Funny / The Closer

As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.

---

• Just when things look to be getting grim, each season will have at least one episode best described as "the annual Provenza and Flynn get into a ridiculous jam" and it's classic.
  • The whole saga of their part-time process server gig in Season 7's "To Serve With Love" is a thing to behold.
  • Better is Brenda's reaction to the pair's idiocy. In "To Serve," she cuts off any attempt at an explanation with "No!" Likewise, she spends the first moments of "Fool's Gold" dealing with how Provenza and Flynn literally let a pair of robbers (who had caused a clerk's death in a beating) not only slip by their noses but even helped them get the goods away with calmly repeating "not yet" every time they try to speak up.
  • Provenza is adamant that the squad not tell Brenda what's happened and why they're there. Then Fritz shows up.
  • It turns out the victim in "To Serve With Love" isn't who everyone initially thought it was:
    Morales: But the fact that I was given the last name "Hirschbaum" proved to be something of a... tip-off.
    (He lifts the lower end of the sheet covering the corpse.)
    Brenda: Or not.
    Morales: Yup. Doesn't look all that Jewish to me.
  • The look Fritz gives Brenda when he shows her the sketches of the two "thuggish older men" who "kidnapped" Hirschbaum.
  • Flynn: "How is a job that's supposed to net us four grand end up costing us four grand? What do you call that, Provenza-nomics?!"
  • At the end of "To Serve," Brenda confronts the lawyer murderer.
    Lawyer: Oh, so I'm the bad guy here?
    Brenda: Well, sir, you did kill someone.
    Lawyer: An actor! Okay, I admit there is no excuse for killing the wrong person, that's like failing Murder 101... but everything I have done has been perfectly legal! You know, except for the murder.
    Brenda: I'm not just arresting you for murder, I'm arresting you so your clients can get better representation!
  • From "To Protect and Serve": SKYBOX TICKETS???
    • Gabriel spends the entire episode Locked Out of the Loop and his confusion is hilarious. He and Daniels are standing outside the ladies' room as Brenda gives him busywork from inside — then Provenza walks right past them and goes in to talk to Brenda.
    • A Robbery-Homicide detective is interrogating the victim's boyfriend in one of Brenda's interview rooms — because Daniels, of all people, pulled the plugs on the monitors in theirs. Brenda reacts to this with a wry, approving smile.
      Brenda: "Oh, we are all going to Hell."
    • Provenza's about to resign to spare the division over how badly this investigation has gone, but Flynn ignores him — because he's calling in a bomb threat to get the victim's boyfriend out of LAPD custody and salvage the case.
    • At the end of the episode, Brenda gives Provenza and Flynn a list of gift requests from the rest of the squad, ending with the Ironic Echo of Fritz wanting skybox tickets for an upcoming Mets-Dodgers game.
  • Provenza's car is stolen in "Dial M For Provenza", and it contains all of the evidence in a murder-for-hire case. He's left holding up a broken steering wheel lock in the empty parking spot.
    • It's all Fritz can do to not burst out laughing when Brenda's dressing down Provenza and Flynn in her office. He also admits that he can't help them:
      "Don't look at me. The FBI stopped manufacturing evidence in the late '90s."
    • Provenza grabs a picture of Brenda's mother from her office, takes it into the interview room, and claims it's his mother who was murdered during a carjacking to coerce a person of interest into telling him where his car is. It works, but only after this exchange:
      Provenza (holding up the picture): Do you know who this is?
      Suspect: Your daughter?
  • In "Layover", Provenza is reluctant to stand up and help in the investigation of the body he found in a bathtub... because he's trying to hide his Viagra-induced erection from Brenda. She is disgusted when she figures this out.
    • Pope's reaction to the pair isn't much better.
      Brenda: Before you get angry, last night Provenza and Flynn...
      Pope: Yep, already angry. Do you know how difficult it is to explain this kind of behavior when you're applying to be Chief of Police?
      Brenda (who has not yet told Pope that she has also applied to be Chief): I might.
    • The Running Gag of Brenda calling Provenza and Flynn's friends stewardesses and someone responding, "I think they're called flight attendants now, Chief." Then Brenda does this to Pope at the end of the episode.
    • Provenza and Flynn are adamant that this isn't a case of The Schlub Pub Seduction Deduction. Nobody else buys it. Finally, Brenda gives them an order:
      Brenda: Consider this your chance to prove that these women weren't using you.
      Flynn: And if they were?
      Brenda: Use 'em back.
    • The two flight attendants pulling a Bathroom Breakout by stealing Provenza's car.
      Provenza: Well, the joke's on them! I'm almost out of gas!
    • The episode ends with Pope accepting Brenda's entry into the race for LAPD Chief, noting that her presence will deter other women from applying, but that she'll never get the job because she can't even control her own officers. Brenda's upset by his remark, but she can't answer when Pope asks "Where are Flynn and Provenza right now?" Gilligan Cut to Provenza and Flynn driving around the parking garage in a maintenance cart looking for Provenza's car.
  • "Fool's Gold" opens with Provenza and Flynn taking Provenza's first wife, Liz, to a pawn shop to get her wedding ring back. They unknowingly interrupt a robbery, the store owner is found dead in the back, and Liz's dog Frank eats a rubber glove left at the scene. Most of the episode is spent waiting for Frank to... discharge the evidence.
    • Every scene involving Jerry, the store's co-owner. He's a jittery, nervous wreck who seems to specialize in suspiciously specific denials.
      Fritz: I've never met anyone so eager to join the Witness Protection Program.
    • When the woman who participated in the initial robbery is brought in, Brenda shows Flynn and Provenza a photo of her, but they're not sure it's her. Liz then covers up the face on the photo, leaving only her cleavage visible. They immediately confirm her identity. (In fairness, she's a blonde who was wearing a brunette wig when they saw her the first time.)
  • Season 3's "Saving Face". Every scene with Bridezilla is screamingly funny, as is Taylor's complete inability to contain his laughter when he hears about Brenda's initial confrontation with her.
    Pope: Congratulations, Chief Johnson. You're the most downloaded fully-clothed woman on the Internet.
    • Provenza and Flynn offer to talk with their dead cop buddy's widow, selling Brenda on the idea that they have a good relationship with her. Not two minutes later, Brenda turns around to see the woman yelling at Provenza and repeatedly slapping Flynn.
    • Later, the squad is going through the victim's house. Brenda's been bothered by a remark a plastic surgeon made to her, and she ends up in front of the bathroom mirror.
      Johnson: Detective Daniels, what do you think of my lipstick?
      Daniels: Are you asking me as a friend, or as the Chief?
      Johnson: ...how come you never said anything?
      Daniels: The same reason I never said anything about your sweaters.
    • Gabriel then walks in to deliver some news, only for Daniels to motion for him to walk back out — which he immediately does without comment.
  • "Tapped Out," the whole episode. From the screaming witness to 'Detective' Richard Tracy to the pick-up artistry to Chief Pope's attempts to be 'one of the guys', it's comedy gold from start to finish.
    • "He did this to eight women and he only got shot once?!"
• In "About Face", the second episode of the series, Brenda decided to retrace the victim's itinerary. But since she doesn't know her way around L.A., she has Gabriel drive her to a hair appointment, a dress fitting, and a makeup store. Poor David looks like he's reliving every bad date he's ever had.
• "Head Over Heels" begins with Gabriel taking Brenda out to breakfast so he can break the news that he and Daniels have become an Official Couple. They're interrupted by a homeless man who asks if they're cops, then tells them "There's a head in my dumpster."
  • Brenda sends Gabriel to check on it, then sneaks a bite of his French toast. (She's technically still on her "no sugar" diet.)
  • She joins him at the dumpster and leans in to see for herself... and promptly falls in.
    Brenda: I found some feet.
  • She thanks the homeless man for his help and tells him to order anything he wants... and puts it on Gabriel's credit card.
  • The rest of the squad arrives, and Brenda not only fails to avoid one unfortunate pun, but walks right into another one:
    Brenda: Lieutenant Tao, could you head — could you go back to the office, please, and search the missing persons database for a white male, early thirties, brown hair, brown eyes. Height?
    Tao: He's at least two feet.
  • The coroner sends a van over with a full-size gurney:
    Provenza: Hey! You guys know something we don't?
  • Sanchez slowly realizes he recognizes the victim.
    Brenda: Do you know any movies our actor was in?
    Sanchez (grinning): Sure do.
  • Smash Cut to the squad gathered in Electronics, watching one of the victim's films.
    Provenza: You know what I hate about porn? Guy delivers a pizza, it never gets eaten. Girl's refrigerator breaks, it never gets fixed.
    Daniels: No wonder he's a star.
    Brenda: I don't think 'Buck Shot' is on his birth certificate.
• From "Double Blind": "Chief, didn't you just get married?"
  • And the hilarious Funny Background Event of Tao and Sanchez betting on whether she'd call before saying "I do" or not. (It was after. Tao won.)
• In "Make Over," to help with an old case, Provenza's former partner, George (Beau Bridges) comes in to help. Imagine Provenza's reaction to finding out George is now Georgette, a woman.
• Also, when Flynn is in the hospital in Season 6's "Old Money", instead of a "Get Well" balloon, his reads "It's A Girl!".
  • From that same storyline, Pope and Brenda.
    Brenda: WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED —
    Pope: *raises hand* How's Lieutenant Flynn?
    Brenda: Home.
    Provenza: Resting.
    Pope: Good. Proceed with your outrage.
  • Brenda's plan to get the witness who recanted her testimony in the original case to come in and talk to her: Have Taylor and Gabriel stop by her house and tell her that she might be in danger, then send Sanchez to act like he's stalking her, scaring her into coming in. It works.
• In a side-plot of "The Round File", Brenda finds out that the old widow who was going to sell her house to her and Fritz actually doesn't want to sell her house and pretends to do it only to have some people around to talk with. The top moment is when the lady buys Brenda's silence with two bags of cookies.
  • Brenda versus Fax Machines. She sends a search warrant to her house, which Fritz uses to find her and ask why they haven't made an offer. A notice of a counter-offer somehow ends up in Pope's office. Brenda even manages to fax something to herself while she's at Parker Center.
• The opening of "Standards and Practices", which has Provenza mimicking Brenda at a crime scene. Then she shows up.
  • Over the last few episodes, Brenda's ticked off the District Attorney's office, the FBI, and Taylor (who's filed an "anonymous" complaint against her.) Pope calls them all in for a meeting and for Brenda to apologize. Instead, she gives them a Backhanded Apology that turns into a "The Reason You Suck" Speech about everything they screwed up. She saunters out of the room afterwards, leaving Pope both with his head in his hands and ultimately unable to contain his rueful laughter.
• In "Fate Line", Claire, an "intuitionist" (psychic) and Brenda's future sister-in-law, tried to help Brenda find a killer with the help of a sketch artist. The resulting drawing ended up looking like Assistant Chief Pope.
  • A few minutes later, Claire meets Pope and is excited because she thinks they made the arrest. She's utterly baffled when Brenda tells her who he is. Then Pope sees his own police sketch.
    Pope (to Brenda): So let's try to find some evidence from... this plane of existence.
  • This exchange:
    Claire: You're a Virgo, aren't you?
    Sanchez: Stay out of my head, lady.
• The beginning of "Junk in the Trunk" that had the car that the body is stuck in the trunk getting loose from the tow truck, going down hill from the street, hitting an electrical post, and having a transformer fall on top of the trunk, starting a fire.
  • There's also Flynn's attempt to keep Brenda (who's on the phone with him) from hearing Sanchez in the background, as he's at the crime scene while he's supposed to be on desk duty. It doesn't work.
  • They finally get the car to the print shed, but the body's still stuck in it — until they pop the trunk and liquid starts pouring out. The poor dead guy's clothes are also stuck to his skin, they may have to cut the car to get him out in one piece... as Morales says, "So much has gone wrong here."
  • Sanchez's reaction after he discovered that the woman that he had been flirting with and kissing is in fact a man.
    Sanchez: Tell the Chief that I'm going to therapy.
  • The entire sequence is hilarious. Right before the Unsettling Gender-Reveal, Tao comes back with "her" fingerprints and criminal record. First, he goes into Electronics looking for Brenda and holds up the folder. Then he goes into the interview room, gives Brenda the folder, then turns to the camera and gives a sly grin.
  • Brenda looks at it, then leaps to her feet and grabs at the perp's hair. After a brief struggle, she rips a wig off. Gabriel has absolutely no idea what to do.
  • In the next scene ^note after a commercial break, no less, Pope and Taylor go into Electronics and are... surprised to see a man in full makeup in the chair where a woman once was.
  • Later, Brenda asks for Reyes to be taken to her office, and she tells Sanchez that he's been cleared to resume full duty. Unprompted, he says he really doesn't want to go into the office with her. She just smiles.
  • The B-plot involves Brenda's father battling hypochondria while recovering from a collapsed stent in the previous episode. He won't stop pestering Brenda about the freshness dates on everything in her fridge, and he's worried about the 50th anniversary cruise he and his wife had planned. Finally, Willie Rae tells him to pack, because he's either going home or going to Hawaii with her.
    Fritz: Clay, would you rather die in Atlanta or paradise?
    Clay: I hope y'all remember this moment when they bury me at sea.
• In "Identity Theft", Brenda's niece Charlie comes for a visit, and she knows exactly what she wants out of it:
  Brenda: Well, Charlie, which would you rather do? Museums with your grandmother or schizophrenic murder suspects with your Aunt Brenda?
  Charlie (stands up): Bye, Grandma.
• "High Crimes" is a Hurricane of Puns, starting with the episode title.
  • Provenza's dismissal of the victim (and all marijuana dispensary owners) as "hippie druggies" earns him a dressing down from Chief Delk, who then makes him the liaison between Major Crimes and the dispensary owners.
    Delk: Do I look high to you?
  • The entire interview with a witness who had already gone through the "brownies" he'd picked up that morning:
    Brenda: Lieutenant, is he—
    Flynn: As a kite.
  • Gabriel and Sanchez's Bad "Bad Acting" when posing as shop employees during the stakeout.
  • The robbers turn out to be a group of unemployed Hollywood behind-the-scenes types:
    Greg: Hey, don't treat me like an idiot. I worked on a law show for two years.
    Tao: Must not have been a very good one.
  • Brenda stashes herself in the attic to catch the killer. She scares him so badly that he knocks down the stepladder as he falls. She's stuck up there, which leads to:
    Gabriel: I hate to say this, Chief, but I don't think we're gonna be able to get high enough.
    • Eventually they decide that Brenda's just going to have to jump. She does — and the screen goes black, but you can hear everyone hit the ground as she lands.
• From "Death Warrant": "Whaddya gonna do, lady? Shoot me?" Ask that question often enough, and eventually the answer is going to be "yes." (Relax, it was a beanbag shotgun. Although Raydor does stop and watch for a moment, to see if her target actually is unconscious.)
• Brenda's reaction to Joel did not go quite as Fritz planned. She actually backs away from Joel and Fritz, terror warring with Cuteness Proximity... then her expression changes when she learns Fritz named him Joel. (Mind, Brenda named her last cat "Kitty".)
  Brenda: You named the cat Joel?
• "Living Proof, Part 1." Captain Raydor's wrathful return from the airport, dragging her luggage with her, because she has to investigate a rights violation and use of force complaint on an LAPD officer. Said officer? Pope.
  Raydor: I have to make a report about a complaint on you, to you!"
  • The ensuing interview is also a thing of beauty. The young witness makes a transparent Police Brutality Gambit that Raydor doesn't quite fall for, but her foul mood at Pope means she is willing to play along with the young boy. Also hilarious is Pope's reaction to the blatantly false accusations.
    Pope: All those things crossed my mind.
  • All this while Pope and Taylor are chilling out and watching a football game in the conference room.
  • And earlier, there's Raydor's reaction to Brenda introducing her as "my friend Sharon" to her parents.
  • And then there's all the times Brenda and Raydor interact, first trying to pass off the case to each other, then their negotiations to enlist each others' help, and Brenda's reaction when Raydor arrives to talk to her suspect (who's a minor, and the center of Pope's complaint above): "It's a Christmas miracle!"
• In Part 2, Fritz stages a robbery of Brenda's parents' RV to spook them out of moving to Los Angeles permanently. It ends up working, with Clay claiming that they're "not cut out for the Hollywood lifestyle."
  Brenda: Why'd you have to steal the microwave?
  Fritz: I had to make it look good. Don't worry; I'll send them a brand new one to their home... in Atlanta, Georgia.
  • The squad ends up having Christmas dinner at the station instead of at Brenda's house. Everyone groans when Dr. Morales offers to carve the turkey.
  • The episode ends and fades out with Sharon saying that she's helped put the marshmallows on the sweet potatoes, and Brenda responding, "Really? They're kinda burnt."
• The first ten minutes of "Time Bomb":
  • Tao is having probably his biggest nerd-out to this point in the series. Over what? The LAPD's new bomb-disposal robot, "Babs."
  • Brenda and the squad are cleared out of the building because the robot needs to sweep for bombs. Brenda protests because she hasn't gotten the victim's computer and cell phone yet. Sanchez ends up carrying her out over his shoulders.
  • She sneaks back in to get the rest of the victim's effects... and uncovers a suspicious-looking pipe. Then Babs enters the room. The sheepish look on her face (which is also captured on camera) is a sight to behold.
    Help...
  • She gets carried out of the apartment again, this time by bomb squad officers.
  • Unsurprisingly, the pipe she found was a bomb. The robot has to detonate it. Brenda is livid... that the rest of the evidence is gone.
• In "Drug Fiend", Gabriel gets stuck bringing his girlfriend to the crime scene as they were on their way to post-church brunch, and she ends up meeting Brenda and Sharon. He and Raydor talk about her later, with him mentioning that she's studying for her bar exam:
  Gabriel: I'd actually appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone else around here, knowing what people think about lawyers.
  Raydor: Married one, myself.
  Gabriel: Really?
  Raydor: Well, technically he's a lawyer. First he passed the bar, then he spent the next ten years drinking at one till he gave that up for gambling.
  Gabriel: So, what, you're divorced?
  Raydor: Separated... for twenty years. It's all very Catholic.
  • Fritz and Brenda have had several versions of the following conversation, but this one's by far the funniest. Brenda's venting about Pope "selling her out":
    Fritz: It's hurtful, isn't it, when someone thinks their job - I mean, their job - is more important than what a... another person might want or need? Is there anyone else we know who you think might sometimes behave like that? Hm? Anyone?
    Brenda: Oh, my gosh. (Fritz looks hopeful that he's finally gotten through to her.) Doctors!
    (Fritz face palms.)