Funny / Men in Black 3

• J trying to explain K to alternate-timeline O:
  J: I'm looking for K! My partner! Older gentleman, 110, maybe 111 years old. Sort of a surly, Elvis thing happening with him. He smiles like this.
  [puts on the most serious face he can]
• Alternate-timeline O's reaction to Jay wanting chocolate milk:
  O: Wait, how long have you been craving chocolatized dairy products?
  J: Just today.
  O: Are you experiencing headaches, dizziness, loss of balance?
  J: [nodding] Mmm Hmm...
  O: Agitation, depression?
  J: Hell yeah!
  O: There are only two possibilities, one is you've been bitten by the horvatian brain tick and could die in horrible agony at any moment...
  J: [O slaps J hard in the face] Aaaaahhh!
  O: Damn it... it's not the tick!
  J: Damn it, it's not the tick?! It's something worse than the tick?
• Agent J drops a very sly Chappelle's Show reference into 1969. When J was confronted about how he knew Agents O and K, he tried a lame excuse to say that he referred to couples as "Okaayyy!!" Also counts as Hilarious in Hindsight even if it was unintentional.
• Nearly every scene with Griffin, since being able to continuously see several dozen possible futures makes him a Cloudcuckoolander, is funny, awesome, or both. Especially his Brick Joke at the end of the film, "that was a close one".
  • Special mention has to go to his utterly bonkers cackle of joy when he finds out they'll be traveling to Florida via jetpack.
  Griffin: I'm so glad this wasn't one of the times we exploded!
  Jay: "One of the times"?!
• Zed's Funeral:
  • The funeral starts of as Tear Jerker mixed with heartwarming with the worms singing Amazing Freaking Grace in their native tongue as everyone is silent, then we get to Agent O's eulogy, where she proceeds to paraphrase something an alien said about him... in the same language of the original quote, which consists of high-pitched, off-key screeching. When the camera cuts to the assembled agents, everyone is looking somber, or even touched... except J, whose reaction is confusion-induced hilarity.
  • K's eulogy for Zed, which K assured J would be wonderful, is all of three sentences:
    K: I worked with Zed for over forty years, and in all that time he never invited me to dinner. He never asked me to his house, or watch a game. He never shared a single detail of his personal life. [beat] Thank you.
  • Similar reactions to O's speech from J.
    J: K, if I go first, make sure you say something more about me than that.
• In the kitchen of the Chinese restaurant, a real-life blobfish appears over a worksurface as a piece of alien cuisine. Even funnier, they accidentally hit it during the fight and the fish complains with an absurdly human groan ("'Ey!").
  • Shortly before, K finds a living Spiky Bulba among the fish being served (a favourite of Boris the Animal) and begins to slap Wu with it. Each time, the Bulba gives a high pitched squeal. Then as he winds up for the final slap, you hear the creature make a very high pitched squeal, as if saying "Nononono!"
  • This exchange:
    Wu: Man, what are you guys always trying to bust my balls for, okay?
    J: (cheerfully) You ain't got no balls, Wu!
  • Even funnier when K rips off Wu's apron a few minutes later, revealing Wu's caterpillar-like lower body, and we see that J's right.
• J gets stopped by two racist white cops for driving while black:
  J: How are you officers? What can I do you for?
  Cop #1: Well, look at this. Power windows, power seats. I'll bet you the thing costs six grand.
  J: Uh... yes, and it has a roof, but it's hidden.
  Cop #2: Hey, what kind of work do you do? An individual of your particular ethnic persuasion?
  J: Mm.
  Cop #1: Maybe he's a noted athlete.
  J: Mm. Yes, uh...starting forward for the Detroit Darkies.
  Cop #1: Where did you get the car?
  Cop #2: And the suit?
  J: I stole them, both. Uh... the car from [indicates one cop] your wife, and the suit from [indicates the other cop] your grandmother.
  [Beat]
  [cut to the cops shoving J against the car to pat him down]
  J: Hey!
  Cop #1: [finds J's gun] What do we have here? Concealed weapon?
  J: Hey, it's his grandmother's suit! [the other cop takes J's neuralizer]
  Cop #2: Hey, what's this?
  Cop #1: Probably drugs.
  J: Listen, I have rights and I demand to see my lawyer before you press that small button on the side firmly.
  Cop #1: Press it. [the cop holding the neuralizer presses the button and they are both neuralized]
  J: [who somehow managed to get his glasses on while they were holding him] That, gentlemen, is a standard issue Neuralizer, but you're not gonna remember that. AND JUST BECAUSE YOU SEE A BLACK MAN DRIVING A NICE CAR, DOES NOT MEAN THAT IT IS STOLEN! [beat] ...Well, I stole this one. BUT NOT BECAUSE I'M BLACK.
• When J first meets young K.
  J: [overjoyed] K!!! [moves to hug him]
  K: [wordlessly tases J]
• "Mommy, the President is drinking my chocolate milk! He didn't say please..."
• The "Viagrans", who have developed a "revolutionary new pill".
• Agent W. No, Andy Warhol wasn't an alien spy, but he was on the job against those who were!
  • "You gotta fake my death! I'm running out of ideas! I've started painting pictures of soup cans!
  • "Andy, Yoko's here!" "Ughhhh, Yoko's here..."
  • That entire scene. "I'm photographing a man eating a hamburger... it's... transcendent... now the pickle!"
  • "K, you have to get me out of here! I can't tell the women from the men!"
  • And despite his pleas, history tells us W was stuck in his cover until 1987.
    • Related to this, K's assurance that he'll try and arrange for Warhol's death to be faked would seem to be an implication that Valerie Solanas's infamous shooting of Warhol was in fact an MIB extraction attempt that went badly wrong. (Though if so it's a case of Artistic License – History, as Solanas shot Warhol in 1968.)
• When J convinced young K not to neuralyse him, they wind up having to hide it from the chief on the way out:
  Chief: What's he still doing here?
  K: I might have cooked him too long, figured I'd walk him out.
  J: [playing along] I put muh pants on...!
• The Historical In-Joke involving Apollo 11:
  Buzz Aldrin: If we report this, they'll scrub the launch.
  Neil Armstrong: I didn't see anything.
• When Boris's girlfriend smuggles the palm bug to him in a cake:
  Boris's Girlfriend: It's a cake.
  Guard: I'll be the judge of that.
  [scans the cake]
  Guard: It appears to be some sort of cake.
• When J is driving with 1969 K, he just sits there in the passenger seat, staring at him and smiling like some sort of creep.
  K: You lose something over here, Hondo?
  J: Hey man, I've been wondering, how old are you?
  K: 29.
  J: Ooh. You've got some city miles on you.
  K: I'm starting to get a sense of why we don't talk.
• The entire Cosmic Lanes scene where J bowls an alien's head as he and K are interrogating him.
  Bowling Ball Head: You did not just walk into my establishment and rip my head off. I'll tell him this. Hey, if you do this, I am gonna hunt you down and I will make sure that you walk funny for the rest of your miserable life! Is that it?! You've messed with the wrong head! I'll kill ya both! I swear I'll kill both of youse! Ow! Jesus! Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Ah, come on just clean the bathroom with this thing. Please, no cleaning, no cleaning, stop cleaning, ok. Ok, all right. All right, he's in the back, but he's not gonna talk to any Men In Black scum like you. Now gimme back my head. That ain't a fingerhole, you sick bastard. Ow! I'm gonna cut your head off and see how you like it! I'm gonna kill both of youse!
• Boris talking to his old self is truly a sight to behold, it's like watching Jemaine Clement trying to outham himself in an ever-lasting scenery-chewing competition. In particular when Future!Boris is talking but Past!Boris keeps staring at his lost arm.:
  Future!Boris: We grab the ArcNet, kill Agent K, the invasion will be successful, AND we get to keep both of our aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAARGRGH!!! STOP! STARING! AT IT!
• Still on Boris, one can't forget his absolutely glorious laugh.
• Past!Boris climbing up to grab the ArcNet and saying in such an upbeat tone; "I win! I'm better than me!"
• J, K, and Griffin are heading to the rocket launch site when they see security heading up to stop them. K pulls out his neuralyzer... which runs on a battery belt and dial-up modem. J gets tired of waiting and just pulls out his own neuralyzer. Then, Griffin tells J he has to tell the truth and not use the neuralyzer. J goes for Exact Words and tells the security officers the truth... about them working for a secret organization and needing to stop an alien invasion. Cut to the officers throwing J, K, and Griffin on the ground. K's overly cheerful look during J's explanation is the perfect cherry on top.
• When Jay confronts Jeffrey about sending Boris back to the past, he demands to know when and where exactly he sent Boris. Jeffrey tries to play the fool and act like he doesn't, scoffing on how Jay actually thinks he keeps a log book. Cue Jeffrey looking down on the counter and grimacing briefly before looking back at Jay. Jay promptly looks down as well and sees, lo and behold, a logbook. Conveniently right in front of him. It's Jeffrey's chagrined expression that sells it.
• An absolutely horrible bit of Black Comedy when J is performing the time jump. As he looks around and sees history unfolding before his eyes, he gets to the Stock Market collapse. As he looks around he sees a group of Wall Street stockbrokers jumping to their deaths. One of them looks at him and tips his hat, which promptly goes flying.
• J's reaction to seeing Griffin's powers and Griffin's response.
  J: This is amazing...
  Griffin: It's a gigantic pain in the ass. But it has its moments.
• At the end of the movie, when J returns to the present and meets up with K:
  J: What do you know, what do you don't know?
  K: How the hell do I know what I don't know?
• If Griffin's musings are to be believed, then the asteroid being narrowly intercepted by a satellite during the last scene of the movie only happened because K remembered to leave a tip at the diner he was eating at.

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