Funny / Sold to the Highest Bidder

• Ivan trying to sabotage his sister Katya's dinner with her suitor.
  Ivan: So, I hear you have interest in my sister's huge... tracts of land.
  • Earlier, Katya's Unusual Euphemism when he's running late to dinner:
  Katya: Where in the General's tits is Ivan?
• Any time Adnan and Karpusi fail completely at espionage.
  Feliks: Really, who just sits on the steps of a government building like it's a café? [Karpusi] was not good at surveillance.
  • Their petty arguments through written letters never fail to be amusing, either.
• Francis instructs Mathieu to distract Adnan at the door while he hides Unsinkable and Kirkland, both of whom are fugitives. He comes back to find Mathieu locked in a heated argument with Adnan over the carpeting:
  Mathieu: Have you even wiped your shoes once since you came in here? This is a genuine organic rug...
  Adnan: This planet gives me a headache.
• Island is incredibly petty about Captain Kirkland's first mail correspondence. The Captain ends it with "Feel free to burn this letter after reading it. I know neither of us are fond of paper trails." Island outright states he won't burn it, just to be a jerk.
• The Brick Joke about Raivis's undercover identity as a handservant at the Duma. When forging the papers, Island thinks:
  Island: Wow, handservant, big dreams, there... Then again, a handservant would be easier to impersonate.
  • Then, several dozen chapters later:
  Raivis: Handservant? What, I couldn't be something fun like political aide?
  Toris: Well, a handservant would be easier to impersonate.
• The Mood Whiplash moment when, in the midst of realizing he's infertile and brainwashed, Alfred interrupts his internal monologue to complain that he feels slimy.
  Alfred bent lower, touching his clammy forehead to the cold tile of the floor. And half those drugs Feli talked about, there were withdrawal risks and possible rebound syndrome, and - and okay, come sliding out of him was kind of gross.
• Danmark: "But it's a library! We can't swindle a library!"
  • The fact that the librarian of said library sends Island home with cookies when he comes.
• The exchange of letters between Katya, her (other) suitor Yao, and Raivis:
  Yao: It's some time now I haven't heard from you. Of course, it is possible you have been busy, or the mailships have gone on strike or there has been upon Olyokin a tragedic paper shortage or the postman actually is an arsonist or indeed any manner of similar, waste-of-my-time thought scenarios.
  • Answered by Katya:
  Katya: I am not sure what you mean with your last letter. I feel certain that all it really tells me is that you have a very strange sense of humour. But it is a nice change and welcome departure from the remainder of my heretofore suitors who felt the need to compose page-long odes on the size and shape of my breasts.
  • And after inviting him to dinner:
  Katya: I apologize in advance for my brother's unorthodox behavior. He thinks himself a libertine. Please allow him to continue thinking that. It's just easier.
  • Only for Raivis to send:
  Raivis (as Katya): You have no soul. Never contact me again.
• During Ivan's Crisis of Faith after realizing Toris is not a monk, one of his first thoughts: can I still go to the tavern?
  He shouldn't go to the tavern anymore. At least not while Toris was there. When else would he go, though? Morning was too early to drink vodka, and afternoon got in the way of tea. He could combine tea and vodka... no, that would be disgusting.
  • Following this, Ivan considers that he could just stop drinking... but nah.
• Yao describes how he believes he and Katya's differing ideologies will affect their marriage:
  Yao: Oh, I can't wait to have giant spats over it! I hope they last for days and make everybody extremely uncomfortable!
• Lovino describing his initial impressions of Sverige and Norge:
  Tall, Blond and Scary (and what the fuck was he doing here?!) couldn't be vocal because he was too busy glaring at two clerks. His pants-shittingly frightening expression managed to scream volumes anyway.
  Next to him there was an angry-looking young man - also blond, and also creepy looking, in a completely different way from the taller man with spectacles, although like him, he also seemed to agree that smiling or otherwise appearing pleasant in any form was for chumps.
• When they're all being arrested and Kirkland and the Five-Man Band are together being harassed by Adnan and Karpusi, it's somewhere between this and a Heartwarming Moment that Kirkland berates the cops by complimenting his foe's intelligence:
  Kirkland: And Island says you almost caught him once! What, did you two oafs trip over him?
  • Even Danmark laughed at that one. And he hates Kirkland.