Funny / Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead

• A metafictional moment, when Ros yells "FIRE" and wonders why no one's leaving their seats.
• Guildenstern waxing philosophical, only for Rosencrantz to take his musings completely literally:
  Guil: I'm him, you see.
  Ros: Who am I then?
  Guil: You're yourself.
• Multiple characters looking around after hearing Guildenstern's outburst:
  Guildenstern: You know what to do.
  Rosencrantz: What?
  Guildenstern: Are you stupid?
  Rosencrantz: Pardon?
  Guildenstern: Are you deaf?
  Rosencrantz: Did you speak?
  Guildenstern: (realizing what he's doing) Not now.
  Rosencrantz: Statement.
  Guildenstern: NOT NOW! (It echos and he and Rosencrantz both look around, as do all the players.)
• A brilliant little moment poking fun at the increasingly philosophical story:
  Guildenstern: Death is the ultimate negative. Not-being. You can't not be on a boat.
  Rosencrantz: I've frequently not been on boats.
  Guildenstern: No, no, no...what you've been is not on boats.
• Rosencrantz and Guildenstern introduce themselves to the Players...or, try to, anyway.
  Rosencrantz: My name is Guildenstern, and this is Rosencrantz. (Guildenstern whispers in his ear) I'm sorry — his name's Guildenstern, and I'm Rosencrantz.
• Guildenstern's long pause before telling Rosencrantz, "...I think I'm going to kill you."
• Rosencrantz dropping a leather ball and a feather.
  Rosencrantz: You would think this would fall faster than this, wouldn't you? (drops them) ...And you'd be absolutely right.
• Rosencrantz finds a set of pots arranged like a Newton's Cradle. When he swings a pot back to demonstrate the effect to Guildenstern, they hit and shatter.
• Rosencrantz, wearing his sleep mask, moves to blow out the bedside candle and misses completely.
• Rosencrantz wakes up with the prow of a pirate's ship crashed through the wall. He's still groggy and mistakes the figurehead on it for a real woman. Just as he tries to kiss it, the boat pulls back and carries her/it away.
• Rosencrantz builds a paper airplane and it flies around the castle before returning to him. When he next shows it to Guildenstern, it's an origami biplane. Guildenstern crumples it.
• Rosencrantz and his giant sandwich.
• Rosencrantz's outrage coming out of the "hawk from a handsaw" scene.
  Guildenstern: He might've had the edge.
  Rosencrantz: 27-3, and you think he might have had the edge?! He murdered us.
• Rosencrantz repeating Guildenstern as Guildenstern shouts at The Player that nobody can act death.
  Guildenstern: Actors! What do you know about death? Mechanics of cheap melodrama!
  Rosencrantz: Cheap melodrama!
  Guildenstern: Doesn't bring death home to anyone.
  Rosencrantz: Not a home to anyone!
  Guildenstern: [to Ros] Shut up.
  Rosencrantz: Shut up!
• Rosencrantz mimicking animal noises.
• Guildenstern's diapproving head shakes.
• Rosencrantz trying to introduce themselves to the English King:
  English King: Who are you?
  Rosencrantz: We are Guildenstern and Rosencrantz.
  English King: Which is which?
  Rosencrantz: Well, I'm Guildenstern and—
  Guildenstern: He's Rosencrantz.
  Rosencrantz: Exactly.
• This exchange, after the Player has none too subtly hinted that the traveling company of actors supplement their income with prostitution:
  Rosencrantz: You're not exclusively players?
  The Player: We are inclusively players.

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