Funny / Starfield

Who said a Space Pirate can't steal sandwiches for themselves?

In your adventures throughout the Settled Systems, there will be a chance to laugh along the way, whether it be a crazy yellow-haired Loony Fan, or a signature Bethesda glitch. Have fun!

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As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked. You Have Been Warned.

Pre-Release and Trailers

• The gameplay reveal shows off the character traits during customization, exciting and all, right? In typical Bethesda fashion, some of the trait descriptions can give a chuckle. Here are a couple of examples:
  • Kid Stuff: Your parents are alive and well, and you can visit them at their home. But 2% of all the money you earn is deducted automatically and sent to them. It is also heartwarming as well at the same time, given the Colony War that happened before the game.
  • Starter Home: You own a small house on a peaceful little moon, but it comes with a 50,000 credit mortgage with GalBank. (In the full game proper it's even worse. The mortage is 125,000 credits! That's 1.5 times more than what your starting ship is worth! And it's not even furnished.)
• One of the available traits is Hero Worshipped... which gets you an Adoring Fan that joins your crew. He's back, and this time, he's much worse, to the point he may very well be a Yandere by this point. Thankfully, you can get rid of him if you get fed up. The video even helpfully demonstrates one way he can be disposed of, which homages this age-old video.
  Adoring Fan: I can't believe I get to stand near you breathing the same air. I've got to have every molecule.
• You can steal and hoard sandwiches of all things if you want to, as demonstrated by Jamie Mallory.

Main Game

• Just like in Fallout 4, your robot companion can refer to you by name if said name is part of the game's database. ALSO just like in Fallout 4, a plethora of names are just plain immature and hilarious. Here's some of the funniest.
• Many people you have a conversation with have plenty of amazing bits of chatter for when you stand there without answering.
  Vasco: You have been standing idle for quite some time. Are you in need of an electric shock?
• The Kid Stuff Perk means your parents are still around — while the entirety of the trait is incredibly heartwarming, there are some funny moments along the way:
  • The devs really nailed the writing of having proud, yet slightly overbearing parents.
  Mom: I'm sorry can you repeat that so I can record that? "Mom you were right"!
  • Things take a turn for the absolutely hilarious when you head to Neon and see your parents in the Astral Lounge. Your parents say they got a special vacation gift to Neon, so they figured they'd stop by the Astral Lounge. To say it's an awkward situation should you approach them is an understatement, and you can absolutely choose to do some teasing at their expense.
• Inside the mines at Cydonia, you'll run into an "X hours without incident" ticker that updates in real time. A curious (and sufficiently murdery) player can then gun down the nearest denizen, immediately causing the ticker to go down to zero. Whoever's manning that ticker must be paid very well. Just the fact that the ticker counts by hours and not days can be darkly hilarious.
• The UC Vanguard FAQ for recruiters advises that despite recruiters wanting to answer "Am I going to have to kill people?" with "yes, no shit" or something similar, they need to answer more respectfully.
• In one random space encounter, you can find a geologist who was given an exploration assignment on a very low-quality ship. At the end of the conversation, she attempts to grav-jump out, but it doesn't activate immediately, resulting in an extremely awkward conversation. She hurriedly asks you if you have any hobbies and after that, it still doesn't work (Prompting her to ask if your hobbies include towing a defective ship). So, she instead opts to tell a joke...And the drive activates at the worst possible moment.
  “You ever hear the one about the geologist and the music shop? It’s a good one. A geologist walks into a music store and asks the cashier “Got any rock?” The guy looks him up and down and says-“ *Grav Drive activates*
• A random encounter with a spaceship captain lamenting her ships quality can lead to you asking why she doesn’t buy a new one. Her response to this query is “Are you rich? Because if you are my next question is ‘are you single?’ I’m not, but I can be for the right price.”
• Xenofresh Corporation’s lax interview policy for new hires to work on their Aurora manufacturing line.
  “You passed Remedial Chemistry, and you still seem to be living and breathing…you’re goddamn hired!”
• In the "All That Money Can Buy" mission, you and Walter Stroud can got locked in an elevator until Walter's wife hacks the security system. When she offers you the chance to exit, one of the response choices is:
  "No. I'm an elevator person now. I build my kingdom here."
• Completing "The Lair of Mantis" quest grants players armor and ship of aforementioned Mantis, who is considered The Dreaded among the spacers and pirates. When flying the ship, there is a chance that a pirate or spacer ship will recognize you as Mantis and instantly try to run away. One encounter has a desperate pirate tell he has 15 kids waiting for him.
• Vasco can mistake non hostile, quest-critical NPCs as enemies, and sucker punch them mid-sentence!
• If you go into New Game Plus and choose to become Starborn, you start over with only your levels and perks; all items are lost. You are issued with a new Starborn ship and a fancy one-piece space suit. What makes this funny is that you spawn in the Narion system, so you have to do a first-time jump to New Atlantis to go to the Lodge and you have to go through the usual contraband scan, leading to this gem;
  UC Sec Chimera: [audibly very confused and/or trying not to panic] "Unidentified ship. We... uh... we're going to attempt to scan you for contraband. Please comply. Uh... pretty please."
• Once you arrive at Constellation as a Starborn, you have the option of either redoing all the story missions, or just telling Sarah and Constellation about the entire plot and skipping them. However, there's a random chance with every new "cycle" that you'll get a unique start. Some of the more amusing ones are:
  • A universe where you walk in on the "you" of this universe having your first meeting with Constellation. After some confusion, you can eventually hire on this other version of yourself as a crew member.
  • A universe where multiple Starborn versions of you have all arrived at the Lodge. Each is themed on one of the factions, including a gruff Crimson Fleet you and a hilariously edgy "Loner You."
  • A universe where the first thing you see upon entering the Lodge is a houseplant with a "Sarah Morgan" nameplate. Noel walks in on you attempting to talk with "Sarah" - having made the assumption you're in a universe where the Constellation members are sentient plants - and explains that in this world, everyone except her has retired from Constellation, and the plant is just named after Sarah.
  • A universe where Walter has embraced his capitalist nature and bought out Constellation, offering to sell you the details of where the artifacts are.
  • A universe where the Lodge is filled with kids pretending to be members of Constellation - the real members having vanished without explanation.
• One of the GalBank loan collection missions. The mission itself is a standard "kill the enemies and rescue the NPC" objective, but the fact of the matter is that you're a loan officer, someone sent around to get loans paid on time, and you just massacred a mine full of Ecliptic mercs just to get payments resumed. The NPC you rescue even says "I have never been so happy to see a bank official." This becomes even funnier if you are a member of the Crimson Fleet and they are the enemies spawned. You can literally just walk through their base and wander off with their captive without a hitch.
• One of the quests you can pick up in New Homestead on Titan is given by the colony's doctor, who's one of the homesteaders with something of a beef with the tourists that come to visit the colony's museum. Her solution? Hand you a hilariously non-scary monster costume and send you out to give a random group of tourists a good scare, hoping they'll spread the word about monsters living on Titan and thus put a damper on tourism. Aside from the entire plan being both hysterical and successful, she's just so damn cheerful about her own idea, especially when she tells you that the costume used to be a high school sports team mascot and was later slightly modified for an indie movie before she got it for cheap after the film bombed.
• One piece of evidence you can give to Lt. Toft is about a pirate that stole a massive amount Chunks cubes and is having difficulty fencing them. Toft wonders why anyone would expect a massive payout from stealing the cheapest food in the Settled Systems and promises that her superiors will make it a priority.
• The Entangled quest has you rapidly switching between two different versions of the facility you're in. The first time, the Head of Security freaks out as you just disappeared and then reappeared looking like you were in a fight. By the third time he's just exasperated.
• As you work undercover in the Crimson Fleet, you meet up with various agents spread all around the galaxy, and you have the option to tell them, to their faces, in public, that you're with the Fleet. They are amazed at your brazen stupidity, with some sarcastically asking for you to yell that louder to everyone else in the room.
• If you try to persuade the Hunter and/or the Emissary not to fight you, you can make a number of remarks regarding the whole multiverse thing, with the respective Starborn laughing out loud if it works. A few examples:
  “If a more persuasive version of myself wants to pop in from another universe, now’s the time.”
  “There has to be at least *one* universe where I win this.”
  “There has to be a version of you that’s more reasonable. Maybe one who serves tea, likes watching movies?”
• Killshots on human enemies wearing space suits that land on their backpack units may result in them frantically flailing about moments before it explodes. Sometimes, the catastrophically failing pack may fling them off into the sky as the jump jet spastically triggers in the failure, like an untied-shut balloon being let loose.
• During the "No Sudden Moves" mission, you have the option of peacefully boarding a ship belonging to a Collector of the Strange called Captain Petrov. If you bribe his security detail, you learn that Petrov "went through a phase" and keeps a variety of ticked-off alien wildlife in cages on board the ship. Apparently the cage technician had a row with Petrov, and before leaving set the cage password to "Idiot Captain". If you choose to double-cross Petrov and steal his Artifact, you can absolutely use this information to create havoc to cover your escape.