- The Girlfriend
- Frank's fingers get caught when the window slams down hard on them. He first tries calling for help, but since no-one outside can hear him he tries breathing on the glass and writing out "Help" using the tip of his nose. Getting impatient, he tries yanking his hands out. Not only does he succeed, but the force of the action causes him to backflip in midair and he lands in his chair, the look on his face completely nonchalant.
- ""She was so beautiful. She had eyes...which was good, because the last girl I liked just had skin from the eyebrows down."
- (Pictured) When Frank decides he's had enough of Lano bragging about his supposed sexual escapades, he moves out. Feeling ashamed of lying to his best friend, Lano sets up an elaborate light display in lieu of actually admitting he was lying.
- Col's bafflement when Frank apparently gets a phone call from Jenny Window, the girlfriend he made up earlier, as well as his reaction when Jenny asks Frank out.
- One Simple Task
- "Alright. If you want the truth, I'll tell you the truth...I'm an alien!"
- Woodley lying to Lano that his grandfather died. Lano points out that Woodley's grandfather died 5 years ago, which he remembers because he was supposed to relay the bad news to Woodley, at which point Lano realises he'd neglected a very serious responsibility.
- The Running Gag that Frank Cannot Tell Fiction from Reality, starting when he brings up the time he and Colin were at the beach and Col had an affair with a married woman whose husband was away in the war. It's not until that last detail that Col realises he's talking about Summer of '42.
Frank: I was sure that was you. [Beat] Did we ever help a whale get free? - The Wall
- The duo lose their jobs as parking valets all because Colin pinched 20 cents.
- Colin's Sarcasm Mode getting out of control
.
Frank: Hey, are you being sarcastic?
Col: Oh yeah, I'm being really sarcastic!
Frank: [Beat] Hang on, that doesn't make any sense. You know, you should have said, you should have said "No, I'm not being sarcastic!" You know, you can't say, "Yeah, I'm being really sarcastic!" sarcastically. Like, that's, really, that - that's wrong. You- That, that doesn't make any sense.
Col: Oh, well I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm not perfect. I'm sorry that I haven't mastered sarcasm. I mean, you're so fantastic and I'm so stupid. I mean you're the man that everybody thinks is fantastic, and I'm just a little man that crawls around on the ground like a little ant. You're so good! I'm so bad! - Help me. - You're the best man in the world. I'm just a little man running around like a dickhead. And what are you? You're the best - help me. - You're the man everyone- [Frank slaps him] Thank you.- The duo refurbish their flat, but Frank gets carried away trying to sand down a hole in the wall and ends up making it bigger and rounder. Colin states that it's the size of a basketball, which Frank tries to disprove by fitting a basketball through the hole, and discovering it's the exact size of a basketball.
- Tonight You Die
- The "You snap out of it!" "You snap out of it!" Overly Long Gag.
- Colin brings Frank to a video shop intending to rent a scary movie. The clerk suggests The Silence of the Lambs, but Colin replies, "Nah, I'm not really into nature films."
- Frank driving the clerk nuts by trying to ask him at length about a film whose title he can't remember, starring a famous actor whose name he can't remember.
Frank: Excuse me, have you got that film? You know, that, um, that film with that guy. You know, that, um, that actor guy. You know, that actor who who's in all those films. Have you got it? You know, you know the one I mean, oh what's his name? Um, he's been in heaps of films, you’d know him, you'd know him for sure. Um. You know, that... actor guy!
[a minute later] Oh, um, hey. Hey! Oh, uh, this'll help. This'll help. I just thought, he was in that other film. The one where he, um, where he plays a cop. You know! You know the film I mean, where that actor guy plays a cop. Oh, and he was after that bad guy. You know! Ah, the... And he's... the um... the actor guy!
[another minute later] What is his name?! See, the thing is... the thing is... the thing is, that when I say it, you'll go 'ah! Yes. Him. I love him. Adore him, the actor guy, yes. I just, mmm. Yes!' But I can’t think of his... oh, it's on the tip of my tongue! [Sticks his tongue out and looks at it.] You'd know it. See, the thing is... the thing is that you would know him, he's got the hair, and the eyes, bit of a nose, and the mouth there, and he... it's all held together with a... like a face!
Clerk: Shut up!- The prowler driving the duo to paranoia turns out to be the video rental clerk, except he's nowhere near as scary as the duo had built him up to be.
- At the end of the episode, Frank suddenly remembers that "the actor guy" was Gregory Peck, though he still doesn't seem to remember what the films were.
- Starquest
- "Guitar solo!" (Frank places the guitar down and expects it to play by itself)
- When the duo are given a spot on Starquest, Lano's stagefright causes him to forget the elaborate song and dance routine he'd been practising all week. He spends the first part of the segment in complete shock and it's all downhill from there.
- The Two Men
- After picking up two women in a bar and bringing them back to the flat, Colin and Frank end up being falsely linked to a robbery. When they're referred to in a report as "the two men", Frank keeps failing to realise he and Colin are the two men in question.
- Primal Warrior
- Woodley discovers that running the tap will cause the shower to blast Lano with boiling hot water. He then uses the tap to make Lano scream the tune of The Blue Danube. Unbeknownst to Woodley, Lano already stepped out of the shower and is faking his screams so he can sneak up on Woodley and smack him over the head.
- The Running Gag where Lano scatters some sharp twigs on the carpet so he can perform the equivalent of firewalking. Not only does he scream the whole time, but as he neglects to clean up the twigs or even put his shoes back on, he keeps walking across the same trail of twigs over and over.
- The Pool
- The Running Gag where Colin keeps wiggling his arse while humming "Danny Boy" and Frank is tempted to smack him on the bum. Then Frank inadvertedly gives Colin a target and he takes it...except Frank turned around at the last second.
- Woodley's ridiculous love dance, which leads to him leaping at a wall.
- The Easter Story
- Lano's novelty hat, which has a pair of clapping hands attached to them. He gets in the habit of making the hands clap while he's laughing maniacally. Then he causes the hands to suddenly start rubbing in a villainous fashion. And then he uses them to punch Woodley in the face.
- Woodley gifts Lano with a big basket of Esster eggs. In return, Lano gives Woodley one of the smaller eggs that came with the basket. Woodley spends the rest of the week allowing himself to have only a few licks of his one Easter egg. Lano demands Woodley give the egg back to him and goes into animalisitc rage when Woodley says no.
- "Do you believe in Harold, Col? That's God's name, everybody knows that. It's in that prayer: 'Our father, who art in heaven, Harold be thy name'."
- Father Richardnote makes the grave mistake of mocking Suzanne's speech impediment in front of her, then backtracks by saying he actually talks with a lisp. Suzanne attends one of his sermons, which forces him to lisp the whole time. Then when Lano and Woodley drive him to the breaking point, he rants at them using a lot of words that contain the letter S...and realises too late that Suzanne could hear him speaking without a lisp.
- Game Show God
- Frank's "beard fear" turns out to be common enough that there's a support group for it. Frank's own anecdote of how he developed his beard fear is when he met one of the actors from a stage play of "The Seven Dwarves" who turned out to be a Nice Character, Mean Actor. The kicker? The dwarf in question was supposed to be Happy.
- Mother
- The whole subplot where a lobster swears vengeance on Colin.
- The DVD's episode introduction has Frank saying that, "The following episode "Mother" has all the classic ingredients of a political thriller: a conniving politician, ruthless manipulation of the media, a lobster with a vendetta..."
- "She may not have been my flesh and blood, but she was still my mum. She was there when I learnt how to walk, she was there when I learnt how to ride a bike. And when I got bullied at school by a kid who stole my lunch money and gave me a wedgie by pulling my undies up my bum, it was her who advised me to give up teaching."
- The whole subplot where a lobster swears vengeance on Colin.
- I Love You Baby
- "His name is Chris...suh...fuh..."
- Frank's inability to pronounce "Photos" and several related words.
