The ending of Year of the Snake, to prove that the world didn't end at the end of 2012, Wei waits for several seconds until the New Year strikes before formally arresting the Apocalypse Cult leader.
There is a glitch that the civilian drivers will get killed by Wei with two heavy unarmed hits. First of all, if you kick at the car door at the driver's side, s/he will call you out. Kick the second time, s/he drops dead. In some cases you just scratch the car without breaking the window and killed the driver with just only two heavy kicks.
Also, try kicking the car door at the driver's side and s/he will come out of the car. Kick the second time at the same location will hit the driver with Wei's butt. Then the driver drops dead.
During an early mission when Wei is helping collect protection money on Winston's behalf one of the stall owner's replies "Tell Winston to shove a bok choy up his ass!"
During one of the favors, Wei is asked to help drive a friend somewhere, but he then asks Wei to wait a moment. The friend, Calvin, walks right up to a Cop and knocks the cop out. In the car chase that ensues, Calvin gives his reason for the attack. The victim was sleeping with Calvin's girlfriend...except she isn't Calvin's girlfriend and Calvin just likes her.
Calvin has several favours that all play out similarly, when Wei meets him the third time he says "You're not going to shoot someone this time are you", Calvin says no... then a BOMB goes off!
Not only that, but in a police station! "You gonna pull shit like this, you need to learn to drive!"
In another mission, Fashion Advice, Wei is asked for his opinion on how tight a women's shirt is. The camera will stay still as she models around. Just as she turns around Wei is bumrushed by a guy who steals some money from Wei. The woman laughs, and says "That's what you get for being a pervert!" It's possible to catch the guy before he gets out of the woman's sight, at which point she panics.
You get mugged by guys a few times in the game, but there's one instance towards the end where a guy steals money from you while you're trying to fix someone's motorcycle. He doesn't get very far, since he jumps over a rail and breaks his leg less than 30 seconds into the chase. And to add insult to injury, you punch the guy out to get your money back.
Wei: You're an idiot.
In Roland's side mission, one of the people who you collect debts from is in a massage parlor and refuses to pay, even citing him having friends in the police force as a reason you can't just smash his face in to make him cough it up. Wei's solution to the problem? Going around the corner and paying a few homeless guys to "be themselves" inside the parlor.
The scene where Mrs. Chu gets revenge on Dogeyes by forcing him to eat the remains of Johnny Ratface is funny in a really dark way.
Ms. Chu: I left the bones in there for you! That's the way you like it, right?
While momentarily parked in a stolen taxi, random civilians will sometime get into the back seat, leading to this exchange:
Passenger (male only): To the airport. Wei Shen: Do I look like a cab driver to you? Passenger: SHIT! (male)/Aieeeee! (female) *flees the car*
The "Bad Luck" mission has Broken Nose Jiang sending Wei and her chief enforcer, Old Salty Crab, to break into Two-Chin Tsao's mansion to...mess with his Feng Shui. The nature of the mission is hilarious on its own, but the running conversation between Wei and Old Salty Crab throughout is just icing on the comedy cake.
One side mission involves deliberately bombing throughout a song. Failing this condition takes you to a game over screen, and being told that you didn't suck at singing enough.
The reason behind the mission counts as well. A guy who's terrible at karaoke told his girlfriend that real men can't sing, and then asks Wei to prove it for him.
Graceful, likeyak! Your ancestors called - they want to disown you! You hit with the strength of a porn addict!
The mother and daughter outside of Wei's first apartment can sometimes have their dialogue flipped, where the younger-looking woman is telling her older daughter off for dating a bad boy.
And one of the dialogue snippets has the mother talking poorly of the boy's sexual skills, having heard every bit of it the night before. When her daughter complains about the lack of privacy, the mother retorts "If you're going to put on a performance, you have to expect a critique!"
For an amusing bit of continuity, when exiting the final apartment you unlock (in Kennedy Town), you may see a man and a woman talking. The woman says that they will have to start spending the night at his place, because her mother can hear them through the walls.
One mission has you escorting Peggy around town so that she can pick up items for her wedding day. You end up stealing flowers from a monastery, after disguising yourself as a monk, and successfully using corny expressions made up on-the-fly to get past the guards.
Next, you then arrive at the bakery to pick up the wedding cake...only to be texted that the cake was stolen by possibly-Dogeyes, leading you into a chase scene all throughout the city. What clinches it is that Peggy initially would call you out on your driving skills, but once she hears about her special wedding cake being stolen, immediately starts screaming at you to tear up the road to get it back. Finally, when Wei hijacks the wedding cake company van, it turns out that the occupant was another bride-to-be who had no idea who Dogeyes is, suggesting that Winston just forgot to order the wedding cake until after this other bride-to-be had made off with it and that he made up the story about Dogeyes.
Said bride-to-be is similarly obsessed with having a perfect wedding and replies to Wei's demands for the cake with "you'll have to take it from my dead fingers!" Wei responds by throwing her right out of the van.
The fact that the woman was driving the cake company's truck, and driving extremely fast, alternatively suggests that the woman DID steal the cake, though for her own benefit rather than Dogeyes'.
One of the jade statues you collect for martial arts moves is on the counter of the store Peggy gets her wedding dress from. You can see it in the cutscene, but the game puts you back in the car before you can get it. Imagine what Peggy has to be thinking when Wei jumps out of the car, grabs a large jade statue off a store counter without warning, and then gets back in the car and moves on to the next destination.
Most massage parlors in the game are essentially glorified brothels. However, there is one parlor that is legitimate. The first time you go in, there is a civilian who sums up what the player is probably thinking:
Civilian: Oh, so this is-oh. Employee: Were you expecting something different, sir? Civilian: Er, its nothing. I'm just gonna go now.
At part of the first Popstar line of police missions, Wei Shen has to pick up a drug shipment from a wholesaler who wants to be paid up front; fortunately he tells Wei that he can pay by picking up what the wholesaler was owed by a pair of junkies. The line that Wei uses on them:
Wei: I'm the god of unpaid debts. Popstar prayed real hard this morning. Time for you fuckers to pay up.
The Freerunning side-mission giver is a fellow named Dusty, who photographs freerunners. Dusty is a stoner who the first time you meet him, begins babbling out some sort of strange lingo, at one point telling Wei that it is totally cool if he sprouts wings to get the task done. Wei—and the audience—aren't sure if this is just lingo or a serious suggestion. The next time you meet him, Wei asks if he is as high as he was the last time they spoke. Dusty says no, he's only had a few 'shrooms. This time, he warns Wei to watch out; the no-show he originally hired for the task may have been eaten by a cat. Don't ask, just freerun.
Poke around the clothing stores in Central and eventually you'll find a place that sells "Couronne Douche Jeans". This is a hard joke to miss as well, due to these jeans being a part of the Police Constable set.
About every third line in Nightmare At North Point is ridiculous. Especially noteworthy is the importance of antifreeze to ancient Chinese magic.
Smiley Cat's (resurrected) minions calling him Smiley Cat, instead of Big Scar Wu, much to his annoyance.
Smiley Cat: Soon all of Hong Kong will be my slaves. We'll see how you like Smiley Cat then! [Realization hits about five seconds later] I mean Big Scar Wu! Motherfucker!
Vincent's nonchalant attitude being a ghost and his constant craving for noodles and chocolate bars.
Also, the possessed food stall operators saying things like "Would you like some ice cream?" or "You look like you could use a pork bun." in distorted, demonic voices.
The first time you look in Wei's phone and find that he saved the contact info for the girl he met at Ping's PC as "Not Ping." Her real name is never revealed in the game or DLC. Ever.
One of the missions tasks you to take photos of a couple areas around Hong Kong. When you get to one of the destinations, somebody is blocking your perfect shot...
Wei Shen: Hey. Yeah, you. Hey, get the hell out of the way. Drunken Asshole: Sorry, I just can't resist a camera. Wei Shen: That's it, asshole! Mission Objective:Beat up the drunken asshole
And there's absolutely nothing stopping the player from promptly grappling the man and tossing him over a railing into the ocean behind him. After Wei crunches him down into the railing first.
Not only that, if you leave him lying on the sidewalk, you can include his unconscious body in the picture. The game does not penalize you for this.
Raymond's phone conversations with various police officers at the HQ are full of funny tidbits, but the one about not following "Crazy Lau" is the best.
Raymond: He's not faking it. He's NOT faking it. How do I know? Because I went to school with him. And frankly, if he started faking being crazy at eight years old so that we don't follow him NOW, he's entitled to get away with it.
Some of the conversations you'll hear on the street are a riot. Here are a few:
Random Man: I bought a pleather jacket, thinking I look badass. I look in the mirror. I look like shit! and: Random Business Man:(on a phone call)..One encounter doesn't determine your sexuality!
If you take Not-Ping on a date right after dating Tiffany (or vice versa) both will break up with you and call you a cheater. Not Ping has a particularly funny way of breaking up with you.
Conroy has one when he and Wei are fighting Big Smile Lee's men yet again:
Conroy: Just for once I'd like to fight someone outside of my own triad!
While in the Year of the Snake DLC mission you can overhear Teng dealing with an interfering superior demanding information she doesn't have. Eventually she just gives up and gives him the following possibility.
Teng: My mother thinks it's aliens. Yes, that kind of alien.
This conversation in Nightmare At North Point with Salty Crab, after you failed to fight off the first Yaoguai:
Old Salty Crab: You'll need some Chinese magic to beat him. Go see How Fat Wu. He's got the best magic tea in city. Wei: Are you shitting me?! Old Salty Crab: You just tried to punch an undead creature, and you think I'm kidding?
Being a sandbox game, the physics can get glitchy especially when it comes to car collisions and performing unique stunts. Trying to use the special Police Escape points on bridges and landing on another bridge below at the wrong angle could send your car flying across the map in a random direction. Colliding into another vehicles at high speeds usually leads to a bad crash...or a rare occurrence where one of you will fly into the stratosphere. Heavens forbid you get too reckless driving a bike at high speeds while pulling a wheelie.
One of the cock fighting dens has a young couple arguing outside the front gate:
Woman: Why did you take me here?! Man:(genuinely confused) You're always talking about how much you love animals! Woman: This is the worst birthday ever!
For missions that don't force wardrobe changes, you can get away with wearing a police uniform without any penalties (apart from the CSI outfit completely nulling any Triad experience you gain). Seeing Wei wearing his beat cop uniform or SWAT armor in full view of the other triads without them batting an eye is certainly humorous in its own right.
If you can understand Cantonese, the bystanders have some very funny things to say. To quote a few:
Man: (gets near a fight) I'm still a virgin, I don't wanna die! Man: (dropped his phone) Don't interfere while I'm betting on the horse race! Woman: (getting arrested for no reason) I can tell from your appearance that you're a retard.
The Shaolin Showdown mission reuses dialogue from the generic mooks, specifically the reactions of shock and fear after you fill up your face meter. It's pretty jarring and funny to hear a monk exclaim in a punk voice "I'm scared shitless!"
Mr. Tong is a fearedTorture Technician and has virtually no comedic bit, except for this one quip during his boss fight:
Mr. Tong: I see you've cut your way through the amateurs. But now, 'Amateur Hour' is over. Now you die.
as Wei Shen checks parking tickets, helps a tourist with directions, and breaks up an argument between two old men. The look of barely contained frustration on Wei Shen's face sells it.
