Funny / Lie to Me

• Every scene with Cal on the witness stand being cross-examined by his ex-wife in "Better Half".
• In "React to Contact", Cal and Emily exit an office where the client of the week's son Jake is playing. Cal does a quick introduction as they walk, while Jake immediately starts chatting up Emily. Cal verbally chases her down the hall, and once she's gone, stares at Jake for a long moment (apparently he read something he didn't like). He's like ''nine''. But then, Emily with her school uniform...can't blame the kid.
• Emily studying for and taking her driver's test in "Delinquent", mainly for Cal screwing with her by screaming "PUPPY!" (causing her to crash into a fire hydrant) and their banter at the end.
• Reynolds and Lightman betting on what the photographer would say when they found the gay porn they knew he was into:
  Cal: 'It's for research' I win, 'it's not mine', he wins. Thanks, mate.
  • Made even better by a scene earlier in the season where Emily calls him out on a photo of his younger self with a tribe he was studying, clearly baked, to which he immediately responds "It was research." She doesn't buy it, either.
• Cal talking to the shrink at the mental institution, pretending he's delusional and hears voices . . . and oh yes, Reynolds is trying to make him kill people. First, we think it's just Cal fucking with authority figures, then we realize he's trying to get himself committed.
  • Crosses the Line Twice when Cal gets the info he needs, tries and fails to convince the shrink he's not mentally-ill, walks out of the ward . . . and is immediately picked up by two orderlies and carried back in.

    Cal: Worth a try.

• "YOU OWE ME TWO-HUNDRED BUCKS YOU BASTARD!" also can be counted as a Moment of Awesome.
• Torres and drunk Gillian in "The Canary's Song", especially Gillian's "up yours!" toast to Cal.
• Cal asking the undercover federal agent how he manages to keep his eyes open after being "shot to death" with blanks.
• The attempted intervention at the end of "Grievous Bodily Harm".
• This exchange between Emily and Cal:
  Emily: Dad! Don't use any kind of psychological tricks to scare my boyfriend!
  Cal: No Tricks! Got it! (opens door for Emily's Boyfriend)
  Boyfriend: Hello Mr.Lightman!
  Cal: Are you planning on having sex with my daughter tonight?
  Boyfriend: (stammers nervously)
  Emily: Dad!
• Reynolds' reaction to Foster's witness-abduction scheme. The resigned monotone he uses is just hysterical.
  Reynolds: Oh, God. I'm going to jail.
• Cal, anytime he's having a case of the Green-Eyed Monster because of a man in Foster's life.
• "Someone in here is definitely lying about Clyde the turtle. I can smell it." Says the great Dr Lightman to a class of kids.
• "Yo, those kids are straight up liars, man. All I told them to do was run product. And by product I mean chewing gum."
  • "He's telling the truth. Except about the gum."
• The entire opening sequence of "Darkness and Light" is a mix between this and Squee, with Foster and Lightman pretending to be married.
• Toward the end of "Canary's Song", a miner steps out, blocking Cal's path, holding a sledgehammer. "I knew it... he's ready to talk".
• A cult member is sitting outside Cal's house, waiting to break in a second time. Cal takes a tire iron to the guy's window and drags him out of the car, then ... convinces him to fuck off and tell the cult leader to do the same.
  Cal: Tell Weatherly this is over. But not in a negative way.
• Cal calling Emily's boyfriend Rick "Dick". Or just Cal around Emily's boyfriends in general, really.