Funny / Resident Evil Abridged

RE1 Abridged

In General

• Each of the main casts character portrayals in the abridged:
  • Chris is seemingly indifferent towards everyone, except Jill and Rebecca, and basically treats everything that happens as if he doesn't care; including Richard's death.
  • Jill is a deadpan snarker throughout the entire ordeal, particularly in regard to Barry repeatedly backstabbing her. And she's Genre Savvy enough to recognize when she's stumbled across a boss room.
  • Wesker is the obvious traitor on the team, with loads of barely contained UST towards Chris (not that Chris cares).
  • As in the game, Barry's being blackmailed by Wesker to eliminate Jill, but fails miserably at it due to being a Bad Liar.
  • And Rebecca is a nice girl and the team's field medic, but she's sarcastic to the point of Breaking the Fourth Wall. She also has no qualms about abandoning one of her patients in a house full of zombies.

Chris, Jill, and Wesker

• It's made clear from the start that neither Chris, or Jill, respect their captain. So they take digs at him every chance they get, starting during the team's perimeter sweep once they arrive at the crash site:
  Wesker: Alright team, I want updates from each of you.
  Chris: (over comlink) Here's your update, Wesker: It's easier to see at night without sunglasses.
  —>Wesker: (deadpan) Right then, so Chris' update is that he's an asshole.
• Once they've made it inside the mansion, they immediately notice Chris is missing. A gunshot sounds from the dining hall, prompting Wesker to send Jill to check it out. Jill's response:
  Jill: "You want to split us up even further? That's a stupid fucking idea!"
  Wesker: "That's a stupid fucking ideaaaa...?"
  Jill: (rolls eyes) "...Sir."
  Wesker: "That's better."
• However, Wesker does manage to get even with Chris by railroading him into retrieving the passcode key from the aquatic-life testing facility for him.
  Chris: "Any idea where it might be?"
  Wesker: "Well, following the trend of this place, probably in the most dangerous area possible. On a related note: I happened upon a document about a secret aquatic-life testing facility."
  Chris: "...and I'll bet you want ME to check it out, right?"
  Wesker: (ignoring him) "Absolutely!" you say? Thanks a bunch, Chris. That's what I like about you: a real go-getter. Do be careful to stay in one piece. K thanks bye." (leaves quickly)

Chris and Rebecca

• One of the first signs of Chris' indifference and Rebecca's pragmatism is during the scene where she inoculates Richard to treat his snake bite.
  Rebecca: (to Chris) "He's not dead, just out cold for awhile."
  Chris: "How long is "awhile"?"
  Rebecca: "Anywhere from 15 minutes, to 2 hours."
  Chris: "I hate to be "that guy" but... this place is absolutely crawling with zombies, and carrying him is only gonna hamper our own chances at survival, soo...."
  Rebecca: (shocked) "Are you suggesting we just LEAVE HIM HERE??"
  Chris: "I don't know if I'd use exactly those words, but—"
  Rebecca: (relieved) "Oh, thank God. I thought I was gonna have to suggest it. Come on, let's book it."
• The scene where they introduce themselves shows they're both snarky and equally genre savvy about the sort of situation they're in:
  Rebecca: "I forgot to introduce myself earlier: Rebecca Chambers, S.T.A.R.S. Bravo."
  Chris: "Chris Redfield. S.T.A.R.S. Alpha. I've been trying to find my teammates: a nice guy who's kinda slow, a hot straight talking woman, and a jackal who's married to his sunglasses. Have you seen any of them around?"
  Rebecca: "No, afraid not. But I've heard strange noises coming from the residence area."
  Chris: "Okay, by "strange" you mean....?"
  Rebecca: "Relatively speaking."
  Chris: "Gotcha. Well, I'm gonna head over there now. Wanna come?"
  Rebecca: "Ordinarily, yes, but... having a medic with you at all times in a Survival Horror game...?"
  Chris: (sees her point) "Yeah, that would kill the tension faster than a redshirt. Well, stay safe."
  Rebecca: "Likewise."
• They meet up again and take the elevator down to the Umbrella lab to confront Wesker. Chris offhandedly mentions Richard's death, as if making light conversation to kill time. Rebecca's response?
  Rebecca: (halfheartedly) "Oh." (Beat) "That sucks."
• There's also the scene where Chris starts to mourn over Rebecca, after she was shot by Wesker, until she sits up and reveals she's perfectly fine.
  Chris: "Poor kid... it's a shame you got mixed up in all this."
  (Rebecca sits up and coughs)
  Chris: (surprised) "Rebecca?? How're you still alive??"
  Rebecca: "Oh. Wesker missed, so I played dead."
  Chris: (irately) "Then why THE. HELL. didn't you help me with the Ty-rant?"
  Rebecca: "Playing O-possum means feigning death 'til ALL danger is past, Chris."
  Chris: "You and I are gonna have serious discussion about "teamwork" later."

Jill and Barry

• After saving Jill from the ceiling trap, Barry starts to say his famous line from the original PS1 game, except it's a sore spot for her. So she puts a stop to it. Fast.
  Barry: "That was too close. You were almost a J—"
  Jill: "Don't."
  Barry: "Aw, c'mon. Let me say it!"
  Jill: "No."
• The exchange between them when Jill confronts Barry in the catacombs, for abandoning her at the lift minutes prior.
  Jill: (angrily clears throat)
  Barry: (nervously) "Oh, uh... hi Jill. I assume you want an explanation for earlier."
  Jill: "You assume correctly."
  Barry: "Well, I'll turn things over to my lawyer" (draws Magnum on Jill) "Smith & Wesson!"
  • Which ends with Jill effortlessly disarming him in all of 1sec., then holding him at gunpoint - with his own gun!
  Barry: (raising hands in surrender) "Believe it or not, I have a good explanation for that too."
  • She resumes questioning him once they've disposed of the dungeon crawler, leading to this tidbit:
  Jill: "Truth time, Barry: what were you doing down here?"
  Barry: (dejectedly) "...accessing the ultra secret Umbrella lab."
  Jill: "Can you guess where should you take me...?"
  Barry: (dejectedly again) "The ultra secret Umbrella lab."
  Jill: "Good boy."

Chris and Brad

• RE Abridged portrays Brad as a coward for abandoning his team, but he's an absolute riot because of how blatant and shameless he is about it. Made moreso during his brief com calls with Chris, who calls Brad on his bullshit.
  Brad: (over comlink) "Yoo~hoo... Brad here. So uhh... listen. I'm pretty sure you guys are sore at me for the whole "leaving you to die thing"...? Just wanted to say, my bad. But, hey! If anyone's still around and you need a lift, give me a hollar. Or... don't. That's cool too."
  Chris: (answers comlink) "Chris to Brad. Do you read me."
  Brad: "Nope, didn't catch any of that, Chris."
  Chris: "You little shit! Steer your. Happy. ASS. Back HERE!!"
  Brad: (faking radio interference) "Sorry... *PSSH!* Chris... *PSSH!!* transmission... *SPLTZZ!* choppy... have to... PSSHSPLTZ GRLZZT! Metal Gear— (cuts off comlink)

Poor Richard

• As if his first assignment going to shit weren't bad enough, in his final hours, he gets bitten twice by Yawn, then vaccinated by Rebecca, then Jill, who both abandon him afterwards. Made worse, since neither one really seems to care.
  Richard: (trapped inside room) "Argh! Jill, he's got me! Jill??"
  Jill: (safely outside) "Uh, sorry but, I gotta get myself some antivenom serum, Richard. You've survived it twice before, right...?"
  Richard: (incredulous) "WHAT?? Why does this keep happening??"
  Yawn: "You ready for thisssss 1,200 inch python?!"
  (audible crunch as he gets bitten AGAIN)
  'Richard: (in agony) "Oh, Dear God!!"
  Jill: (walks away) "Eh, I'm sure he'll be fine."
• In his final scene, he ends up stranded in the underground aquatic lab. When he sees Chris, he tries to get even with him for being the one to suggest ditching him the first time. Unfortunately, for Richard, it doesn't go as planned.
  Chris: (surprised) "Richard...?? How did YOU get all the way down here??"
  Richrad: "No thanks to YOU, "buddy!"
  Chris: "Uhh... Sorry...?"
  Richard: ''Oh, we are SO past that! I promised myself that I'd kick your ass if escaped that snake again. So HERE. IT. COMES!"
  Richard: (leaps at Chris) "I'm gonna mess you u--"
  (shark leaps out of tank and eats Richard)
  Chris: (after brief pause) "Yeah... his day was definitely worse than mine."

RE2 Abridged

In General

• In the beginning, some of the things the random zombies say are pretty funny.
  Zombie: (to Leon) Everything okay, officer?
  • When Claire meets the zombie in the diner:
    Zombie 1: We're closed.
    Claire: I noticed that you are busy. I'll just ... leave you to your ... meal. And see myself out.
    Zombie 1: Good, 'cause we're closed.
    Zombie 2: (banging on the window) Hey, are you guys open?
    Zombie 1: (irritated) No! We're closed!
  • As Leon and Claire drive past a zombie:
    Zombie: (concerned) Officer, wait! There are zombies out here!
• The fact that almost every time HUNK is on screen, he's either screaming hysterically, sobbing or whimpering in fear.