Funny / Necessary Roughness

Film

• Coach Gennero is initially less than thrilled with Coach Rigg enlisting Blake as the team's new quarterback.
  Gennero: Well, I hope he gets younger as he gets closer.
• When Coach Riggendorf is heckling Banks as the latter is training against a blocking sled, he drops this gem of an insult:
  Rigg: Come on, Banks, you're supposed to be hitting a sled, not humping a butterfly!
• When the Armadillos are struggling to find a practice squad to work with, the devious college dean makes a deal... with the nearby state penitentiary to send over their meanest football players (in a hilarious touch, the convicts are played by former and then-current football stars like Dick Butkus who were known for rough play). The resulting scrimmage game goes about as well as you would expect for the Armadillos.
  Andre (knocked to the ground): What... were you... in for?
  Convict (grinning): Computer fraud!
  • One of the convicts - Evander Holyfield! - turns as he's getting back on the bus after the mauling: "I don't feel so good. I think I swallowed a finger."
    • One of the flattened Armadillo players is then seen struggling to give the convicts the middle finger, so we know it wasn't his.
• During the Bar Brawl, Featherstone witnesses Popki (the team's other quarterback who is nowhere near Blake's level) decking one of their rivals:
  Featherstone:: Hey, Popki, you finally threw something that connected!
• "Welcome to foot... ball!"
  • Bonus points for how the guy issues a soprano wail afterwards.
• Coach Riggendorf attempts to calmly and analytically get the Armadillo's fired up for the second half of the final game of the movie. At this point the Armadillos are down by at least forty points to 0. Watch the magic happen here.
  Rigg: Now...let's ANALYZE what's been working for us.
  (Beat)
  Rigg:NOT A GODDAMN THING'S BEEN WORKING FOR US!
  (Wally starts tearing of his suit to reveal his usual TSU gym shirt underneath. All of the Armadillos look on, stunned)
  Rigg: Like this goddamn suit doesn't work for me! And this stinkin' tie! And this this goddamn shirt! IT DOESN'T WORK FOR ME! You know how to play winning hard-nosed football?! You PLAY football like Ed Gennero played football, a guy who gave his life for this football team! He was a 140-pound halfback, and he played like a GODDAMN wild man! No! Like a GODDAMN RAMPAGING BEAST! And that's the way you're gonna do it! You go out there, you tear their fuckin' heads off, and you SHIT down their necks!!
  (Beat)
  Rigg: ...let us pray!
  (EVERY player takes a knee!)

TV Series

• While TK is destroying Dani's stuff in a fit of anger:
  Dani: (indicating another wall) "Could you just tear down this wall too, cause I was thinking about expanding."
• Dani returns home to find the cops have just been called on a wild party thrown by her kids.
  Dani: Officer, I'd like to report a premeditated double homicide.
• Nico and Dani are watching Matt and Laura during a Hawks PR session. Nico comments that he knows Dani doesn't like Laura since she always squints when she doesn't like someone or something. A half-scene later after Dani has a conversation with Matt and Laura...
  Matt [handing Dani his sunglasses]: Here, have these. You're squinting like crazy.
• Dani comes home early to find her son about to have sex with his college-aged tutor.
  Tutor: Hi, it's so nice to meet you.
  Dani: Good to meet you too, you're fired.
  Tutor: Of course.