Funny / Progress Wrestling

• At Chapter 8, Jimmy Havoc was apparently wasted. He spent his entire match breaking his own pins to ask the crowd what move to do next.
• It's tradition any time Bubblegum appears, that the crowd chant "He's just a rent boy!" to the tune of his music. When he was facing Jack Sexsmith, who brought out a gimp, Bubblegum stated that now was not the time.
• Jim asked the crowd to tone down their language for the WWE Cruiserweight Classic matches, they immediately responded with "Don't fucking swear!" chants, and proceeded to spend both matches shouting PG versions of their usual chants.
• Tommaso Ciampa vs Damo O’Connor at Super Strong Style 16 Night One in 2015. When referee Paz checked Ciampa for weapons, he found an electric razor. Ciampa’s response? That he intended on shaving O’Connor’s extremely hairy back.
• There’ve often been jokes about Paul Robinson’s resemblance to Dobby. So at one main chapter show, when he’d made his entrance, a lot of fans threw socks at Robinson, hoping to ‘free’ him from Regression. It didn’t work. Further to this, at Chapter Twenty Five, when Robinson stole Flash Morgan Webster’s scooter helmet, Robinson found a bright pink sweatsock inside the helmet. Webster immediately declared ‘Dobby, you’re free!’ Robinson was Not Amused, everyone else was.
• The Wasteman Challenge on Night Two of Super Strong Style 16 in 2016 – a rap battle between ‘Bodyguy’ Roy Johnson and Eddie Dennis. Dennis rapped a song by Goldie Lookin’ Chain, Johnson rapped an original reply. The whole segment reduced company co-owners Jim and Glen to convulsed tears of laughter.
  • Speaking of Roy Johnson there's his and Jack Sexsmith's rap battle as well, just watch it here
  • Chapter 41’s Wasteman Challenge featuring the entirely unexpected return of Mad Man Manson. Words can’t do it justice.
• Hatred of Zack Gibson reaching the point that at Chapter 31, there was a "Fuck The Beatles" chant just because they were from Liverpool. He was either confused, or trying not to corpse.
• Also speaking of Zack Gibson, this roll-up battle between him and Jack Gallagher eventually degenerates into hilarity. At one point, you can see Zack yelling what sounds like "Help!"
• At the start of disc 2 of Jimmy Havoc's "I Hope You Suffer" DVD, he mentions that during his heel turn, he switched from beating Smallman with his signature pink chair, to a cricket bat, because a fan had taken it while he was going to pick up a microphone. He then proceeds to jokingly get into character and chew out the fans for that being exactly the kind of disrespect he was talking about.
• Jimmy Havoc names his Top 5 Romantic Comedies with the straightest of faces.
• Zack Gibson started doing an identical promo before his matches; about being Liverpool's number one, Progress's number one and how he'll soon be the world's number one and how the match would end. The volume of boos for this promo increased with every chapter so that Gibson could hardly be heard and had to restart the promo a few times as well before giving up.
  • The boos got so bad at Chapter 35 that Zack Gibson and El Ligero had to resort to holding a megaphone to the microphone for Gibson to speak through to have any chance of being heard and the boos still drowned him out.
  • It somehow got EVEN WORSE at Chapter 36 when the crowd throws so much toilet paper into the ring that it's nearly impossible to see the ring.
• Speaking of the Origin at Chapter 36, Dave Mastiff's introduction was also hilarious.
  Jim: 'He's big, he's bad, ask your mum, he's probably your dad, The Bastard, Dave Mastiff.
  • Everything about Dave Mastiff appearing as ‘Banta Claus’ at Chapter 40, much to stablemate Nathan Cruz’s hilarious angry horror.
• For Jimmy Havoc and Mark Andrews' ladder match, because the staff was still in play, instead of suspending it above the ring, they instead suspended a clipboard with a piece of paper attached that read 'I.O.U. one title'.
• F.S.U & Nixon Newell vs South Pacific Power Trip. Eddie Dennis grabs Dahlia Black and threatens to kiss her, so TK Cooper grabs Newell and threatens the same. This leaves Mark Andrews to grab Travis Banks and make the same threat, dumbfounding everyone else in the ring. As Banks and Andrews try to goad each other into following through, Cooper and Newell dropkick the two into a kiss, which from Banks’ reaction after he might have enjoyed, followed by a bashful pause between the two and a quick handshake.
• After Jimmy Havoc defeated Will Ospreay at Chapter 41, he takes the mic and apologises to Ospreay for "trying to murder you and shit" in the past and claiming he was in a dark place when he did those things. His flippant delivery is just hilarious.
• Also at 41, during Chuck Mambo's entrance, one of the beach balls got tossed at Sebastian and hit him in the head. Sebastian sold it like he'd been hit by a rock.
• Chapter 44's title: Old Man Yells At Cloud.
  • During Chuck Mambo's Shut Up, Hannibal! speech:
  Chuck: And according to what I found out-
  Audience member: He's a nonce!
  Audience: *collectively lose it, then start a 'Seb's a nonce' chant*
  Chuck: In addition to what he said...
• In one episode of Freedom's Road, Candyfloss asks Chakara for advice concerning her upcoming match with Laura Di Matteo. Chakara's advice is that Candyfloss should give up and run, because there's no possibility of her actually winning. She then says perkily, "Your hair looks great, though!" and leaves.
• Noam Dar's response to Pastor William Eaver giving him the come to Jesus schtick: "I'm Jewish, homeboy!"
• Trent Seven's promo to Matt Riddle at SSS 16, which culminates in him calling Riddle a pussy. Riddle then knocks him the fuck out in six seconds.
  • He then spent the next 2 days being harassed with "SIX!" chants and moping about how bad his weekend has been. The best part being when Jim introduces him as "Trent Six- Seven!"
• At Chapter 50 Dave Mastiff and El Ligero had not gotten new music since the change from licensed music, Dave suggested having the crowd sing them in when they came out only to realize that most of the crowd did not know the words to Turn The Page which resulted in an event Jim Smallman would call a disaster.
• Silver spoon vs ferret boy, courtesy of Earl Black Jr (with help from Glen).
• At Chapter 50, Flash Morgan Webster is given the opportunity to do his own intro as Jim was too tired to remember it... and proceeded to immediately fuck it up.
• One of the ring crew for Chapter 53 was Spud, who according to his twitter, hit his head and thinks it's 2002 again so he's back to paying his dues. Yes, he stayed in character the whole show, and really did help wipe the ropes down after every match.
• Jimmy Havoc and Mark Haskins celebrating Mark's birthday by donning black party hats supplied by Vicky Haskins (who also gave one to Jim) and patiently standing in the ring blowing party horns while Zack Gibson attempted to cut a promo on them.
• Flash Morgan Webster setup a Talk Show with Fists segment in ring at Chapter 54 for Jimmy Havoc and Mark Haskins to talk out their differences... then they revealed they'd sorted it off screen. Cue the whole crowd laughing their arses off at this development.
• At Chapter 56, during Pete Dunne's apology/goodbye: "We attempted murder. Multiple times. I kicked a woman in the broken leg (crowd boos). I kicked Callum Leslie in the nuts (crowd cheers)."
• Also from Chapter 56, the David Starr and Jack Sexsmith vs Moustache Mountain match, which must be seen to be believed.
• At SSS 16 2017 Night 2, after David Starr's long list of names was rattled off, his tag partner, Pastor William Eaver, told Jim that he had but two nicknames: 'Blessed In The World' and 'King Of The Jews'. Starr predictably flipped out, and Jim had to clarify that only some people referred to Eaver as that.
• After a long line of introductions for an 8 man scramble match, we get to Primate. "I asked him what his weight and his hometown was, he didn't give me an answer, I didn't feel the need to push the issue."
• At Unboxing Live 2, Jim set up the 12 Days Of Christmas match, and after introducing all the participants, he gave them all a present and then concluded his speech with 'Season's Greetings, one and all. Now fucking kill each other."
  • Everything to do with the Lykos blow-up doll on this show.
  • The 12 Days of Christmas match, where everyone involved was given a present for a weapon. Drew Parker got some canes, Clint Margera was given a 6-pack of beer, Jimmy Havoc got what looked like a smartphone case and Haskins got a Lynx Africa gift-set. Havoc later sprayed the Lynx in Margera's eyes and stole his beer.
  • Vicky Haskins was wielding her customary bat with barbed wire wrapped around it, but in deference to the holiday, she'd added some fairy lights to the barbed wire.
  • Pete Dunne kicks Callum in the nuts again.
• The Trent Seven/Zack Sabre Jr./Chris Brookes match at Chapter 62 was a riot from start to finish. It included the trio ritually slapping each other in order (and later getting into a kickfest that looked like a collective seizure) and also, after a round of duelling chants for Seven and Sabre, a fan calling out 'Also Chris!' which was quickly adopted by the fans.
  • The match started with Seven throwing Brookes and Sabre out of the ring and then celebrating like he'd won the Royal Rumble, including pointing dramatically. Sabre and Brookes then got back into the ring and had to tell Seven that he wasn't in that match.
• During the tag title match between Haskins & Jimmy Havoc and the Grizzled Young Veterans at Chapter 63, both teams gave each other nutshots, leaving referee Joel Allen (who had been distracted at that point) to try to make sense of the four men on their knees, holding their nuts and each blaming the others.
• The Thunderbastard match at Chapter 64 had the inevitable confrontation between Eddie Dennis and Mark Andrews, ostensibly Dennis' last in-ring appearance before shoulder surgery. Dennis clears the ring, stands there waiting for Andrews, Andrews climbs onto the apron... and TK Cooper slides into the ring and rolls up Dennis before he can so much as throw a punch at Andrews.
  • Earlier in the match, Dennis entered at number 5, while Andrews entered at 8. Since the entries were at random, once it was time for number 6 to enter, Dennis cleared the ring and stared at the entrance, obviously hyped up for Andrews... and then Flash Morgan Webster's theme played, and Dennis got a priceless "Oh what the fuck" expression.
• The glorious clusterfuck that is the draw for the 2018 Super Strong Style 16, decided by Glen Joseph and Dahlia Black playing vodka pong.
  • Glen introduces himself as "the best friend your mother secretly hopes you'll marry but isn't sure if he's gay or not", while Dahlia introduces herself as "the physical embodiment of ADHD".
  • The synchronised fan-waving, as well as the sassy intro in the beginning.
  • Dahlia realising, horrified, that she has to go to dinner with her mother later, while absolutely tanked on vodka.
  • At one point Dahlia climbs on the table, bounces the ball into a cup from inches away... and still misses.
• At Super Strong Style 16 2018 Night Two, Zack Gibson declared that Pete Dunne was having a baby so Tyler Bate would have someone to play with when Pete babysits him.
• Chapter 70: 27th May, 1978, which was an entire show done as though it was taking place in the 70's. Everyone dressed up in 70's gear, all the wrestlers had era-appropriate names and gimmicks (with the exception of Flash Morgan Webster, who ALWAYS wears period Mod-culture clothing), and the commentators did their best to reproduce 70's era commentary, including commenting on the kids these days and tut-tutting the swearing from the audience.
  • For one example, a tag match featured "The Fighting Irish" Jordan Devlin and "Shiny Disco Balls" El Phantasmo vs the South Pacific Power Trip as The Sheepwackers!
    • And the SPPT spent the entire match and beforehand licking everything in sight.
  • Also hilarious was Jim's microphone being suspended from the ceiling and retracted before each match. It got a huge pop at the start of the night and several wrestlers tried to swat it as it got pulled up throughout the evening.
  • Jimmy Havoc appearing as Ozzy Osbourne... or rather, Jizzy Jizzbourne, with an act that included biting the head off a rubber chicken and snorting cocaine during the match to get energy.
    • Both Havoc and Sexsmith were wearing wigs. Naturally, at one point during the match, both men's wigs fell off and they grabbed the wrong wig and put it on, before realising the mistake.
• At Chapter 71, Entropy (Mark Haskins and Flash Morgan Webster) were up against the Anti-Fun Police. They changed up their usual gimmick by coming out in orange jumpsuits to 'Fuck Tha Police', to a mass ovation from fans.
  • Spike Trivet visibly singing along to Havoc's theme before Havoc came out for their match.
• The No Fun Gun standoff at Chapter 79. Words cannot describe.
• Will mentions in the Havoc and Ospreay feud documentary that he has a Hard Head and being hit with a non gimmicked guitar still sucked, off handedly saying he once knocked out a goat with his head. The interview crew immediately cracks up, and it cuts to Jimmy just asking "A goat?". After hearing the story of how it happened, he immediately decides he needs to go headbutt a goat himself.
• At the 1980's show, Paul Robinson appeared as Patrick Swayze.
• At Chapter 140, Gene Munny declared himself the "Gene Munny World Champion of Gene Munny", noting that he was a World Champion because he was defending the belt in Cardiff, Wales.

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