Funny / Pathfinder

As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.

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On Golarion

• There is a mystic location of unmatched power, known as the Starstone. Those who enter are subjected to unfathomable tests of a nature unknown to mortals. The vast majority fail, and are never heard from again. But once in a great while, someone succeeds and becomes a god. This would be fairly standard epic-fantasy stuff if not for a young fellow named Cayden Cailean, who inadvertently staggered into the Starstone in a state of advanced inebriation, and found himself elevated into the pantheon of Golarion... without a clue as to how he did it.
• Faiths & Philosphies contains a tract-like screed against alternate forms of faith in Golarion written by a follower of Iomedae.
• While the birth of Balazar's eidolon Padrig is mostly awesome, the fact that his head is that of a chicken comes from the fact that Balazar hadn't eaten all day and was getting hungry.
• From the Bestiary description of the owlbear:
  The origin of the owlbear is a subject of great debate among scholars of the monstrous creatures of the world. However, most concur that at some point in the distant past, a deranged wizard created the original specimans by crossing an owl with a bear – perhaps as proof of some insane concept about the nature of life, but possibly out of sheer lunacy.
• Kobolds of Golarion opens with Five Facts About Kobolds, basically to show how, despite their weakness, they've managed to thrive in the Darklands. But then the section closes by saying that predators don't eat them because... well...
  "Kobolds Taste Terrible. This is best taken on faith."
• Dungeons Denizens Revisited has this gem in the section for the Rust Monster.
  "Good Gods, its EATING the TREASURE!!!"

  —typical adventurer reaction to a rust monster.
• There is some Black Comedy to be had in the otherwise-scary Undead Revisited.
  • The preface on nightshades (gigantic extraplanar undead native to the Shadow and Negative Energy Planes) is from the mouth of the ruler of Shadow Absalom.
  Argrinyxia: "My best advice when facing such a creature? Be bigger than it. While suitable for me, this is unfortunately not an option for the rest of you.
  • Liches working with others of their kind is a fairly rare occurrence, but according to the book, it does happen, usually for reasons of increasing their knowledge. However, it calls attention to the fact that liches ally not only with their old friends, but their old enemies, and the book's reasoning is "for who knows you better than someone who's tried to kill you for a hundred years?'
  • "Soul-eaters are considered anathema by many, yet daemons aren't the only ones who cherish the taste of a succulent mortal soul. The undead known as devourers—ravenous beings perpetually staving off their own oblivion with yours—are likewise members of that exclusive cadre. Devourers are twisted and damaged creatures from beyond the known places of the planes and always seem fixated upon bizarre, alien notions, obsessing over them with religious intensity. Needless to say, they're terrible company." - the preface to Devourers.
• Andoran: Birthplace of Freedom has Seltyiel and Imrijka forced to dance to the tune of a Candlestone Courtier. The crowner is the looks on their faces.
• The Spoon Gun in "Guns and Gears" is described as "a terrible idea in firearm form." It's a pistol that fires cutlery as ammunition.
  No one's entirely certain who developed the Spoon gun, but all authorities agree that it was probably a Goblin
• Oprak actually hands out instructions to it's troops going on on diplomatic missions that are basically rudimentary lessons on being Affably Evil so as to maintain good relations with their neighbors. Very rudimentary.
• When a group of Firebrands needed a distraction to cover for one of their missions, famous halfling drunk Snackary Barkiss felt it was his duty to provide the best distraction he could. He ended up going on a five-day bender, resulting in nine house fires, four stolen carriages, sixteen injured guardsmen, an escaped drake, two missing persons, fourteen lost sheep (eaten by the drake), and ending with Snackary's death due to heart failure after he finally captured the drake. On the anniversary of his death, Firebrands kiss the bar at their local taverns, toasting to the worst Firebrand ever known.

On the Tabletop

• The entirety of the 'We Be Goblins' module.
  • The fact that 'We Be Goblins' canonically takes place before the 'Jade Regent' Adventure Path, with the people of Varisia having to deal with the mess your WBG PC's set into motion.
  • Then 'We Be Goblins Too!' takes place after that(Which means you can play 'We Be Goblins', then do 'Jade Regent' and start by making your players clean up the mess they made, the afterwards play 'We Be Goblins Too!' and finish the circle). And Paizo has continued to produce sequels (and one prequel) to 'We Be Goblins' for Free RPG Day, continuing the wacky misadventures of the goblin heroes.
  • An optional sixth character in the aforementioned prequel adventure ('We B4 Goblins') is a goblin with a condition that makes his skin blue, who is totally not a mite trying to pass himself off as a goblin. The fact that this character doesn't show up in any of the subsequent adventures suggests that the ruse was not particularly successful.
• Champions of Purity has a picture of Hayato (Iconic Samurai) surrounded by Ridiculously Ugly Cute baby goblins, and clearly having no idea what to do with the crying infants. The name of the image? Goblin Nursery◊.
  • Also, the smirk on Imrijka's face as she holds a bound Mite upside-down.
• At the start of Rise of the Runelords, players may find themselves caught up in one of these when faced with Shayliss Vinder. See this thread on the messageboards for reactions to this sequence, culminating in a scenario worthy of Yakety Sax.
• The Goblins comics. Especially the first tale, where a band of the little psychopaths start Starscreaming each other over the magic Eye of a lich, each popping out their own eye, putting the artifact in, and getting killed in the middle of their A God Am I speech.
• Early in the Reign of Winter Adventure path, the party gets the opportunity to skin a Winter Wolf and turn its pelt into an item that can temporarily disguise you as a Winter Wolf. After passing though a city gate guarded by Winter Wolves in human form, a PC wearing that pelt will get pulled over by one of them. No, she didn't recognize the wolf you made it out of, she really thinks the player is a fellow Winter Wolf, and wants to ask them out! Crosses over into Heartwarming if the PC lets it, see that page for details.
  • Also in Reign of Winter, you fight Rasputin. Not an Expy of Rasputin. Literal fucking Rasputin. The module is even called "Rasputin Must Die!"
• Pathfinder Unchained uses an illustration right out of Looney Tunes to illustrate moral dilemmas; Seelah the paladin is practically tearing her hair out at the sight of a tree with two signs on it pointing opposite directions: "Antipaladin's Castle" and "Burning Orphanage". And the antipaladin is hiding right behind the tree.
  • From the same book, noted arrogant Jerkass Alain the cavalier reduced to herding sheep.
  • The book has additonal rules for crafting magic items. Including a list of minor quirks and flaws. These range from only activating if you say "please", to turning your hair pink when you wield it. Accompanied by a picture of Valeros finding out the latter the hard way.
• Ultimate Intrigue has an amusing picture of Imrijka and Balazar wearing each others' nice hats.
  • Another picture has Alain kissing a pig. In a conical princess hat.
  • Another Alain one features him proudly holding up a trophy for the 4715th best magical thesis.
• How about this image, which appears in Inner Sea Intrigue. As one person commented, 'When a Disguise check goes stupidly right.'
• The cover of the Monster Codex gets funnier the longer you look at it. The vampire is trying to chat up the drow and she's having none of it; the goblin reaching into the cookpot looks like he's about to get punched in his oversized head by the orc chef; the duergar is detailing his plan to the troll and ogre (his diagram is a stick figure sketch showing a big figure hitting a smaller figure with a club, with the word "PLAN" scrawled at the top); the bugbear, troglodyte and gnoll are playing a dice game themselves (including an easily recognizable d4, d8 and d12), and the ratfolk is showing the viewer how to get so many people of so many different races to get along: make it a party, and bring the booze.
• Horror Adventures features a powerful Haunt called "Twisted Wish" that acts like a Jackass Genie, granting the wishes or mortals in as terrible a way as possible. The illustration shows Valeros with an empty tankard, tossing a coin into a wishing well. Unseen behind him, a tidal wave of ale comes crashing through the village.
• The new Second Edition Core Book features a piece of the new Iconic Alchemist, the Goblin Fumbus, walking away from a massive explosion on a dock that's engulfing several wererats and set one of the ships on fire while casually tossing another explosive back over his shoulder at the poor bastards who weren't caught in the initial blast. While one could almost hear Cool Guys Don't Look At Explosions playing in their head when looking at it, the flask in Fumbus' other hand and the pink drool around his mouth makes one wonder if he's being cool or just really, really high.
• The cover of the Second Edition Bestiary 3 has, front and center, a tooth fairy attempting to yank out the molar of an armored skeleton.

From the Paizo Boards

• On the messageboards, specifically on a topic about ethics in Golarion, Sean K. Reynolds, Designer & RPG Superstar Judge had this to say after the topic became suitably de-railed:
  Sean K. Reynolds: "And not that I think this discussion should be "my specific group has/had it worse than your group." We're all a bunch of socially-ostracized gamer nerds who couldn't get a date in high school. Well, except for Sutter, who everyone finds irresistible. Damn him."
  • Also, from the same thread by another poster:
  As a gay, left-handed, latino gamer (talk about minorities), I don't think Pathfinder is ethically problematic in the least.
• On the messageboards, the main artist for the Iconic Characters, Wayne Reynolds, answers questions regarding them. Some of his responses are clear Deadpan Snarker, and often times sheer comedy. An example just from the first page.
  El Ronza: Speaking of Seelah, what's the significance of the key that hangs around her right thigh? It's such a captivating little detail, and I've always wanted to know - is there a story behind your choice to include it, or is it just a little visual touch?
  Wayne Reynolds: I always intended it to be the key to her chastity belt.
• Double duty of a Awesome moment: MagusJanus accidentally summons the Tarrasque four times in one campaign. And lives.
• Crystal Fraiser's comment regarding Shardra (the Transsexual female dwarf Iconic Shaman) and what's in her pants:
  Crystal Frasier: Shardra's appearance and figure are 100% home-grown, with no magic required. Any more specific information about her body is reserved for her, Kolo, and whoever she may spend a night with. And Valeros. Because one way or another, Valeros knows what's going on in everyone's pants.
• On one Pathfinder forum, someone was criticizing the look and attitude of the Anti-Paladin class (pictured here◊) and wondering what sort of clown would dress and act like that while keeping a straight face. The following was posted in response:
  That guy doesn't have a straight face, though. Look at him! He's stifling either a laugh or a fart. He's dressed like High King of Douchebags, and he knows it. But he doesn't care because he also knows that if you say anything about it to him, he's going to rearrange your face, and possibly your sphincter. That man bought his armor at Villains 'R' Us, and he absolutely does not give a damn about what you think. His name is Brad or Chaz, because all genuine douchebags are named Brad or Chaz, or maybe Brad Chazington III, heir to a long line of both Brads and Chazes. He stomps puppies, slaps orphans, and occasionally sets fire to nuns. If you asked him for the time of day, he'd beat you to death with an hourglass.

  That is the face of a man who just ate a kitten. Raw.

  Jeremy Puckett

  PS: This post is a parody and is not meant to make any judgment about people actually named Brad or Chaz or Brad Chazington. Good day.