Funny / Most Offensive Video

• "Look at this sorry-ass motherfucker."
• Damn near anything involving Pig Pen:
  • "You is one butt-ugly, Hepatitis C smokin', stanky motherfucker!"
  • "I'm 'bout to pull yo' bitch card with a smooth, you booty poo-ass nigga!"
  • "We could smell your underprivileged smegma from a mile away!"
    • "Well, it ain't nothin' like that Limburger factory you got brewin' between them thighs of yours, n'ahmsayin'?"
• "Suck My Big Black Ass, Charlie Brown", Charlie states "Big mailboxes, big welfare checks!"
  • "And a big fat dick to stick in your big fat ass!"
  • "That's a big motherfuckin' mailbox, motherfucker!" Funnier because, damn, that is a huge mailbox.
• "It's the Great Dolemite, Charlie Brown":
  Charlie Brown: Nigga, you talkin' crazier than Margot Kidder on my front lawn. Dolemite ain't coming to no pumpkin patch on Halloween!"
  Linus: Fuck you, and yo nignorance. He's gonna be there!
  Charlie Brown: Nignorance!?
  • Linus goes on to show some mad respect to The Great Dolemite in his letter:
  "You must deal with nignorance all the time, like when Spike Lee and those mothafuckin' youngbloods made The Original Kings of Comedy, and didn't include to put you in it."
  • After Lucy threatens to rip Linus' herpes scabs off "with a mothafuckin' power sander", Patty (the original character, not Peppermint Patty) randomly walks up to Linus and announces she's going to have a miscarriage in the bathroom.
  • "I'm the black Zorro, you dirty spics!"
  • Lucy bobbing for apples and getting a taste of Snoopy's dick. Before that, Lucy proceeds to show the gang how to bob fo' mothafuckin' apples. Offscreen, Pig-Pen remarks how this oughta be a cyst for her, because "you fit both my apples and a banana in yo' mouth last night".
  • During Sally's rant about missing Halloween, she mentions that her pussy can play the mothafuckin' theme to The Green Hornet.
  • The ending of the video. Charlie mentions to Linus that the Great Dolemite was performing in Las Vegas last night.
  Linus: You no good, business-born, insecure mothafucka! I waited in a mothafuckin' pumpkin patch for like, two hours, and all along, you knew he was gonna be outta town?! I was bull-ridin' that smelly bitch in her China berry and got tetanus all because you forgot to warn a brother, that the Great Dolemite was makin' bank in the City of Good Hope? I could have been shootin' craps on tables of green instead of shootin' craps in porcelains of white! You are the mothafuckin' Ace of Spades, Charlie Brown!
• The opening scene of "Beware of the Easter Nigga, Charlie Brown!" has a moment where Peppermint Patty tells Marcie "you got Down Syndrome so bad, you got Up, Left, and Right Syndrome too!"
  • The ending to the opening sequence.
  Marcie: These eggs have yellow eyes. But if I turn them, the yellow is gone.
  Peppermint Patty: You, y-you-you... YOU GODDAMN RETARD!
  • Peppermint Patty threating to harm Marcie if she fucks up the eggs again, followed by Marcie's subsequent comeback.
  Peppermint Patty: If you fuck this up, I swear I'm gonna stick my used tampon up yo' left nostril, and kick you in the back of the head until it comes out yo' mouth.
  Marcie: I'm stupid.
  Peppermint Patty: That's the smartest thing you've said all day. Now git yo' ass over there and boil these eggs, stupid.
  Marcie: I'm not stupid! S-s-s-suck my eggs with a vaginal-ab-al-ap-al applicator!
  • Marcie then takes a dump in the egg pot. Peppermint Patty is none too happy.
  Peppermint Patty: Ugh! Marcie! There's shit in here! You took a shit in the water! (groans in agony)
  • The ending, where Charlie Brown sees Lucy and Snoopy "cleaning the fish tank".
  Lucy: I swear, if you spill the margarine in the brown grotto, I'm gonna snap your dick off and shit it out!
  Charlie Brown: Oh, fuck yeah. That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. Happy motherfuckin' Easter, trunk butt!
  Lucy: Fuck you!
• Snoop's puppet show from "Suck My Big Black Ass, Charlie Brown!", which also doubles as a great Take That, Scrappy! moment for Lucy.
  Charlie: Here we got Snoop preppin' for his most famous trick where he balances a toy carriage on his D.O.D.
  Lucy: D.O.D.?
  Charlie: Yep, his dick of death. Look at the clinical hardification of the wang as he's about to skeet from the carriage friction.
  Lucy: What do you mean by "skeet"?
  (Snoop skeets all over Lucy)
  Charlie: As Snoop continues his balancin' feat, he is quickly reminded of the chili burritos he scuzzled down before the show.
  Lucy: Chili burritos?
  (Snoop farts and shits on Lucy)
  Charlie: It seems as if Snoop has sighted a crack whore in the audience.
  Lucy: But I'm the only one here!
  (Snoop's puppets punch Lucy and throw garbage on her)
  Charlie: And to show that he's not such a gorilla pimp, he washes off the stank with his favorite pimp oil, Old Spice.
  Lucy: Old Spice?!
  (Lucy is "washed" with Old Spice; she storms off)
  Charlie: The end.
  Lucy: ...What the fuck?!
• The entirely-Spanish speaking battle between Espinosa and Marcie in "Jackie Robinson Was the First Black Baseball Player", which results in Marcie punching Espinosa's head off, sending it back to Puerto Rico.
  Marcie (in Spanish): GET HIM A BODY BAG! YEAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  Peppermint Patty: Holy shit, Marcie! You punched the smoke outta Espinosa!
  Marcie: Chupa mi huevos... mm, FUCK YOU!
  • For her report, Sally reveals that she renamed sickle cell anemia to Jackie Robinson's anemia because she overheard Peppermint Patty tell Marcie that "she talks like she has Lou Gherig's disease".
• Linus' "True meaning of Kwanzaa" crosses the line too many times to count. Here it is in its entirety:
  Linus: "And there were three Kings: Martin Luther, Don and Rodney. Martin Luther was the smartest of the three. He preached equality, peace and self respect; he was the good King. Don was a deebo who sprung on the wrong cat, and got rickets from a stank poon on 125th Street. He was a pumper-bumper who turned a trick on a skeezer named Geroniho, and suffered in drinkin' a case of Natural Ice while blastin' diarrhea all over his crib; he was a bad King. Rodney was a bull-dagger cootchie-ripper who was geekin' on baking soda while flap-stabbin' some ho in the back of a hooptie. He gave the jelly-doughnut to a mugger trick, while Amadou Diallo changed his name to 'Amadou What the Cops Tell Me to Do'; he was the worst King of them all."
• Schroeder calling out women before Charlie Brown is given four blowjobs in "Suck My Big Black Ass":
  Schroeder: You bitches are drunk like a nine-eyed nigga. First you ridicule the man for wanting a white bitch, and now you're gonna let him settle with four blowjobs by four ugly-ass chompers? Well, hear this: Fuck you, black bitches! Fuck you up and down and on your face! Stomp on yo' mothafuckin' ass 'til you be beggin' fo' mothafuckin' mercy! Beat yo' ass up with a closet stick, cuz I can't stand you black bitches, cuz there ain't nothang like smackin' y'all across the face with my John Holmes while sippin' Hennessy, you Jew bangers!
• The Your Mom fight between the Grinch and Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids in "How the Grinch Stole Kwanzaa".
  Grinch: Yo mama so ugly, when she went to the proctologist, he put his fingers in her mouth.
  Bill Cosby: Fat Albert and the gang saw the insult was lame, but Fat Albert felt that two can play at that game.
  Fat Albert: Oh yeah? That's not what I'd do with yo mama. First, I'd fuck her up and down like a lemur tryin' to rip open a coconut. Then, after givin' her the cream of wheat in her Uncle Ben, I'd ancha mama her in the face, then treat the bitch like a bowlin' ball.
  Rudy: A bowlin' ball?
  Fat Albert: That's what I said, mothafucka. A bowlin' ball. I'd pick her up, finger her, throw her in the gutter, and watch her roll back for more.
  Rudy: Oh yeah? That's not what I'd do. First I'd be fuckin' the bitch in the mouth while Dumb Donald be fuckin' her in the ass. Then we'd spin the bitch around over fire like a skillet, and have Mushmouth pour lemon juice all over her, so that Flubber Lang over here could eat the bitch.
  Mushmouth: (gibbers) baja bitch Bubba Lang.
  Russell: Rudy, you're like Arsenio Hall.
  Rudy: Arsenio Hall?
  Russell: Yep. Black, broke, and unfunny.
  • The Grinch giving Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids a used copy of Black Spring Break 2 as a present for Kwanzaa.