Funny / Snow Dogs

• The beginning where Amelia giving Sugar cookies to Ted's patients.
  Ted: Mom, I love that you're involved in my practice. But you can't be givin' out sugar cookies in a dental office!
  Amelia: Your father always believed in the personal touch. And repeat business.
• Ted screaming at his next-door neighbor's miniature poodle, fed up with his constant barking.
  Ted: SHUT UP, CHESTER! I HATE YOU! WHEN I BOUGHT THIS CONDO, NO ONE TOLD ME A LITTLE RAT LIKE YOU LIVED NEXT DOOR! I'M SO SICK OF YOUR BARKING! (picks up a watering can and pours water on Chester, finally silencing him)
• Ted running face to face with a bear:
  Ted: Y'know, I'm a big bear fan! Sure. Uh, my man - Smokey the Bear. Yogi. Walter Payton!
  • Then as the bear chases him.
  Ted: I can see the headlines! "Miami Dentist Eaten by Bear!"
• Ted's hypothermia induced dream
  • First with the dogs talking
  Demon: Ted, my main man, you've really stepped in it this time!
  • Then with Michael Bolton.
• The reason Thunderjack Johnson got his name: He apparently got hit by thunder. Twice, in fact.
  Ted: You can't get hit by thunder!
  (Barb and Peter nod their heads "yes")
• The smug and cocky French sledder who ends up winning the Arctic Challenge, during which his team proceeds to dump Gatorade on him in the usual fashion.....it comes out as a solid block of ice, knocking him out.
• Barb tells Ted that he knows who his father is. Ted arrives at the tent and to his shock, the man is Thunder Jack!
  Thunder Jack: Lookie here! Come to sell me them dogs?
  Ted: You? You're James Johnson?
  Thunder Jack: I don't much like people calling me James.
  Ted: What... You're white!
  Thunder Jack: (removes his glove) Will you look at that!
  Ted: Do you know who I am?
  Thunder Jack: Yeah, you're the fella who's gonna sell me those dogs.
  Ted: No! I'm your son.
  Thunder Jack: Well, so, how much you want for them?
  Ted: You knew? You knew the whole time and you didn't say anything?
  Thunder Jack: I don't see any good coming from dredging up ancient history.
  Ted: Is that what I am? Ancient history?
  Thunder Jack: I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I can go up to $300 for the lot.
  Ted: The dogs? Don't you think about anything else?
  Thunder Jack: You've got no business with 'em. I mean, they're special animals. They need to be taken care of.
  Ted: You're a real piece of work. You know, I don't believe we're related! There must be some mistake because you are definitely NOT MY FATHER!
  (Jack cracks his neck)
  Thunder Jack: Well, tell you the truth, I don't much give a hoot one way or the other. All I'm saying is that you don't belong here. I'm sure you've got a nice, little condominium someplace with a remote control color TV, and a nice electric blanket. So, why don't you pack up your big city butt, and go back there?
  Ted: No. I'm not going anywhere!
  Thunder Jack: You are a stubborn fool.
  Ted: No, you're the stubborn fool!
  Thunder Jack: You must have something wrong with that head.
  Ted: No, you got something wrong with your head!
  Thunder Jack: No, you got something wrong in your head!
  Ted: NO, YOU GOT SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR HEAD!
  Thunder Jack: (laughs uproariously) No, you got something wrong in your head!
  Ted: Well, you know what they say. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, Jack. Or should I call you "father?" Or how about “papa”? Or maybe even “Daddy-o”?
  (Jack punches Ted in the face, knocking him out.)
• Rupert. Every scene with Rupert.
  • When Ted tells Amelia how difficult things have been in Alaska, Rupert sneaks his way into the phone conversation.
  Ted: Rupert, get off the phone!
  Rupert: I'm not on the phone! Hey, when are you coming home? You know, your mother's worried sick about you!
  Ted & Amelia: RUPERT, OFF!
  (Rupert hangs up)
• Nana cracking her neck along with Ted when she fills in for lead dog to find Jack (who's in possession of Demon).
• While waiting for Ted's return, Amelia tells Barb she has something to confess. The three men standing with them all lean in to hear, prompting her to ask pointedly if any of them are Barb.