Funny / That '70s Show

General

• Red's American pride, and how he considers any other countries inferior, especially when it comes to war.
  • For example, when he was eating waffles...
  Eric: What's so Belgian about them?
  Red: They crumble at the hands of the Nazis.
  • Or when someone dares to say, "Damn U.S. government":
  Red: Damn U.S. government? Without our government, you'd be stuck in Siberia now, sucking the juice out of a rotten commie potato! ...let me tell you something, if the U.S. government decides to stick a tracking device up your ass, you say, "Thank You!" And "God Bless America!"
• Kelso and Fez are so close they flirt on occasion.
  Kelso: I can't believe Jackie chose (Chip) him over me.
  Fez: Or me for that matter.
  Kelso: Yea! And that's true, cause you're a good looking guy!
  Fez (smiling): Right back atcha, Kelso. Your lashes go out for miles.
  Kelso: Yeah, I'm what's known as "Man Pretty."

Season 1

• In the second episode, Eric doesn't want a party for his 17th birthday because he feels like he's too old for a party. His mother is ignoring this, so he asks Laurie, in her first appearance, to convince Kitty not to throw him one, but with subtlety. She agrees, if she can use the Vista Cruiser that night. We then get the following conversation at the dinner table:
  Laurie: (to Kitty) Oh, yeah, I just remembered. Eric thinks he's too old for a birthday party. (to Eric, with her hand out) Keys?
  Eric: Sorry, Laurie, I just remembered I can't loan you the Vista Cruiser on account of I hate you.
• Let's not forget the moment that crosses over into Ho-Yay territory also in the second episode. When Kitty is having her Dream Spot about what could go wrong at Eric's party, Donna and Jackie ask who wants to give Eric a "venereal disease" (she's a nurse, remember?) it cuts over to Hyde and Kelso, and Hyde has his hand up as a volunteer! Looks like Kitty might be an accidental Shipper On Deck.
• Here's...probably the funniest moment from Season One:
  (talking about how Jackie "whips" Kelso in the Circle)
  Hyde (imitating Jackie): "Michael, call me at 8:00!"
  Eric (also imitating Jackie): "Michael, do your Chico impression!"
  Fez (also imitating Jackie): "Michael, rub oil on my thighs, while I spank you."
  (Kelso, Hyde, and Eric are visibly disturbed by what Fez just said. Now, back to Fez.)
  Fez (uncomfortable): ...Please someone else talk now.
• Donna and Eric are sitting on the hood of the Vista, discussing how she's on the Pill, but she doesn't want to do anything sexual yet — but she promises she'll let him know when she's ready. Eric says okay, then two seconds later asks, "How about now?" Donna says no. "Okay. ...How about now?" Another no. "Okay... how about NOW?" Donna just smiles and leaves Eric sitting alone on the car. ...Then after a moment, Red comes from around the corner with a garden hose in his hand and COMPLETELY douses Eric.
  Red: ...It's for your own good, son.
  • The earlier scene where Eric finds out Donna's on the Pill outshines it. Eric's in line at the pharmacy with Donna's father behind him. The pharmacist greets Bob and says he has Donna's prescription ready, rattling off an incomprehensible name for it.
    Bob: What's that?
    Pharmacist: Birth control pills.
    Eric: *jumps like a scalded cat, spins around, takes one look at Bob's face and runs like hell.*
  • It's only afterwards that Bob realizes the implications of what just happened. The comically horrified look on his face is priceless.
  • The "Open For Business" video, narrated by Gary Owens, about how Donna can have lots of sex due to being on the pill.
• Red coaches Eric on how to win a fight. Bob, out of nowhere, chimes in, "Hit him with a banjo." Bob's supporting argument makes it even better - "I saw a guy get hit with a banjo once, and he went down!"
  Red: Hitting a guy with a banjo is dirty; (to Eric) you want to knee him in the groin.
  Bob: You could hit him in the groin with a banjo.
• Mitch Hedberg as Frank, the clerk at The Hub.
  Frank: Hey, I did not lose a leg in Vietnam so I could serve hot dogs to teenagers.
  Kelso: You have both your legs, Frank.
  Frank: Like I said, I did not lose a leg in Vietnam!
• Eric returns home from the Drive-In where he and Donna made out for the first time. He finds Red smoking a cigarette when earlier he and Kitty had sex in the car.
  Red: How was the movie?
  Eric: It was good.
  Red: How did it end?
  Eric: I don't remember.
  Red: 'Atta boy.
  Eric: Good night, Dad.
  Red: Good night, son. Oh, and be quiet going up the stairs. Your mother is... very tired.
  • The episode also serves as a Moment of Awesome for the two of them, and it's pretty Heartwarming to see one of the rare moments where Red is proud of Eric and expresses it.
• When the guys are mistakenly jailed for driving someone else's car, Eric is elected to talk them out of jail... but the cops were just about to let them go. Then one cop notices Eric's last name:
  Cop #2: Hey, is your father Red Forman?
  Eric: Yes?
  Cop #2: You poor bastard!
• "I stole my dad's tap! Back... from those thieves..."
• Red's words of wisdom on "Thanksgiving":
  Eric: It's like bad things always happen to me, like I have bad luck or something.
  Red: (earnestly) Son, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you...is because you're a dumbass.
• From "Hyde Moves In", Red's beeped-out Cluster F-Bomb and Atomic F-Bomb ordering Hyde to get his ass in the car. It works.
• Some of the earlier Imagine Spots have characters lip-synching lines that are added later in the episode. It can either match up well or look very out of place and the lack of such consistency makes it even funnier.
• "Ski Trip" has all three Formans fantasizing while someone else is talking. Eric fantasizes about making out with Donna in front of a roaring fire under a blanket, Red fantasizes about making out with Kitty with a full head of hair, and Kitty seems to be fantasizing about sex, but it's actually Red cleaning the lamps.
• In "Grandma's Dead," the guys go to a bar and encounter a few girls. They decide to use fake names: Ted (Kelso), Sergeant Shaft (Hyde), Honcho (Eric), and Eric Forman (Fez). It also gets funnier when they end up in a fight.
  Eric: You mess with Eric Forman and you mess with me.
• The Pro Wrestling Episode where the gang heads to a wrestling show in another town, and meet Rocky Johnson (played by Johnson's ludicrously successful son The Rock) and gets his autograph. Johnson talks about how he hopes to one day have a son who becomes a sports entertainment megastar, to Eric and Red's baffled reaction. This serves as a time period joke as well, since, while popular at the time, pro wrestling had a bit of a dubious reputation, and wouldn't become a mainstream source of entertainment until Vince McMahon took the WWE national ten years later.
  • Red is at first dismissive of the pro wrestlers, since he competed in amateur wrestling in high school, but is won over when he watches a wrestler bodyslam a midget.
• In "Water Tower", after Kelso falls off the water tower and injures himself, Eric goes to wake up Kitty (since she's a nurse)... and walks on her having sex with Red.
  Eric: (coming down the stairs) Okay, let's go. Everybody hop in the car and let's go now.
  Kelso: Where's your mom?
  Eric: SHUT UP! DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT MY MOTHER!
• In the second episode Kelso takes bits and pieces of what Laurie just said to construct a fictional conversation in which she came onto him, complete with really evident and jarring jumpcutting, which results in this gem:
  Laurie: Hello Kelso/I'm waiting/And I want you/BABY/Take me/Now/I need it/BAD/I need it/All night/And mama loves her baby/I'm completely naked under this/And/I'm hot/For you/Kelso.
• This entire Last-Second Word Swap-based scene.
• Whatever you do, don't give Fez the amaretto. No matter how much it tastes like liquid candy...
  Fez: I am a winter nymph! I love the snow! HOORAY AMERICA!!!
• "The Best Christmas Ever"/"That '70s Christmas" but there is one where Kelso attempts to leap over the couch, trips over the table, and somehow lands on two feet. The look on Asthon Kutcher's face clearly says "that was not supposed to happen."
  • It wasn't. In fact, you can see Lisa Robin Kelly (Laurie Foreman) start laughing before she realized he was going to keep going with the scene. The director liked it and decided to keep that take.
• In "Eric's Birthday", Kitty narrating what could happen at Eric's party:
  • "Who wants to give Eric a venereal disease?"
    • The best part of that line is that when you see Imaginary Donna and Jackie hold up their hands, you can clearly see HYDE hold his hand up in the background as well.
  • "Quiet, you silly American! I am making a long distance call on your parents' phone!"
  • "HAH! In my country of... wherever it is I am from, I can never tell, you don't let morals get in the way of a good dirty time!"
  • "NOT THE LITTLEST HOBO! WHYYYYYYY?!"
• From the beginning of the episode "Hyde Moves In", instead of just cruising the Vista Cruiser all night, the gang decides to go skinny-dipping. However, there are some...unfortunate consequences
  • Also from that episode, there's this:
  Fez: Hey, naked is dirty. (singing) Dirty, dirty, dirty!
  Everyone (singing): Dirty, dirty, dirty! Dirty, dirty, dirty!

Season 2

• Leo's first appearance when Hyde interviews to work at the Photo Hut is hilarious.
  Leo: Hope you don't mind if I pay you in cash, I don't like big brother getting into my business, you dig.
  Hyde: Man, keeping the government out of it. I'm so with you.
  Leo: No, my big brother, man. He's always hitting me up for money.
  Hyde: So you're the responsible one?
  Leo (shakes head): It's a curse man.
• WHERE'S MY CANDY, YOU SON OF A BITCH?!
• Basically everything in Season 2 Episode 13, "Hunting". Some notable bits:
  • Red noting that it's the start of deer season, causing Eric and Hyde to immediately start yelling "Wabbit season!" "Duck season!" at each other.
  • Kelso's trigger-happiness gets on everyone's nerves right from the start:
  Kelso: Hey Red, don't freak out, but if I see a deer on the side of the road, I'm gonna shoot him!
  Red: Kelso, you fire that gun in this car, and I will pull over and kick your ass for an hour.
  Fez: (leans over the seat) Do it, Red, do it!
  • On the subject of shooting bears out of season:
  Kelso: Who's the jury gonna believe, me or a dead bear?
  Everyone Else: Dead bear.
  • "He said he was going hunting. He had a whistle and a stick."
  • But the crowner has to be Kelso, Hyde, Fez, and Bob sitting in a circle, when suddenly...
  Kelso:"Hey guys, I finally found my gun... guys?"
• When the auto plant closes down for good, Red goes and drowning his sorrows at the local watering hole. He calls Kitty after awhile, in need of a ride cause he's drunk. So she sends Eric (who takes Fez and Hyde with him), although she insists "he's not drunk, he's just not feeling well." Red ropes the boys into drinking with him, so Eric calls Kitty next.
  Eric: Hello mother.
  All the guys at the bar: (drunkenly slurring) Hello mother!
  Eric: This is your son, Eric. I'm not feeling well.
  Kitty: I'll be right over.
• Eric and Donna's parents get into Hyde's "special brownies", and Hilarity Ensues. Pretty much the entire episode after that point is one long Crowning Moment Of Funny as Red sells the Vista Cruiser and Eric and Hyde have to try to get him to focus so they can find out who he sold it to and get it back.
  • The parents' Circle sequence itself is amazing. Red sings "Here Comes Peter Cottontail" after admitting he's glad the plant is closing so he can be free to do his own thing, Bob just keeps eating potato chips, Midge admits that she had jumped out of a cake, and Kitty shares to the others that Red is great in bed.
• The Formans playing poker with Pastor Dave. When it comes time for Laurie to show her hand, she lays down 3 of a kind... 3 sixes, to be precise. Pastor Dave's reaction is priceless.
• Eric trying to figure out what Laurie said about him, which causes him to admit that his nickname at summer camp was "Doctor Peepee" thinking that's what Laurie told them. Kelso starts making fun of him, Eric has four words for him.
  Eric: Big Chief Brown Bottom.
  • Then Eric and Laurie start revealing stuff about each other in front of Hyde and Fez.
    Eric: Laurie here waxes her lips, legs, eyebrows, toes, and shoulder blades.
    Laurie: In the fifth grade Eric sent away for the Charles Atlas kit, 'cause a girl kicked sand in his face!
    Eric: You stuffed in high school.
    Laurie: So did you!
    Eric: Last year Laurie used all her birthday money to buy a back massager. Which isn't fooling anyone, by the way.
    Laurie: Well! That's not as bad as when I walked in on you in bed with Dorothy Hamilton poster and you were all-
    Eric: LAURIE WAS BORN WITH A TAIL!
    Fez and Hyde: WHAT?!
    Eric: Yeah, Laurie was born with a tail!
    Laurie: I hate you!
    • Kelso is later told the story and realizes he slept with the devil.
      Kelso: She always told me it was a birthmark.
      Hyde: It WAS a birthmark. From when they cut off her tail at birth.
• In an early episode, the Formans invite Laurie's college professor to dinner to talk about her failing grades. During dinner, he proclaims his love for Laurie, which quickly gets him kicked out and leads to this hilarious comment by Kitty:
  Kitty: My God Laurie, the man was in love with you and you still couldn't pass?
• This fantastic BURN:
  Laurie: (to Kelso) Next time we go hiking, remind me to bring a blanket. I think I have a twig in my shorts.
  Hyde: What a coincidence, so does Kelso!
• In the Halloween episode when Hyde finds out Eric hurt his reputation, Jackie insults Hyde unintentionally and Hyde almost says her middle name. She then took a rolled up newspaper and proceeded to beat the living hell out of Hyde with it.
  • During the same episode, we get flashbacks to Red and Kitty's first Halloween in Point Place, during which Kitty learned she was pregnant with Laurie. We see Red hanging around with Frank, their next-door neighbor before the Pinciottis moved in.
    Red: Well, to tell you the truth, Kitty, Frank's been getting on my nerves. He's a bit of an ass... and he's dumb... he's a... (a light shines of him and an angelic choir sings) dumbass!.

Season 3

• When the gang was trying to sneak the Vista Cruiser out after Red performs bed checks, they get caught.
  Kelso: It's Red!! Run for it!! [bolts, leaving everyone else behind]
  • This is made even better by Red's reaction...
    Red: Oh, hell's bells!
    • And Laurie claiming that they were attempting to kidnap her.
  • Earlier, to keep anyone from sneaking out or in, Red hangs bells on all the doors, so Eric, Hyde, and Laurie are forced to watch The Brady Bunch Variety Hour with the folks.
    Eric: Yeah, I love the Bradys. [to Hyde] Oh, remember that episode where Mr. Brady went completely insane and put bells on all the doors?
    Red: Hey, did you see the one where Greg was a real wiseass, and Mr. Brady took him outside and cleaned his clock?
    Laurie: Did you ever see the one where I hated living here? [storms out]
    Hyde: That one's my favorite.
  • After everyone else storms off (well, Hyde just left at a leisurely pace), Red and Kitty are left alone in the living room.
  Red: Finally, now I can enjoy the show in peace *beat* Oh, this is crap! *storms off too*
  • Kitty has an Imagine Spot where the Foremans (Hyde included) have their own variety show like the Brady's, where Eric and Hyde cheerfully tell Kitty they cant take part of the show because they're running away due to Red having made living at home unbearable, and Red, equally cheerfully, just claps and wanders offscreen. Finally, it cuts back to the real world, where Kitty is trying to watch the actual show.
  Kitty: Oh no... this is crap! *turns off the TV*
  • When Red tries to justify his draconian discipline, he says that if he isn't strict enough, Eric might grow up bad. Cue another Imagine Spot where Eric comes down to breakfast dressed in full Gene Simmons KISS regalia.
  Red: Oh, why didn't I discipline you?
  Kiss!Eric: Shut up and eat your cornflakes!
• In the episode 'Eric's Panties', Donna finds a pair of panties in the Vista Cruiser, and is convinced that Eric is cheating on her with another woman. So, she goes off to the Hub to confront Eric of the matter. Shelly, the girl Donna suspects to be said girl, denies and leaves. Eric then says that he has no idea who the panties belong to... Midge, Donna's mom, comes rushing in afterwards (guess where she and Bob had sex a short while ago...):
  Midge: Donna! (runs over to Donna and grabs the panties) Those panties are mine.
  Kelso: ERIC! OHHH! OHHHHHHHH! (He and Fez bow down to Eric) YOU ARE A GOD! (Screen cuts to Eric, Donna, and Midge looking very annoyed, before turning back to the two) A GOD, I SAY!
  • Also, Donna's has a thought about finding a ton of panties in Eric's room. They're shooting out of the dresser, closet, and in the middle of the room with Eric insisting that there are no panties in said areas and then Laughing Mad while throwing the panties up in the air.
  Donna: Eric, how do you explain all this!?
  Eric: PANTIES! GLORIOUS PANTIES!
  • The fact that he has a mysterious rope hanging from his ceiling that exists for no other reason than to rain down panties.
  • Don't forget the part where Shelly explains that her panties are white cotton, with a little rose in the middle. Cue Eric, Kelso, and Fez imaging them.
  • In The Stinger, they find that Bob left his tighty-whities in the Vista Cruiser too. Everyone's squicked out, and Hyde suggests calling a priest.
• "A wise man once said 'Know Thyself.' That man's name... was Tater Nuts!
• What are you doing in Canada?
  • In fact, that entire scene is ungodly amounts of funny.
  • The scene of the boys preparing to leave has Eric warning Fez to keep his voice down about their plans because if Red finds out they're going to Canada, specifically for the purposes of buying beer, then it won't end well for anyone. Cue Kelso running into the scene:
  Kelso: ALRIGHT! CANADA! WHOOHOO! BEER!! *blows airhorn*
• Chocolate Super Lax! It's even funnier in context.
  • In The Stinger, Kelso comes back, compliments Eric and Donna on their glorious burn, but warns them he won't fall for something like that again...while he picks up another brownie and starts eating it.
    Donna: ...I love our friends.
    Eric: Me, too.
• "Oh, don't tell me crap shoes is coming with us." "IT WAS ON FIRE!"
• When Eric comes home from "Hyde's Christmas Rager" all drunk and hung over:
  Eric: My head hurts.
  Red: That's your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.
• The boys are hanging out under the stars, hoping to spot a UFO. Leo walks up and joins them.
  Hyde: Leo, what are you doing here?
  Leo: Wow, that's a really good question.
  • And a bit after that:
  Leo: I saw a UFO once. It sent me a message in big yellow letters. It told me I was gonna have a good year.
  Hyde: Um, Leo, was this at a football game, by any chance?
  Leo: Yeah....Good year? Aw, man! I had a lousy year! Stupid aliens.
• After Eric reads Donna's journal he thinks she wants him to be more of a badass so he gets a tattoo. When he goes to show Donna, he imagines himself as Steven Tyler, kicking Donna's bedroom door and wowing her. In reality he tries to kick the door down and bounces off.
  • The scene where Eric's getting his tattoo counts as well. He lets Leo do it, resulting in this bit of dialogue:
    Leo: Debbie's gonna love this, man.
    Eric: Yeah...Wait, who's Debbie?
    Leo: Your girlfriend!
    Eric: It's Donna!
    Leo: Oh...I can fix it!
    Fez: You should get a tattoo of boobs.
    Leo: I can make the B's into boobs
    Eric: What B's?
    Leo: In Debbie, your girlfriend!
    Eric: It's Donna!
    Leo: Oh, right....I can fix it!
  • Eric telling Donna he did not kick her door, despite having left a big black shoeprint on it.
  • The best part is when Eric shows Donna the tattoo, and she tells him what Leo actually drew: Woodstock.
    Donna: You have a little yellow bird on your ass!
• Red buys a Betamax and wants to try it out as Roots is playing, Kitty, however, just wants to watch it while it's playing, but Red doesn't want to do it, claiming they can watch it numerous times after they record it. So Kitty has to wait two hours and when Red finally turns it on it's not playing, he checks and realized he forgot to put the tape in so it could record. Kitty is not happy.
  • "For making me miss Roots I'm going to go the kitchen and make brownies, and you're not getting any!!"
• The guys watch a porno in a theater:
  Fez: I don't know what's going on, but that is the LUCKIEST pizza boy ever.
  Hyde: I agree. There's like 9 boobs in this scene alone.
  (A bit later in the scene)
  Fez: Aww, nothing's gonna happen in this scene, it's just two ladies.
  (Beat)
  Fez: Oh, bravo, nice plot twist!
• "Holy Craps":
  • After Eric Got Volunteered by Kitty to help with the church's fundraiser, Red tells him to do it, and take Archie and Jughead with him. Hyde and Kelso then start arguing over which one of them is Jughead, which ends with Hyde punching Kelso in the arm.
  Red: Steven, stop hitting Jughead!
  • Also when Kitty first brings up the fundraiser, and everyone tries to flee the table, including Red.
  • Kitty checking in on how the fundraiser is going, only to find that Eric has abandoned the cake walk and all the seniors are wandering around in an endless loop, Red has cancelled the church raffle and is busy cleaning up at the craps table, and Hyde and Kelso are cheating at bingo and taking all the prizes for themselves.
• "YOU ARE NOT A MAN!"
• In "Ice Shack", Donna and Eric try to set up a You Must Be Cold moment for Kelso and Jackie:
  Donna: Ooh, it's kinda cold.
  Eric: Here, take my jacket. (wraps his jacket around her)
  Donna: I love you.
  Eric: God, we are such the... perfect couple.
  Jackie: I'm cold too.
  Kelso: Well, damn, Jackie, I can't control the weather!

Season 4

• Let's get this out of the way; While trying to steal a street sign to give to Hyde for his 18th birthday, the gang sends Kelso to steal a hacksaw from Red. The best thing about this scene is the growing misplaced confidence Kelso gets with Red as his lie gets even dumber. Also doubles as Funny Background Event as Eric and Donna sneak in mid scene.
  Kelso: (fumbling around in Red's tool cabinet)
  Red: (walks up behind Kelso and grunts loudly)
  Kelso: Red! Hey! You're wondering why I'm going through your stuff. (beat) Okay. That's....See I needed, uh, to borrow your saw, because I need to chop down a tree.
  Red: (stares at Kelso like he's an idiot)
  Kelso: Because, there's something stuck in it. An animal, a rabbit. There's a rabbit, stuck in a tree, and I want to return that rabbit to the wild so it can lay its eggs.
  Red: (stares at Kelso like he's an even bigger idiot)
  Red: Kelso! Rabbits don't... How the hell did a rabbit get up a tree?
  Kelso: Uh, Eric threw it up there.
  Red (staring at Kelso like he's the biggest moron on Earth): Eric threw a rabbit up a tree?!
  Kelso: Yeah. He's a sadistic bastard. You know he hit a cow?
  Eric: (scowls from behind Red and tries to charge at Kelso before being held back by a silently laughing Donna)
• Red in The Circle. Sure it may have been from a Kelso dream sequence, but it is still definitely a crowning foot up the ass of funny.
  Red: (holds up a can of whipped cream) I'm tellin' ya, this stuff isn't just for cakes. It's great all by itself. (squeezes the cream into his mouth and laughs) Wait, wait... watch this. (squeezes the cream into a pile on top of his head) Look at me. I'm Whipped Cream Head. Fear me. ALL FEAR WHIPPED CREAM HEAD!
• A classic, during breakfast time.
  Eric: Hey. Leggo my Eggo.
  Red: Hey. Leggo my foot in your ass!
• In one episode the Formans are throwing a barbecue and Eric comes up with a series of plans to embarrass Donna's then boyfriend Casey Kelso, which leads to Hyde comparing him to Daffy Duck.
  Hyde: Hey Forman, here's an idea; set up a wacky system of ropes & pulleys, then, when Casey walks by, drop an anvil on his head.
  Fez: Because that is what Daffy does.
  Eric: Yeah, I got that Fez.
  • Hyde: "Wow, that worked out thuper!"
  • Earlier in the same episode, Eric is upset when he finds out Kitty invited Casey to the barbecue, so she tries to make it up to him by saying they won't give him any relish.
  Hyde: Alright! When Casey finds out he isn't getting any relish, he'll dump Donna for sure!
• Young Red crying over his first breakup. And saying he took it like a man.
• The Christmas Special where poor Pastor Dave tries to get the kids to collaborate in the church... and ends up tied to a chair with X-Mas lights.
• God, what did you have for breakfast this morning, Carnation Instant Bitch?
• Red and Kitty have to cut short their evening out, and Kitty goes to phone Eric to let him know:
  Red: Kitty, don't call to let him know we're coming home early! If he's doing something he shouldn't - and we both know he is - it's important that I catch him at it.
  Kitty: Why?
  Red: Because it gives me pleasure.
• May double as a Heartwarming Moment depending on how aware Leo was. Fez needs money to buy new shoes, so he goes to work at Leo's photo hut. As he's fired due to being too efficient, he complains:
  Fez: How am I supposed to afford my new boots?
  Leo: You just do what I do, man. Just get some money out of the register when the boss isn't looking.
  Hyde: Once again, Leo, you are the boss.
  Leo: And I'm not looking!
  (Hyde takes some money from the register and gives it to Fez. Leo follows the entire procedure with his gaze).
• "It's a Wonderful Life," in which Eric sees a world in which he never dated Donna.
  Angel: And now, we're going to the future. The '80s.
  [Cue The Safety Dance]
  Eric: What the hell was that?!
  Angel: [grinning] Oh, you'll find out.
• Tornado Prom (Season 4 Episode 15)
  • Jackie imaging herself as Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, with Kelso as the Scarecrow, Hyde as the Tin Man, Fez as the Cowardly Lion, Donna as the Wicked Witch and Eric as a flying monkey (note that they're closer to the books than the film, such as Jackie wearing silver slippers or Donna having an eyepatch and no green skin). They don't like this too much.
    Donna: Let's kick her ass!
    • Jackie comes to the conclusion that winning titles and being popular are the same thing as being a good person.
    • Even funnier, Mila Kunis later played the Wicked Witch of the West in Oz the Great and Powerful, making her the only person to play both Dorothy and the Witch.
  • Donna and Eric have a circle with cutouts of Steve Tyler and Joe Perry, which start talking with lip movements.
    Donna: Whoa. The station manager's stuff is way better than ours.
• In "Prank Day" (Season 4 Episode 21):
  • Red's double-take after this line:
    Kitty: Oh, don't sound so surprised. I fake things plenty!
• In Season 4 Episode 22's credits scene:
  (Jackie called out to Kelso who was sleeping.)
  Kelso: Jackie? Am I dreaming?
  Jackie: Yes you are.
  Kelso: Are we going to do it?
  Jackie: Yes we are.
  Kelso: Cool. Where's Donna?
  Jackie: WHAT?!

Season 5

• After one of Red's many threats to put his foot up Eric's ass, Hyde gives him a little career advice:
  Hyde: You know, Forman? You should write a book: "Things My Father Threatened to Put Up My Ass". Chapter 1? His foot. I'd buy it.
• Eric and Hyde are talking about Hyde's relationship with Jackie when Kelso, who has no idea about it, comes in and asks what they were talking about. Eric and Hyde simultaneously answer, "Indy 500". They then look at each other, nod knowingly, and say, "Nice!"
  • Don't forget the scene leading up to that part:
  Eric: But, man, she's the devil!
  Hyde: What can I do? She's hot.
  Eric: No, you only think she's hot because she's made of hellfire.
  Hyde: All right, what if you were stranded on a desert island with her?
  Eric: [pause] Murder-suicide.
  Hyde: Okay. Picture Jackie in a little bikini made out of coconuts.
  • Made even better by the fact that Eric is incapable of seeing Jackie as attractive because of her abrasive personality, until Hyde tells him to tune her out like he does. Cue the same scene again, but with Hawaiian music playing over her.
  Eric: "Good god... she IS hot!"
• Donna has given Eric a horrible ring as a gift. Hyde points out how she got her clothing/accessory taste from her dad.
  Eric: Hyde, Fez, my girlfriend has bad taste.
  Fez: Well, she is dating you.
  • We see a possible future where Eric is dressed like Bob, complete with huge black afro.
  • Also in the same episode, the Super Friends fantasy sequence, with Red as Dr. Bald:
  Red: Greetings, super dumbasses. Any minute now, my army of alien zombies will be inva— good lord, that is an ugly ring! Hey, alien zombies, get a load of that ring!
• After Kelso sees Jackie kissing Hyde, he prepares to make Hyde confess by challenging him to a battle of wits. The result is this:
  Hyde: What's up?
  Kelso: That's an interesting question, Hyde. What is up?
  Hyde: Well, I guess you know about me and Jackie.
  Kelso: Aaaaaaah, so the battle of wits has begun!
  Hyde: What battle of wits? I admit it. I'm messing around with Jackie.
  Kelso: I hate you!
  (Kelso slams into a speaker eye-first when Hyde dodges his charge.)
  Kelso: Ow, my eye!
• After Hyde seemingly gets shot in the eye by Kelso with a BB gun:
  Eric: Dude, you shot him!
  Donna: That's exactly what happened to Snowball!
• Fez's reaction to Kelso being shirtless after a fight with Jackie in which she snatches the shirt he was wearing since it was a gift from her: "YOU! DON'T POINT AT ME WITH YOUR POINTY NIPPLES!"
• A great episode is Jackie's father's cabin. The whole back and forth with the doll expo, and the missing stash is hilarious, but the crowning moment of it all:
  Red: Is that what I think it is?
  Kelso: If you mean paprika, yes sir!
  Kitty: Honey... honey, paprika is red.
  Kelso: If you mean green paprika, yes sir!
  Red: "Green paprika"?!
  Kelso: (whispering to Hyde) Hyde, what am I looking for here?
  Hyde: (clearly annoyed) Oregano.
  Kelso: If you mean oregano, yes sir!
• Kelso and the door.
• This line:
  Kitty: What is wrong with you?! Were you dropped on your head?!
  Kelso: Yes, I was! And up until now, everyone had the good grace not to mention it!
  • The way Kitty's face goes from angry to shocked after Kelso says "Yes" really completes it.
• In the episode where Kitty and Red chaperone the guys as they visit the University Of Wisconsin, Kitty breaks Kelso's irritating electronic football game. In the credit sequence, Kelso shows up with a note from "his parents" asking him to replace it.
  Red: "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Foreman, please give Kelso 30 dollars to replace the game you broke. Signed, My Parents
  *Kitty, who up to this point in the episode have had terrible mood swings due to menopause, starts to laugh*
  Red: Hell, you made her laugh, that's worth 30 bucks! *pays Kelso*
• Red and Eric looking up Menopause in the World Book.
  Eric: Look at the symptoms. Temperamental behavior, mood swings, facial hair... Uh-oh, Dad.... I think you have menopause.
• Jackie and Hyde explaining how they hooked up. In Jackie's version, Hyde is a perfect gentleman, and even calls her "my lady." Hyde's version is...simpler:
  Hyde: (voice-over) I'm hangin' out in the basement like I usually do, when Jackie showed up. It was obvious she wanted me.
  Jackie: I want you.
  Hyde: (bored) It's obvious. (they start making out)
  • What actually happened is pretty funny as well: Jackie and Hyde are the only ones watching The Price Is Right and they're both incredibly bored. It takes only a few moments for them to suddenly kiss...and it escalates into making out when a woman bids one dollar.
  • This actually becomes something of a Running Gag, with Jackie's fantasy sequences about Hyde not exactly meshing well with reality, such as him joining her in cheerleading practice, or a spontaneous wedding at The Hub.
• The flashback to Fez meeting Kitty and Red for the first time. He KISSES Kitty, and attempts to do the same to Red!
  Kelso: So how was Forman's mom?
  Fez: At first she was giving me nothing, but at the end she was giving me something.
• Kelso's ironic reaction to Fez's erotic dream about him.
  Fez: No! What could this mean?
  Kelso: Well, isn't it obvious? It means that I'm gay!
  • Not to mention the initial revelation, when the gang is playing basketball, and Fez reluctantly admits why he's acting so weird. Kelso, who's playing with his shirt off, covers himself up.
• In "Celebration Day", Laurie reveals that she married Fez so that he could stay in America. However, Red gets so shocked that he suffers a heart attack. As he notably averts the Hollywood Heart Attack trope by clutching his arm, Kelso says, "Open your eyes, he's having an arm attack". And then, Fez tries to help, saying "Hold on, Dad".
  Red: Kitty...
  Kitty: Yes, Red?
  Red: ...if I don't make it... kill the foreigner.
• A subtle moment from early Season 5: when Jackie empties out the box of Kelso's gifts, she shows Donna the rubber chicken ("One year anniversary..."), but other visible gifts inculde chattering teeth and a paddle ball. Knowing how much of a Manchild Kelso is, these gifts are ridiculously on-brand.

Season 6

• Fez is trying to get his green card to stay in America. Donna and Jackie tutor Fez. Unfortunately, Red doesn't like what they are teaching and takes matters into his own hands. Thus begins the most hilarious thing recorded on television. Ever.
• Red's war story:
  Red: They'll never expect it, it throws them off. You know one time in Korea, we had this little guy outnumbered, 20 to 1. But then he ran at us, screaming his head off. And we were so taken off guard, (chuckles) that we dove into our foxholes!
  Eric: And he got away?
  Red: No, no. No, I mean we were startled for a few seconds, but then the whole company just opened up on him.
• Kelso and the flare gun. Full stop.
• When the chief of police finds out that Kelso is going to be a father.
  Chief: Who would breed with you??
• "Oral test on the penal code".
• Eric's 18th birthday, where the guys get him drunk, trick him into wiping motor oil on his face, then put him in a dress and leave him in the kitchen for Red and Kitty to find the next morning.
  Kitty: Oh good lord...
  Eric: *wakes up still drunk* Wuzzah?
  Red: Happy birthday, dumbass.
• This exchange between Red and Kitty from one ep:
  Kitty: I know something very interesting about someone we know very well.
  Red: No, no. None of your supermarket gossip. If half of what you say is true, everybody in this town would have V.D.!
• Their The Three Stooges parody.
• When Donna and Eric decide to abstain before their wedding, Eric is caught masturbating but it gets even funnier when Donna ends up unintentionally admitting that she's not so different. His expression is priceless.
  Eric: Oh, my God, you do it too!
  • Donna gave herself away by telling Eric to "make an evening out of it" next time with music and candles. After she storms off in embarrassment, he sniffs one of her scented candles and then takes it with him when he goes home.
• After Red and Hyde walk in on Pam topless, Kitty makes Red uncomfortable:
  Kitty: I'm worried we don't have enough chicken for dinner tonight. Do these breasts look big enough?
  Red: I'm not comfortable with that question.
• The excuses Red makes to get out of trouble with Kitty as Pam's presence causes him to seem attracted to her.
• No one believes Kelso had sex with the hot librarian, Brooke, at a concert and she even denies it when asked, as that's not her usual scene and she doesn't want it attached to her reputation. When she later finds him in the basement and says she needs to talk to him about that night, he has her wait while he shouts "burn!" at everyone in the house. Then we find out what she came for.
  Kelso: We totally did it!
  Brooke: Michael, I just found out I'm pregnant.
  Kelso: [stands shocked for a moment, then turns and walks away] I never touched her!
• In "The Kids Are Alright" (Season 6 Episode 1):
  • Fez's classic "son of a bitch" one-liner when he realized to his chagrin, that he paid for his wife Laurie's "honeymoon" only so that she would fool around with other guys.
  • Jackie called Hyde's date Raquel (Played by Estella Warren) a "skank", and tried to put up a strong front, but quickly ran away yelping in fear when Raquel merely feinted an attack.
• The boys dropping Kelso off at the police academy.
  Hyde: Hey, Kelso. [Beat. Hyde starts waving and generally acting like a mother seeing her child off to their first day of school] I love you!
  Kelso: Shut up!
  Eric: [Eric mimics Hyde's behavior] I love you too, Kelso!
  Kelso: [Increasingly mortified] Guys, quit it!
  Fez: [Deathly serious] I LOVE YOU THE MOST.
  [Beat. The guys all look at Fez uncomfortably.]
  Hyde: We were just kidding.
  Fez: So was I, so was I...
• After Jackie is kicked off the cheer squad, she gets Hyde to accompany her to the Winter Dance to win back her spot - only to have a change of heart when she does so. As Hyde complains about the evening now being a complete waste of time, Jackie points out that she gets to keep the uniform - Hyde is much more receptive after that.
• After Donna catches Jackie and Hyde kissing on her bed again, she sprays them with a water bottle like they were cats.

Season 7

• Jackie's expulsion from the Ladies of Point Place (the L.O.P.P.s) because she didn't bring a date.
  Patty: Well then! I'm just gonna have to seat you with the Single Ladies of Point Place!
  Jackie: [Horrified] The S.L.O.P.P.s!?
  Donna: Ha, you're a S.L.O.P.P.!
• When Red catches the boys smoking pot:
  Red: I wish I had 2000 feet, so I could put 500 of them in each of your asses!!!!
• "You are about to read a book that my foot wrote! It's called "On the Road to In Your Ass."
• After being gone for several seasons (Tommy Chong was arrested) Leo shows up out of the freaking blue when Eric is stranded just outside the city limits.
  • Leo repeatedly talking to his old acquaintances normally, just as if he had never left... and then asking who they were.
  Eric: I can't tell if he has amnesia...or if he's perfectly fine.
• Eric coming home without pants after a failed attempt at mooning an annoying neighbor.
  Red: Are you coming home without pants AGAIN?! I'm going to paint some damn pants on you!
  Eric: Yes, but this time, I took my pants off by choice!
• This gem from "Who's Been Sleeping Here?"
  Eric: Okay you know what? This fight keeps going nowhere, and you wanna know why? We are actually freaking out over something that KELSO said! Kelso, the guy that doesn't understand how hot dogs survive in the wild without eyes.
• These quotes from the episode "It's All Over Now":
  Kitty: Oh, I feel terrible. I think it's the flu.
  Eric: Okay, now, is this the real flu or the 'Martini & Rossi Asti Spumante' flu?
  • Also, both Red and Kelso's views on where middle age begins, as well as Hyde's reaction to the mob of ladies looking for Tom Jones.
• To celebrate his daughter's birth, Kelso brings cigars.
  Jackie: Fun!
  Fez: I love cigars. (switch to Fez sitting in the circle) I hate cigars.
  Hyde: This is way worse than what we usually do in the circle. It tastes disgusting, it smells rank—it doesn't even make stuff funny. This should be illegal.
  Kelso: I hate this. It's like smoking a dirty sock, only easier.
  Jackie: (blowing out smoke casually) I love cigars. I'm good at everything!
  Fez: I just threw up a little.
• Fenton, mistakenly believing Kelso and Fez to be a couple, agrees to rent the apartment out to them, much to Red's amusement.
• Eric is taking various immunization shots in preparation of going to Africa to teach, and Kelso decides to go along for support. The shots are administered via the buttocks, and Kitty agrees to perform the shots.
  Eric: It's kind of weird spending our last moments together... bent over a table with our naked butts in the air.
  Kelso: This is how I always hoped it'd be. (Eric laughs) You know, I was gonna say that I'll miss you, but I'm not a nancy-boy.
  Eric: And, Kelso, there's something I want to say to you... SON OF A BITCH! Oh, that hurt like hell!
  Kitty: That was the alcohol swab.
  Eric: ...well, it was freezing.

Season 8

• Red (a Korea vet) and Leo (a WWII vet) bonding and becoming friends because both of them were veterans. ...And by dunking on Bob, who served in the National Guard but never saw combat.
  Leo: Hey man, even if he didn't see action, he still deserves a drink
  Red: ...Alright, fine.
  Leo: Bartender! One Shirley Temple! [Red and Leo laugh and shake hands]
• Bob arguing with "Fatso". Must be seen to be believed. Just hear the hatred and hammyness in the final line.
  Bob: GO TO HELL, FATSO!
  Fez: (has been hiding behind the "Fatso" statue, pretending to take Bob's order) SEE YOU THERE, LARD-ASS!!
  (Beat)
  Hyde: That was awesome! Bob just got into a fight with a ceramic clown!
  Donna: Believe it or not, it wasn't the first time!
  • From the same episode: Randy's clown voice for Fatso and how he conveniently found a clown horn to bleep out some of the more risque things he says.
  • Bob was in the toilet when he learned of Kennedy's assassination.
  • Red pretends to be angry at the kids for stealing Fatso, while Kitty is scolding at them.
  Fez: Wow, did you see that? I never seen Red so angry.
• "You morons just hung vacancy signs on your asses, and my foot is looking for a room!"
• The episode where Fez supposedly throws Kitty's engagement ring out the car window. Especially in the forest.
  Hyde: Whoa, did you guys hear that? It's the wild call of the brown-haired pygmy bitch!
  Jackie: I don't hear anything.
  Hyde: There it is again!
• The final episode, where Kelso comes into the living room with a giant bottle rocket.
  Kelso: Oh, Mr. Forman, can I light this off in your house?
  Red: Sure. And then I'll light my foot off in your ass.

---