Funny / Siblings

Runesuck

• "PLAYING RUNESCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE??!!!!"
  • "Dude, what the fuck?!"
• The dandruff trees on RuneScape.
  Rob: Fuck is with those trees? They got dandruff or something? Those fucking trees need some fucking Head and Shoulders. Even though they're trees, they lack a head or shoulders.
  Johny: They're magic.
  Rob: That's some stupid fucking magic if all it does is give them dandruff.
• Johny using his player to kill a unicorn on the game.
  Rob: You just mind your own damn business when you fuck the shit up for the hell of it. That's horse slaughter! You'll get life in horse court.
  Johny: Uh, unicorn court. They get pissed off when you call them horses.
  Rob: Like when you call zephyrs Pegasuseseses.
  Johny: What?
  Rob: Nothing.
• "Bet I can break a window with it." "Probably." "Bet I can even KILL a man!...With it."
• Rob: What the fuck? How the hell did you pull a 5000? That attack looked the same as those zero attacks you kept doing.
  Johny: Yeah, but I put my heart on that click.
• Rob: Hey, what's with the crossbones above your head? Does that mean you're a pirate now?!
  Johny: No, it means...
  Rob: Did you level up your pirate stat?
  Johny: There is no...
  Rob: Dude, you're like a level 50,000 pirate now, huh?
  Johny: There is no pirate stat!...Hey, cool, they just updated it. They added a...pirate stat. Huh, cool, sweet! I can get a peg leg!

Don't Wake Robby!

• Johny calling Rob a vampire. "Oh yeah, he's a vampire." "Count Robula-a-a-a!"
• Rob's first dream. "Running back and forth between the houses! (echo) (Beat) What the fuck? Godzilla? (echo)"
  • Cue Godzilla trying to attack Rob and causing a tidal wave.
• Johny: You gotta be kidding me.
  Rob: I'M NAKED!
• Rob's second dream. "FUCKING WEEEEEEEEEEEE! FUCKING WEEEEEEEEEEEE! FUCKING WEEEEEEeeeeeooooo..."
• When Rob tries to eat the biscuits and gravy but forgets it.
  Rob: Wait a minute, they're on the ground. I don't wanna eat this off the ground. One with filth and dog hair all over.
  (closes the door)
  Johny: Dammit.

Dog Daze of Boredom

• Rob saying "hi" to Spike repeatedly at the beginning.
  Rob: Hi Spike. Hi Spike. Hey Spike! Hi Spike! Hey, Spike!
  Spike: If Rob walks by and says "hi" one more damn time, I'm gonna, I'm gonna...
  Rob: Hi Spike!
  Spike: ...lick my lips and blink.
• "...While stroking my sideburns! FASCINATING!"
• Spike confronting Chew the chihuahua and chasing him away.
• Rob's fake animal noise. "CACTUS!"
• Rob bragging to Johny about a paper mâché hand he made and making puns about it.
• Spike fearing the family's computer printer.
  Spike: (to the printer) Hey, stop it, stop it, it hurts! IT HURTS!
  Dad: Spike, get in the kitchen!
  Spike: You get in the kitchen.
  Dad: I mean it, dog.
  Spike: Me too, homie. Let me shove this thing off and it's gonna be so fucking epic. (looks into the printer) Now where's its heart?
• This exchange between Rob and Johny:
  Rob: Johny.
  Johny: Rob.
  Rob: Spike's a dog.
  Johny: Yeah.
  Rob: Dogs like being pettededed.
  Johny: RuneScape likes being playeded.
  Rob: Playdough.
  Johny: Play-don't.
  Rob: Play with yourself.
  Johny: No.
  Rob: I WIN! Let's bother Spike!
  Johny: Kay.
• The ending, in which Spike commits a Squicky moment offscreen.
  Rob: (happy) SPIKE!!
  (becomes shocked)
  Johny: Ew.
  Spike: Do you mind?

Pop-a-Cap!

• "Hey John, think slow!"
• Dan: What the hell, JewBob?
  Rob: Uh, IT WAS SPIKE!
  (runs off)
  Spike: ...STOOL PIGEON!

Half Beard

• When Rob starts shaving his beard, annoyed:
  Rob: Boy, shaving is...
  Beard: AAAAHHH!!! WHY?! THE PAIN!!!
  Rob: Shut up, beard!
  Beard: Okay.
• "Rugged. Smooth. Rugged. Smooth. I'M SO BRILLIANT!"
• Johny: I don't think you're in a mind, period.
  Rob: Semi-colon.
  Johny: What?
  Rob: QUESTION MARK!
• Before Johny starts playing Rob's "half beard theme" on his guitar:
  Johny: Rob, do me a favor.
  Rob: What?
  Johny: Blink.
  (Rob blinks)
  Johny: (whispering) Thank you.
• Johny: (calling CJ) What? Dude, I'm playing my guitar. I don't wanna play 24/7. You do it! NO!
  (hangs up)
  Johny: I don't care how many peacock feathers you tickle me with, you damn weirdo.
• Johny: Mom, can I get a ride?
  Mom: I'm playing my gypsy fortune telling cards. Wanna play?
  Johny: Dad, can I get a ride?
  Dad: Hm? No, I just got on the computer. I gotta get my solitaire fix.
  Johny: Danny, can I get a ride?
  Dan: No, JewJohn.
  Mason: Da-hee!
  Johny: Spike, can I get a ride?
  Spike: (grunt)
  Johny: AHH!
  Dad: Just get Rob to give you a ride.
  Johny: No, his half beard's gonna...EMBARRASS me.
  Rob: (out of nowhere, startling Johny) HEY JOHN!!! (freezes, smiling for a long time)
  (Beat)
  Johny: (sigh) Fine. You're gonna give me a ride, huh? You're not gonna stick around and embarrass me, right? ...You're just gonna stand there?
  (Rob runs off)
  Johny: Awwww.
• "That was the decoy Rob!"
• "Hey, you can't do this! I AM ROBERT WINCHESTER! BROTHER TO JOHNY WINCHESTER! HE WHO SITS RIGHT THERE IN THE BLEACHERS! LOOK AT HIM AND KNOW MY ASSOCIATION WITH HIM!"
• Mike: (upon seeing CJ chasing Johny with peacock feathers) Oh yeah, that reminds me.
  (pulls out a small pink feather and stares cunningly at Bjorn)
  Bjorn: For the last time, Mikey, I am not gay, and neither are you! I think.
  Mike: (sly giggle)
  (Bjorn backs off)
• The Stinger, with Rob's new beard style.
  Rob: Johny, come see!
  Johny: Oh, god.
  Rob: Reverse goatee is born!
  Johny: (groan)

Not-the-Final Fantasy XII

• "Are we having a party in here?" "YES! PARTY!"
• Rob: It's Final Fantasy, John, not Grand Theft Auto.
  Johny: Steal that chicobbo!
  Rob: I CAN'T! And um, it's pronounced "chocobo".
  Johny: That's stupid.
• Rob: Johny?
  Johny: Rob.
  Rob: What are you doing?
  Johny: You're connected to the internet.
  Rob: So what?
  Johny: I'm gonna play RuneScape.
  Rob: Oh hell no.
  Dan: Bob, stop it! You're making Mason frown!
  Rob: What, what? Baby Mason? Frowning?
  (Mason looks sad, but changes his expression to concerned)
  Rob: Concerned?
  (Mason looks happy and giggles)
  Rob: Happy? Okay, now you're messing with me.
• "REVOLUTIOOOOOON! Sky pirate!"
• Johny: RuneScape has a story. Well, pieces of a story, in the mini-quests. Why do I have to do all this shit?
• Rob: (about Vaan on the game) He's the worst character in the game, so I didn't use him.
  Johny: But he's the main character!
  Dan: Why the hate, Bob, why?!
  Rob: Dude, look at him for a second.
  (shows them Vaan on the TV screen)
  Dan: Aah, Jew!
  Rob: He's Michael Jackson with a stupid haircut. His stomach doesn't even look real.
• Rob's Long List of wolf palette swaps.
  "Well, let's see, we have red wolf, orange wolf, brown wolf, blue glowing wolf, wolf on fire, wolf with a top hat, Teen Wolf, wolf with a funny mustache, wolf that turns into Link, inside out wolf - and that's not even counting wolfmen."
• "HOLY SHIT, STOP THE WORLD! IT'S ONE GIL!"
• "Oh, Vaan, everybody hates you. The way you should be."

Heinous Anus Zone

• Johny: (about Rob's imaginary Sonic level) I don't wanna hear this.
  Rob: Why not, John? It's such a good idea.
  Johny: It's a terrible idea.
  Rob: (chuckles) I'm gonna write to Sonic Team and tell them to put it in the next game.
  Johny: I'm sure they have better ideas than that.
• When Mr. T comes out of nowhere startling Rob right after Johny says "Fool's gold."
  Mr. T: GRR! Oh, I'm sorry, did I scare you?
  Rob: Shit, man, I told you not to do that!
  Mr. T: Sorry 'bout that.
  Rob: I hate it when people do that.
• "You never have a good idea." "BLASPHEMY!"

tWHYlight

• "If it's not a teenybopper movie with vampires in it for the hell of it...IT'S A TEENYBOPPER MOVIE WITH VAMPIRES IN IT FOR THE HELL OF IT!!"
• "STOP SQUEALING EVERY TIME A PENIS WALKS ON THE SCREEN!! JESUS!"
• Bella: Oh my, your hands, they're...so cold.
  Edward: I'm dangerous, stay away.
  Bella: Why are your lips red if they're so cold?
  Edward: I'm dangerous, stay away.
  Bella: I mean, your lips are darker than mine, for crissakes.
  Edward: I'm dangerous, stay away. (subtitled as "I AM NOT WRITING HIS CATCHPHRASE AGAIN")
  Bella: Wait, is that lipstick?
  Edward: ...I'm a pretty vampire, shut up!
• Rob: WHY AM I STILL WATCHING THIS PIECE OF SHIT?!
  Adrian: I hope this could be better.
  Rob: I hope this doesn't turn into a musical, but I swear, if Hannah Montana makes a guest appearance, I'm gonna go on a murderous rampage. AND YOU STUPID LITTLE GIRLS ARE GONNA BE FIRST!!
  Fangirls: WOOOOOOOOOO!
  Rob: GRAAAHH!!
• "Glitter skin, glitter skin!" "I HATE GLITTER!!"
• "Hey, Dad. This is Edward. I'm hot for his balls or something."
• Rob: SHOOT ME NOOOOW!!!
  Adrian: Ugh, sorry, forgot my gun.
  Rob: Of course you did!
• Fangirl: Oh my god, I'm gonna go see Twilight! TV said it's gonna be awesome! WOO!
  Rob: Hey, let me save you both the trouble - EVERYONE DIES, THAT'S THE SURPRISE ENDING!!
  (walks away)
  Fangirl: (Inelegant Blubbering) I only bought a ticket...
• Johny knew the movie was terrible, but didn't tell Rob because he wanted him to suffer through it.

Don't Sleep, Robby!

• Johny trying to connect to the internet. "I said you'll never let me down!...STOP LETTING ME DOWN!"
• "Gotta get on a good schedule, John. On a good schedule I gotta get. Good schedule I gotta get on a." "You're scaring me, Rob." "Fear is the devil's matchmaker, John."
• Max: Canadian, eh? Johny? Eh, eh? You're trying to mock my country, John? We got botch hands, that means it isn't better!
  Johny: I said "uh". Uh! Like the bad beat machine I am.
  Max: Beat machine? Pff. You never played DDR.
• When Johny happily snuggles himself on Rob's bed, pretending to sleep.
  Johny: But Rob, sleeping is good! Good sleep!
  (jumps onto Rob's bed and cuddles himself)
  Johny: Ah, this bed is so comfy! Oh yeah, it's such a comfy bed!
  Max: You're enjoying yourself there, Johny?
  Johny: Oh yeah, the pillow, the pillow! Feels so good to be so sleep!
• "I'll be back!" "To the future." (Beat) "God dammit."
• "All the effort wasted? DAMMIT! AAH! (crash) Dammit, who put my stereo here?!"
• Max: Ooh, sounds important, should I be writing this down?
  Rob: You haven't been??
• This exchange:
  Johny: You were sleeping!
  Rob: Nah, I was zoning out again.
  Johny: Sleeping!
  Rob: Zoning!
  Max: Meditating!
  Rob: Mediating!
  Max: Meteor!
  Johny: Sleeping, I said!
• "EXCITE BIKE, BITCH!! WHAT? WHAT?! WHAT?!! AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!"
  • This also doubles as a Moment of Awesome.
• After Rob wakes up from his dream:
  Rob: You know what makes for a terrible pillow? The laptop keyboard. Especially one this fucking hot.
• When Rob realizes he accidentally stepped in the burrito. "Ah, dammit, I forgot my feet were dirty from the burrito! Ah, gross, it's all over the carpet!"
• Johny: Haha! I finally found the perfect way to make Rob go to sleep! More perfect - wait a minute! I said this already! That exact line! This has all happened before, I swear it! Dammit, screw this, this déjà vu shit's freaking me out! Time for me to go crawl on the fetal position on my bed! Why am I in this closet when I plot, anyways?
• When Johny sees Rob finally going to sleep at the end. "FINALLY!" (Whap!) "Dammit!"