Funny / Stargate Atlantis

• Just before Sheppard and Ford step through the gate to Atlantis.
  Sheppard: What's it feel like?
  Ford: (somberly) It hurts like hell, sir. *Beat* (grins and leaps backward into the puddle) Woohoo!
• In "Rising Part One", Rodney's attempt to channel Walter, only for Weir to shoot him a look and force him to dial normally.
• Everyone being impressed when Peter Grodin demonstrates the shield over the Atlantis Stargate... except for Rodney, who quickly reminds them that they're trying to avoid draining power;
  Rodney: Using power, using power, using power...
• From "Rising Part Two", Sheppard's first experience with the mental interface in the Puddle Jumper.
  Sheppard: Well, I've been thinking about that [how to find the Wraith base]—
  *HUD pops up a display showing the location of the Wraith ship*'
  Ford: We'll need some way to locate them once we're inside.
  Sheppard: I've been thinking about that too—
  *Life Signs Detector immediately pops out of a wall compartment*
  Sheppard: And now I'm thinking of a nice turkey sandwich.
  *Beat*
  Ford: Worth a try.
• In "Letters from Pegasus", McKay records a video to send to Earth containing his thoughts on the mission so far, and keeps getting wildly sidetracked from his topic before wandering back to it with "Where was I... oh yes... leadership." All in the delivery.
  • Another from that episode, when Zelenka records a video message enthusiastically recapping the rising of Atlantis in unsubtitled Czech. When he's finished, Ford asks, "You didn't say anything that would require security clearance, did you?" "...Security clearance?"
• Ronon and his gun. Sheppard's reaction is simply priceless.
• The Running Gag with McKay's observations that Sheppard frequently has good chemistry going with Ascended and alien women is sometimes a floor-roller.
  McKay: Oh my God, he is Kirk!
  • Also, "You shot me!"
  Sheppard: Yes, and I said I was sorry.
  Ronon: He shot me too.
  Sheppard: I'm sorry for shooting everyone!
  • Or when they're experimenting with the personal shield in season one.
  Weir: I can't understand why you thought it as a good idea to test this device by having someone throw you off a balcony.
  McKay: Believe me, it wasn't the first thing we tried.
  Sheppard: (proudly) I shot him!
  (Weir makes a Flat "What" face)
  Sheppard: In the leg! (shrugs)
• In the third part of "The Siege", Caldwell suggests sinking the city again. McKay has this priceless response:
  It is a city, not a yo-yo.
• In the Season 2 episode "Runner", the team is going to a Death World to try and find Lt. Ford. Rodney objects to the Death World aspect.
  McKay: Whoa, wait a second. 736? The U.V. index there during the day is something like a thousand.
  Sheppard: Bring your sunscreen. Be ready in ten minutes.
  (Rodney grumps. Everyone stares at him.)
  McKay: What? I wanna get Ford back just as much as everyone else, but do you see my complexion? Yes, it's very fair! Extremely fair. (Beat) This isn't fair.
  • Cue Rodney showing up in ten minutes, dressed in a hazmat suit.
• The entire episode with McKay and Cadman unwillingly sharing a body, with Cadman's often snarky commentary on McKay.
  • McKay and Zelenka, up to their usual tricks. "Doctor Fumbles McStupid!"
  Yes. Yes, I made a mistake, trying to save your life. Now, are you going to try and help me fix it, or are you going to continue to berate me?!
  I am perfectly capable of doing both at the same time!
• The dialogue between Sheppard, McKay, and passive-aggressive Asgard Hermiod in the episode "Intruder". Sheppard's clear unease around Hermiod, and especially the delivery of "Is he supposed to be naked like that?!" are especially lol-worthy.
  • Hermiod, by virtue of sharing most of his scenes with McKay, is CMOF incarnate. He's basically the Asgard McKay.
  McKay: *examining a computer readout* Oh, Crap!!
  Hermiod: (accusingly) What did you do?
  McKay: I just ran it through a translation tool... It's Wraith.
  Hermiod: *glances back at his readout* "Crap", indeed.
  • He has several hilarious lines:
  McKay: Ah, so they can fly that ship without you.
  Hermiod: Yes. But apparently you can't run these tests without me.
  McKay: Very funny.
  • He's also proof that everyone thinks Kavanaugh is annoying.
  Hermiod: Doctor Kavanaugh...
  Kavanaugh: Yes?
  Hermiod: Stop. Talking. Please. (Beat) Thank you.
• McKay levels a gun at the two Wraith that stunned his escorts and have him cornered, and yells "You want some of this, huh?!" Then hits the magazine release...
• When Sheppard is talking to the Wraith they've captured, early on in the first season:
  Sheppard: I don't even know your name. That's assuming you people even have names. (pause) Wait. Let me guess. Is it... Steve?
  "Steve" the Wraith: I am your death. That is all you ever need know.
  (long pause)
  Sheppard: I liked Steve better.
• Almost every time Todd is on screen. Here's his first encounter with Carter:
  Todd: ("feeding" hand extended and talking to Carter) I believe it is customary on your planet to shake hands as a sign of greeting.
  (every marine raises his rifle)
  Todd: (laughing) Just a little bit of Wraith humor.
  • Carter actually looks fairly amused.
• Also, Todd's name, courtesy of Sheppard.
  Sheppard: Was a guy I knew in college. He was very pale.
• Todd's second-in-command (whom Sheppard nicknames "Kenny") seems to have picked up on his boss's snarking:
  Kenny: They appear to have jumped to a new location.
  McKay: Why would they do that?
  Kenny: I do not know. I'm not on the ship.
• In "The Storm" Sheppard has to disconnect two inconveniently placed grounding stations.
  Sheppard: Wait a second. Are these things even close to a transporter?
  McKay: Elizabeth's is.
  Sheppard: And mine?
  McKay: It's a...brisk walk away.
  Sheppard: And by "brisk" you mean "far"?
  McKay: And by "walk" I mean "run."
• Rodney's Embarrassing First Name:
  Jeannie: What have you gotten yourself into, Meredith?
  *awkward pause, Rodney winces*
  Carter: Meredith?
  Jeannie: It's his name.
  Carter: Your name is Meredith?
  Rodney: Meredith Rodney McKay, yes. But I prefer to go by "Rodney".
  Carter: Your name is Meredith?
• From "Sateda": The "Gluteus Maximus" scene
  McKay: (very very doped up on drugs and slightly slurring) Excuse me — why am I lying here?
  Carson: You have an arrow, Rodney. In your gluteus maximus.
  McKay: Oh. Well, that sounds painful. (dopily muttering to himself) Gluteus... maximus. Glooteeous, maxi— (with mild, drowsy surprise) Oh my god! That's my ass, isn't it?
  Carson: (resignedly) Aye.
• This exchange:
  Woolsey: That sounded like an explosion!
  O'Neill: Yes. Yes it did.
  Woolsey: What does that mean?
  O'Neill: Something exploded.
  • Same episode, after Woolsey asks another string of questions, and Jack finally points out that he's been sitting right next to Woolsey the whole time, so how does Woolsey expect him to know any more than he does?
  • Face it, that whole episode is just full of funny moments between Woolsey and O'Neill.
  Woolsey: (looking for General O'Neill) General? General?!
  O'Neill: (appears out of nowhere) And if I was a Replicator?!
  Woolsey: (shame-faced) Then I just gave away our position.
  O'Neill: Again.
• The episode "Brain Storm", where Rodney attends a scientific conference — and is bullied by Bill Nye and Neil deGrasse Tyson ("from TV"). Also, the running gag of people assuming Keller is Rodney's sister.
  • Pretty much that entire episode counts.
  Stephen Hawking: We get it. It works. Shut it down. I'm starting to freeze to my chair.
  • McKay to Neil deGrasse Tyson: "Hey, at least I didn't declassify Pluto from planet status. Way to make all the little kids cry, Neil. That make you feel like a big man?" SO. GOOD.
    • That scene is also hilarious for Bill Nye calling dibs on Keller saying: "Well, Neil, you're married, so... Dibs."
• Harmony steals Sheppard's chocolate, blames Rodney and pretends to cry.
• Sheppard: "Operation This Will Most Likely End Badly is a go."
• The team are stranded on a prison island so they're stuck fighting off the prisoners. Teyla improvises eskrima sticks by breaking a sturdy branch in half across her knee. Sheppard tries the same thing, except his branch is much thicker and he just ends up badly bruising his knee. So he uses it to knock the wind out of an ambushing prisoner.
• It's a small one, but after Sam calls a end to the Ronon and Teal'c fight, Sheppard is glowering as he takes his part of the betting pool and then hands one of the random money notes back to Chuck the technician, who just looks baffled.
  • What I find even more funny in that scene is that those "random money notes" are actually Canadian bills.
  • Teal'c and Ronon vs an entire base of Wraith. During this epic curbstomp, Teal'c at one point picks up Ronon's gun and shoots a Wraith with it. Afterward, he stares at it in awe, and looks at Ronon.
  Teal'c: I would very much desire a weapon such as this!
  Ronon: *grabs gun* Yeah? Get in line.
  • Also from that episode, Teal'c drops his standard catchphrase of "Indeed" and Ronon points out that Teal'c says that a lot. Teal'c, of course, has no idea he says "Indeed" so much, even though it was his catchphrase for 10 years on SG1.
• Rodney has temporarily lost his hearing. Sheppard tries to get his attention by making him angry:
  Sheppard: Canadian football's a joke... Céline Dion is overrated... Zelenka is smarter than you are!
  Rodney: I've found it! There's an Ancient bio-lab that may have some data on this. We should go check it out!
  Sheppard: Sure thing, Meredith.
• This scene, completely random and unexpected.
• Sheppard refusing to let Teyla have more kills than him:
  Sheppard: I got seven, Teyla got...?
  Teyla: Eight.
  Sheppard: Right, I got nine, Teyla got eight, Ronon got the rest.
  Teyla: *rolls eyes*
  • Even better this number is upped to twelve at episodes end while Teyla just stares incredulously at Shepard.
• This line:
  Major Lorne: Wow... you must really be some kind of genius.
  McKay: Well, as a matter of fact I— eh, wait, why would you say that just now?
  Major Lorne: Something has to have kept Col. Sheppard from shooting you all this time.
• As usual, Rodney is rather confident.
  Dr. Rodney McKay: That's weird. A bunch of secondary systems just came online.
  Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: You're a genius, Rodney.
  Dr. Rodney McKay: True, but I didn't do it.
• Ronon was first introduced by holding Sheppard and Teyla hostage by tying them up back to back. While he's away hunting, Teyla attempts to reach her knife by wriggling her fingers through the ropes. The look on Sheppard's face thinks otherwise.
  Sheppard: What the hell are you doing?
  Teyla: Getting my hand free.
  Sheppard: Doesn't feel that way.
• From "Be All My Sins Remembered", the "Colonels" scene:
  Colonel Caldwell: (To Ellis) Colonel.
  Colonel Ellis: (To Caldwell) Colonel.
  Colonel Caldwell: (To Carter) Colonel.
  Colonel Carter: (To Caldwell & Ellis) Colonels.
  Colonel Ellis: (To Sheppard) Colonel.
  Lt. Colonel Sheppard: (To Ellis & Caldwell) Colonels.
  Dr. McKay: ...Seriously?
  • When Sheppard meets with Larrin as soon as she sees Todd with him her first instinct is to order her men to kill him Sheppard jumps in front of Todd to prevent this, Ronon jumps out of the way.
• While an otherwise serious episode, Grace Under Pressure has this little gem from when Sheppard recruits Zelenka to help him find McKay's crashed puddlejumper on the ocean floor.
  Zelenka: (panicky) I-I can't even swim!
  Sheppard: There's not much swimming in that depth.
  Weir: Look, I'm not going to order you to go-
  Sheppard: I will!
  (Weir gives him a Death Glare)
• Blink and you'll miss it, but when Sheppard and Beckett are dispatched to assist an exploration team, they actually fistbump after being introduced to the team, who are all female.
• Rodney's utter horror and resultant freak-out at the prospect of having to deliver baby Torren. Gems include, "Oh my god, I can see its head, am I meant to touch it, am I allowed to touch it?" and "Okay, I'll be fine, I'm great with kids... the little ones, the ones that don't talk back."
• Rodney and Sheppard race remote controlled cars in a hallway when Teyla approaches them with baby Torren. It's a sweet bonding moment until Rodney challenges Sheppard to another race and Sheppard cheats by ignoring the countdown and sending his car racing.
• The team are trapped in a prison cell aboard a Wraith ship. Ford tosses a hidden knife at the door release and misses. Ronon steps up with his own hidden knife, misses...then pulls out another hidden knife and tries again. When we cut back to them next, there are at least half a dozen knives stuck in the wall, and Ronon is producing yet another. Watch it here.
  Sheppard: How many of those things have you got?
  Ronon: How many do you need?
  • As one YouTube commenter put it: "Ronon did not hit the right part of the console, the ship just finally surrendered."
• Another "trapped in a prison cell aboard a Wraith ship" moment. Sheppard is sharing a cell with a Pegasus galaxy native. Hearing his plans to break out, she asks him if he doesn't fear the Wraith. He replies no, but says that clowns scare the crap out of him. Later:
  Prisoner: You have fought the Wraith before?
  Sheppard: Lots of times. Won some battles, lost some. War's not over by a long shot, but we're managing to hold our own.
  Prisoner: (soberly) And the clowns?
  Sheppard: Clowns? (Beat) Oh yeah, the clowns. (gravely) Well, we fight them too. Entire armies spilling out of Volkswagens. We do our best to fight them off, but...they keep sending them in.
• Another Ronon moment: when several of the (Earthborn) staff are reminiscing about how frightening the movie Alien was, and how it gave some of them nightmares for weeks, Ronon's response is an excited "I have got to see this movie!"
• The SGA novel "Mirror, Mirror" manages to take it to an artform along with the end of reality as we know it.
  • The following all occurs within the span of two pages:
  Rodney: Elizabeth. I need to see you down in the lab immediately.
  Weir: Rodney, do you know what time it is?
  Rodney: 20 past 2.
  Weir: IN THE MORNING!!!!
  Rodney: I'm familiar with the 24 hour clock.
  • And her response is brilliant.
  Weir had never considered murder a particularly effective way of dealing with issues. But right now she was seriously considering otherwise.
  • Then she gets down there and he's woken Sheppard and Zelenka.
  • After Zelenka goes on a tirade in VERY offensive Czech.
  Sheppard: When he does that, he reminds me of Hermiod.
  Weir: More hair.
  Sheppard: More clothes.
  • Turns out Icarus is one of Sheppard's ancestors and he's got someone else's personality.
  Zelenka: Where it's important, he's like Rodney. Charm, class, communication.
  Ikaros: Glad you didn't include intelligence in there!
  • And a Hilarious in Hindsight joke. (Note: The book was published in Season 3 and took place before Episode 6 of Season 2)
  Jinto: Torran would be a fine name for a girl, but for a boy!?
• In "The Game" while investigating a planet that has somehow deified McKay without ever meeting him, what's the first thing Ronon does? Grab a crossbow off a merchant's stall and start playing with it.
• After Woolsey takes over leadership of Atlantis one of the first changes he makes is asking Ronon to start doing mission reports, just like the other members of his team. Woolsey says he's not looking for "grande soliloquies", he merely wants Ronon to describe, in his own words, his recollections of their missions. After fending off an invasion by Michael and his hybrids, Ronon delivers the following report: "Mission report: Michael invaded Atlantis, tried to blow it up, we stopped him. End of report."
• Paul McGillion plays Dr. Carson Beckett, who dies towards the end of Season Three. It is sad. However, it also Crosses the Line Twice when you realize that at his funeral, much of the cast are Paul Bearers.
• From "Hide and Seek": John Sheppard is very enthusiastic about (American) football. Teyla is confused. And Elizabeth's just there for the popcorn.
• In the season 5 episode "The Lost Tribe," the Daedalus gets taken over by the Wraith, forcing Ronon and Dr. Keller to go on the run. When Keller asks what they're going to do, Ronon (often treated as Dumb Muscle) casually replies that they get to an access ladder, head down two floors to the engineering rooms, then cripple the ship. Keller tentatively asks if he knows how to do all that. He replies with a puzzled "Yeah, don't you?" He also knows exactly which tray of control crystals to destroy to bring the ship out of hyperspace, in a way which implies that his first priority after boarding the ship was learning precisely how to disable it.
  Keller: You can't just blast away at vital systems like— (Ronon shoots out another tray of crystals) What if you take out the life support system?
  Ronon: (Gesturing) Don't worry, the life support system is that tray. At least I'm pretty sure it is.
• Virtually the only well written moment in the series finale, when Sheppard offers Todd the Wraith his life in exchange for intel on the current threat.
  Todd: Am I supposed to be enticed by this offer?
  Sheppard: No. I'll probably kill you anyway. But don't forget: this Wraith betrayed you and got away with it. For no other reason, you might want to do it out of pure spite.
  Todd: YOU... know how to talk to me, John Sheppard! (Bursts out laughing)