Funny / Kolchak: The Night Stalker

• "The Ripper"
  • Kolchak is assigned to write Miss Emily's advice column while she is on vacation. His advice is ridiculously blunt and cynical, not to mention terrible.
• "The Zombie"
  • At Edmonds' grave, gangsters Sposato and Fries argue about who ordered the hit on Edmonds. Spisato did, but he denies remembering it even though earlier he claimed he has a "steel trap memory". Kolchak sits in the grave and smirks.
• "They Have Been, They Are, They Will Be"
  • Vincenzo wins a bet to have a fancy dinner catered into his office. Unfortunately, it happens when Carl comes in to tell Vincenzo his story about bone marrow being drained from zoo animals and black bile being left at the crime scenes. Vincenzo thinks he can handle the details and eat at the same time. He can't. Actor Simon Oakland's facial reactions during this scene are priceless.
• "Bad Medicine"
  • Kolchak telling Vincenzo and Ron that he's going to get a new suit, and Miss Emily's half-plaintive/half-triumphant off-screen yell of "Finally!" as Kolchak storms out of the office.
• "Legacy of Terror"
  • Kolchak's voiceover at the beginning saying he told Vincenzo he'd show up at the convention with a haircut, a new hat, and pressed suit, And then showing up in his usual appearance and admitting "But I lie a lot."
  • Kolchak leaving a stuffed mouse hidden on Updyke's desk. The results are predictable.
• "The Trevi Collection"
  • Kolchak and a threatening gangster negotiating on the amount of time Kolchak has to hand over some evidence, and a second gangster suggests that they compromise on 60 hours. The funniest bit is when Kolchak tells Vincenzo, who is baffled at how they came to such an oddball number. Kolchak casually explains "Arbitration".
  • When Kolchak arrives, the Figure says that "nominal donations" are accepted. When Kolchak pays a single dollar bill, the Figure irritably says, "Not that nominal."
  • At a witchcraft speaking a member tells Kolchak about the aforementioned coven she says is more reliable than the speaker saying that it's just business to him and Kolchak responds big business and free speech are what the country was made on. The informant tells Kolchak not to let it slip she told him about the coven saying that they have ethics, and Kolchak quips "Just like big business"
  • When Kolchak flees the coven meeting after a pen levitates, he stops on his way out to take his nominal donation back from the bowl he put it in earlier.
• "Chopper"
  • Kolchak consulting a motorcycle dealer, who makes it clear that his sole desire is to sell Kolchak a motorcycle. To do so, he goes into a long monologue about how a Japanese fighter plane built by Matsuda shot down his plane, hospitalizing and crippling him for a year, "but they make good bikes! Forgive and forget."
  • Vincenzo gets an ulcer, and is prescribed to eat a diet of only bland and gross foods. Kolchak tries to keep him calm, but Vincenzo asks for Kolchak's story. Kolchak tells him about the case he is covering, and when Vincenzo presses his reporter for more info, Kolchak's story gets more and more far fetched. Vincenzo nearly blows up, but Kolchak manages to calm him down, only to inadvertently hit him in the stomach. Oh, and the diet doesn’t even last past lunchtime, since he just orders a greasy sandwich after watching everyone else gorging themselves on pizza and hotdogs. And as “Horror in the Heights” shows, he's still doing it.
• Overhearing Kolchak's testimony of Harry's death scream, Vincenzo mistakes a couple of officers for abusing Kolchak, and he promptly starts harassing them in spite of Kolchak's casual protests.
• Kolchak talks with a coroner and aspiring hairdresser who gives Kolchak advice on his hair and mouths off to him when he's supposed to be giving him information. Kolchak eventually snaps and takes his money back from the guy.
• "The Energy Eater":
  • Nurse Eisen's deadpan "A well-done autopsy is a joy forever" to Kolchak.
• "Horror in the Heights":
  • Kolchak questions a stuffy antique dealer about the Rakshasha, loudly talks about the gruesome details of his case which scares off his customers, fiddles with expensive antiques, and generally annoys the guy. When Kolchak continues to stick around and obnoxiously peruse through the antiques, he starts asking the guy if he's ever seen Citizen Kane.
  Mr. Lane-Marriot: NO!
  • Kolchak finds the sick and elderly Rakshasa-slayer waiting for the monster to come for him. He wonders if perhaps Kolchak could replace him. "He must be brave, keen of eye, and pure of heart. Perhaps you —" He takes a closer look at Kolchak and finishes with, "You'd better be going."
• "The Knightly Murders"
  • Kolchak trying to escape from Captain Rausch and his long-winded diatribes about icepicks and British commandos, and Kolchak's "What the f*ck" looks as he tries to figure out where Rausch is going with his theory.
  • Later, Kolchak slips a hint to a reporter to ask Rausch about how he suspects a British commando with an icepick is the killer. Even Raucsch doesn't know what he was talking about, and actor John Dehner's facial reaction makes that humorously clear.

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