Funny / Muppet Treasure Island

Virtually the entire movie in one way or another. However, if we have to pick some specific examples...

• One of the best bits in the film comes near the beginning as the Benbow's patrons are leaving:
  Mrs. Bluveridge: Don't forget to come back tomorrow for our lunchtime special: roast suckling...
  (A group of pigs look scandalized)
  Mrs. Bluveridge: ...potatoes!
  (The pigs are mollified. Then a very offended potato-woman walks by)
  Mrs. Bluveridge: No offense, madam, no offense.
  Potato-Woman: Mah.
• Blind Pew the "Visually challenged" fiend, spends a majority of his scenes making one Blind Mistake after another; HE thinks a living moose head is Billy Bones, and during the pirates' raid on the Admiral Benbow, he opens a clock's case, rushes in, and bangs his head on the pendulum. When the inn is on fire, and everyone else is panicking, all Pew says is, "I think I smell something burning, no?"
• "He died? And this is supposed to be a kids movie!"
  • "But I'm not Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim! He's Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim!"
  • Billy Bones's last words: "Beware of running with scissors or any other pointy objects, it's all good fun until somebody loses an—AAAAGH!!" *dies*
  • "We're standing in a room with A DEAD GUY!!!"
    (they all freak out, Rizzo and Gonzo run down the stairs and Jim runs the wrong way)
  • While looking for the treasure map, Gonzo finds Diplomacy by Henry Kissinger and throws it in disgust.
• The running gag of Mrs. Bluveridge able to hear someone slacking off despite being in a completely different room or upstairs. When Billy Bones wants rum, you hear her screaming "Don't be giving him anymore rum!" Everyone stares up as Billy moans "How does she bloody do that?!"
  • It pays off as the last we see of her, she's literally smashed through the wall of the burning inn, fighting a half dozen pirates at once and telling the guys to just run, she'll hold them off.
    Jim, Gonzo and Rizzo: How does she do that?!
  • As the boys are running off, all Mrs. Bluveridge can say as she continues to fight off the pirates is a mildly annoyed "Who's gonna clean all this up!?"
• When Gonzo spills gunpowder all over the store room floor at the Admiral Benbow, and then the pirates attack him and Rizzo; they drop a lit candle onto the spilled gunpowder, with awesome and hilarious results.
  Black Dog: Oh, woof.
  • Even funnier, according to Kermit himself (or at least the guy running his Facebook page), the entire scene was improvised.
• "Well done, Beakie! Now we know that was DEFINITELY too much gunpowder."
• Statler and Waldorf's first exchange:
  Statler: Take a cruise, you said. See the world, you said. Now, here we are, stuck on the front of this stupid ship.
  Waldorf: Well, it could be worse. We could be stuck in the audience.
  Both: DOH-ho-ho-ho!!
• This dialogue when Polly Lobster is introduced:
  Gonzo: But I thought sailors had talking parrots as pets.
  Long John Silver: Talking... parrots?
  Polly Lobster: What an imagination. First pirates, now talking parrots. What's next? A singing, dancing mouse with his own amusement park?
• Rizzo selling other rats tickets to board the Hispanola, advertising the voyage as a pleasure cruise. Throughout the movie, while the rest of the cast is involved in their traditional pirate adventure, the rats are acting like modern tourists.
  Gonzo: Rizzo, what are you doing?!
  Rizzo: What? Oh, this. Well, I figure if the treasure map's a dud, the trip won't be a total loss, financially speaking.
  Gonzo: (Face Palm)
• "...and people die by falling overboard!" Great line to insert in a cheery song about sailing for adventure.
  • "...and margaritas at the midnight buffet!" "MARGARITAS AT THE MIDNIGHT BUFFET!"
• The roll call scene.
  Samuel Arrow: Big-Fat-Ugly-Bug-Faced-Baby-Eating-O'Brien? (Smollett does a Double Take and looks at the list)
  Attractive Woman: (deep male voice) Aye.
  (Arrrow and Smollett do a Jaw Drop)
  • Followed by:
    Samuel Arrow: Angel Marie!
    Really Ugly Muppet: AYE! AYE!
  • Pretty much every single name called is a gag.
    Arrow: Old Tom!
    Old Tom: Aye!
    Arrow: Real Old Tom!
    Older Tom: Aye!
    Arrow: Dead Tom!
    Dead Tom: *a Muppet skeleton steps into frame, manipulated by another Muppet* Aye-aye!
    Arrow and Smollett exchange looks as if saying "what do you know about that!"
    Gonzo: Cool.
    Arrow: Clueless Morgan!
    Clueless Morgan: Huh?
    Arrow: Headless Bill! (beat) Headless Bill?
    Arrow and Smollett lean over and sees a headless guy, who gives them a salute.
  • Earlier, there's One-Eyed Jack, who does indeed have only one eye... covered by an eyepatch.
• After the roll is called and Smollett (and the audience) get a good look at the rather unsavory crew, he very calmly and politely asks to see the main characters in his cabin. Cut to him screaming "WHO HIRED THIS CREW?! THIS IS UNDOUBTEDLY THE SEEDIEST BUNCH OF CUTTHROATS, VILLAINS AND SCOUNDRELS I HAVE EVER SEEN!! SO WHO HIRED 'EM?!?! *huff* *huff*" Everyone points to the Squire, who points at his own finger.
  Smollett: Your finger hired the crew?
  Squire: No, that's silly! That man who lives in my finger hired the crew. Mr. Bimbo. *listens to his finger* What? Ah, yeah, he relied heavily on the advice of our excellent cook, Long John Silver.
  Smollet: A cook, and a guy who lives in a bear's finger?
  Squire: Exactly!
  Smollett: I'm starting to worry about this voyage.
• During the scene where Long John and Smollett debate over drinking alcohol, Squire keeps pouring himself a glass when Long John makes a point and throwing it out the window when Smollett objects, until finally, a trio of annoyed rats appear at the window:
  Male Rat: (To Squire) You wanna knock it off with the booze?! It's peeling the paint off the shuffleboard court!
  Squire: Sorry.
• Clueless Morgan and company trying to torture Gonzo for information. They put Gonzo on the rack, but the only thing they succeed at doing is making his arms and legs ten feet long.
  Gonzo: I may even have a future with the NBA!
  • Then, as they prepare to torture Rizzo, he pleads "No! Please! I hate basketball!"
  • Even funnier in that if you watch the scene closely one of Gonzo's arms or legs gets over to where Smollett is standing and starts tickling him while Smollett stares into the camera.
• When they get caught by Mr. Arrow, Morgan tries to hide a red hot poker... in his hand.
  • Bunsen's/Livsey's "window shade cure" used to remedy Gonzo's condition, which works exactly how it sounds.
• The "Cabin Fever" number.
  • Highlights include the outer shot of the ship with spotlight waving wildly, specifically during the lyrics "This once proud vessel has become a floating psycho ward..." and the (relatively unusual for a Muppet movie) inclusion of multiple ensemble pirates played by human actors as essentially honorary Muppets, given that the human leads (Jim and Silver) are conspicuously absent from the scene.
  • "I'd like to get my hands on whoever wrote this script."
  • At the very end, nobody even remembers that the Cabin Fever song even happened, except for Clueless, making it an In-Universe Big-Lipped Alligator Moment too.
  • The entire song is eclipsed before it begins by the absolutely strange delivery of "I've got it, tooooooo" and the attempt at shaking the actor does.
• The following exchange as Gonzo and Rizzo sit eating apples:
  Gonzo: It just feels so weird.
  Rizzo: You mean that Mr. Arrow's dead?
  Gonzo: Yeah, that. And my pants are filled with starfish.
  Rizzo: (beat) You and your hobbies.
  • Made even better in the film's climax when Gonzo whips out said starfish to use as ninja stars against one of the pirates.
• During the beginning of the scene with the pirates and a captive Jim on the island, the camera focuses for a few seconds on Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem, who are playing the background music. Zoot asks whose side they're actually on — "Are we with the pirates or the frog captain?" — and Floyd tells him to just go with the flow — "Never get involved in politics!" Followed by Animal screaming "Politics!"
• When Silver begins the "Professional Pirate" song, Jim is looking around with an expression of "the hell?"
  • Midway through, Silver tells the pirates "upstage lads, this is my only number!"
    • What makes the above line even better is the brief look of pure annoyance as he takes great care to emphasise the word "only".
• Benjamina's spoiled entrance. "You stupid anteater!"
• The Swedish Chef's very random appearance (complete with a fake pig snout) as the tribe's chef. The veggies says what the audience is thinking.
  Vegetable: Well, how else d'you think we were gonna get him in this movie?
• Captain Flint is the legendary pirate who buried the treasure on the island, and who killed fifteen men and hung up two of them on the path to the treasure because he thought it was funny, so dreaded that the pirates fear that his ghost may find them... and then we find out that he dated Benjamina (i.e. Miss Piggy). Who complained that he was co-dependent.
• This exchange:
  Mudwell: Dead Tom's dead! Long John shot him!
  Walleye Pyke: But Dead Tom's always been dead. That's why he's called "Dead Tom."
  Mudwell: ...Oh. (drops the bones)
  • And Long John rolling his eyes in the background.
  • And this one:
    Long John: The Black Spot? You dare to give me the Black Spot?
    Clueless Morgan: (fearful and quickly points at Polly Lobster) He told me too!
    Polly: Shut up, will ya!
    Long John: And it's drawn on a page from the Bible? You tore a page from the Holy Scriptures to make a pirate's death sentence?!
    (Crowd parts to show Mad Monty holding said bible. He quickly tries to get rid of it)
    Long John: OOOOHHH, the red-hot GATES OF HELL are creeping open! SATAN is heatin' his pokers for you, you blasphemous HEATHENS! Fall down on your KNEES, and BEG for deliverance from DAMNATION!
  • "Very good. *eye roll* You're forgiven." His inner thoughts is saying, "I am so lucky to be surrounded by complete idiots."
  • Adding to the humor is the earlier scene Played for Drama when Long John shoots at the pirates when they turned against him, and when we cut back to them we find out the only person "killed" from the shootout was Dead Tom.
• Benjamina's reunion with Long John Silver
  Benjamina: Well hello, Looooooooooong John!
  Smollet: Oh no! HIM too?!
• The... "showdown" between the pirates and pig islanders.
  Chieftain: Stop! Give up now, weak and tiny pirate mans, or die like stinking dogs!
  * Long John shoots his headdress off*
  Chieftain: Hmm. We see you have boom-boom sticks. *beat* Bye-bye.
  * tribe runs away*
  • The reaction from Benjamina:
    Benjamina: (facepalms) Oh brother...
    Silver: Now, Benjamina!
    Benjamina: (still exasperated and not looking at him) What?
• Samuel Arrow is still not done gauging the lifeboat's seaworthiness as he rows ashore, as he then asks the others to join him in the "exceptionally safe" lifeboat.
• Hearing that pirates are superstitious, Bunsen thinks up a way to get Silver's pirate crew to leave. Sam rises out into the ship's platform in white flour and some seaweed, with a deadpan performance as a 'ghost': "Boogie, boogie, boogie. I am the ghost of Samuel Arrow." *beat* "Boogie!" Followed by the entire pirate crew throwing themselves off the ship in panic.
• Statler and Waldorf in their last appearance, after they save Kermit and Miss Piggy.
  Statler: Waldorf you old fool. We're heroes! We saved the pig and the frog.
  Waldorf: Well, it was too late to save the movie. (All laugh)
• In the middle of Kermit's Flynning, Silver says "Excuse me", and a distracted Kermit lets the sword go flying. Made better by the look of "you've gotta be kidding me" on Curry's face.
  • Arrow's reaction. He facepalms...while punching Polly Lobster without even looking.
• A massive Mood Whiplash occurs after Kermit and Miss Piggy have sung "Love Led Us Here". Miss Piggy's rope suddenly burns through, and she is about to fall to her death coupled with hysterical screaming. Kermit manages to catch her, and he has Wide Eyes and Shrunken Irises and a very expressive mouth as he struggles to support her weight.
  • Love Led Us Here is in itself very funny, considering it's an Award Bait parody song where the participants are hanging upside down throughout. Also, Kermit and Piggy's ballad is intercut with scenes of Long John and the pirates gleefully frolicking in the gold at her house.
  • And prior to the song, only Smollett was hanging. Once Benjamina gives up the location of the treasure to get Silver to let him go, she ends up in the same situation and delivers this line:
    Benjamina: You know, I'm beginning to see a pattern in the men I date.
    • Namely, that they leave her hanging.
• Smollett's idea for dealing with the pirates once Jim and the others have told him about Silver's planned mutiny.
  Smollett: The plan is simple. Once the pirates are ashore, we set sail and return in a year or so. By then all the fight should be out of them.
• The final fight scene is full of hilarious moments; such as Gonzo making use of his starfish-filled pants, Miss Piggy defeating one of the pirates by kissing him, and when Clueless Morgan gives up and falls over with an "Uncle, uncle... I'm dead." Jim just rolls his eyes.
• Near the end, Silver manages to escape, steal the treasure, and row away from the Hispaniola...except, as Arrow revealed, the jolly boat he took was "Very unsafe". Next scene, Silver's dinghy is sinking, and Silver is forced to swim back to Treasure Island! And to twist the knife a little further, the credits show the rats salvaging the loot. The final scene during the credits reveals that since the boars went with Benjamina, the only company Silver has on the island is one very annoying pig statue...
  Pig statue: Hey, Johnny! Can I call you Johnny? Why does the ocean roar? Give up? You would too, if you had crabs on your bottom, and oysters in your bed! Huh? Huh? I tell ya, I gotta a million more just like it!
• Thanks to the 3-disc CD-ROM, Billy Bones ends up being Spared By Adaptation, walking away from the events with only a Heroic BSoD. His last set of words:
  Bones: The Black Spot! The Black Spo-ot!
• Towards the end of the 2nd disc of that same CD-ROM, Hawkins can visit Smollet's cabin while he's asleep. While him mentioning Benjamina in his sleep-talk is cute, what takes the cake is this:
  Smollett: Map to Treasure Island...
  (The "Map to Treasure Island" fanfare plays in the distance. Smollet wakes with a shock and then goes back to sleep.)
• Speaking of the fanfare from the CD-ROM, whenever the fanfare plays at the cue of "Map to Treasure Island", it's always done in different ways for laughs. The only exceptions are when Flint taunts Hawkins after finding the map at the Benbow Inn with a heroic fanfare in a minor key and when the Squire looks at it with awe. Among the instances of the fanfare played for laughs:
  • Stevenson tries to whisper it, only for the fanfare to play at full volume.
  • Jeeves after the Squire leaves:
  Jeeves: Squire Trelawney is no longer home. He said something about "Apmay utay Easuretray Islandyay"
  (Fanfare plays in an inverted version, while still sounding quite triumphant)
  • Silver: I thought I told the boys to take care of the band!
• The Constellation game can be played at least twice, with each constellation appearing as a different Muppet in a different activity:
  Lyra: Zoot holding a lyre.
  Ursa Major and the Big Dipper/Ursa Minor and Polaris: Fozzie flying with one of the Swedish Chef's Utensils. Silver talks about wanting to have the Big Dipper as a utensil of his own. Smollet however gives sage advice regarding Polaris being the North Star, in a bit taken from the film.
  Orion: Sweetums combing his fur and looking in a mirror.
  Pegasus: Clueless Morgan with wings. Silver lampshades this saying that the constellation looks more like a goat than a horse.
  Hercules: Mad Monty fighting a snake.
  Perseus (Silver version): Tim Curry in Harry Hamlin's armor from Clash of the Titans (1981), with Kermit's head at his waist. Silver jokes about Perseus being nothing more than a seacook rather than a hero.
  Libra: Bunsen and Beaker in the scales
  Aquila: Bare naked Sam the Eagle. Serves as a Mythology Gag to Sam's editorial on animal nudity from the original show.
  Gemini: Gonzo and Rizzo. Smollet accidentally calls them the "Geek Brothers" and mentions that they thought they were looking for Golden Geese rather than the Golden Fleece. Their quest laid an egg.
  Cassiopia: Miss Piggy posing on a couch. Smollet mentions her being a drama queen.
  Perseus (Smollet version): Kermit in Greek armor and winged sandals, in the same pose as Silver's version, only with Tim Curry's head at his waist. Smollet mentions that "legend has it he was a frog."