Funny / Sealab 2021

• "Hesh wants some sex!"
  • Hesh want married sex!
• Hesh wants in on Sparks supervillain side gig. Hesh wants metal teeth like the lieutenants get, proclaiming that he'll bite anything, sinks his teeth into the main circuit despite Marco's warnings. Hilarity Ensues.
  Hesh: OH MY GOD! IT HURTS BAD!
• Quinn's crazy hallucination sequences in "Waking Quinn":
  • One of the first involves him and Debbie talking about their relationship problems in the dark, and then Quinn turns on the lights... revealing that they're both talking fish for some reason.
  • A later scene has Captain Murphy quoting Kurtz's dramatic monologue from Apocalypse Now... only to anticlimactically end it with "...so wet willie for you!"
• Here's a classic one:
  Marco: Santa Maria! Captain you cannot punish the crew like this. They will mutiny!
  Captain Murphy: I will slaughter them like a wolf among lambs! The SEAS will run RED with the BLOOD OF MY ENEMIES!
  Sparks: Take it easy there Tamberlain, sir.
  Marco: Calm down, I'll see what I can do about finding your little toy.
  Captain Murphy: It's not a toy. It makes real cupcakes, with a 40 watt bulb, and there's icing packets. But the secret ingredient is love. Damn it.
  Marco: Just try to calm down, go have some pudding.
  Captain Murphy: Pudding can't fill the emptiness inside me! But it'll help.
  
  Captain Murphy: You better find me that Happy Cake oven, or die trying. Hear that Stormy? Die.
  • Also in that same episode, Murphy has a picture of Debbie sleeping naked.
• The Stinger in "I, Robot" where Harry Goz is asked to read Murphy's line "There go my nipples again" in various ways.
  Director: Now read it like you're Archie Bunker.
  Murphy: Awww, there go my nipples again there, Edith.
• The entire exchange between Sparks, Stormy, and Hesh in "Green Fever" regarding their pipes.

  "HEY! DON'T CUSS IN FRONT OF MY PIPE!!!"

• The Escalating Punchline at the end of "In the Closet":
  Murphy: Oh, now I remember.
  Quinn: Remember what?!
  Murphy: Well, you know how people rescue greyhounds from the tracks?
  Marco: Those weren't any damn greyhounds!
  Murphy: No, I don't like greyhounds. Too pointy. So, I rescued some fighting pitbulls from Guatemala.
  Quinn: What?!
  Murphy: Yep. Tough little bastards too.
  Sparks: What the hell were you thinking?!
  Murphy: (punches Sparks out cold) So I came here to the closet to get them some food.
  Marco: They haven't been fed in three days?!
  Murphy: Well, more like ten, because I keep forgetting.
  Debbie: We're trapped!
  Murphy: Yes, yes we are. But, it could be worse?
  Marco: How?!
  Debbie: This is as bad as it could get!
  Quinn: How... could it possible... get any freakin WORSE?!
  Murphy: We could be out there... like Stormy.
  [Cut to Stormy running from the pitbulls as the credits roll]
  • When Sparks comes in, and insists the door's not broken:
  Sparks: It's not broken. You just press the... (presses button, which locks them inside)
  Marco: No no, you idiot!
  Sparks: (tries again) You just press, you just... the door's broken.
• Pretty much the entirety of "Der Dieb" (aka "Martian Law").
  • "Under Martian law doctors and other wizards are forbidden!"
    • Which is undermined by the fact that Mars apparently offers excellent benefits packages, as per the planetary charter.
  • After forbidding doctors and wizards:
    Murphy: Nice swing, Sir Phobos^note Marco.
    Sir Phobos: The key is to hit really hard...with the bat.
  • "Sir Deimos,^note Stormy your quest... is to find Quinn's ass! And then beat it!"
• Stormy oddly incurring the wrath of God while watching Debbie, Black Debbie, and an Asian Hooker have a topless bar brawl.
  Stormy: Please God, don't strike me blind!
  Gets struck blind by lightning, somehow leaving him with sunglasses and a cane
  Stormy: Sweet crackers, I'm blind!
• A good amount of "Isla de las Chupacabras"
  Shanks: I forgot to mention, Happy Fun Time Island is filled with poisonous snakes.
  Quinn: "Happy Fun Time"? Who the hell named this island?!
  Shanks: ...Rambo.
  • Also Stormy setting himself on fire as a result of Insane Troll Logic.
• "Bizarro" in general - the overall plot is the Sealab crew is held hostage by bizarro versions of themselves.
  Quinn: Why did you let them on board in the first place?
  Murphy: At first they seemed nice...
  • And the Bizarros can't decide what they want from the crew - a destructo-beam and diamonds (both of which are non-existent).
    Debbie: I thought you wanted the destructo-beam.
    Bizarro Murphy:...Now we want both.
  • Eventually, they introduce Bizarro Quinn; an alien-like creature (who Murphy nicknamed "Turtle Face") that hatched from an egg and spends half of the episode bouncing around saying "Bizarro", before it ends up attacking Bizarro Sparks (who's a floating head in a jar).
    Bizarro Sparks: Put me down! PUT ME DOWN!
    Bizarro Quinn: We're friends!
    (Bizarro Quinn smashes Bizarro Sparks to the ground, breaking his jar)
  • Bizarro Quinn tries helping Bizarro Sparks by pouring salt on him.
    Bizarro Quinn: I'm helping! I'm helping! I'm helping you.
  • The entire sequence with Bizarro Debbie "interrogating" Quinn, which appears to consist entirely of having sex with him.
    • From its beginning with:
      Bizarro Debbie: My breasts detect this one knows something.
    • To this when she's taking him away:
      Marco: Don't talk, Quinn!
      Quinn: I don't know anything!
    • Then, after the (extremely loud) sex begins:
      Murphy Good lord, she's killing him!
      Bizarro Debbie (offscreen): Bizarr-OH! Bizarr-OH!
      Debbie: You're a whore!
      Bizarro Debbie (offscreen): Oh, I know! Oh, I know~!
      Bizarro Quinn (having jumped on Debbie's legs): Wanna make him jealous? Get delicious Bizarro revenge? Mmm, delicious.
    • Which culminates in:
      Stormy: Hey, you should interrogate me. I know some stuff.
      Bizarro Marco: Okay. (he begins twisting Stormy's neck around and shouting Bizarro in his ear)
    • Eventually, the sequence terminates with a now-tired-and-satisfied Quinn emerging in a smoking jacket, as Bizarro Debbie declares that she couldn't get him to talk.
      Bizarro Murphy: Did you try *bleep*ing him in the *bleep*?
      Bizarro Debbie: Yes.
      Quinn: (proudly) Twice!
      Bizarro Murphy: Because that usually works.
  • The Stinger is a parody "next time on" of the crew being invaded by the Groovies, their hippie versions.
    Groovy Murphy: Greetings, dudes. Give us the patchouli beam, or suffer the groooooovy consequences!
    (the crew is tied up and sitting on Murphy's lap is Groovy Quinn, who looks like Bizarro Quinn with a potted flower for a body)
    Murphy: I hate the Groovies.
• From the "Tourist Season" episode:
  Kid wearing cheese hat: I want my mommy! (cries)
  Murphy: That kid's head is made of cheese!
• UH-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!
• In "Radio Free":
  Larry: I got a joke for ya, Howlin' Mad.
  Murphy: Mm-hmm.
  Larry: A priest-
  Murphy: Okay.
  Larry: ...a nun-
  Murphy: Mm-hmm.
  Larry: ...and a rabbi-
  Murphy: Sure.
  Larry: ...are-
  Murphy: Go to hell. (hangs up with a flushing toilet sound)
• "ASHDTV". Spacelab desperately tries to get the idiotic Sealab crew to use the "asteroid smasher" part of their shiny new TV, but Sealab seems far more interested in what's on TV than saving themselves and the entire planet from a freaking asteroid.
  • We cut to Sealab!Quinn not taking the threat seriously, mid-conversation:
    Quinn: Did you say a "giant penis"?
    Space Quinn: No, I said a giant asteroid!
    Quinn: 'cause I thought you said penis.
    Space Quinn: How could a giant penis be hurtling toward earth?
  • Space Debbie tries to flash her breasts to the Sealab crew. Unfortunately, the space station is in an air vacuum...
    Space Debbie: Hey stranger, check these out!
    Space Quinn: No, don't! We're in a vacuum!
    (Space Debbie's head explodes, resulting in her death.)
    Space Quinn: Dammit, I made plans to hit that.
  • Space Stormy flashes himself too, with the same results.
    Space Stormy: Hey stranger, check these out!
    Space Quinn: NO! DON'T! WE'RE IN A VACUUM!
    (Like Space Debbie before him, Space Stormy's head explodes - he also has the exact same chest Space Debbie has, censored breasts and all.)
  • And then at the very end when Sealab (and Earth) have been destroyed, Space Quinn decides "why not?" and flashes himself (again, with the exact same censored chest) even if it means his head explodes too.
    Space Quinn: Huh-hey! Check out the rack on Space Quinn!
• "Swimming in Oblivion": On one of the takes:
  Director: Cue the fog. (frog croaks are heard) Fog! FOG! The FOG machine, idiot!... Ass. And, action. (the fog machine releases so much fog that it causes Marco to cough) Less fog! Less fog! ASS!
• The Stinger for "Vacation":
  Agent: You're broke.
  Bear: How can I be broke? I got six million dollars in the bank!
  Agent: Remember when you bought The Six Million Dollar Man?
  Bear: Ha-ha, yeah! ...oh. (over the credits) And then he ran away. No one's catching him.

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