then, after Dodger died in the first few minutes of gameplay, and after surviving a tornado... THIS happens! Cue all the TBxJesse shippers going all "Squee" over it. And, if you want add an extra bit of juvenile humour to the whole scene, just check out the in-game day in which it happened...
    TB: This story is turning itself into a giant fan-fiction already, and I hate it! So very much...
    • Also, the game begins with Dodger being severely weakened by tuberculosis, also known as... TB.
      TB: So already Dodger is almost dead thanks to TB. Big surprise.
    • And Jesse, naturally, commented on it.
      Jesse: It happened! I was there!
  • At around the 44:10 mark of a joint "WTF Is..." of SimCity (2013) with Genna, TotalBiscuit's power plant goes into meltdown. The reason? Education has fallen to the point where workers could not successfully keep the plant going. Riffing followed, along with angry responses when it was revealed the fallout was drifting in the direction of Genna's city.
    • A lot of the little side conversations between Genna and John are funny too. Such as the beginning, where TotalBiscuit introduces someone very dear to him, who is also incredibly violent and very condescending at times. Genna guesses it's the chinchilla.
    TB: "What? No, the chinchilla likes me. More than you, the chinchilla bites you, she doesn't like you at all. She senses something within you, a darkness brewing inside."
    • The meltdown is even funnier if you notice that it's been foreshadowed half an hour before the actual meltdown, by a message that said "Nuclear Power Plant staffed by idiots." no less.
  • In "WTF Is Ace Of Spades", when he sees that "XXX420SMOK3GANJA420XXX" has the enemy intel: "That might be the worst username I've ever seen from anyone ever", completely in passing without missing a beat.
    • For that matter, any time he interrupts himself to comment on something that's appeared on the screen; there's a very similar bit at the beginning of The War Z where he makes a remark about a bad texture.
  • In his first round of "WTF Is... Mass Effect 3 Multiplayer?" TB encounters the last person he'd expect to see...
    • What's even funnier is the guy's reaction.
    FrankensteinJoe: (moment of silence) Seems legit. (TB cracks up again)
  • In his "WTF is Orion: Dino Beatdown", (don't you mean, Orion: Dino Horde?) he comes up with a rather strange analogy (around 20:44) about the idea of criticizing this game...
    TB: (...) It's like punching a seal, you just wouldn't do that, it doesn't feel right... But in this case, the seal isn't an innocent fluffy sea creature, the seal is a dick! The seal stole your packed lunch, the seal made a pass at your girlfriend, and what's worse is that it seems your girlfriend was actually into it. That's terrible! You've had three years of happy relationships and this frickin' asshole seal comes along makes a pass and suddenly you're not sure anymore, you're not sure if your relationship was built on solid ground, and it's all because of this asshole seal! You wanna punch it, you wanna punch it so hard! And I usually like seals! But this seal, this seal is a dick! That's one of the best ways I can describe it.
  • His "WTF is Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon" video is funny all on its own, but several particularly good moments include:
    • His ideas of ways other games could embrace the silly standalone nature of Blood Dragon, in particular the idea of Assassin's Creed Power Rangers.
    • The reveal that there is a button specifically for flipping people off. The video ends with TotalBiscuit repeatedly flipping off a passing patrol boat.
  • The entirety of his Behold Cranky Cat, too good for Greenlight video. The whole thing is so twisted, and over-saturated with sarcasm and vitriol, that you cannot help but to laugh at it. (specially if you also feel contempt for Valve's Greenlight system)
    • Similarly, his Cynical Redub of the Microsoft and Sony E3 Conferences.
  • In his WTF Is Sleeping Dogs he is absolutely giddy when he's able to steal a very large boat.
  • His video on Castle Miner Z starts with him getting an error saying his computer didn't have enough memory available on the main menu, coupled with a screenshot of his system specs showing he has 32 gigabytes of RAM.
  • In WTF Is Octodad: Dadliest Catch, when he spots that the products on sale in the supermarket include "Total Biscuits".
  • His flat refusal to go along with the plot in Wtf Am I Doing...Portal 2.
    • And he keeps railing on Wheatley's Southerner accent.
  • This comment on rage meters from WTF Is Sledgehammer / Gear Grinder.
    TB: "Don't know what it is about games using the term "rage" as some kind of usable resource. Rage is not a resource, trust me... unless, of course, you happen to be working for Machinima."
  • Certain moments in his WTF Is... - UnEpic video, like the one where he tries to justify falling for a trap that pretty much is an idiot test.
    TB: "It was shiny. I can't help if I've been trained to do these things, I've been a gamer for the last God knows how many years ... what, 23 years? I am programmed to pick up shiny."
  • His "WTF is Day One: Garry's Incident" in it's entirety.
    • "Behold! The worst textured panther in the history of video games!"
    • And at the end, he says he wants to find the developer of the game and put them on a similar island.
  • The WTF is "Guise Of The Wolf" video, all of it.
  • In WTF Is... Watch Dogs, while he's doing a Fixer Contract early in the video, he comes across a parked car he can steal so he can get to the next objective of said contract and tries to enter the right. Only to remember that the game isn't set in the UK and that the steering wheel is on the left.
    • He then runs away with this by driving into oncoming traffic, all the while commenting on how all American motorists drive on the wrong side of the road.
  • in his WTF is... of Sniper Elite III, TB shoots a soldier right in view his buddy, and the buddy - with the AI unaware where the shot is coming from, and thus, unaware of where to take cover, starts spinning in circles.
    TB, imitating a german accent: "Oh no! wat's going on?! kwick! Do the location danz!"
  • In his video for Shovel Knight, at the very beginning of a level, TB successfully makes a jump across a pit... only to run into the enemy on the other side, which knocks him back into the pit.
    TB: Wow. I am a moron. (laughs) That was dreadful.
    • On his next try, he makes the jump and kills the enemy... only to slip off and fall into the next pit.
      TB: So, what have you— COME ON! (snickers) Get your head together! I know I've had a bad day, but this is terrible. This is ridiculous. Come on.
  • The now-deleted video, WTF Is...Mountain.
    TB: (long pause) It's fucking nothing!
  • In "WTF Is...There Came an Echo", one of the alternative commands TB sets for "attack" is "fuck up".
    • And since one of the characters is voiced by Wil Wheaton, he made the character's alternate name "Wesley" and the alternative command for "stop" to "shut up", so that such an order can come out as "Shut up, Wesley!"
  • Total Biscuit tries to get an orc captain to help him fight another captain in "WTF is Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor" and accidentally sends him on a rampage in an orc fortress. Whoops.
  • In his WTF is... Yasai Ninja?, Total Biscuit had the "pleasure" to enjoy the game's platforming. If he fails the game will reset the switches, to add insult to injury controlling the camera was near impossible. After he had finished the first section the game seems to end on a dead end... that is until he looked at the side of the bridge.
  • WTF is...Frozen Freefall : Snowball Fight.
    "You released a match 3 game on pc...without mouse support."
    "You released...a match 3 game...on pc...that has no...mouse...support."
    "YOU RELEASED A MATCH 3 GAME! ON PC! THAT HAS NO! MOUSE! SUPPORT!
    Amazing!
    "Quite."
  • The first 30 seconds of his WTF is... XCOM 2 is perhaps the most glowing endorsement of a game he has ever created. It consists entirely of TB explaining that although he has been very strict about only doing First Impressions, this time his 'First Impressions' is seventy two hours long because he accidentally beat the game prior to release.
    TB (sheepishly): "Ooops."
  • His WTF is of the awful Rambo game.

    Terraria & Terraria the Next World Generation 
  • In the Terraria collab, Jesse being the whitest guy TB knows:
    Jesse: I got jumps now! I got jumps. Is that what the kids say? "I got the jumps"?
    TB: "I got—" no, that sounds like a euphemism for Parkinson's Disease.
  • Plus part 11, when during the blood moon, TB and Jesse kill a Top Hat Zombie, hoping to gain its hat for TB, something he desperately wants. TB dies in the attempt, and Jesse steals the hat as TB wonders where it's gone... Until it appears on Jesse's head. Hilarity Ensues.
    • Made even funnier if you noticed that Jesse wore the hat on the way there, and was dropping hints that he had the hat. TotalBiscuit still failed to notice, until Jesse took out a torch allowing him to actually see him.
  • In a later episode (also involving a floating island, but a different one), Jesse tries to kill TB with fall damage. When TB explains that he no longer takes fall damage (due to a lucky horseshoe), Jesse forces him to demonstrate this. By mining the blocks directly underneath TB. Whilst standing on the exact same spot. TB didn't take fall damage, but Jesse was not as lucky.
  • In part 22, in a striking example of them actually aiding each other, TB finds a wooden boomerang and helpfully tosses it to Jesse... accidentally throwing it down the 1500+ ft. deep hellevator.
    TB: We really should put guard-rails on that thing.
  • In Part 7, TB tries to sing the Terraria background music, but ends up singing a completely different song:
    TotalBiscuit: Wait a minute, that's Nyan Cat. AH! It's infected my head!
  • Also, when Jesse tried to kill TB with dynamite and blew himself up instead:
    TotalBiscuit: So what was in that chest?
    Jesse: Oh just a bunch of this stuff. *throws dynamite at TB*
    TotalBiscuit: Oh, dynamite ... Wait, what?! No!!! *TB steps aside, but Jesse doesn't, followed by a big BOOM*
    Jesse: Wait, why did I get killed?! Aahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
    TotalBiscuit: Because you, good sir, have way worse reaction times than I do!
    Jesse: Ahhhahahaha!!! I can't even breathe! Why did I just die?!
  • Similar incident to the above, still involving an explosion, with Jesse and TB trying to clear out the cacti in a desert biomenote . While Jesse's busy throwing bombs, TB quickly sets up a box around him, trapping him in with a bomb he just threw. However, TB didn't predict that he'd get trapped in the box too due to a glitch. There's a brief second of both of them panicking before the bomb goes off—which somehow kills only Jesse.
  • Another two at the end of The Next World Generation - Part 10:
    • First one, TB has just returned from the Jungle area, with 2 Life Hearts for Jesse (as TB has used more already). TB proclaims his wonderful bounty, then accidentally uses one on himself.
    • Second one is when he places down the other fruits of their jungle exploits, in which Jesse died many, many times: two statues. Jesse becomes quite upset. And almost begins to sound like Cave Johnson from Portal.
  • TB repeatedly killing Jesse as punishment for his ineptitude by placing blocks in the hellevator. Never gets old.
  • At the very end of this video. Jesse and TB had been spending the past 4 episodes trying to find Moonglow in a very small section of their jungle separated by corruption from the rest of it (they assume that it's the only part of their jungle left), and when Jesse looks through their chests for useful materials, he finds that they have a large stock of Moonglow on hand. Jesse is naturally upset, while TB bursts out in laughter, probably due to disbelief.
  • A fan put together a montage of the many, many, many deaths of Jesse and TB during the first Terraria series.
    • The same fan did it for The Next World Generation here.

    Terraria: Deep Place Mine 
  • Episode 4, Jesse finds a demonic Starbucks.
  • TB mentions that he learned that his stepson Orion listens to the show. Jesse immediately starts referring to himself as "Uncle Jesse". It's even more hilarious than it sounds.
    • The void
    TB: Does the void stare back at you, however?
    Jesse: Ummmm, no. The void's busy being bad at video games.

    Starbound (beta) 
  • TB's tweets leading up to the first episode:
    14 mins til Starbound video
    9 minutes til this terrible thing
    6 mins til why on earth do you watch these
    4 mins til my dignity is sold off piecemeal
    2 mins until the channels equivalent of Biodome
    Spaaaaaaaace
  • TB waving his wood in Jesse's face.
  • Watching TB attempt to push Jesse through the tutorial is hilarious.
    TB: This is why I never play LoL with you!

    Other Collabs 
  • In the Dead Rising 2: Off the Record collab, Jesse puts on the flattering crop top and short shorts ensemble and shows it off to TB. TB pauses, goes silent, and turns the camera around for a bit—before he turns around and smacks Jesse in the face with a lead pipe.
    • Ironically, that exact same outfit was previously worn by TB in his "WTF is..." of the title to emphasize the fun and sillyness he personally enjoyed. When Jesse starts prancing about and showing off the outfit to TB, TB said that there was something wrong with him.
  • Tons in the Magicka Let's Play with Lewis Brindley and Simon Lane of the Yogscast.
    • One example would be when they summoned meteor shower for the first time, not knowing what was going to happen and the subsequent panicking.
      Simon:(after being told he is going to be the bait and walking up to the giant worm boss) "Hello. Nice to meet you worm! How are you doing? How are you this time of year? Are you well? Have you thought of letting Jesus into you-AAAHH!"
  • The Yogscast and TotalBiscuit ruin Trine 2: Part 2. (Only seen on their YouTube Re-upload, and not on the livestream itself, because they use Lewis Brindley's recording of the event and not TB's which is the YouTube video.) When they begin, Lewis and Simon Lane tab out to read the multitudes of Donors for their charity, leaving TB with 8 minutes of air-time with Lewis and Simon's characters (the Thief and Knight) standing there. TB (Wizard) passes the time by pushing Simon (Knight) all the way under a leaf ledge, collecting boxes and rocks and beehives in the immediate area to literally bury Simon in junk and his own conjured boxes, once in a while commenting with the other two to keep suspicion down. When he's done, in-game he types in 'Simon's New House' and for the rest of the unsupervised minutes, he makes his character 'dance' while waiting for them to come back. Hilarity Ensues when they find out, complete with Lampshade Hanging and Ironic Echo from their Magicka days (Hello, do you like bees?).
  • For the "Polaris Civil War", TB picks Sips as he claims he needs somebody commendable, earning minor scorn from Jesse. He then picks Sjin, causing most of /r/Yogscast to predict the numerous headaches that the duo will cause for TB's team.

    Christmas 

    Lets Plays and Livestreams 
  • His reaction to being able to push an already suicidal man off a building in DC Universe Online.
    "BEST! BEST!"
  • Part 1 of his Secret World livestream has him selecting a character and giving him ridiculous facial hair and a poncho, before, after discussing it on the live chat with viewers, entering the name "Pedro "Poncho" Grande", which causes him to burst out laughing and proclaim:
    TB: Congratulations guys, we are racists.
    • Followed quickly by two more moments:
      • The first is when he calls in his wife to show her the creation, and she comments that he looks more like a Pablo than a Pedro because his moustache is too small.
      • And then, when he goes to enter the character, finds that there is already a character in existence with the nickname Poncho.
    TB: WHAT?! How is Pablo "Poncho" Grande "in use"?!
  • His livestreaming of Black Mesa: Source. It helps that's he has watched Freeman's Mind before
  • Take one part TotalBiscuit and one part Asura's Wrath, stir well and watch the 'Fuck yea' moments unfold.
  • During the SimCity (2013) livestream about an hour into playing, Genna (Who has apparently been locked in her room for three days playing the game) comes in and they start bickering over his city, everything he's done wrong, his justifications for doing it why he is, and starts directing him on what to do.
    TotalBiscuit: They shop at the gas station—I have literally developed a terrible town.
    Genna: Yes! The commercial need to be in the middle. You have done this completely wrong, and I'm afraid that you have failed the game, and if you dare to give the guys who developed this a bad review I'm afraid I'm going to have to kick your ass!
    *TB starts laughing*
    Genna: I'm just waiting for Godzilla to come up here and ruin everything for you! And he will! He will! He destroyed my city twice!
  • During his Grudge match round 1 of Mechwarrior tactics TB did not tell Angry Joe the cap point limit. Que Joe's lance filled with 4 assult mechs compared to TB's 1 light 1 medium 1 heavy and 1 assault mech. TB's reaction is hilarious.
  • His playing of Long Live the Queen in preparation for his WTF is...? of the game. It comes in two parts and the first sentence uttered sets the mood for the two videos, and the exchange between he and Genna sells it.
    TotalBiscuit: ...What the fuck is this? *Genna laughs* You wa—What is it? Why are y—Why am I playing this?
    Genna: Because you will be the prettiest, prettiest princess!
    TB: They probably can't even hear you from there. You're going to have to get a bit closer.
    Genna: TotalBiscuit, would you like to be the prettiest, prettiest princess?
    TB: Not in any way.
    Genna: But you get to wear a nice dress!
    TB: It's anime fanservice bullshit, look at this thing.
    Genna: Cardcaptor Sakura!
    TB: It-it-it's fucking terrible, I mean that is—that is not a good title screen. That is not a good title screen for anyone over the age of about fourteen.
    ...
    TB: See where our marriage has gone to? You've got me playing this anime bullshit.
    Genna: You play a lot of anime bullshit.
    TB: No I don't! What was the last anime bullshit I played?
    Genna: Well I wouldn't exactly call Persona bullshit, but you did play it.
    TB: Thaaaaat doesn't count.
    Genna: But Teddy!
    TB: No.
    Genna: Teddy!
    TB: Teddy is infinitely better that this! Look at this crap!
  • From the stream of Guise of the Wolf: a very buggy wolf attack.
    • While describing how to pick a lock: "So you move the tumblers around, as you might imagine, and then you're attacked by social justice warriors. So don't move the tumblers, guys."
    • Early in the stream, he manages to clip inside of a rock. Later, while trying to find a plot-required item, one of the chat members comments that "maybe it's in a rock."
    • TB bursts into near-uncontrollable laughter at the sound the bridge makes when you move over it.
    • "The mighty chain! What noise does it make when I strike upon it?" *pathetic 'chink' sound*
    • "The fountain's made of mercury!"
    • "Helps to have a map apparently."
      • TB considers actually giving one of the guards his map, only to find it isn't an inventory item.
    • TB's utter bewilderment at one room having six copies of The Hungarian Kingdom.
    • The incredibly glitched corpse of the woman TB kills as a wolf. It ends up being the WTF Is... titlecard.
      • Right after that, he goes over to Filch to try killing him, only to find his model gone, leaving only his outline.
    "Can I- oh, what the f... FUCK this game!! Fuck this game..."
    • Then a cutscene with Filch rendered normally begins, prompting TB to shout "you were transparent a minute ago!"
  • His other "Let's NOT Play" videos are also hilarious (Need for Speed Rivals' terrible PC port and Deus Ex: The Fall)
  • TB's The Sims 4 livestream, which basically consisted of him trolling his wife (playing alongside him) for 4 hours. Part 1 here, with the other two parts also available on Genna's channel. The entire thing has to be seen to be believed.
    • Genna's opinion of TB's attempt at a house.
    Genna: It looks like the Krusty Krab!
    TB: Perfect!
    • The way they discover that they can recolour furniture.
    TB: Can I colour the chair? Can I have a golden throne at the dinner table? I can! Worship your Emperor!
    Genna: Now you can sit there and never move from that chair.
  • Less than 30 seconds into his livestream of Hatoful Boyfriend, and you already get the sense that TB is not looking forward to things:
    I'm already regretting this
    • After figuring his original character name was too... obscene, he changes it to a more family friendly one: Flockoff Featherface. However, there isn't enough space to put the last name in, so it becomes Flockoff Fthrface
    • TB voicing a character who's introduced with a very long, hard to pronounce name.
    "I am called Anime Bullshit. I am the owner of the Anime Bullshit Cafe."
    • Whenever a text-based mishap occours, such as the above name length limit, TB puts the stream to the 'Stream Is Not Currently Broadcasting' screen.
    TB: Zero out of ten, worst game ever, do not play! No...
    • TB's incredibly hammy voice for Okosan. It is glorious. To the point TB actively starts choosing everything that will lead to Okosan just so he can continue the voice.
    "You expect to go against Okosan and win? He'll crush you with his wing."
    • The stream starts and ends with TB being irritated by his wife Genna's high pitched cries of "Senpai!"
  • TB's Ride to Hell: Retribution livestream "highlights"
  • Behold, the highlights of his Just Cause 3 stream. Moments include:
    • Repeated attempts with attaching rocket packs to objects like cars.
    TotalBiscuit: "In theory, Wheely Bin of Doom would have worked there."
    • Repeated attempts to take down a base that's shooting nukes at him.
    TotalBiscuit: "[The base]'s shooting nukes from there at me by the way, which seems horribly unfair. I'm pretty sure it can't hit me in a wingsuit, what're the chances of that, right?"
    • Repeated attempts to call in a gigantic freight plane only for it to explode on arrival.
  • His return to Warframe after two years is greeted with a influx of gifts from other players and fans... with a good chunk of it being bobbleheads of Clem, a character in the game. The end result? Well... See for yourself...
    'TotalBiscuit: you did this
  • After much coaxing at the behest of his wife, he sat down to play HuniePop.
    • From the first 30 seconds of that.
      TB: [completely and utterly deadpan] Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Totalbiscuit. I am here against my will...
      Genna: AGAIN!
      TB: I am here against my will...
      Genna: AGAIN!
      TB: I am here against my will...
      Genna: To play HuniePop!
      TB: Why...?
      Genna: Because I luv you! :3
      TB: It's in four-by-three resolution.
      Genna: But...
      TB: It has no support for modern widescreen monitors.
      Genna: But...
      TB: In fact the graphics options are non-existent. For the most part. It has the word "Boops" in it. *Genna laughs* That's not even a real word. What is this?
    • His constant attempts to give the girls mango.
    • His plugging for a call-in radio station, "95.5 The Weasel."
  • His playing John Cena's Sexy High School Adventure!!! with Genna, which has him consistently being a Deadpan Smarker and not bothering to give the Cenas the correct voice.
  • TB playing Lovers In A Dangerous Spacetime with Genna has a lot of funny moments. Notable ones include TB irritating her with constant Star Trek quotes and the two of them arguing over who gets to drive.
  • A game of Superfight; starring Dodger, Octopimp, Crendor, Sinvicta, Dan, and Cry; ends up being so gut-bustingly hilarious that TotalBiscuit had to go to the hospital because he strained his diaphragm from laughing so much! Some highlights include:
    • Cry dooming himself by the self-imposed rule that he must mate with every opponent before killing then, and...each of the Villain's fire-tutu-sporting fighter girls.
    • Dodger (purposefully) misconstruing the term "cum-blind" and applying it to her own Hero. Everyone is in stitches for a while, taking chances between peels of laughter to tell Dodger I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means. But now, Redneck America is apparently blind to Cry's mating/killing the fighter girls.
  • While streaming Death Road to Canada, he came across a scenario where Bandits were blocking his path, and he needed to choose someone "calm and trustworthy", so he chose Crendor. Not only did Crendor not succeed in distracting the bandits, he betrayed the team and had gotten Jesse killed.
    TB: Well, that didn't go well at all, did it? Never trust a Crendor!
  • TB's stream of him playing the godawful Rambo video game, his incredulous reaction when he finds out it's a rail shooter is priceless.
  • Where to start with Warhammer 40,000: Space Wolf?
    • TB's playlist decides to start playing smooth jazz, TB takes this and runs with it.
    TB: "You know, this music doesn't really seem appropiate for a grimdark stream.. In the grim darkness of the far future there is only ~smooth jazz~. Nothing but freshes grooves right here on '95.5 The Weasel'. Broadcasting live out of the Astronomicon to all affected by The Emperor's Light and beyond - Into the darkest reaches of space. Yes folks, when I ask you to 'purge the heretics' I presume you'll do it with style; because this is 95.5 The Weasel. The horrors of war getting you down? Are you perhaps a Squat whose homeworld was devoured by the one and only Great Devourer; well, don't worry. We've got your stimpack right here. *Track changes* okay it's gone a bit like 'Drum and Bass' now, so yea we- we can stop that now, thank you.
    There we go, I've equipped the storm bolter.. HE'S FUCKING DUAL WIELDING!! Look at this shit, look at how fucking awesome that is. And that's not canon at all. By why.. why not? By the way? One has to wonder.. Well the reason is because you can't really just take the powerfist off. BUT HE'S DUAL WIELDING STORM BOLTERS look at that motherfucker! What an amazing man. [...] That's metal as fuck.
    Right, well, these guys — I mean, we can stay out of range of them for a couple of turns... what the hell are they wielding? Those are— Does that chainsword have a bayonet on it?! Because that's the most 40K thing I have ever fucking seen! Holy shit! Yo dawg I heard you like swords. So I put a sword on your sword so you can stab while you stab. Jesus Christ that is so Grimdark. I might just be orgasmning right now and you wou- just wouldn't know it.
  • During TB's livestream of Faeria, his fans began sending him gifts by adding him as their recruiter, which he thanks them for. But then they began sending him more gifts than he was prepared for, and the game became borderline unplayable. It ended with him having over three thousand packs!

    Alpha Strike 
  • His early look at Outlast where he talks about the revitalisation of Survival Horror as a genre thanks to games like Amnesia: The Dark Descent and Slender. About 6:30 minutes in he goes on about the version of Outlast being played is a demo, and so the developers will likely have compressed everything. Now, TB doesn't like horror games because of them being.. well.. Horror Games. So his growing realisation that since he hasn't walked into a Jump Scare yet, he probably soon will, unnerves him even more.
    TotalBiscuit: I mean so far the game has done a really good job of not throwing a lot of jump scares at me - and that worries me even more. Heh, it's like if you —
    * Goes to open door*
    TotalBiscuit: —blow your load too quickly with jumpscares.
    * Door opens, revealing a Jump Scare complete with flashy lights and swinging guy.*
    TotalBiscuit: AAAAAH! Jesus Christ. *heavy breath* FUCK! I hate you so much right now! God - dammit! Anyway!

    Hearthstone (plus "Lord of the Arena") 
  • The Ending to his 17th Lord of the Arena run episode. It must be seen to be believed
  • Prepare to face the mighty Millhouse Manastorm! Three times over.
  • In his 19th Lord of the Arena episode, his opponent has a larger number of one-health minions on the board, and he draws a Mad Bombernote . When TB plays it, all three hits land on his own hero, out of a pool containing eight other targets. He actually prayed to the RNG before playing it.
    TotalBiscuit: *draws Mad Bomber* Mad Bomber could be value here, could be very good value.
    (Beat)
    TotalBiscuit: Alright... O mighty bomber, hallowed be thy RNG. Please, please do what I say.
    * His hero gets hit with all three bombs*
    TotalBiscuit: WHYYYYY, BOMBER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? NO! Oh, why? The chances of that were astronomically low!
    • He also used Mad Bomber earlier in the same video, which also backfired, although not quite as spectacular.
  • In Lord of the Gimmicks, he decides to roll with a gimmick deck that only has cards with random effects. He plays an Alarm-O-Bot (a minion that summons another minion from your hand for free if it survives the enemy's next turn). He has an Alarm-O-Bot in his hand and a Ysera, and top decks a Ragnaros the Firelord... and yet the Alarm-O-Bot on the field plays his second Alarm-O-Bot from his hand.
  • From his gimmick deck battle with Crendor, five words: Have some bananas YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!!!
    • To elaborate: four Lorewalker Chos note , plus bananas, Hilarity Ensues. Even better is when they managed to fill both players' hands with ''The Coin''note .
      • To top that, with the 'coin' incident, TB actually wins the match because of it, as Crendor ends up burning all of his draw cards because his hand is full of The Coin cards
  • In his Too Many Traps! 2 Gimmick video, TB comes perilously close to winning a game when an opposing Shaman decides to charge him with a Rockbiter buffed Al-Alakir. This attack triggers TB's Misdirection secret, but before it can be finished - it triggers his Freezing Trap as well. Thus Al-Alakir is returned to the hand before he inflicts any damage! TB's dismay must be heard to be believed.The Shaman then quit the game.
    • In the same video, the enemy Mage was at 3 health and TB had a King Crushnote , basically meaning he will win next turn. The mage then plays a Hogger and two Mirror Images, giving the Mage five tauntsnote 
  • First match with TB's Healing to Death gimmick deck. He plays a Lightspawnnote , and the following turn puts Divine Spiritnote  on it, giving him a 10/10 creature. What his opponent does has to be seen to be believed. They play 2 Divine Spirit cards... on TB's Lightspawn, making it a 40/40.
  • His "Demonologist" Deck video. It's a Warlock deck filled to the brim with demons and demon affecting spells. He explains early on in the video that the deck sucks due to the fact that most of the demon cards do not synergize with each other and can rapidly lead to suicide. As expected, throughout the video, he loses most matches, except the first. The real funny part is when he manages to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory in the last match.
  • The ending of TB and Crendor's Legendary Deck Duel Part 1. TB gets whittled down to 4 health, but manages to play 2 Yseras with taunt to claw back his chance of victory. Then, he plays "Ysera Awakens" in order to clear Crendor's monsters off the field... forgetting that it will cause 5 damage to him, and costing him the match.
  • On TB's first video of the MechWarrior deck, he went up against a warlock with a Voidcallernote . TB kills it, and it immediately summons Mal'Ganisnote . This was on turn six, where TotalBiscuit had no way of dealing with it. His response:
    TB: *beat* huh. *concedes* Let's just… forget that ever happened.
    • What's even funnier is when he fights another Warlock, sees another Voidcaller, and immediately recognizes the play. So TB doesn't attack it, but the other player pops it with a Void Terrornote . Yes, the Voidcaller does summon Mal'Ganis, leaving two high-damage minions for TB to fight against. He does try to keep playing, until his opponent puts up a minion with taunt, at which point TB goes Screw This, I'm Outta Here and concedes.
  • On the last battle of his Ragequit gimmick deck video, TB Manages to summon two Grim Patrons, which when damaged, summon a copy of themselves. On the next turn, He plays bouncing blades, which deals 1 damage to a random minion, and repeats until something dies. The End result? His entire board is Grim Patrons. His oppoment is so stunned, they do nothing during their next turn, giving TB the win!
    Total Biscuit & Grim Patron(s): GET IN HERE!!
  • When TB plays the Tavern Brawl with the Heart of the Sunwell variant (each player starts with ten mana), one of his matches starts with him playing Kel'Thuzad.note  Next turn, he plays two Faceless Manipulators to copy his Kel'Thuzad, giving him a total of three Kel'Thuzads. When he uses his initial one to damage his opponent's Ironbark Protectornote  and ends his turn, his remaining 2 Kel'Thuzads trigger their ability, resurrecting his first Kel'Thuzad twice! Then, his opponent plays a Kel'Thuzad of thier own and trades his Ironbark for one of TB's Kel'Thuzads, and when he ends his turn, TB's destroyed Kel'Tshuzad is resurrected three times, at which point the opponent finally concedes.
    TB (whilst imitating Count von Count): Six! Six Kel'Thuzads! Ha-ha-ha!
  • In his Riddlerdin video (playing a Paladin Secret gimmick), the final fight has him against a Warrior. He thinks he's got control of the game due to his upgraded hero power note , only for his opponent to drop Varian Wrynn note .
    Varian: Behold the armies of Stormwind!
    TB: Oh my god. (Varian summons Grommash Hellscream note ) Holy crap! (Varian summons Ysera note ) *scream*. (Varian summons Cruel Taskmaster) *laughing* Oh, it's a Wallet Warrior! Oh no! It was all going so well!
  • The Whispers of the Old Gods matches with Crendor contain an absolutely hilarious one. Crendor has a 17/13 C'Thun on the field vs TB's Tirion Fordring, Reno Jackson and a Searing Totem. TB runs the Reno and the Totem into C'Thun, bring C'Thun down to 8 health, then:
    TB: Oh lord of the Tinkmasters (plays Tinkmaster Overspark) Give- (stops as Overspark's ability transforms Tirion into a 1/1 squirrel) NOOOOOOOOOOO!
    Crendor: (laughing) You didn't put your faith in the Light, that was your first problem.
    • And the match before that:
    TB:(plays Yogg-Saron) F#ck your C'Thun. Yes..(Yogg-Saron plays Ancestral Healing on one of Crendor's Twin Emperors)NO! Don't do that!( Yogg-Saron plays Holy Fire on itself effectively killing himself)NO!!!!

    Others 
  • The last video of the year 2011 is his thank you to all his voters as he had won King of the Web. Though he doesn't do anything funny, there's something about his flowery pink teapot pouring tea into a Murloc tankard while listening to metal that sets you off.
  • Whenever TB loses it during The Game Station podcasts. In fact, every time someone manages to break though and make TB laugh a lot. The third episode is the most he's ever gone. And if we look at the Sequel Escalation Trope...
    Dodger: "You broke John...you broke 'im..."
    TB: *completely out of breath* "Help...me..."
    *everyone bursts out laughing*
  • TB getting so mad on twitter that his wife decides to change his twitter password to stop him from raging. The next 10 minutes consisted of twitter banter between him and his wife as he keeps finding ways to access his twitter with her promptly disabling said access, and eventually taking over his twitter temporarily.
    Genna Bain: *Whistles* Just another Thursday... changing @TotalBiscuit's twitter password.
    TotalBiscuit: Hah, @GennaBain It won't work, I have access to the API! THE APIIIIII!!!!!!
    Genna Bain: omg, I have access to the INTERNET. *Disconnects @TotalBiscuit's internet cable*
    Genna Bain: Apparently he's off to get his phone now. Since I pay the bill... hrmmm I guess I could just disconnect it too huh?
    TotalBiscuit: Bah, she has pulled my internet cord. Little does she know about my 4G tethering!
    Genna Bain: @TotalBiscuit I know about your 4G tethering because I bought that phone you dolt. Knowledge, use it.
    Genna Bain: Oh and btw @TotalBiscuit those API settings? Yeah, I revoked them and changed your password. Now behave before I let the fanbois eat you!
    TotalBiscuit: Hello everyone. Cynical wife @GennaBain here. I have banned my husband from twitter temporarily because kittens and rainbows. That is all.
    TotalBiscuit: Halp halp! I'm trapped in another dimension. It is warm here and moderately sunny. #freetb
  • TB and Jesse at long last meet in Real Life... and play Star Wars Kinect.
    TotalBiscuit: We're making the worst TGS content ever made today.
  • TB devolved into a Pungeon Master on Twitter and during a Podcast to promote his upcoming PC Burger joint. The Twitter postings can be seen here.◊ The livestream of the podcast had actually crashed during the episode due to Twitch errors, but TB was blamed for killing the stream with his horrible PC puns.
  • The entirety of the parody of Microsoft's E3 conference.
  • His livestream of Ride to Hell: Retribution, a game that is so horrible that it needs to be experienced. Select "highlights" from this "game" are here
    Mack: You look like shit, Jake.
    TB: That's because we couldn't pay our texture artists, Mack.
  • This tangent he's off on about the "average family gamer" in one of his Content Patch videos, it's simply too long to transcribe but hilarious. Found here.
  • This part in the 39th TGS Podcast.
    TotalBiscuit: I have more Youtube money than God, I can afford these games! Shut up!
  • His daily roundup videos during Pax Prime 2013. Each video has him with a red panda plush in a different place (on the table, in his lap, behind his head). By day 4, TB is gone from the chair, with the red panda in his place wearing all his passes and badges. He ends the video with "I'm going to bed," as the camera slowly pans over to him recording, mic in hand, while playing Hearthstone on his laptop.
  • Genna's intrusions during TB's live recordings in general. The first time she does it, she uses a crocodile puppet to hand him water while he's discussing Torchlight 2. TB plays it off as the pet system at work in his house. On a Q&A video, a rare instance of a facecam, she slowly crept in with a giant red panda plush.
    • She used the red panda again in a recent podcast because Dodger was playing with her fox plush. TB was not happy.
    • On an episode of the Co-Optional Podcast with guest host boogie2988, the hosts had started derailing into their jobs before becoming fulltime Youtube content creators. Boogie describes an incident when he was an on-call emergency responder to a college rec center and someone had degloved their hand after trying to dunk a basketball. Genna came in with the red panda and asked them to stop, as well as mutual friend and employee Chris "Zooc" Baltoc. After he said he was stopping, they for some reason refused to leave.
    TotalBiscuit: Why are you all here? Get out of my office!
  • On twitter: "I can't really understand people that don't constantly take the piss out of their friends. What's the point in having them otherwise?"
  • TB narrates the opening free-for-all of the Polaris Chivalry: Deadliest Warrior tournament as though it's a history documentary (namely; one in the style of the Deadliest Warrior TV show). With plenty of smack talk and snarking, obviously.
  • His "top 5 Worst Videos of 2012" list.
  • "TB, please make soundcloud podcasts downloadable!"
  • TB's Dota 2 livestreams are usually very calm and relaxed environment, but if he gets involved in a large fight, he tends to go into a panic. It doesn't help that he plays very late at night, keeping his wife awake with his inane statements. This also happened on a charity livestream with Pyrion Flax, to which Flax calmly responded that he think TB had a panic attack.
    • His music selection is randomized, and either plays things which are oddly appropriate for the moment in-game or flat-out strange.
  • Ok, so you're an indie dev... TB sings a parody song about indie game developers set to the tune and gist of Shania Twain's That Don't Impress Me Much. Just listen.
  • TotalBiscuit's Biscuit Review
    • "Tastes like heresy. Delicious heresy!"
    • "The taste of British imperialism. Delicious."
    • "Conclusion: 7/10. 12/10."
  • TB's research stream of the terrible PC port of Deus Ex: The Fall.
  • TB proceeds to review a cider like he would a game on Twitter, taking a few jabs at certain things along the way.
    Original Sin Apple Cider from Florida. Not a bad dry cider. Certainly palatable with a solid bite. I'd drink it again.
    If we take a look at the options menu we'll see that I have that option to drink the cider or not drink it, which appeals to most users.
    Performance wise there appears to be a bottleneck in the bottles neck
    Based on my first impressions, I would need to drink 10 more of these before the tired FoV may-mays start to be funny.
    Seems like I can't turn off motion blur
    Seem to be experiencing some input lag. Texture quality appears a bit fuzzy, could be FXAA though.
    But is it a game? NO IT'S NOT A F*CKING GAME! THIS IS NOT A GAME!
    I'm informed the console version is only 3% ABV and requires $5 a month to drink it.
    Hmm I'm being told that I cannot have access to further cider unless I sign a promotional agreement where I focus on its nemesis system.
    I am now informed that cider does not have a Nemesis system
    I ordered some early access cider. They gave me an apple and told me they didn't have the budget to go further
    I now seem incapable of telling the difference between kissing the bottle and killing it. Somehow this is the ciders fault.
    Top 10 reasons why I'm drinking this cider and that's not ok!
    This is why you should be excited for the cider I might drink
    This bottle suffers from a staggering lack of transparency
    I'm covering this cider because I am now friends with it. I wasn't before though
    I have a confession to make. I didn't drink the cider. Fin.
  • On the 12th day of CODmas "That said, Call of Duty launch is like Christmas. Get to make 3 videos complaining, all with lots of views. It's a yearly ritual."
  • The ending of TB's quick review of Transformers: Age of Extinction.
    "Michael Bay is a sorcerer! His arcane powers includes sucking the fun out of everything into an unholy summoning vortex, which eventually he uses to bring about the end times, raising an old god from his slumber deep beneath the South Pacific and inflicting endless madness upon the realms of men. There. I just wrote a better plot than Transformers 4. Fuck me. I'm gonna go watch Pacific Rim again. Goddammit, Mike."
  • His reason for including Shadow of Mordor in his top 10 of 2014 list:
    "I didn't really care about the storyline of Shadow of Mordor. I wasn't particularly invested in taking vengeance for the death of my family. But, what I was interested in was taking vengeance on that bastard over there. That little green wanker interrupted me during a mission and stabbed me in the back, and he got a promotion and mocked me for it. He has to die. I am going to ram his face into a fire and make him wish he was never born"
  • His video of Spartans vs. Zombies Defense. Particularly after the game plays an uncredited soundbite from 300.
    "WHAT. I just want to remind you that this is on Steam, and not Kongregate.
    • The game's title screen doesn't even pretend to give an Excuse Plot:
    "Ah, a wonderful sense of self-awareness. Surely I will forgive them for this. Nooope."
    • Noting the game's use of a character it obviously doesn't have the rights for:
    "I mean, this is King Leonidas. There's not even a question about this. This is 'Hey, Gerard Butler's lawyer, we really need to get on the phone right the hell now, because these guys have released something using your image on Steam, and have the audacity... the audacity to in-' *the game plays the 300 soundbite again* They did it again! They did it again!"
    • The game's microtransaction system flat-out doesn't even work:
    "Amazing. I thought I'd seen everything when it comes to bad mobile ports, but they can't even be bothered to rip you off correctly. That's an impressive level of terrible."
  • Similar to his video on Mountain, another unlisted video of his is titled, "Does game length really matter?", in the wake of the complaints of It's Short, So It Sucks! surrounding The Order: 1886. It goes as follows:
    *Title Card Plays*
    TB: Yes!
    *Ending Card Plays*
  • TotalBiscuit meets Wasabi Potato Crispy Puffed Food
  • His playthrough of the Starcraft II Visual Novel with Genna.
    • The two of them trying to figure out which pro gamers each of the characters are an Expy of. In particular, when Jett first appears:
    TB: Oh. It's Idra. (he and Genna laugh) [.] 'Jett. A zerg and former VSL champion.' It's absolutely Idra. 'She won Starcraft II's very first Grand Final back in the beta. A year ago, she might have been the game's most famous player.
    Genna: I think it's Scarlett.
    TB: It's not. It's not though.
    Genna: But it's a girl! I mean, do you think it could be a genderbent Idra?
    TB: I think it's a genderbent Idra. I really do, I mean (Genna laughs) I genuinely think that is it, that it's a genderbent Idra.
    Genna: Ah, how can you say it's not Scarlett? Even the hair.
    TB: Because... she doesn't trash talk, and she doesn't do inflammatory antics. Like, this is Idra! This is fucking Idra! 'Rarely ggs', 'isn't afraid to trash talk', 'inflammatory antics', 'controversial figure', win but is now past his prime, it's Idra! There's no doubt about it!
    • "Daddy says you should have scouted for proxy Templar. You noob."
  • His 'Bort Rebort' of Star Wars Battlefront 2015 which consists of server errors and a half assed single-voice acapella cover of the Star Wars suite. It has to be heard to be believed.
  • Ladies and gentlemen, all rise for the Fuck Konami national anthem.
  • After hosting a successful Co-Optional Lounge on Secret Hitler, he gives us this gem of a tweet.
  • His video "The Codex Astartes Does Not Support This game" which is basically TB railing on how awful the Warhammer lane defense game "Storm of Vengeance"(made by Eutechnyx of Ride To Hell Retribution fame) is.
  • Apparently, for Secret Santa, TotalBiscuit drew Dodger and Strippin. His 'gifts' involved yodelling pickles and significant levels of Nicholas Cage
  • In response to the drama surrounding the "Over the Shoulder" victory pose for Overwatch, TB made this video poking at the original post (Wherein he reads the post aloud, but edits it so he's talking about Winston).
  • In July, TB put together an AMA and streamed himself answering some of the questions put to him. One of the questions was so hilariously nonsensical that it caused him to break down in laughter for a good few minutes.
    TB: This is fucking AutoCorrect going insane!
  • Have you ever wanted to see TB fuck up in XCOM 2 on a catastrophic level with the king of freakouts that follow? Then boy do we have a treat for you.
  • As utterly heartbreaking as the Memorial Podcast that Genna, Jesse and Dodger held after his death was, Genna revealed a couple of amusing tidbits about TB's final months:

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