Funny / Land of the Lustrous

For a very sad story about sacrificing something of yourself in order to change, it is packed with a lot of funny and light moments.

As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.

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• Jade versus Rutile when the latter wants to do a hardness test. At one point Phos just lies down and watches.
• Jade unsuccessfully trying to wake up Sensei.
  Jade: "MY HAND!!!"
• At one point "Phos" starts eating some grass in slug form leading to... the expected effect. Dia being clearly scandalized is the icing on the cake.
  • The entire episode with the snail becomes funnier when you learn that the real Phos is still stuck in Ventricosus' shell. Diamond has been carrying the King the entire time.
• Ventricosus and Phos' first scene in Volume 2.
  Ventricosus: You are in the presence of the great ruler of the Admirabilis race. I am Ventricosus.
  Beat panel of Phos making what can only be described as a "dead inside" smile.
  Ventricosus: Kneel before-
  Phos tosses her into the jellyfish pond.
• Ventricosus and Sensei's "meeting" needs to be seen to be believed. First Phos throws Ventricosus at Rutile in an attempt to escape an "inspection," then Rutile sends the slug flying with a kick, only for Ventricosus to land smack dab on Sensei's head. Phos then has a solemn inner monologue about this being the last moment of their life while Rutile silently turns around and walks away.
  Ventricosus: Oh wow, what a hunk!
  Kongou Sensei: I take it this is the snail.
  Jade, Dia, and Bort silently struggle to hold back laughter.
• Phos acting as a translator while Ventricosus fawns all over Sensei.
  Ventricosus: Date me.
  Kongou Sensei: What is she saying?
  Phos: She wants to be your underling. (the slug jumps at Phos' face)
• Phos explanation as to why the Admirabilis and the Gems look so similar are as follows:
  Phos: A jellyfish was so shocked by our beauty that it wished with all its heart to become like us.
  Ventricosus: Move on from the jellyfish explanation.
  Phos: I got it! A slug, that was envious of our cuteness...
  Ventricosus: You must have grown up very fast.
  Phos: You are acting vague, so obviously you know! Tell me!
  Ventricosus: You... Sometimes you are actually pretty sharp. It gives me the strange feeling that you might actually have some potential.
• Yellow Diamond urging Phos to trust them to not breaking the latter up as Phos loses control over their new legs, only to accidentally drop Phos back down on a rock.
• Phos and Antracticite's winter Training Montage. Phos attempts to break the ice floes as instructed by the latter, slams the hatchet down and breaks...themself.
  • The Winter omakes show that all the gems don't sleep very tidily. Bort in particular gets a bit restless, so Antarticite advises Phos to put a blanket on the gem. The same apparently goes for Sensei, of all gems.
  • The gems form a circle in the field to lift up a circular cloth that they will use for hibernation. In the wide shot, a tiny Phos loses their grip and falls backward.
  • Phos gets lost underneath the expansive cloth and looks like a short white ghost. Rutile says they should help with the bedding, which prompts Phos to chase them around low on the ground, spooking them.
• When Spring arrives and the gems wake up to see Phos' new alloy gold gear, they are initially afraid but then go absolutely gaga over it! Rutile wants to experiment on it, Dia pokes it with a stick, Red Beryl gets their measurements and runs around insane trying to figure out how to make a new outfit for a maliable, stretchy mineral, Obsidian wants to create a new weapon, and everyone winds up chasing a terrified Phos around the school!
  Everyone: ...... SO CUTE!
  • Before that, in order to show them the gold alloy isn't dangerous, Phos lets it drip slowly to the floor to form two goofy-looking flowers. It doesn't convince them.
• Shiro (the gigantic multiarmed dog-like Lunarian) horrifying as it is, does provide a couple of humorous moments with its presence.
  • In its very introduction, as it appears to tear up the very fabric of reality to enter the Land, one of its hands reach out through the first crack, Bort and Phos readying themselves for anything, tensing up...only to realize that Shiro got into a moment of Help, I'm Stuck! in the rift.
  • The anime adaptation of "Shiro" adds some Black Comedy: Alexandrite is just chilling quietly in the library when suddenly Diamond runs past, followed by a giant Lunarian, followed by Bort and Phos who's running in the opposite direction right after that.
  • The first time Red Alex appears in the series is pretty funny thanks to Bort's commentary:
    Bort: This always happens whenever Alex sees a Lunarian. Battle crazed weirdo.
    Phos: Like you're one to talk.
  • The ensuring chaos when it splits in 108 adorable creatures after being cut down by Red Alex:
  • Bort's reaction to the whole thing is pretty damn priceless. Firstly the gem can't bring themself to murder the little Shiro's which is already pretty funny. Then after covering the gem and Phos up, the Shiros run off and Bort acts like the whole thing was a cunning plan to distract them. Bort then runs into Yellow Diamond asking if they had seen some "small, fluffy, white things" at which point Yellow Diamond holds up one of the Shiros and Bort's face cracks. The fact that the first time Bort is ever shown damaged in the series is because of a dumb joke is icing on the cake.
  • None of the gems can bring themselves to cut them down, since they are so cute and fluffy. Not so much for Rutile.
    Rutile: When I went outside, they came over to me. So, I thought I'd kill some time and tried dissecting them. When that happened, they split and regenerated.
    Phos: ...I see. You did that to those cute little things... That figures...
  • Euclase, having captured one of them, coyly tries to sneak away and keep it to themself in the cover of the chaos ensuring around from having all of the Lustrous trying to capture the Mini-Shiros.
  • The Amethyst-Twins accidentally bumping into each other as they try to capture the same Shiro simultaneously.
  • After capturing the mini Shiros, Alex approaches Phos near their poorly makeshift jail and asks the gem what happened.
    Phos: At first... (all the mini Shiros fuse into the bigger, stronger form that breaks the cage) It was like this.
  • The gems' reaction to the "new" Lustrous (a golden decoy made by Phos), as it talks in the cheesiest manner possible, challenges Shiro in a fight, talks like a martial artist, complete with Ass Kicking Pose and a hand taunt.
    Gold/Phos: Halt! I am the one you want!
    Everyone else: Who is that?
  • Cinnabar throwing one of the puppies in Phos' face.
  • When all is said and done, the Gems take a nap inside Shiro's tail, complete with sleeping wear.
  • After the excitement of the Shiro's is over, and it finally dies, Diamond is finally repaired. Rutile explains that Diamond was devastated to find out that Shiro died because it only got to meet the scary version rather then the cute fluffy version. Thankfully Diamond is tamed by being given a plushie that Red Beryl made of one of the mini Shiros which briefly freaks Alex out when they see it.
• Anime version of Yellow Diamond venting his frustration out on Rutile for missing all-too-brief awakening of Padparadscha.
  Rutile: "Senile meeting?"
  (Cue Yellow Diamond chasing Rutile around)
• While Sensei is asleep, Alex gives Phos a course on the Lunarians ... in Sensei's clothes, and while doing a dead-on impression of him.◊ They even plan an entire outline that goes on for towers of pages. It's really cute actually.
• Phos meeting Cairngorm. The gem wakes up after almost getting themself captured by the Moon People, sees Ghost in the dark and approaches the gem, but then it's revealed that's just Cairngorm, who literally punches the other's face off. Then they wake up thinking that was just a dream, and the same scene unfolds twice more before Sensei tells Cairngorm to stop, since it's also freaking him out too.
  • Jade's slow realization that there is no way they can just tell Phos what happened.
• Tourmaline giving a hallucinating Phos so me therapeutic talk in the middle of a big fight against the Moon People manages to combine a sad moment with a funny one due to Hemimorphite's increasingly desperate shouts for them to go back to the battle.
• The character introductions for Volume 7, it has all the characters minding their own business and Phos is just lying there in a coma due to getting beheaded, the cherry on top is the character intro Phos gets:
  "The hero of the story, Phosphophyllite... Phosphophyllite? Today we'll be introducing everyone's hobbies."
• After getting a new head and sleeping for a hundred and two years, Phos finally wakes up. Their reaction upon realizing they now have Lapis' face? To squee at how pretty they are now. Cairngorm instantly regrets having offered their mentor's head.
  Red Beryl: And you doubted it would still be Phos?
  Cairngorm: I thought Lapis would override his little mind.
  • Then the gem freaks out because Phos keeps making funny faces with Lapis head to his reflection.
  • And their reaction later when they see Phos crawling in the ground with his alloy and Lapis' head.
    Phos: May I help?
    Cairngorm: You better not. Abomination.
• Cinnabar meeting the new and improved Phos:
  Phos: Guess who?
  Cinnabar: A giant idiot who lost even a head.
• Professor appears, and for the first time Sensei looks so shocked that he seems he is about to have a breakdown. He begs any of the Gems to kill her. After the deed its done, however, we get this exchange:
  Phos: Sensei, who was she?
  Kongou: No clue.
  Phos: (incoherently screaming) YOU ARE NOT EVEN TRYING ANYMORE!
  • Later Phos gets a lengthy talk on which they scream and try to finally get answers directly from Kongou, ending with the gem shouting at Kongou's face that they cannot longer trust him. Kongou's response? "So sad". He later just tells Phos to go to sleep since he is tired which sends the gem into another frenzy.
• Variegatus reveal that the current Admirabilis adore Phos as a god, thanks to Ventricosus' lies. She excitedly calls the gem Pozpozpilizliz, which makes them notice that their name has been through a lot of generations already. There is also the fact that Ventricosus told them all that Rutile was pretty much a demon.
• Phos and Cairngorm's casual suicide dialogue.
  Phos: May I go to the Moon during our next battle?
  Cairngorm: To do what?
• There is something funny in that the Moon People sundries- the scary, otherworldly unknown enemy that the gems faced all this time- all act like a bunch of petty Valley Girls once they are finally able to talk.
• After returning from the moon, the first thing Phos did is messing with a sleeping Cairngorm.
  Phos: Yooooouuuu arrreeeee nooooottt dreeeeeaaaamiiing ♪.
  Cairngorm: Stay back! Stay back! What's up with this crap?!
• Alex's explanation for how they transform: the gem takes a wheel representing their transformations and knockouts, spins it, and then...lets it spin.
• Phos trying desperately to convince Cinnabar to go to the Moon with them. At first, Phos gives Cinnabar the whole situation with the Lunarians, hoping that would be enough to sway the gem. All Cinnabar says is that leaving would make Sensei lonely, and leaves Phos to stew over that sentence until...
  Phos: (already at Cinnabar's cave) That's just dumb!
  • The rest of the encounter has Phos trying and failing to relay information and justifying their own stance, while Cinnabar gives the Gem the cold shoulder all night. It almost feels like the Phos we knew from the beginning of the story returned for a moment.
  • In the same chapter, Phos talking a very sleepy Cairngorm into going to the Moon.
    Phos: Caaaaaaiiiiirngoooorm.
    Cairngorm: ......Hm?
    Phos: I'm going back to the Moon.
    Cairngorm: Bye, take care.
    Phos: I want you to come with me.
    Cairngorm: No.
  • Before Phos goes back to the Moon, they have everyone gathered up. Alex, on their part, has to be blindfolded.
• Sensei telling the Gems that his role as their mentor and leader had him constantly "knitting his brows". Not like they could tell, of course.
• Chapter 66 has several moments:
  • Cicada making an impression of Prince Aechmea, with Phos telling him "It was great!"
  • After being told by Cicada that the facility concierges will help them in anything they want, Phos goes straight to ask them to return the grounded gems from the dust.
  • This little exchange between Phos and the recently waken up Padparadscha:
    Padparadscha: I just missed out a little on living.
    Phosphophyllite: I'm totally gonna use that the next time I say I slept for 100 years.
  • When the Prince arrives:
    Goshenite: You said you´d turn everyone back, Aechmea?
    Diamond: Aechmea! Thanks a lot, Aechmea!
    Phosphophyllite: Shh! He hates people using his name for some reason, and he is not the kind of guy you wanna rub the wrong way!
    Dia/Goshe: Sorry Aechmea!
  • Prince giving the Gems a "Pop Quiz" on what is the most valued thing humans had. Phos' immediate response is "Beauty", to which the Prince doesn't entirely disagree. It follows with all gems brainstorming equally incorrect answers until he gives up and just tells them.
  • The reveal that the reason Lunarians never attacked at night is simply because the Lunarian Labor Union would file complaints, as the Lunarians get easily tired from working and demand low goals and lots of resting. It really puts the whole Cinnabar suffering in a darkly hilarious new light.
• After Phos gets trapped in the dome, Tourmaline and Hemi decide to distract them by using grade school taunts. And Phos being Phos, it works, despite Phos knowing they'd do exactly that.
• Sensei tries once again to tell Jade about highly classified information regarding his reluctance regarding the lunarians. It goes as expected.
• Chapter 77: Phos gets a bit too distracted by a lunarian Shiro-game during a secret mission that they end up exposed at the worst possible set of circumstances once they land. Phos can only sheepishly defend themselves with a poor excuse, knowing what's to come.
  Phos:...so, can I beat the game first?
• Chapter 86:
  • Alexandrite decide to go in first, takes off her blindfold to set-up her battle-mode, turns around, sees Phos and... promptly faints on the spot. Phos was not amused.
  • Dia's embarrassment as they, right before the serious final showdown with Bort, discovers that their fanbase on the moon is also part of the invasion force when they erupt in supporting cheers and drops balloons down around her, some formed as Diamond's face, initiating the duel.
    • Diamond proceeds to tell them to cheer harder for them mid-battle.
• Cinnabar and Phos's relationship escalating to the point where Cinnabar sees the gem coming and immediately starts running.
• The volume 8 extras show that Zircon has a pretty hard time adjusting to treating Sensei as an equal, refusing to just call him "Kon-chan" as the younger Gems have done and slipping "Sensei" somewhere into their attempts.
• The idea that the ice floes actually respond to Phos sometimes (i.e. when they try to comfort Phos during one of the Gem's depressive episodes).
• Volume 10's character sheet features all of the Gems having conversation, except for New!Goshe, who's running around like a kid in the background.
• The flashbacks depicting some of Earth's collisions with meteors feature Earth making emoticon faces. Both times life was wiped out, it's depicted as something as silly as getting hit by a rock.
• Ichikawa's author's notes in the manga. They tend to be hilariously casual when paired with the chaos and tragedy of the plot.
  • Probably one of the most egregious examples can be found in Chapters 93 to 95, when Phos's full transformation into a human is complimented by Ichikawa's quest for a PlayStation 5, which were known for being incredibly limited in supply at the time of the chapters' publishing.
    Adamant disintegrates into shards at Phos's command.
    Ichikawa: I lost all the raffles for a PS5.

    All of the captured Gems become Lunarians, Adamant reveals that he's known about Aechmea's ambitions for a very, very long time, and Aechmea allows Phos to spend the next 10,000 years alone on Earth until they become a Physical God.
    Ichikawa: I got my PS5! Yay!
    • Worst part: the same chapter when Ichikawa got her PS5 is when the series went into hiatus. Wonder if that PS5 is part of the reason why...
• Despite the slightly unsettling implications of all the Gems becoming Lunarians, Chapter 95 give a series of hilarious moments regarding the Gem-to-Lunarian Transformation Machine in quick succession.
  • Amethyst 84 hasn't learned how to name things on the moon.
    Amethyst: The Gem-to-Lunarian Transformation Machine is complete! We call it... The Gem-to-Lunarian Transformation Machine!!!
  • Cairngorm immediately strips down to jump into the Machine. Aechmea can be seen holding their clothes in the background for the rest of the scene.
  • Amethyst explains why they can't let Cairngorm test out the machine first.
    Amethyst: Of course [it works!] But, on the one in a million chance something happens to you, it would be so unforgivable that they'd find my dust all the way to Venus.
  • New Goshenite eagerly volunteers instead, and without permission, runs recklessly into the machine.
    Goshenite: Oh, cool!
  • The machine has one of Diamond's pop songs as background music.
• Despite everything, Phos ends the story just as clumsy as they were as a Lustrous. In an attempt to see the blooming of a Dawn Flower in the new planet they've landed on, they lean too much towards the flower and shatter themselves on it. The piece of Phos that survives this can't even be seen anymore.

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