Funny / Rustlers' Rhapsody

• Every Western has a scene where The Dragon picks a fight with the hero in the saloon, right? Rather than fight, the two cowboys argue over the Good Cowboy archetype, concluding with:
  Bob: Since we're both good guys, neither of us can draw first. I'll count down from five. Five, four, three—
  Rex: I thought it was just [being] heterosexual.
  Bob: No, it's Confident Heterosexual.
  Rex: Oh ... I didn't know that.
  Bob: [bites his lip] Well, don't worry, I'm just gonna shoot the guns out of your hands.
  Rex: I'd rather you shot me in the heart.
  Bob: You know I can't do that. Five, four —
  Rex: [muttering] Confident...
  Bob: Three, two —
  Rex: Uh, look, Bob, I can't fight you today. M-maybe tomorrow. Or Thursday. Yeah, Thursday'd be good. I'll see you then. [flees the saloon]
  • And the way the townsfolk turn on Rex as he flees in shame. "FREE THINKER!"
• When Peter downs his shot of "warm gin with a human hair in it":
  Peter: Hey! Where's my hair?!
  Bartender: It's in there.
• Best use of an Evil Lawyer Joke in film history.
• Colonel Ticonderoga's introductory scene sees him mourning Blackie in a manner clearly meant to be homoerotic, to the discomfort of the two Mooks in the room.
  Colonel Ticonderoga: Poor Blackie. Always acting so mean. Always shooting people. Well... I saw something a little deeper than that. I saw a man who could feel. [stroking Blackie's hat affectionately] Who could touch.
  Jim: [to Jud, awkwardly] I think we should go.
  • At first this seems like a straight example of Queer People Are Funny... until The Colonel's Daughter comes in and, when she finds out about Blackie's death, starts weeping.
  Colonel Ticonderoga: [over his daughter's violent sobs] Uh... you and Blackie... dated?
  Colonel's Daughter: Dated?! We did everything together. Everything.
  Colonel Ticonderoga: Oh my God.
  Colonel's Daughter: I knew the real Blackie. He could feel. He could touch!
  Colonel Ticonderoga: [horrified] Oh. My. GOD!!

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