Funny / National Lampoon's European Vacation

• The opening credits with Clark's passport falling victim to the sloppiest customs officer to ever be hired to such a position.
• The host of Pig in a Poke, Kent Winkdale, giving an extremely deep kiss to Audrey, a parody of how Richard Dawson would kiss the female contestants on Family Feud. Even Clark looks uncomfortable.
• The Griswalds win the grand prize on Pig in a Poke as only they can: completely by accident.
  • Their opponents for the grand prize are the Froegers, a family of geniuses (the parents are both Nobel Prize winners, the son is a board member at a software company, and the daughter is Harvard Law School's youngest ever female student), and the esoteric nature of the categories seems to play into their hands, but they unexpectedly blunder with their first choice of category:
    Kent: Now, let's take a look at our categories. Johnny?
    Johnny: [reading as the categories appear on a display board] Pharmacology... American Explorers... Chronology of the Pharaohs... Geography of the Brain... and Early History of Hungarian Cabinet-Making.
    Clark: [to his family, nonchalantly] Not bad.
    Kent: Froegers! Since you're the challengers, you get to pick the first category.
    Mrs. Froeger: [to her husband] Um... oh! The one about Hungarians, nobody knows anything about Hungarians.^note An inside joke; Cynthia Szigeti, Mrs. Froeger's actress, is of Hungarian descent.
    Mr. Froeger: [to his wife] Well... I don't know. [aloud] Kent, we'd like the Geography of the Brain!
    Kent: [to the Griswalds] The question is... [reads from the question card] What are... the pyramidal tracts? [Think Music plays; Clark clearly has no idea] Five seconds!
    Clark: Kent, I believe the pyramidal tracts are a housing development outside of Cairo. [buzzer; laughter from the audience and the Froegers]
    Kent: [chuckles] Too bad!
    Clark: [forces an embarrassed laugh] I, yes...
    Kent: Froegers... quickly. Uh, you're the champions if you get the correct answer.
    Mr. Froeger: Kent, the pyramidial tracts^note The correct pronunciation is actually "py-RAM-id-al"; they are so named because they pass through the pyramids of the medulla oblongata. are a complex of multisynaptic lower motor neurons which interconnect the basal ganglia with the reticular formation.^note Broadly correct - they are more usually described as connecting the cerebral cortex (of which the basal ganglia are part) with the brain stem (the reticular formation is somewhat vaguely defined anatomically, but it includes parts of the brain stem) - but with one major error...
    Kent: [buzzer] I'm sorry, you said "lower motor neurons", the correct answer, of course, is upper motor neurons.^note Upper motor neurons transmit signals concerning voluntary movement (hence "motor") from the brain to lower motor neurons.
    Mr. Froeger: [aghast] Upper! Upper!
    Kent: Well, nobody wins! [Rusty, Audrey, and Ellen cheer]
    Clark: Still in it! Still in it!
  • The Froegers once again aim low for the second category - and soon wish they hadn't:
    Kent: Froegers, select another category!
    Mrs. Froeger: [to her husband] Early Hungarian cabinet-making!
    Mr. Froeger: [to Kent] Uh, American Explorers!
    Kent: American Explorers. Griswalds... [reads from the question card] In 1804, an expedition explored an area from the Louisiana Territory to the Pacific coast. For the grand prize... what lieutenant led that expedition? [Think Music plays]
    Rusty: I give up.
    Audrey: Wait a minute, Dad!...
    Clark: Okay, quiet down, quiet down!...
    Audrey: ... I think I know the answer...
    Clark: ... I think I got this.
    Kent: [as the Froegers exchange confident looks] Five seconds.
    Clark: [muttering to himself] What lieutenant led that expedition...
    Rusty: Come on, Dad!...
    Kent: [as Think Music ends] Time's up, Griswalds, do you have an answer?
    [Beat]
    Ellen: [anxiously] Clark!...
    Kent: [as the display board lights up behind him] That's it! Clark! Of Lewis and Clark!^note Clark was actually a captain (as was Lewis), not a lieutenant. [Clark is dumbfounded; the Pig in a Poke theme music plays] And the Griswalds are our grand prize winners!
    Clark: [ecstatic] AHHH! [grabs Ellen in a celebratory hug; Rusty and Audrey hug each other and jump up and down in delight]
    Mr. Froeger: But that was a mistake!
    Mrs. Froeger: No!
    Mr. Froeger: She doesn't know that!... [the Griswalds bound to centre stage, still deliriously happy... and Kent takes another chance to give Audrey an absurdly deep kiss]
• Clark busting into what he thinks is his London hotel room, only to discover it's the lobby.
  Clark: I would like a wake-up call for 8 AM tomorrow morning.
• Shortly after, Clark sneaking into what he thinks is his room and crawling in bed with who he thinks is Ellen, saying lewd things to her. When she reveals she's not Ellen, Clark tries to get away but the woman wants him to stay.
• Clark getting stuck in the Lambeth & Albert Roundabout. For a whole day.
  Clark: Look, kids-
  Audrey/Rusty: (bored) We know. Big Ben.
  Clark: Parliament!
• In France, Rusty noting the American couple at the nearby table making out ("Dad he's grabbing her tits right there at the table!"), and wondering if he was going to pork her.
  Clark: He may pork her, finish your breakfast.
• Clark's distant relatives in Germany live at 6, Dippelstraße, and the fact that the German word for six, "sechs", sounds like "sex" in English causes several misunderstandings:
  Clark: Here we are now. What are we looking for?
  Audrey: Sechs, Daddy.
  Clark: That'll do, Audrey.
  Rusty: Dad, that's German for "six".
  Clark: That's not true... is that true, honey? [pulls up outside 14, Dippelstraße, gets out of the car, and knocks on the door, which is opened by the house's owner] Uh, guten tag, my family and I are looking for sechs.
  German man: [slams door] Schweinhund!
• The Griswalds staying at what they think is their German relatives' house, when in fact they're total strangers (they live at 16, Dippelstraße, but the "1" on their house number is hidden by a leaf). After the Griswalds leave:
  "Fritz": [subtitled] Who the hell were they?!
  "Helga": [subtitled] Beats the shit out of me.
• The Griswalds driving each other crazy on the train to Italy after Clark institutes a time of silence to stop the complaining. Ellen loudly rustles her newspaper, Audrey repeatedly pops her bubble gum, Rusty sings along with the tape on his Walkman, and Clark noisily opens and closes the metal ashtray on his arm rest. At one point, Rusty and Clark slap at each other, with Clark going "Ssssh." during it.

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