- From the first episode: "Good God, woman, you strut around like some sort of transvestite Mussolini!"
- The episode where Joyce and Sheila start a gossip war- specifically, the Running Gag where Jonathan keeps asking what everyone's saying about him, and everyone answers 'Oh, just the usual.'Jonathan: I demand to know what you mean by 'just the usual'!Sheila: Oh... you know.
- George declaring that he wants to be remembered as the man who got an apology out of Sheila Sabatini.
- Sheila ending a tirade to Jonathan with this line: "And stop behaving like a bimbo on steroids!"
- This quote about Sheila's mother:Jonathan: Look, both of my parents are dead. And when they disappeared, one after the other, I spent ages thinking, 'They'll never see me get married. They won't be around anymore, at Christmas.' The one thing- the one thing that made me feel better was that when they were alive, I included them in everything!Sheila: My mother saw me get married. We had to stop three times because she was heckling the priest.
- This bit from when Neil and Jonathan are discussing an affair that Neil is having (paraphrased):Neil: I thought affairs were meant to be fun!Jonathan: Neil, nobody ever sends Happy Adultery cards!
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