- "Snatch that cabbage patch!"
- "I'm going to headbutt you and knock you out, okay?"
- "When I get to Heaven, I'm gonna tell Jesus what you did!"
- "He's having Shabbat!"
- "I thought your friend stored athletic equipment here. Because I am looking at a lot of homo stuff right now,"
- "He should be ejected from thith fathility!"
- "Don't eyeball me, boy. I see your mother driving up and down the street looking at me. I'll be your stepfather by the weekend."
- "What do we do now?" "Star Sixty-Nine him!" "...You want me to have sex with him?" "Press the star key, press the six, and PRESS THE NINE!"
- Paul giving Griga's dog his severed toe.
- Also Paul barbecuing the severed hands outside on the grill and cheerfully waving to a woman while the graphic "this is still a true story" appears onscreen.
- That one's even funnier if you recognize the Actor Allusion. Wonder if they could smell what the Rock was cooking?
- Also Paul barbecuing the severed hands outside on the grill and cheerfully waving to a woman while the graphic "this is still a true story" appears onscreen.
- Paul convincing the store owner that he worked with StryperDaniel: And people say Christian rock sucks.beatStore Owner: Who says that?Paul: Yeah, who?Daniel: Uh... Assholes, that's who!
- Lugo and Doorbal trying to return a chainsaw to Home Depot after it gets caught in one of the victims hair. And yes, this DID happen in real life.
- As the verdicts for the four are being read out at the end of the film, Lugo's reads "SENTENCED TO DEATH (PLUS THIRTY DAYS FOR BEING AN ASSHOLE TO A GUARD)"
- Paul, after knocking out Victor when he tried to escape, gave this gem:Paul: Why'd you make me do that to you, Victor? I have responsibilities! Jesus Christ himself has blessed me with many gifts! One of them is knocking someone the fuck out!
- (Grabs axe) "I'm going old school."
- "Baby booties? Asshole!"
- Doorbal's wife chewing him out about his small penis in court.
- "That lady's a whore. Yeah you, you fucking bitch."
- There's something about the way Ed Harris plays Ed Du Bois that will make you chuckle: a man looking to enjoy impending retirement is being dragged into a case where he is the Only Sane Man in perhaps the most literal example of this trope. That, and a Deadpan Snarker.
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