Funny / Still Game

• The episode "Cairds" may as well be called "Skitters" as the funniest plotline revolves around Stevie and Winston's plotline around Winston's accumulator. Fed up with Stevie singling him out for snark over his habits, Winston snaps and when his accumulator starts to line up, begins tormenting Stevie over the stroke of luck he has, to the point when 5 of his six lines are up he specifically goes and buys toilet paper just to throw it at his window while he is sweating over the payout which would bankrupt him...
  Winston: Thought you might be needing that Stevie boy! You-must-be SHITEING yourself!
  • Turns out his final line DOES come up and a desperate Stevie flees Craiglang just as Winston running into the Bookies he had no time to lock....
  Winston: (As he disappears inside) BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• When the Clansman is facing closure and Boaby is appealing to the regulars for assistance to which they question, he gives them a talk on how much he has done for them for so long, looking after them and serving them in his bar when...

  Eric: (approaching the bar) Lager, Boaby.

  Boaby: Shut yer hole, ya dick!

• Jack and Victor are visiting a friend who's been sent to a sanatorium after an incident in which he stripped down to his underwear and ran around the city centre. As they approach they notice it doesn't look too bad. Just as they're saying how well kept the grounds look an elderly patient runs up to them with a manic look in his eyes and shouts at them to smell his fingers.
• Any of the Snark-to-Snark Combat exchanges between Boabby, Jack and Victor when the latter pair enter the Clansmen; usually involving Boabby referring to them as a famous double act, and Jack and Victor responding with an appropriate insult.
  Boabby: Hey! Look! It's Lambert and Butler!
  Jack: Shut it Boabby. You're the only fag in here.

  Boabby: Oh look who it is, Batman and Robin!
  Victor: We'll accept that, as long as you go as Catwoman, ya pussy!

  Boabby: Ho-ho, it's the two Ronnies.
  Victor: Oh the two Ronnies now? Well then, it's shut-up-ya-prick fae me...
  Jack: ...and shut-up-ya-prick fae him!

  Boabby: Oh, look who it is! Bill and Ben!
  Victor: Two pints, ya flobbadobbin' knobhead!

  Boabby: Oh here we go! Burke and Hare!
  Jack: Shut yer hole Boabby! If we were Burke and Hare, we wouldn't be robbing your grave, we'd be pissing in it!
  • Even Winston gets in on the action:
  Boabby: [as Winston limps in] Oh dear, if it isnae Long John Silver!
  Winston: If I was Long John Silver, you'd be first to walk the plank, you wank!
  • Jack responding to Boabby remarking that he's "putting the beef on" with an immediate "Aye, that's right. Every time I shag your wife she makes me a sandwich!"
  • On one occasion, when they don't recognise the joke and Boabby forgets the name of the movie, they immediately respond with titles like "Attack of the Lazy Bastardin' Barman" and "I Married The Dobber Barman Fae The Clansman!".

• From the Season 4 episode Kill Wullie, after Boabby makes one wise crack too many at his expense, Winston pulls off his false leg and throws it at Boabby, only to then fall over because he can't balance any longer.
  Victor: That'll be Winston barred from the Clansman for a while.
  Jack: It's his own fault...he doesn't have a leg to stand on!
• From "Drama":
  • Winston headbutting a horse in fury (he was aiming for Stevie, who dodged).
  • Winston finally catching Stevie out by waiting on the toilet in Stevie's bathroom for an entire night, with Tam helping him.
  • Meanwhile, Jack and Victor win a free trip to a whisky distillery, and start taking advantage of the free samples, getting some of the other tour groups to join in until they're completely pissed.
  • The Tag, as everyone recovers from the episode; Jack and Victor being temporarily sober and Winston triumphing on his victory over Stevie, assuring them he'll keep his money safe in his artificial leg... which he then manages to kick through the window.
• In the Season 5 episode, "Fresh Lick", Jack and Victor change the lightbulb on their landing to an Absurdly Bright Light. Isa leaves her flat unprepared:
  Isa: [shielding her eyes] Oh for God's sake! I cannae see, what's going on? Have I died?
• In the season 6 episode episdoe Seconds Out, Boabby and Stevie the Bookie have spent most of the episode battling for the affections of Stacy, the woman running the new pizza takeaway in Craiglang, to the point that they decide to settle the matter with a boxing match at the local gym. After making several coarse jokes about the victor getting the right to shag her, it turns out she's the daughter of the gym owner...who also happens to be former world lightweight boxing champion Jim Watt, who is understandably furious about the pair making crude remarks about his daughter.
  Boabby: [as Stacey walks in] Would you not walk on broken glass for a half hour with that?
  Jim Watt: Stacy?
  Stacey: Hello, Dad. (Boabby and Stevie's expressions become one of horror)
  Jim Watt: (furious) My Stacy?! (He promptly floors both Boabby and Stevie)
• "BACK AFF, YA SPOOKY BITCH!"
  • For context, Jack is having a Dying Dream after surgery, and he sees his wife, calling his name, out of nowhere Victor appears and chews him out for near dying, while Jack's wife keeps calling his name in an ethereal tone, to which Victor, gets annoyed at her interrupting his speech, turns round and gives the above line.