Funny / Scott The Woz Season 3

"The coupons were expired. I just couldn't help myself."

Scott The Woz (General) | Scott The Woz Season 1 (2017) | Scott The Woz Season 2 (2018) | Season 3 (2019) | Scott The Woz Season 4 (2020) | Scott The Woz Season 5 (2021) | Scott The Woz Season 6 (2022-Early 2023) | Scott The Woz Season 7 (2023-2024)

101- The WiiWare Chronicles V

• Living in a cave and subsisting off of WiiWare games and "milk" erodes away at Scott's sanity. (For a given value of sanity.)
  January 26, 2019
  Scott: One day into staying in a cave and only playing WiiWare games and I'm doing great! I packed some milk to help sustain myself so I can really take on any- (sees the next game is 3D Pixel Racer) F*ck this sentence.
  (Scott puts down the "milk" revealing it to be Elmer's Glue)
  January 27, 2019
  (Scott quietly stares off into space, twitching slightly)
  January 28, 2019
  Scott: You know when you think about it we really don't have it that bad. Like imagine if we were fish! F*ck, we have it good!
  January 29, 2019
  Scott: They should make death illegal.
  January 30, 2019
  Scott: F*CKING END THE CHANNEL ALREADY!

102- Game of the Year Throughout the Years

• Scott is the host of an award show that celebrates the best years of the year, known as The Yearies.
• Scott opens the show with a video showing the years lost throughout the years. The video consists of years past, one year at a time, prompting Scott to leave to wait.
• The time eventually comes for Scott to announce the winner of the 2018 Year of the Year award.
  Scott: And the winner for Year of the Year 2018 is... 2018!
  (cut to Rex watching from home cheering for 2016 to win)
  Rex: WHAT THE F**K!?

103- Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball

• "It just happens to be a legitimately good fighting game that's also pro-breast!"
• When discussing the fanservice aspect of Dead or Alive he kept cutting to the title screen of "The Guy Game."
• "Oh man, I love Volleyball!"
• After putting the game on his shelf, Scott immediately takes all the other games and loads them into the dishwasher.
• "Or I could try meeting somebody in perso- F*ck, Hitomi's looking real good after saying that."
• Scott makes a point that it won the Spike 2003 Video Games Award for Best Animation
• "Well, sorry human women, you've had a good run. But this may help me in my quest to complete my character arc. I'm finally gonna get e-laid!"
• On the character select screen:
  Scott: Hey, "Age Not Available!" That's "Dead or Alive" lingo for...
  [Cut to flashing text saying "UNDERAGE" with Jackpot sound effect playing]
• Scott's Cluster S-Bomb while failing at the Hopping minigame.
  • Later, Scott makes another jab at the minigame once he's decided he's had enough of Xtreme Beach Volleyball:
    "But Scott," you may squeal, "you can play the hopping game again!" Well, that is true. I can also get leprosy, so really, anything's possible.
• "Zack gave me crabs and I think I'm gonna spread it."
• Scott losing his mind over the repetitive gameplay loop of "Poolside, Volleyball, Gambling, Goodnight"
  "I at least need to change the song selection. We're a Baha Men household"
• "I should start contributing more to the human race..."
  • Which immediately leads to Scott's presentation "Hey society! Do this!"
    Scott: We eliminate the number 4 and replace it with the letter H!
    Outlaw headphone jacks.
    Foot gloves.
    Penguin. Flight. School.
    Stamps: for stamps.
    The MPAA should rate shirts.
    Reclassify aspartame as a vegetable.
    Make R a vowel!

104- Instruction Manuals

• Having ran out of things to talk about, Scott breaks out the idea wheel which lands on "The L Button". Scott somehow gets 20 minutes out of that topic.
  • And after that, people really wanted Scott to talk about the L Button for a video some day. That makes the whole thing funnier.

107- From Developer to Defunct

• Scott's openning skit is a master class in intentional continuity errors for comedy with the ball being used changing three times.

108- Super Mario Kart | Baby on Board

• Scott receives a warning from himself (sporting an eyepatch) 18 minutes in the future that... he thinks that Super Mario Kart is just ok.
  • And the reason why he's wearing an eyepatch?
    Scott: (voiceover; as he prepares a paddleball) Playing through the Grand Prix is like playing with a paddleball backwards. (hits himself in the eye)
  • After warning his past self, Scott prepares to play Mario Kart 64 only to receive a warning from a future Scott with TWO eye patches.

109- Shovelware Variety Hour

• ''IHAVE20DOLLARSANDINEEDAWIIGAMEFORMYKID!!''
• Slapping a big stack of Shovelware Wii games on his desk.
  "Did somebody order terrible?"
• "Oh my little Jimmy loves the Wii and he f*cking hates chickens!"
• For Wonder World Amusement Park, Scott claims that beating The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is faster than finishing the crack shot mini game.
• Despite introducing it, Scott has nothing to say about the Bocce mini game in Big Beach Sports.
• "Hey, God. Please explain the physics of the ball in Skill Ball."
• The only thing Scott liked about Brunswick Pro Bowling is the panning shot of the player character before you bowl.
  "This is like a virtual fireplace. I always have this running on my TV."
• Scott adds one of Project Runaway's loading screen quotes to a death screen in Call of Duty.
  "It's chic and well made. But it's respectable. Pump it up and don't be afraid. - Michael Kors"
• What is Scott's favorite part of Minute to Win It for Wii? The yes/no menu.
  Scott: I've always wanted to say 'yes' to Guy Fieri.
• When Scott brings up how Balls of Fury came out during the "parody stupid comedy movie" era, he begins to list off a ton of other examples, during which, the audio gets droned out by Scott reviewing the Balls of Fury Wii game.
• Regarding the counter that keeps track of your position in Ford Racing Off Road.^note Which literally just says POS
  Scott: Hey look, I'm the third piece of s***.
• "Bigfoot Collision Course is another one that really screams "Anti-Virgin", so let's give it a go."
  • Then Scott actually plays it:
    Scott: Jesus, humanity.
• The fact that he accidentally used a remix of The Nutshack's theme when talking about Ninjabread Man
• Commenting on how Anubis II is just a re-skin of Ninjabread Man.
  "This reminds me of like...Persona or something."
• And then how he does the same for Rock 'N Roll Adventures
  "Rock 'N Roll Adventure is a- SON OF A BITCH!!!"

110- Limited Edition Consoles

• Scott recieves disturbing news from his doctor: If his mild congesion goes untreated, he's going to die in 60 to 70 years!

111- The Game Room

• Scott tries to casually introduce his game room, only to ruin it when he accidentally punches a hole in his dry wall.
  • He also pours a glass of wine for the occasion, not noticing he's filled it to the brim and is spilling it all over the carpet.
• When Scott mentions being able to drive himself when he turned 16, the footage shown onscreen is that of a car in Burnout Paradise crashing.

112- Wii Play | Eh, Why Not?

• Scott reads the back of the box.
  Wii Play. Do you?
  Scott: Is That a Threat?
• Scott reads the same tagline, but in French.
  Wii Play. Et vous?
  Scott: Est-ce une menace?
• Scott reads the tagline again, this time in Spanish.
  Wii Play. ¿Y tú?
  Scott: ¿Es eso una amenaza?
• Scott's Wii Play reselling business comes to a halt when he sees on the cover that the game is not to be sold separately.
  Scott: Sh*t, the jig is up!
  (Cut to Scott pulling up to an empty side of the road, dumping his many copies of Wii Play on the ground and running away)
• Scott being found out playing Pose Mii.
  Random guy: IS THAT POSE MII?!
  Scott: SH*T!

115- The Art of Box Art

• Scott rambles at length on how he won an art auction and how proud he is to own a true piece of art, only to realise he bought the Wario World boxart.
• By the end of the video, Scott feels like he could convince anyone to do anything and decides to do a rant on serial killers.
  Scott: Here's a message for all you serial killers out there: STOP!

116- Resident Evil 4 | Tales from the Backlog

• Scott grabbed two random games from his shelf to pick between for the episode and ends up with Resident Evil 4... and a box of Hamburger Helper.

119- Subscription Boxes

• Scott "accidentally" selects the largest T-shirt size when setting up his lootcrate so now claims that he owns a Captain Marvel blanket.

120- From Reveal to Release

• Scott demonstrates the depths of his mental breakdown after finding out his name was a placeholder.
  (standing outside a Burger King) I ate here!

121- E3 2019

• Scott comments on the audience during Bethesda's conference.
  Scott: Literally, this audience freaks out over anything, like, Todd Howard could come back onstage.
  Scott (as Todd Howard): Hey everybody, it's Todd Howard. I'm an arsonist!
  (Audience cheers, one guy screams YEAH!)

122- Reboots

• Scott comes up with a bunch of possible replacements for his iconic "Hey all, Scott here!" catchphrase.
  Hi gang, it's Scott!
  Welcome to Scottsburg!
  Everybody? No, just Scott.
  Guys, look! A me!
  I played Fling Smash
  People of you! Hey!
  Anybody up for tennis?
  I bought a hat.
  I'm talking about reboots.
  Scott: I like that one.
• "I always looked at Bomberman and asked, 'Well that's not right, where's the angst?" (cut to the title screen of Bomberman Act:Zero) "I just got back from Spencer's Gifts, I'm ready for this."
• "Guys, I finally started up Kid Icarus: Uprising! And that means, yep, I finally lost use of my right hand!"

123- Club Nintendo

• Scott lambasts people who just mashed random keys for their survey answers, but admits that he wasn't above doing the bare minimum on his own surveys out of laziness sometimes.
  Survey: What did you think about this game?
  Scott: It's pretty good.
  Survey: Why did you buy this game?
  Scott: It's pretty good.
  Survey: Where did you buy this game?
  Scott: It's pretty good.

124- Desert Island Gaming

• The episode is interupted by Scott's inner voice realising that if he can get his desert island games delivered to him then surely he can call for help instead. When he tries to warn Scott...
  Inner Scott: Woop, heatstroke struck.
  Cut to Scott lying face down in the water.

126- Cancelled Games

• The video starts with Scott entering his room in a panic, freaking out because while he was outside, someone said one of the numbers to his social security number.
• The reason he's so paranoid today? Information about Geist DS leaked.
  Scott: That game was cancelled! We weren't supposed to know anything about it, but now we know everything about it! Really, anything can get revealed at this point! Here's my blood type- (Holds up a piece of paper that says "Blood") DAMN IT!
• The video closes with his face completely blurred out as an attempt to maintain his privacy. However, Scott decides it's not enough.
  Scott: If Geist DS can leak, who says my blood type and hair color can't... You know, I might want to go a step further.
  (entire screen is blurred and Scott is now behind a censored bar)
  Scott: Maybe a little more.
  (censored bar covers the entire screen)
  Scott: Just a little more.
  (all audio is muted)
  "That's better." -Unidentified being behind censored bar.

127- Mario Kart: Double Dash!! | Double Trouble

• His explanation of some of the new characters are noticeably funny, especially with King Boo and Petey Piranha.

  Scott: King Boo and Petey Piranha are total "Yeah, we had some extra time development and felt like drawing circles."

• Followed by him saying "Birdo...", which implies he'll talk about the absurd character's appearance...before immediately dismissing Birdo entirely, to talk about Toadette instead.

129- Sonic CD | The Best Worst Sonic Game

• The plot summary in it's entirety:
  Voiceover Scott: Dr. Robotnik has chained a planet to the ground.
  Scott at Desk: That son of a bitch!
  Voiceover Scott: That planet is called Little Planet, and he's in the process of roboticizing everything about it, on top of obtaining a bunch of Time Stones to alter time so he can take over the world or someth- It's a game called Sonic CD, okay, who cares?
  Voiceover Scott: There's Amy Rose here, too, a hedgehog who has the hots for Sonic, but Sonic just doesn't have time for romance, though he does have time to save her from the clutches of Metal Sonic, Dr. Robotnik's latest creation.
  Voiceover Scott: There's, like, three whole things going on in this plot, holy sh*t! This plot is perfectly fine for a classic Sonic title, just, when I say it out loud, you end up having some questions.
  Scott at Desk: Why is he blue?

131- Heavy Rain | Interactive? Drama?

• Five minutes into the game, Scott understands why the ESRB rating warns of "Ethan Ass".
• After witnessing the bizarre leaps in logic in game characters have such as Ethan's ex-wife speculating that Ethan's odd behaviour means he could be the Origami Killer not because, you know, he lost his only child after his other one was killed, habitual Cloud Cuckoolander Scott Wozniak, is left baffled and speechless.

132- Shovelware Variety Hour: Round Two

• Before he can finish saying his intro, Scott is buried in a moutain of shovelware.
  Scott: (with genuine thrill) Aw, yeah! Garbage!
• "This game pisses in the shower, it's disgusting."
• "Oh, hi! You caught me in a goose!"
• Scott runs into trouble playing "Gummy Bears Magical Medallion" almost immediately.
  Scott: (as he is instantly killed by a falling object) My favorite thing about this game is- F*CK!
• "I'm sure you've heard this today already, but I have to reiterate it: Smurfs Dance Party's main problem is a lack of content."
• His very brief look at Yamaha Supercross.
  Scott: Moving onto Yamaha Supercross.
  Showcase of a very short gameplay clip of Scott crashing into a wall
  Scott: No.
• Scott decides to see if Kids Sports Crazy Golf will be better than the two Gummy Bears games. Then the Data Design Interactive logo pops up.
  Scott: DAMMIT!
• Scott going on a seemingly very angry rant about KidFit Island Resort...only for him to rank it juuuust above the Data Design games.
• The ending (pictured) where Scott finds coupons for cake mix in one of the games, cut to him laying in a pile of cake mix boxes, in the exact same pose as the intro.
  Scott: The coupons were expired, I just couldn't help myself.

133- Third Party Controllers

• Scott opens the video announcing that he's on life support, not for any medical reason but because he just wanted to be. As he rattles off the features he finds that his life-support machine was manufactured by Mad Catz which causes him to consider proofreading his will.
• Scott noting the phallic appearance of one of his third-party Nintendo 64 controllers.
• At the end, Scott rants about how inferior most third party controllers are before revealing that Mad Catz had swindled him and his life support machine was really just a bread box.

134- The Rarest of Games

• To illustrate that any copy of a game that's slightly altered could technically be the rarest version of that game, Scott draws a line on a Sonic the Hedgehog 2 cartridge. This comes to head in the end when Scott figures out what the rarest game of all time is...
  Scott: IT'S SONIC 2 WITH A LINE!

135- EyeToy for PlayStation 2

• Scott bought a shoelace, only to somehow not notice it was actually a PlayStation EyeToy.

136- Homecoming

• For those curious on how Scott's homecoming went when he was 15...
  15 Year Old Scott: Hey all, Scott here! And tonight is the big homecoming dance! Not to brag or anything, but I'm gonna get laid!
  Seven years later
  22 Year Old Scott: Hey all, Scott here! And tonight was the big night seven years ago! Not to brag or anything, but I wish I got laid.
• For whatever reason, Scott decided to bring the props from his desk with him to the venue he's holding his Homecoming at. And keeps breaking away from the action to sit by said props, acting like this is still a regular video.
• Scott decided to hire a planner to help with his Homecoming dance.
  Planner: Sir, you won't regret your choice, with me planning, this will be the best funeral ever-
  Scott: Son of a bitch.
  • Eventually, the funeral planner managed to make the phone calls necessary to make him legally able to plan school dances. "A lot of [his] training carried over; funerals, school dances, tomato, tomahto."
• "You can't spell 'homecoming' without 'alcohol poisoning'."
  Scott: (is handed a beer)
  Rex Mohs: NO! (smacks beer out of Scott's hand)
• "(snaps laptop over knee) ...I thought that was a beer."
  • The funeral planner then is forced to psychologically condition Rex into being "all for alcohol, drugs, violence, sex, and most importantly, sex".
• Speaking of Rex, his apparent talent for Offscreen Teleportation also qualifies since he's constantly in the background of various scenes.
• The only people that wind up attending Homecoming are from Bible Club, meaning no one is interested in beer or sex.
• Scott proves to be great at starting conversations...
  Scott: Hey guys! Condoms, right?
  Rex Mohs: WHY AREN'T YOU F*CKING!?
• Homecoming comes to an abrupt end when DJ Abstinence admits over the mic he called the cops to inquire about the legality of giving beer to minors.
  Scott: Alright, Homecoming's over. Take your goodie bags.
  (The attendants go through their goodie bags)
  Attendee: This is just a copy of Premium Rush.
  Scott: Get out.

138- Kinect for Xbox 360

• Off to a great start:
  Scott: Hey all, Scott here! *holds up Nintendo 64 controller* Bullsh*t. *throws controller into brick wall*
• Scott's overall assessment of the novelty of the pheripheral.
  Scott: However, back when the Kinect originally came out, this was an effective way to make any casual gamer lose their mind.
  (Scott on screen sits on the couch and holds his hand up while continually screaming censored obscenities.)

140- The Great Mysteries of Gaming

• Chet Shaft attempting to pass off Jimmy John's as "a Shaft family recipe", to Scott's bemusement. It's even still in the wrapper.
• "SOMEBODY F*CKING DIED!"
• The guys try to figure out which one of them is the murderer:
  Wendy’s Employee: What about Steel Wool? He has a gun!
  Steel Wool: Jeb has a knife.
  Jeb Jab: Yeah, for fun, not for murder! [Absentmindedly plants the knife into Rex’s arm]
• “It looks like whoever the killer is has dark hair.”
  [Cut to the guys, who all have dark hair]
  Scott: Good, that narrowed it down.
• "It's fine, I mean it's not like this screen is going to kill me at a dinner party."
  [Cut to Scott wandering around the dark halls, as his friends look at him, annoyed]
  Scott: ...It's a common saying!
• How Scott manages to save himself at the end.
  Scott: Ever hear of the Madden Curse?
  (Scott slaps a piece of paper with "MADDEN" written on it on Steel Wool's chest)
  Steel Wool: Ow! My foot!
• "I did it! (stands proudly over a corpse pile) I solved the mystery!"
• "I have seen a lot of murders in my day, and all of them were today."

143- Midnight Releases

• The ultimate conclusion to Scott's quest for a midnight release?
  (Scott starts up Pokémon Sword)
  (Beat)
  Scott: I don't even like Pokémon.

144- Game Commercials

• Scott opens the video advertising the product Scott Talks About Game Commercials and to ensure selling it is successful, he uses the ad to play the video so people will have to pay by the end "if you don't want to be a bum."

146- Chia Pet

• The whole episode is three and a half minutes of concentrated hilarity
• Some delicious Black Comedy happens when Scott swings a hammer at Lincoln, specifically to the back of his head.
  Scott: Okay, this article is starting to make a lot more sense.
  Cut to a WikiHow article named "How to Break a Chia Pet"
• The Running Gag of him breaking each Chia Pet he buys mere seconds after unboxing them.
  Scott: Three pets died and my foot hurts. But... I have one last shot to make things right, because I will start to raise Daniel from The Karate Kid- *immediately drops him* ...for f*ck sake...

148- Wii Play Motion | Eh, Why?

• The intro.
  Scott: Hey all, Scott here! Could you imagine a world where Wii Play Motion didn't exist?
  In a war torn alternate timeline...
  Scott: Hey all, Scott here! Could you imagine a world where Wii Play Motion existed?
  Back to the current timeline...
  Scott: Yeah, it's f*cking terrifying. I was wearing a polo.
  * The outro, being a Call-Back to his video on the original Wii Play.
  Scott: But. One question remains, can you sell it separately- (cuts to the cover of the game) son of a bitch.
  (cuts to a building with a poorly-edited sign on it)
  Unseen employee: Hello, this is Scott Wozniak's Wii Play Motion Reselling Studios.
  Scott: (over phone) LIQUIDATE THE COMPANY!

150- It's a Bargain Bin Christmas

• The running gag of Scott's terrible spending impulses comes home to roost when, after buying multiple copies of FlingSmash, attempting (and failing) to buy the rights to socks, and purchasing shares in Lootcrate only for them to go bankrupt, he decides to get his gallbladder removed for the hell of it.
  Scott: (in hospital clothing) ...I'm broke.
• Scott's initial plan of funding his charity dinner (when, keep in mind, he was hosting the dinner to get out of his severe debt)?
  Scott: (at the bank) Can I take out a loan?
  Kay Swiss: What the f*ck is wrong with you?!
• In what appears to be a blooper left in the final cut intentionally, when Scott is explaining his charity dinner to the audience, he abruptly shuts the door on Kay Swiss, who was about to enter the room.
  Scott: Not ready yet.
• Scott spent the day heckling Arbys drive-thru attendants. He didn't even know Wendy's Employee was showing up that night.
• The reason Rex Mohs is all bandaged up? When at the hospital for treatment for his being murdered, he was misidentified as being a burn victim.
• Rex Mohs winds up effectively waterboarding himself due to drinking too much of the mini water bottles.
• Scott argues that meat from a ghost cow is technically vegetarian.
• As it turns out, the person who bought Scott's desk, rather than actually use it as a desk, put a dress on it and had a tea party with it.

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