Funny / Puffs the Play

As this is a moments page, all spoilers will be unmarked. You Have Been Warned.

Puffs the Play

• The Zach Smith monologues. The actor who plays Zach Smith (Nick Carrillo in the proshot) gets a point in the show where he gets to say literally anything he wants. Corpsing ensues.
• All the jokes about the movies, including:
  • "Hey guys, does anyone think the Headmaster looks different?"
  • "I am the literal definition of the word calm right now!"
  • "Wand makers, bridges, nothing is safe."
  • Voldemort's...uh, rather physical embrace.
• The Puffs' battle cry:

  We are not a threat! Please be our friend!

  • Even better in third year, when they're all brought into the Great Hall after Sirius's attack. They try to get out their battle cry...between yawns, that is.
• After Cedric's death and the Headmaster's speech - a rather serious moment - the narrator arrives, with tissues for the front row. Specifically, Puffs brand tissues.
• Wizard Sex Ed - being taught by Snape.
  • In the proshot, he shows off a roll of masking tape, and a wand. They get closer and closer - and then he holds the masking tape to his heart and whispers, "Lily..."
• In an otherwise devastating scene, there's this little joke:

  Wayne: Headmaster, just one more thing - did I really spend seven years at wizard school to find out you believe love is the greatest magic there is?

• Mr. Voldy's death - being represented by the actor tearing his taped-over nose off.
  • In slow motion.
• There is so much Dramatic Irony, played for laughs, snuck into the script:
  • After Colin Creevey takes a picture of Oliver, he offhandedly remarks, "Man, I hope something really bad happens to that kid!"
  • When Neville asks Ginny to the Yule Ball before Wayne can, Megan says, "Well, one good thing is, he's ugly, and that's never gonna change."
  • Cedric to Wayne: "Well, to thank you for all your support, after the third task is done, I'll teach you everything I know!"
• Wayne becomes a HUGE third wheel after Megan and Oliver get together. Cue this conversation:
  Oliver: You could always date Susie Bones. I hear she's single.
  Susie: My aunt was murdered! Any second now, I'll be next!
  • The stage directions call for her to scream, cry, laugh, and promptly exit. Wayne, for obvious reasons, does not date her.
  • In the filmed production, he lets out an incredibly sarcastic "Maybe..."
• In productions where the Narrator is played by a female actor, a pretty funny bit of Hypocritical Humor is added to Megan and Oliver's comments that wizards are terrible at naming their children — in this version they named their daughter "Wayna," which is easily as unusual as, say, "Scorpius." Megan and Oliver realize the irony... about eleven years too late to do anything about it.
  Oliver: These people have no idea how to name kids!
  (Megan and Oliver pause look at each other)
  Both: (sheepishly) ..."Wayna."

Nineteen-ish Years After

• Megan and Oliver talks to a witch-doctor (not that kind!) about their son's recovery after an accident, mostly because the actors keep cracking up:
  The Witch-Doctor (not that kind): So, your son has suffered what we witch-doctors (not that kind) call a severe brain damage. It's nothing too serious, we used this thing called "magic" to fix him right up, and he will be exactly as he was before, uh, mostly. This is where the "mostly" comes in. See, it would appear that the bump through the old noggin might have displaced your son's time scphuncter.
  Megan: His... asshole?!
  The Witch-Doctor (not that kind): No. No, no, no. His time scphuncter. Time scphuncter!
  Megan: You're saying that like we should know what that means, but... I'm still thinking asshole?