Funny / Poirot

General

• Poirot and Japp's Snark-to-Snark Combat often falls into this.

Series One

The Adventure of the Clapham Cook

• Hastings reads various cases in the newspaper. Poirot is more concerned about a grease spot on his suit.
• "Merely because a man does not offer you a drink, Hastings, does not mean that he is necessarily guilty of other crimes."

Murder in the Mews

• Poirot is very annoyed by his uncomfortable shirt collar.
  Poirot: Why do we not do something constructive about my collars, Miss Lemon? That laundry is in the pay of my enemies.
  • Later Poirot wants to send the launderers a letter of complaint. His remarks to Miss Lemon indicate this is just one of many letters he's sent them about the same thing. Then Miss Lemon tells him why his shirts are still uncomfortable.
  Miss Lemon: The trouble is, Mr. Poirot, they just don't understand the letters.
  Poirot: Why not?
  Miss Lemon: They're Chinese, Mr. Poirot.
  • Miss Lemon explains why she can't tell the launderers what the problem is: she doesn't speak Chinese. And they can't understand her awful attempt at explaining it to them.
  • Hastings suggests Poirot start wearing turndown collars. Poirot is appalled.
  Poirot: A turndown collar is the first symptom of decay of the grey cells!
• Japp gives Freddie sixpence for his information. Freddie asks if he could give him a shilling instead, to Japp's exasperation.

The Adventure of Johnnie Waverly

• Miss Lemon has a new filing system for the records of Poirot's cases. She explains which cases are kept in which cabinets to a less-than-impressed Poirot.
  Miss Lemon: Abduction. Addiction. Adultery, see also under "marriage". Bigamy, see also under "marriage". Bombs.
  Poirot: See also under "marriage"?
• "We must not try to walk before we can jump."
• Hastings brings torches for himself and Poirot. Unfortunately the torch he gives Poirot stops working while they're in the tunnel. Poirot looks very annoyed about it.

Four and Twenty Blackbirds

• Poirot's views on cricket. "I know not of any other game where even the players are unsure of the rules."
• Bonnington, about Henry Gascoigne: "I'd say he'd been here since the Queen died."
  • Bonnington suggests a doctor told Gascoigne to change his diet.
  Poirot: I think not. Unless of course he thinks the old man would benefit from indigestion.
• Hastings is not impressed by the pictures at the art display. When told one is called "Man Throwing a Stone at a Bird" he snarks, "Which is which?"
• Poirot treats Hastings to a homemade dinner of rabbit in the traditional Belgian style, and is not impressed by his friend's innocent joke.
  Poirot: Hastings, this is a recipe of my mother. Rabbit cooked in the style of Liège.
  Hastings: Well, I bet it’s better than rabbit cooked in the style of Hastings.
  Poirot: (Pause) Yes, that is quite funny, Hastings. However, when you are grown up, you will find that food is not really the subject suitable for the humour.

The Third Floor Flat

• In an attempt to cure his cold Poirot leans over a bowl of steaming water. He grumbles that it's an undignified method of curing anything, and now he has the backache too.
• As he's about to leave Poirot feels he's going to sneeze. So he takes out his hankie... and then he doesn't sneeze. He shrugs and walks away. Then, off-screen, he sneezes loudly.
• Poirot and Hastings are at a murder mystery play and Poirot bets Hastings that he knows who committed the crime during intermission, writing the name of the murderer of a piece of paper for Hastings to read later. During the reveal, Poirot suddenly becomes agitated as he realizes he was mistaken because the solution to the mystery relied on information the audience did not receive until the end, and calls the writer of the play an imbecile. Confused, Hastings pulls out the paper.
  Chivers-The Butler
• Japp lampshades how close the murder was to Poirot's rooms.
  Japp: They'll be having murders in your back bedroom next, Poirot.
• The murderer steals Hastings' car then crashes it in his getaway attempt. The policeman who arrests him is worried about his injuries. Hastings is much more worried about his car.

Triangle at Rhodes

• Poirot is not happy with how the hotel maid packs his suitcase. He interrupts her, takes some things out of the suitcase, and then puts them back in himself.

Problem at Sea

• General Forbes tells Miss Henderson she should get some exercise. She sarcastically replies it's against her religion at this time of year.
• Hastings' obsession with clay pigeon shooting gets on Poirot's nerves.
  Poirot: Whatever is the use of me introducing you to nice young ladies if all you do is talk about the shooting of clay pigeons?

The Incredible Theft

• Hastings tries to study architecture and Bernini to impress a girl he's interested in. Unfortunately he can't make heads or tails of Bernini, and Poirot would rather talk about the proper care of leather shoes than discuss architecture.
• The low-key sight gag of Poirot, in a black suit and light grey vest... waiting by the penguin exhibit.
• This episode has one of the funniest uses of There Is Only One Bed ever...and it's never even shown!
  • To elaborate, Poirot is schmoozing with clients as part of a case, and has left Hastings in the local village to poke around. The local inn is so booked up that Hastings is left sharing a room/bed with Japp, who's also there. The next morning, Hastings relates that Japp talks in his sleep. Loudly. For added hilarity, the things he says include a warning that a criminal has a blancmange.
  Hastings: I can't take much more of it, Poirot. [And] I've been through three days of a Jerry barrage.
• Poirot needs a car to chase the criminal. Hastings' car is being repaired. So Poirot "borrows" a policeman's car.

The King of Clubs

• The episode starts on a film set with two actors woodenly reciting their lines, to Reedburn's dismay.
  Reedburn: Will someone please tell me what these actors are meant to be doing?
• Japp's reaction to seeing Poirot and Hastings at the scene of the crime.
  Japp: Dear oh dear. Here we go again.

The Dream

• Miss Lemon is having trouble with the typewriter while Hastings talks about an advert for made-to-measure shoes.
  Miss Lemon: I don't suppose they've any made-to-measure typewriters in there, have they?
• "Hastings, to say that Benedict Farley makes pies is like saying that Wagner wrote semiquavers."
  • Hastings then asks if the pies are good.
  Poirot: No, horrible. But there are a great many of them.
• Poirot laments that his little grey cells have packed in due to his...fast living. Hastings points out that Poirot's lifestyle isn't exactly fast:
  Poirot: Oh, not now, perhaps, Hastings...but in my youth.
  Hastings: (Dubious) Really?
  (Poirot nods a little.)
  Hastings: (Incredulous) Really?
  Poirot: See, one pays, Hastings. Eventually, one is called to settle one's account.
  Hastings: (Utterly dumbstruck) I say.
• Miss Lemon helps Poirot solve the mystery by leaning out a window.. She's baffled when he exclaims, "Miss Lemon, you are beautiful!" and kisses her on the cheek.
• At the end of the episode, after Miss Lemon throughout about her wonky typewriter, we see Poirot heading back to Whitehaven Mansions with a large package in tow. Miss Lemon is initially relieved, given that she had been making overtures to her boss in this regard, but it turns out that Poirot had purchased a clock for her so that she wouldn't have to tell the time by leaning out the window.

Series Two

Peril at End House

• During the flight Poirot has his eyes tightly shut and is clinging to the armrest for dear life. He's very annoyed when Hastings comments on the scenery, and refuses to open his eyes even when Hastings asks him what he thinks about it.
  Hastings: I don't think you've got any imagination at all, Poirot.
  Poirot: [opens his eyes and glares at him] That is true, mon ami. But fortunately you have enough for both of us.
• On arriving at the hotel Poirot says it'll be the perfect place for a restful vacation... then adds, "The food will be inedible."
• Poirot isn't happy when Hastings introduces him simply as 'a detective.' He insists he's a great detective; the best in the world, in fact.
  Poirot: My friend, is that all you can find to say? Mais dis donc, say then to Mademoiselle that I am the detective unique, unsurpassed - the greatest that ever lived!
  Hastings: Well, doesn't seem much point now; you've told her yourself.
• A woman at the café feeds her dog from her own plate. Poirot stares in horror when he sees her.
• Hastings says Commander Challenger is the only person who can't be involved in the case.
  Poirot: You know, Hastings, you have the most extraordinary effect on me.
  Hastings: Really?
  Poirot: You have so strongly the flair in the wrong direction that I am almost tempted to doubt the commander.
  • Hastings makes an admirable attempt to be annoyed at Poirot for this comment. However, it doesn't take much for him to crumble back into his usual good-natured self.
• Hastings is scandalised to see Poirot searching for the will in a drawer of underwear. Women's underwear.
  Poirot: My poor Hastings, I've decided you belong to the Victorian era.
• Poirot's reaction to his breakfast.
  Poirot: I cannot eat these eggs. They are totally different sizes.
• Miss Lemon and Hastings discuss names that have many possible diminutives, like Elizabeth and Margaret. Japp arrives in the middle of the conversation. They ask what his first name is, and when he says it's James they start thinking of nicknames for him — nicknames like "Jimmy Japp" and "Jamie Japp". Poirot decides he's had enough and gets up to leave. After he and Japp have gone Hastings suggests "Herc" as a possible nickname for "Hercule".
  • The best part? That seeming-pointless conversation helped Poirot solve the case!
• During the summation, Poirot suggests that they organize a seance to commune with Nick's ghost. He then introduces (an unaware) Miss Lemon as the spiritual medium "Mademoiselle Felicité Le Mon". The bewildered look on Miss Lemon's face makes this scene already quite hilarious, but it's Hastings reaction (stating that this would be "a wonderful idea", whilst broadly grinning) that takes the cake.
• Miss Lemon and Hastings go to get ice cream. Miss Lemon brings one back for Japp, but not for Poirot.
  Miss Lemon: None for Mr. Poirot, because I read an article on the train about how ice cream is extremely bad for the little grey cells.
  Hastings: [holding two ice creams] And two for me because mine are dead already.
• Just before the above, the shot of Japp and Poirot sitting next to each other in beach chairs...wearing full three-piece suits.

The Veiled Lady

• The titular veiled lady asks Poirot to visit her at a hotel. She doesn't leave her name or room number, to Poirot's exasperation.
  Poirot: Is it any wonder that my business, it is crumbling about my eyes?
• The Humiliation Conga Poirot goes through after his failed attempt at burglary. First he's caught, and Hastings wisely smashes a window and runs, leaving Poirot to deal with the cop alone. Then the landlady reveals not only was she not fooled by Poirot's locksmith disguise, but she insists he's Chinese. Finally, after spending the night in lockup, Japp has to bail him out. Japp, used to Poirot getting the better of him over the years, has a little lot of fun with the situation, telling the officer on duty that they've been trying to catch Poirot for years, and they don't know his real name, only his alias "Mad Dog".
  • Earlier Poirot boasted that he would make a great criminal and the police would never be able to catch him. Naturally that just makes his humiliation even funnier.
  • He goes full-on Sarcasm Mode when he finally returns home and is greeted by Hastings trying to open a puzzle box.
    Poirot: [With thinly-veiled contempt] Good morning, Hastings! You are well, yes?
    Hastings: [Fiddling with the puzzle box] This is impossible, you know!
    Poirot: I am glad to see you looking so rested this morning, Hastings. And what a turn of speed you displayed last night! What agility to jump through the window, and to leave your poor friend Poirot in the soup!
    Hastings: Well, if I hadn't managed to escape and get Japp to come and bail you out, you would have been up in front of the judge this morning! I didn't have a very good night anyway, as a matter of fact. I couldn't sleep a wink trying to get this thing open!
    Poirot: My heart goes out to you, Hastings!
• Poirot breaks the news about Lavington's death to Hastings, then adds the man was already dead when he came to visit them. After a while Hastings says their visitor must have been someone else.
  Poirot: Good, Hastings. Very good.

The Lost Mine

• The episode has two funny subplots, one of Poirot and Hastings playing Monopoly (with Poirot insisting that the rule prohibiting him from building a hotel at a railway station is wrong because plenty of real railway stations have hotels) and Poirot's bank account being overdrawn (with Poirot thinking the bank president has come to his flat to apologise for the obvious error in his accounts, when in fact it is to solicit Poirot's help in a missing-persons case). They end up coming together at the end, as the envelope Poirot had been using to tally his money in the game contains a cheque for £500 that should've been deposited ten days earlier.
  • During the Monopoly game Poirot wins £10 in a beauty contest. He raises his eyebrows incredulously when Hastings tells him.
• Poirot pulls an I Never Said It Was Poison on the murderer with a sheet of paper. The murderer jumps to the conclusion it's the victim's passport. Poirot tells him it's actually the rules of Monopoly.

The Cornish Mystery

• Hastings goes through a bit of a phase where he's interested in various Asian cultures. This includes attempting meditation during a train ride... which leads to him falling asleep.
  • He also snarks about Poirot's tisane when his friend suggests that this would be better for his health, rather than his esoteric meditations.
  Poirot: This is what you need, Hastings.
  Hastings: (Derisively) No fear; I've tasted it.
  • Mrs. Pengelley comes to Poirot for help when she believes she's being poisoned. She says she's been suffering from gastritis as part of the poisoning. Hastings, who's been having indigestion, puts a hand on his stomach and looks briefly alarmed.
• Japp, who had been looking forward to a simple case, sees Poirot and Hastings are in the village.
  Japp: Oh no. Can't I have just one little murder case to myself?
• At the end of the episode Japp discovers Poirot has already solved the case and he now has to chase the real culprit. Poirot and Hastings wisely made themselves scarce just before a policeman gave Japp the news. Japp can only shout "Poirot!" and shake his fist at them as they drive away.

The Disappearance of Mr. Davenheim

• Hastings and Japp are enthralled by the magician's act. Poirot... isn't. And he gives the other two exasperated looks when they applaud.
• Poirot tries to teach himself magic tricks. He succeeds in making a playing card disappear and spends a few seconds puzzled at how he did it before managing to bring it back out again.
• Poirot gets a parrot while he's staying indoors to solve the case due to a bet with Japp. Hastings comes back to report and get information for Poirot, and during then, he pokes into the parrot's cage. This exchange then happens:

  Poirot: Please, do not fraternise with that creature. I am still training him.

  Hastings: It's just a parrot.

  Poirot: I was talking to the parrot.

• When the parrot arrives, Poirot has this brief conversation with the delivery man:

  Delivery Man: Morning, Sir! I've got a parrot for Mister 'Poi-Rot'.

  Poirot: No, no! 'Poirot'! It is pronounced 'Poirot'!

  Delivery Man: Oh, beg your pardon, guv'nor! I've got a Poirot for Mister 'Poi-Rot'!

• Captain Hastings goes to a racetrack to interview a suspect, an amateur racing driver. The suspect and his crew assume he's there to buy their record-breaking car, and spend some time talking shop with him. The confusion is resolved when the real buyer arrives - a man called Colonel Brighton.^note Hastings and Brighton are both towns on the south coast of England, about 40 miles apart.
• Japp mistakes Hastings for a suspect and attempts to question him. When he realises who he's speaking to the look on his face is priceless.
  • Hastings has another run-in with Japp when Poirot tasks him with attempting to crack Mr. Davenheim's safe. He is caught with chisel in hand by Mrs. Davenheim and the Inspector: pitiable excuses ensue.
  Hastings: (to Poirot) It's a wonder Japp didn't lock me up for breaking and entering.
• Poirot says the suspect sounds unbearably vain, while carefully brushing his own moustache.
• Hastings attempts to deduce what happened to Mr. Davenheim. Poirot congratulates him on finally using his little grey cells, then adds his reasoning is "fallacious in every respect".
• Poirot is building a house out of cards when the phone rings. He answers, and the house promptly collapses.
  Japp: Ah, Poirot. Haven't caught you at a bad moment, I hope.
  Poirot: Believe me, my dear chief inspector Japp, if you had caught me at a bad moment I should certainly have told you. [Picks up the cards, revealing they're stuck together in the shape of a house]
• Lowen is put in an identity parade for a witness to identify. Because Lowen is a Sharp-Dressed Man with a big moustache, the lineup consists entirely of well-dressed, moustachioed men, and looks more like a fashion show.
  • The identity parade takes place in a single room, with nothing hiding or separating Lowen from the witness... meaning that, when he's identified, there's nothing stopping Lowen from flying into a rage, attacking the witness and accusing him of the murder in turn.
• Poirot attempts a magic trick: making the parrot disappear. He drapes fabric over the cage, waves a magic wand, pulls the fabric off... and the parrot's still there.

Double Sin

• Poirot threatens to retire, to Hastings' alarm.
  Hastings: I'm worried about Poirot, Miss Lemon. He's talking about retirement.
  Miss Lemon: That's because he hasn't had an interesting case for five minutes. [...] That, and the fact someone said he was middle-aged.
  Hastings: Well, he's always been middle-aged. Have you seen that photo of him at his christening? He looks as though he's about to address a board meeting.
  Poirot: [opens the window behind Hastings] Who looks as if he's about to address a board meeting?
  Hastings: Oh— Ah— This fellow I know. Funny chap. Well, not funny, quite serious really. A company director.
• Japp gives a lecture on cases he's solved, with one shilling as the admission fee. Poirot snarks that a shilling is a lot of money to hear Japp talk.
• Hastings discovers Poirot has a newspaper clipping about Japp's tour. Poirot claims he was only interested in the other side. Hastings turns it over and reads the other side: "Learn to speak French like a Frenchman". Poirot looks awkwardly at the camera.

The Adventure of the Cheap Flat

• Japp, Hastings and Poirot go to the cinema to see a crime film. (A real film, incidentally.) Poirot closes his eyes during the climactic gunfight and keeps them closed after the film ends.
  Hastings: It's all over, Poirot. You can open your eyes now.
  • As they leave Hastings says the FBI are second to none in criminal investigation. He quickly adds, "Except for Scotland Yard" when Japp glares at him.
• Burt's reaction to hearing Poirot is a distinguished detective: "And I suppose Al Capone's running for President."
• Japp complains Burt isn't what he expected of an FBI agent.
  Japp: He's taken over my office, my secretary, and my car.
  • That counts as poetic justice, as Japp did precisely that to Inspector Fournier in Death in the Clouds.

The Kidnapped Prime Minister

• As soon as Poirot gets home Miss Lemon tells him a politician wants to see him at twelve. Poirot checks his watch and realises he has to leave immediately for the meeting. He sighs wearily as he puts his coat on again minutes after taking it off.
• Poirot reflects on the number of disappearances.
  Poirot: The prime minister disappears. Commander Daniels disappears. Monsieur Egan disappears. At any moment I fully expect the entire Cabinet to disappear.

The Adventure of the Western Star

• Poirot invites a famous Belgian film star to dinner. Hastings has never heard of her, to Poirot's disgust.
  Poirot: Marie Marvelle is the greatest film star Belgium has ever produced.
  Hastings: I should think she's the only film star Belgium's ever produced.
• And later...
  Hastings: I didn't even know they made films in Belgium.
  Poirot: Why is it the fate of Hercule Poirot to live among such Philistines?
• Poirot complains that the last time he went to the barber he got an uneven haircut — one side was three millimetres longer than the other.
• Chief Inspector Japp's line to a local police officer:
  Chief Inspector Japp: (pulls out his warrant card) Scotland Yard. Twigez-vous?
• Hastings says the stories about the robberies are true. Japp retorts they're "as true as I'm riding this bicycle". While standing in a hotel lobby. Without a bicycle in sight.
• As part of a convoluted plot invoking every Far East cliché its perpetrators could think of, Gregory Rolf disguises himself as a Chinese thief disguised as himself by simply adding a little theatrical makeup to change his face slightly. The disguise is so poor that he has to actually tell the person he's trying to mislead 'I look a bit like a Chinaman' to get them to notice he's wearing one.
• Hastings complains Poirot's investigation has cost Marie her husband.
  Poirot: A blackmailing, adulterous husband who is also the thief? This is a loss?
  • Then Poirot complains Hastings doesn't appreciate his dinner.
  Poirot: I have worked hard, Hastings, to prepare for you the delicious dinner. I have searched the shops for the exotic herbs. I have argued with the butcher who is a fool. I have beaten the escallops with the little mallet until my arm, he aches. And you sit there shovelling food in your mouth and writing in your little book!
  • After explaining the case Poirot ends with "Now close your little book and eat your dinner." He sounds exactly like an exasperated parent.

Series Three

The Mysterious Affair at Styles

• When he hears Cynthia works in a dispensary Hastings asks, "How many people have you poisoned?" Cynthia replies, "Hundreds."
• Poirot talks about scarlet pimpernels.
  Poirot: It is believed that when this flower is open, it is a sign of a prolonged spell of the fine weather. [Beat] It is seldom seen open in this country.
• Poirot and his compatriots make a truly terrible attempt to sing "It's a Long Way to Tipperary". At different speeds, in different keys, and possibly even to different tunes.
• A soldier, about the war games: "It's the second time I've been killed in a month."
• Poirot says Lawrence and Cynthia are in love. Hastings says he's sure Poirot's wrong. Cynthia and Lawrence announce their engagement immediately afterwards.

How Does Your Garden Grow?

• Miss Lemon wonders if Poirot is dyeing his hair. A bemused Hastings replies, "But he's a man!" Miss Lemon stares at him incredulously.
• Japp, to two of his policemen: "If there wasn't a lady present your ears would be burning so badly they'd boil what's left of your brains."
• The murderess attempts to kill herself by drinking from a bottle labeled "weedkiller". She takes a huge swig, but nothing happens.
  Murderess: WHISKEY?!
  Accomplice: (shrugging sheepishly) Sorry.
• The denouement of that episode is quite funny, as the eventual culprit, who has thus far acted quite normal in the episode, snaps as soon as Poirot reveals her guilt. The actress truly hams it up as it almost turns into a parody of the typical culprit's behaviour, screaming out the details of her murder and why she went through with it as she runs through the garden to attempt to escape the police officers who are stationed around her, with more appearing whenever she attempts an escape, until she's cornered and brandishes a pitchfork at them to threaten them. Then the bungled attempt at suicide detailed above happens. And it is a delight to watch.
• Hastings spends the entire episode sneezing. At first he thinks he has hay-fever. Towards the end he realises he's actually allergic to perfume. Poirot's perfume.
  Hastings: (Scandalised) Poirot, you're wearing scent!

The Million Dollar Bond Robbery

• Poirot is horrified at the thought of going on a boat and speaks angrily about the likelihood of being afflicted with le mal de mer.
  Poirot: Hastings, it is twenty years ago that I came to this country in a boat across the Channel. Still I am not recovered.
  • Poirot then has a perfectly good trip (on the Queen Mary's maiden voyage, no less) but poor Hastings - who kept badgering Poirot to go in the first place - looks like he is at death's door every moment.
  • However, he insists that he isn't sea-sick. He never gets sea-sick.
• Hastings makes the mistake of asking what the food is.
  Poirot: It is the brains of the calf fried in butter.
  [Beat]
  Hastings: I think perhaps I'll go and have another lie-down.

The Plymouth Express

• Poirot isn't surprised to hear Hastings' news about the stock market — specifically, about shares in a mine.
  Poirot: Monsieur Hackett is what we call a congenital optimist. The only occasion on which we met, he assured me with the utmost certainty that it would not rain that afternoon because he was going to the garden party.
  Hastings: [rolling his eyes] Yes, I remember. It bucketed down.
• When Japp sees Poirot and Hastings with a pile of newspapers his first reaction is, "Looking for a job?"

Wasps' Nest

• Japp, about Poirot: "About the only thing that'll cheer him up today is the discovery of a body in the lucky dip."
• Poirot struggles to move a box while Miss Lemon tells him he needs to exercise more. Then Hastings comes along and moves the box easily.
• Hastings asks if Poirot will need to use the bathroom in the next half-hour.
  Poirot: Well, just let me check with my diary, Hastings. [Beat while he pretends to check] No, it would seem not.
• Japp is in the hospital with some appendix trouble. While Poirot and Hastings visit him, the latter talks about his own appendectomy, noting how painful it was. Japp's face says it all.
  • Japp manages to get back at Hastings by describing the process of his own appendectomy, upon which Poirot decides to take Hastings and leave the inspector to recover.
• Poirot wants to distract the chemist, so he tells Hastings to talk to her. Hastings asks, "What about?"
• Poirot walks into the photo negatives Hastings has hung up.
  Poirot: I can't even walk into my own bathroom without walking into the Hanging Gardens of Babylon.
• Poirot reacts to being stung by a wasp:
  Poirot: The open air, it should be closed during the summer! Captain Hastings, he wonders why I have a hatred for these crawling, buzzing things, and the reason is they are always trying to kill me!

The Tragedy at Marsdon Manor

• A hotel owner calls on Poirot for help solving a murder. When Poirot and Hastings arrive they discover there hasn't been a murder at all. The hotel owner is an author writing a murder mystery and wants a detective's opinion. Poirot is not amused.
• Poirot describes the waxworks as "glorified scarecrows". Then he complains he hasn't seen one truly accurate likeness, immediately before seeing a waxwork of himself.
  • At the end of the episode Poirot takes Hastings and Japp to see his waxwork. They immediately focus on a waxwork of Charlie Chaplin instead. Poirot walks off in a huff. After he's gone Hastings and Japp smile at each other then adjust the waxwork Poirot's hat and tie.

The Double Clue

• Hastings and Poirot go for a drive.
  Poirot: One can always tell when the summer, it is arrived.
  Hastings: It's in the air, eh?
  Poirot: No, Hastings, it is in the speed of your driving.
• Later, when discussing marriage:
  Hastings: You ever thought about it?
  Poirot: In my experience, I have known of five cases of women murdered by their devoted husbands.
  Hastings: Yes?
  Poirot: And twenty-two husbands murdered by their devoted wives. So thank you, non. The marriage, it is not for me.
• Hastings and Miss Lemon tell Poirot about the results of their investigating. Poirot listens with an unimpressed expression.
• There's something funny about how Hastings of all people is the only one (except for Poirot, who already knows the truth) to spot the flaw in Vera Rossakoff's story.

The Mystery of the Spanish Chest

• Poirot praises the murder plot in Rigoletto. Hastings is more interested in the music.
• Hastings accuses Poirot of taking the case only because Lady Chatterton "buttered him up".
  Poirot: Do you think it is wrong, Hastings, to enjoy the compliments of the buttering, as you say?
  Hastings: No, but do you have to show it quite so much?
• Japp's doing his paperwork when Poirot comes to see him.
  Japp: Take a seat. I'll be with you— [makes a mistake in his typing] Oh, damn and blast it!
  • Japp crumples up the paper and tosses it on his desk, next to several other crumpled sheets of paper.
• Japp's resigned reaction when Poirot asks for his help.
  Japp: I don't know why I bother sometimes. I might as well stay at home and do my garden. Who do you want me to arrest now?
• Poirot angrily corrects a man who calls him "a bloody little frog"... because "I am a bloody little Belgian".

The Theft of the Royal Ruby

• Poirot isn't happy to be dragged into the case. He doesn't hesitate to say what he thinks of the prince, pointing out how foolish he was to let the girl wear the ruby, unaware the prince himself has just walked in. He finishes with, "This is a matter, I think, not for Hercule Poirot. This is a matter, I think, for the commissioners in lunacy!" The prince's reaction? "I like this fellow. He's funny."

The Affair at the Victory Ball

• Poirot doesn't want to go to the Victory Ball... because he's busy rearranging his stamp collection in order of size.
• Hastings dresses up as The Scarlet Pimpernel, then asks Poirot how he looks.
  Poirot: Hastings, you look... [very long pause] incomparable.
• When he does go to the ball, Poirot doesn't wear a costume. Hastings protests he should wear one because everyone's supposed to go as someone famous.
  Poirot: Precisely.
• After the murder Japp grumbles so many people were near the scene of the crime that it'll take the Albert Hall to hold all the suspects.
• Poirot is thoroughly irritated by the next day's Times headline: 'Murderer Eludes Famous Detective.' Even worse, the accompanying photograph features a squinting Poirot, clearly caught off guard, and a rather dashing-looking Hastings gazing thoughtfully in his resplendent garb.
  • His annoyance is even further compounded by the following unhelpful remarks from Miss Lemon and Hastings:
  Miss Lemon: It's a very good photo of Captain Hastings.
  Poirot: (Unimpressed) Indeed it is, Miss Lemon.
  Miss Lemon: No one will think less of you. (Poirot glares.)
  Hastings: (Entering excitedly, brandishing The Times) Seen the paper, Poirot? Jolly good photo of me...oh, you've seen it. (Pleased with himself) I wouldn't take it to heart if I were you.
• Poirot solves the crime during a radio broadcast. Shortly afterwards a BBC worker says they've got complaints about his accent "lowering the standard of spoken English". Poirot says he isn't surprised, then blames it on Japp's elocution.
  Poirot: I shall lend to the Chief Inspector my personal copy of "The English as She Should be Spoken".

The Mystery of Hunter's Lodge

• "Call yourself a gamekeeper? You can't even pass muster as a nursery-maid!"
• Poirot's over-dramatic reaction to catching a cold: "I am a corpse waiting to die!"
• Japp asks about Poirot's cold.
  Poirot: It is not a cold. It is a deadly fever.

Series Four

The ABC Murders

• Poirot talks about his hopes for his next case and says it must be something "delicate" and "fine".
  Hastings: Anyone would think you were ordering dinner at the Ritz.
• Hastings brings home a stuffed crocodile as a present for Poirot. Poirot compliments it and says he doesn't mind the smell, while the look on his face says the exact opposite.
• Japp discovers the problem with asking neighbours if they saw anything.
  Japp: I've been trying to get a list of people who were seen coming in here.
  Hastings: No one's seen anybody?
  Japp: Oh, they've seen people, all right. Three tall men with furtive walks, four short men with black moustaches, two men with beards, three fat men, one man with a peculiar hat, and if I'm to believe what they say every one of them had a sinister expression.
  • For added hilarity Poirot looks offended at the "short men with black moustaches" part.
• Poirot says self-importance is a characteristic he dislikes "more than any other". Hastings silently stares at him.
• After a gathering at Poirot's flat, he and Hastings do the dishes together - Hastings washing and Poirot drying - while they discuss the case. If a dish is not cleaned to Poirot's standards, he silently hands it back to be done again. One plate is washed four times before Poirot dries it.

Death in the Clouds

• Poirot's fear of heights pops up again. He wraps himself up in a blanket, keeps his eyes closed as the plane takes off, and clings to the armrest when it's in the air. When the steward asks him if he's alright, he grumbles, "How can I be alright?"
• As the plane approaches England, we see Poirot, asleep in his seat. He seems to be having a pleasant dream, smiling in his sleep. He's jostled a little and he slowly wakes up... and his face falls as he realises he's still on board the bloody airplane.
• Japp's reaction to Poirot being at the scene of the crime. "Well, well. Seems you can't even fly on an airplane now without somebody getting murdered."
• Poirot pokes holes in Japp's theory.
  Poirot: To be able to blow the poisoned dart from one end of the cabin to the other? First, [Lady Horbury] must have a lot of puff. Secondly, her aim must be as good as that of Fred Perry himself. And finally, she must have been able to become invisible so that no one on the plane saw her do it.
• Poirot and Japp interview the victim's assistant - as she speaks no English, and Japp no French, Poirot translates. Japp then wants to interview her landlady, but he discovers she also speaks no English. Poirot just shrugs and walks out the door. Later, Poirot discovers that Japp was able to get a precise account of a suspect's interactions with the victim the night before the murder, entirely communicated through 'expressive hand gestures'.
• Poirot isn't impressed with Norman's fake moustache.
  Norman: [adjusting his moustache] That alright?
  Poirot: No. It is terrible.
  Norman: No one will recognise me. That's what you wanted, wasn't it?
  Poirot: Yes, but I did not intend that you should look like Santa Claus.
  • Minutes later Poirot snarks, "Do not worry. Hercule Poirot will make you look like a human being again."

One, Two, Buckle My Shoe

• In his first appearance in this episode Poirot walks slowly and sombrely into a building. Turns out he's just going to the dentist. Then the dentist tells him to sit down. Poirot slowly approaches the chair with more reluctance than he usually shows when examining a murder scene.
• After questioning Mabelle, Japp has only one thing to say: "Blimey!"

Series Five

The Adventure of the Egyptian Tomb

• Hastings and Miss Lemon spend some time fooling around with a Ouija board. After the message they get is just scribbles, Hastings wonders if they received a message in Arabic. Then he wonders if it's the pharaoh of the titular tomb trying to get in contact with them. And then Poirot walks in on them.
  Poirot: Hastings, please, pull yourself together!
  • Later Hastings reveals Miss Lemon lost her cat and is trying to contact its spirit. Poirot rolls his eyes.
• Poirot asks an unwitting Hastings to stand guard outside a tent whilst he looks for clues.
  • Hastings lets out an indignant cry of 'Oh, no!' as Poirot disappears inside, before looking around anxiously and keeping watch.
  • He then has to embarrass himself making a distraction when the tent's owner returns.
  Hastings: (with righteous anger as Poirot emerges) Poirot, you really are the limit!

The Underdog

• Miss Lemon tries to hypnotise a very unimpressed Poirot. She thinks she's finally managed to send him to sleep... then Hastings walks in and starts talking to him, which leads to Poirot revealing he was just pretending to sleep.
• At the end of the episode Poirot goes to watch Hastings play golf, and Miss Lemon informs him that she hypnotised the Captain so that he could score a hole in one. Poirot and Hastings pooh-pooh this...but then he goes and makes on, to everyone's shock. His little smile is priceless.

The Yellow Iris

• In an otherwise tense scene, when Poirot is being dragged off by Argentinian soldiers, Chapell calls after him that he'll make sure to get in touch with the French embassy to help him. Poirot frantically corrects him.
  • The best part? We never do find out whether Chapell got it right.
• The sheer bad luck of the owner of Le Jardin des Cygnes, Luigi. First a murder takes place at his restaurant, then it's closed in a coup and he's forced out of the country. Then, on the opening night at his London location, Pauline is nearly murdered too. The exasperated look on his face late in the episode says it all.

The Case of the Missing Will

• There's something darkly hilarious about Japp coming up and arresting a suspect at the funeral of the victim. Especially in light of Poirot deciding the day before not to pursue the suspects too intensely, as it would not be in good form.
• Hastings almost runs over a cyclist. Poirot looks back at the cyclist then stares silently at Hastings.
• Poirot points out "heart failure" means nothing because "I have yet to see a corpse whose heart still beats".

The Adventure of the Italian Nobleman

• Hastings asks what Poirot thinks of a car engine.
  Poirot: I think it looks very untidy, Hastings.
• Hastings asks Poirot why Graves would tell Miss Lemon he was a secretary rather than a valet. Poirot typically chides his friend's innocence, which leads to the following:
  Poirot: Hastings, have you never exaggerated your own importance in order to impress a young lady?
  Hastings: (With righteous shock) Well, certainly not! Never. Oh, well, I once told a girl I was a member at Wentworth when I wasn't, but she didn't play golf anyway. She thought Wentworth was a lunatic asylum.
• At the end of the episode Poirot discovers Miss Lemon has adopted the victim's cat. The look on his face is priceless.

The Chocolate Box

• After a very unpleasant meeting with a Belgian aristocrat Japp snarks, "If that's the Belgian aristocracy it's about time you had a revolution."
• Poirot realises he's in trouble with his superior, so he asks, "Will I need earplugs?"

Dead Man's Mirror

• The victim's occult-obsessed widow tells Japp she and her husband met "on the same plane". Japp asks, "On holiday?" and she promptly corrects him: they met on the spiritual plane. Japp is visibly trying not to roll his eyes.

Jewel Robbery at the Grand Metropolitan

• The titular jewels' owner boasts that they'll be guarded all the time and they aren't going anywhere... minutes after the title card let the audience know exactly how this will end.
• A man tells Poirot he's seen him in the papers. Then it turns out he's mistaken Poirot for someone called "Lucky Lynn". Later a woman also mistakes Poirot for "Lucky Lynn".
• Hastings and Japp take a little time off at a seaside funfair, and Japp wins a teddy bear from a shooting gallery. A witness recognises them and asks Japp if the teddy is for his little boy. Japp - a childless man who has suddenly realised he's walking around in public carrying a cuddly toy - decisively and dishonestly replies "Yes."

Series Six

Poirot's Christmas

• Poirot ordering lunch on a train:
  Poirot: What is this brown Windsor soup?
  Waiter: Well sir, it's soup, from Windsor.
  • When he gets the soup:
    Poirot: It does not look very... délicieux.
    Waiter: Well, sir, it is brown Windsor soup.
• Japp isn't too excited about his Christmas since he will be spending it with his wife's family in Wales and dreads the notion of all of them breaking into song. Sure enough, the next time we see him they are all cheerily singing "Ding Dong Merrily on High" while he sits in a corner with a tired look on his face. Then Poirot comes by to recruit him for help with the ongoing case:
  Japp: What are you doing here, Poirot?
  Poirot: I've come to rescue you, mon ami.
• Poirot hears some of Japp's thoughts about the murder:
  Poirot: Ah, Chief Inspector. You have been thinking again. I have warned you of this before.
• Poirot sums up the case against one of the suspects. He comments that it was stupid not to open the window, then adds, "But you are — you will pardon me for saying so — rather a stupid man."

Hickory Dickory Dock

• Poirot talks Japp into ordering meat from an expensive butcher. Japp is shocked when he hears it costs six shillings. Then Poirot tries to talk him into buying dessert. This time Japp has learnt his lesson and says he'll forget about dessert.
• Japp leaves an iron on a shirt while he answers the phone. After he hangs up he removes the iron and finds it's burnt the shirt.
• Japp stays with Poirot. In the morning Poirot asks how he slept.
  Japp: [looking very annoyed] I didn't.
• Japp washes his face with a bidet to cool himself down.^note For those unaware, a bidet is a device that uses water to clean one's bottom after pooping in lieu of toilet paper.
• Poirot and Japp serving each other exotic foods from their respective cultures, to their bemusement.

Murder on the Links

• Hastings tries to hit a golf ball into the hole. He ends up with balls all around the hole, including right next to it, but none of them go in.
• The other detective asks if Poirot thinks Jack kidnapped his stepfather.
  Poirot: I think the thoughts of Hercule Poirot, monsieur, are far beyond your comprehension.

Dumb Witness

• Poirot tells Hastings he's looking forward to "the good food, the good wine, and a little— [offscreen commotion] ...peace."
• Hastings annoys Poirot when he's trying to sleep, so Poirot pretends to have received a message from Hastings' dead uncle.
  Hastings: What's he saying?
  Poirot: He says you are to go back to your room and leave me in peace.
• A man at the hotel tells Poirot there's a phone call for him. Poirot is startled to hear it's from the murder victim.
  Poirot: She's dead, mon ami.
  Man: You'll have to take that up with her yourself, sir.

Series Seven

The Murder of Roger Ackroyd

• After the butler Parker is killed, the journal Poirot is reading from (which provides the narration of the episode) wonders if the murderer has no mercy and no conception of the difficulty of finding good servants.

Lord Edgware Dies

• Miss Lemon is annoyed by the workmen bringing in boxes of material about Poirot's past cases. She grumbles that they've got the boxes in the wrong order and she'll have to overhaul the whole filing system. Then the men drop a box and she gives them a Death Glare through the window.
• Hastings says he and his wife are still "as much in love as the day we met". Poirot reminds him that on the day they met he suspected her of murder.

Series Eight

Evil Under the Sun

• The episode begins with Poirot being rushed to the hospital after fainting. The diagnosis is that he's fine but medically obese. Later it's revealed that he also had a touch of food poisoning from Hastings' restaurant.
  Poirot: I demand at once a second opinion!
  • Earlier Poirot grumbles that his suit must have shrunk. Miss Lemon suggests he might have gained weight. Poirot dismisses that, and Miss Lemon smiles wryly.
• Poirot says he's not an invalid, so there's no need for Hastings to act "like a mother chicken".

Murder in Mesopotamia

• Hastings describes Vera Rossakoff as "an old flame" of Poirot's. Poirot looks very annoyed. Later Hastings asks if this was tactless. Poirot sarcastically asks, "Could you ever be tactless, Hastings?"
• Colman tells Hastings the archaeologists had a bit of excitement while he was gone.
  Hastings: [incredulously] I've only been away a day!
• Poirot, about an archaeologist: "From his books I had the impression of a man of great enthusiasm, of eloquence. And yet he seems not to have to rub together even the two words!"
• Poirot's and Hastings' reactions to Colman's driving. Poirot complains that he's aged ten years since getting into the car.
• Hastings tries to give Poirot advice about his "relationship" with Vera Rossakoff. Poirot points out that Hastings isn't the best person to give such advice, since his wife told him to leave not only the country but the continent.

Series Nine

Five Little Pigs

• Philip Blake pronounces Poirot's name as "Porro". When Poirot corrects him he says he could never pronounce French.
  Poirot: But I am Belgian, monsieur, not French.

Sad Cypress

• "She was murdered, but not by these disgusting sandwiches." Extended later during the Summation Gathering with Dr. Lord and Mr. Winters, when Poirot makes a big show of tasting the sandwiches... only to twist his face and blurt out "It was bad enough the first time!" afterwards.
  • Followed by a brief rant about English taste in food:
    Poirot: I, Hercule Poirot, had followed my reasoning, yes, but I had failed to take into account the madness of the English palate. For, gentlemen, what we find, we find we are entering the realms of lunacy!
• Poirot's reaction when he's told a trial is causing great excitement: "Indeed? For me it is like eating the same meal three times a day."

Death on the Nile

• When Tim first sees Poirot he describes him as "that dwarfish-looking creature mincing down the stairs".
• Salome sees Tim kissing his mother's hand.
  Salome: She's old enough to be his mother!
  Rosalie: She is his mother.
• Mrs. Allerton's comments on the other passengers.
  Mrs. Allerton: [about Marie van Schuyler] My, she's ugly! Like something you'd unearth from a dig!
• At an archaeological site, Poirot stumbles upon a man taking a photo of an artefact. He's visibly startled to realise he was about to get in the photo by accident, and practically runs past when the photographer stops to adjust the camera.
• Poirot and Colonel Race's reactions upon learning that Simon Doyle spent the night in Dr Bessner's cabin is to look at Dr Bessner in complete confusion (not knowing that Simon had been shoot the previous night).
• Cornelia tells Poirot that she's going to marry Dr Bessner and that her cousin (Miss Van Schuyler) was absolutely thrilled at the news. Poirot then looks over to Miss Van Schuyler, who is walking away angrily in a huff (since Cornelia didn't marry Mr Ferguson, who is actually Lord Dawlish and very rich).

The Hollow

• Poirot learns the smell he complained about is "just good country air". He looks utterly disgusted by this.
• Poirot sees part of the hedge is slightly uneven. So he gets scissors and cuts it until it's even.

Series Ten

The Mystery of the Blue Train

• "I called you dull, Knighton. I apologise. I was just trying to make a point." "Oh, I've been called worse, sir. [Beat] Usually by you."
• "To sit gazing at you for any length of time, drunkenness is absolutely mandatory."
• A possible in-joke/Call-Forward: after the murder is solved, one of the former suspects remarks that she's going on the Orient Express. She asks if Poirot's ever been on it. He says no, but he hopes to go on it someday. As basically everyone watching the show already knows, he does.

Cards on the Table

• Poirot is asked what he thinks of a modern art statue.
  Poirot: I'm... I do not know what to make of it, Madame Oliver.
• Dr. Roberts' comments about an elderly patient ("She thought she had a tumour, I thought she was depressed") and his prescription ("Champagne and oysters").
  Mrs. Oliver: Remind me never to go to him if I'm poorly.

After the Funeral

• Rosamund says the money will make Michael's career.
  Michael: Larry Olivier better watch out.

Taken at the Flood

• Major Porter's summary of the explosion starts with some Gallows Humor.
  Porter: It was the damnedest thing! I pop out for a stroll in Mayfair and come back minus a leg and with a face fit for a side-show.
• Adela finishes her description of Rosaleen with, "Personally I think she looks rather half-witted."
• Poirot has some complaints.
  Poirot: My good George, all things in my new apartment, they are delightful, yet this morning I am troubled with a draft. And also, in the matter of the ordering of my books... [gestures to the bookshelf, where one book is larger than the others beside it]
  George: Quite so, monsieur. Unacceptable. Further abominations, monsieur? Or may I serve breakfast?
• Katherine's introduction. She sweeps in, kisses Poirot on the cheeks, sits on a different chair than the one he offered her, and comments on his furniture, all while he hasn't a clue who she is.
• Mrs. Leadbetter mistakes Poirot, Poirot of all people, for a pimp.
• When Jeremy begins to confess to Frances about the embezzlement of his clients' pensions, she interrupts him to ask whether or not his confession is something of a sexual nature.
  Frances: Is it a girl!? Oh, God! Don't tell me it's Edna, the new maid! Fingers like sausages! I couldn't bear it!
  Jeremy: No! No!
  Frances: Is it a boy!?

Series Eleven

Mrs McGinty's Dead

• Spence says he's going to investigate a fraud case in Glasgow, then adds, "It's a very fraudulent place, Glasgow."
• Ariadne Oliver isn't really happy with the changes suggested by Robin Upward to the adaptation of one of her novels, especially those meant to make it Hotter and Sexier.

  Mrs. Oliver: Now he wants Sven having sex in a sauna. Sven has never had sex in his life.

Cat Among the Pigeons

• Some of the very first lines in the episode: "It's the best girls' school in England!" "It's certainly the dearest^note "dearest" meaning "most expensive"."
• Lady Veronica drunkenly staggering around and crashing into people, and the staff's reactions as they watch her.
• "Mr. Poirot has an international reputation." "So does Mussolini."

Third Girl

• When Norma first meets Poirot she complains, "You're too old!" before leaving. Poirot and George stare after her, then silently look at each other.
• Mrs. Oliver, about one of Norma's roommates: "No idea how to make a cup of tea. Where was the girl brought up?"
• A policeman and a nurse struggle to understand Mrs. Oliver's explanation of the attack that knocked her unconscious. All they can gather from her erratic statements and use of nicknames is that it has something to do with a peacock flying past and two girls demanding an abortion! As a cherry on-top, they are both convinced that she has a concussion, but Poirot assures them that this is what she normally sounds like!

Appointment With Death

• Poirot and Carbury watch an American tourist make a lot of noise as he arrives. Carbury grumbles, "Americans!" A few minutes later a British tourist arrives and also makes a fuss. Poirot shakes his head, says "Typical!", then sees Carbury is asleep and looks exasperated.
• Dr. Gerard considers his options after pretending he's caught malaria.
  Gerard: If I have an attack on the way to the river, I'll most probably die. And the obvious solution is to remain here, all day... with Lady Boynton.
• Poirot is surprised to hear Leonard will assist with the digging.
  Leonard: I would assist with digging the drains if the alternative were enforced social intercourse with my father's ghastly ten-tonne wife.

Series Twelve

Three Act Tragedy

• A bit of Black Comedy after the murder: "Did you ever see anyone die like that, Tollie?" "I'm a psychologist. I don't see people die much at all! A nerve specialist tries rather hard to keep his patients alive."
• Poirot and Sir Charles attempt to discuss the case, but Poirot gets distracted by a flickering lightbulb. Poirot taps it and it stops flickering. Then it starts again, he taps it again... and it goes out. Cue Poirot hissing like an angry cat.

Hallowe'en Party

• The episode opens with Mrs. Oliver carving a pumpkin.
  Judith: It doesn't have to be a masterpiece, Ariadne.
  Mrs. Oliver: Now, now, I'm going to take my time. Last one looked like it had had a stroke.
• The party is interrupted by someone knocking the door.
  Frances: Now what?
  Mrs. Oliver: Jehovah's Witnesses?

Murder on the Orient Express

• Bouc introduces Poirot. "He's a famous man! And the company will not allow him to travel with the luggage!"
• Masterman, about Ratchett: "Put a sewer rat in a suit and he's still a sewer rat. He's just in a suit."

The Clocks

• Jenny's reaction to hearing Poirot's name: "That's not a name, it's a noise!"
• Poirot's match-making at the end:
  [After Sheila has bid Poirot farewell with only a longing look at Colin]
  Poirot: [with a sigh of exasperation] Do I have to tell you to go after her?
  Colin: [sounding like a teenager being nagged by his dad] No...
  Poirot: Good. So go after her.

Series Thirteen

Elephants Can Remember

• Mrs. Burton-Cox asks for Mrs. Oliver's help with a mystery, then adds that her son Desmond is going to marry Celia.
  Mrs. Oliver: Why is that a mystery? Is there something wrong with Desmond?
• Mrs. Oliver's insistence in finding the "elephants", that is, those able to recall the events tied to the mystery that took place twelve years before.
  Mrs. Oliver: Sorry, I was thinking of elephants at that dinner last night.
  Poirot: With hesitation, I ask why.
  Mrs. Oliver: Because the meringue got stuck in my teeth.
  Poirot: (Beat) I see. Well, the pathway of logic, it is there somewhere, but...
  Mrs. Oliver: Meringue, dentures, ivory, elephants. I must find the elephants. (Resolutely) Elephants can remember.

The Big Four

• Tycoe says Poirot would have made a good journalist. Poirot snarks, "I think Poirot has the wrong kind of morality for the work."
• Poirot becomes suspicious when he hears a victim and his wife of thirty years slept in different bedrooms.
  Japp: Didn't you hear me, Poirot? Thirty years! To be honest, I think Mrs. Japp would jump at this type of sleeping arrangement, if we had the room.

Dead Man's Folly

• Poirot hears Mrs. Oliver shouting for help. He runs to see what's wrong, and finds her calmly eating an apple.
  Mrs. Oliver: Oh. Hello, Poirot.
  Poirot: What is wrong, madame?
  Mrs. Oliver: Nothing's wrong. I just wanted to see if someone would come.

The Labours of Hercules

• Poirot's doctor has some unique advice for him.
  Doctor: What you need, my dear fellow, is another case. Preferably one that puts your life in danger.
  Poirot: That is your advice most considered?
  Doctor: It is. It's cost you ten guineas, so I suggest you act on it.
• Poirot's quick response to Waring's reaction once the truth about the paintings is revealed provides quite the insight into his opinions regarding British affairs.
  Waring: Well I'm a ruddy Chinaman!
  Poirot: Spoken like a true officer in His Majesty's Foreign Office.
• In the climactic scene a character is told to put down a gun. He replies, "This is not a gun! It's an objective correlative!" Without missing a beat another character says, "Put down the objective correlative!"

Curtain

• Hastings asks, "Is it good to be back after all these years?"
  Poirot: The food, it is disgusting.
  Hastings: Rationing, I suppose.
  Poirot: No, it is the English cooking.
• Hastings suggests they should ask Boyd Carrington's help.
  Hastings: He's a good deal cleverer than me.
  Poirot: That would not be difficult. ...[Carrington] is a pompous bore whose memory is so bad that he tells back to you the story that you have told to him!

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