Funny / Kimmy vs. The Reverend

Depending on which set of choices you make, you can get some comedic outcomes.

• Jacqueline pressures Titus to get in shape for his movie. You are prompted to choose whether Titus should go to the gym or lie about it.
  • Go to the Gym: We see a quick montage of Titus "exercising" at the gym.
  • Lie About it and Take a Nap: We see Titus fall asleep on his couch.
    • Wake Titus Up: Things keep waking Titus up: police sirens, falling objects, someone in a hamburger costume.
    • Let Titus Sleep: Titus has a sexy dream with Mikey that devolves into a nightmare with Charlotte McKinney trying to make love to Titus.
• Kimmy tries to decide which Mole Woman to call about the book.
  • Call Gretchen: Kimmy calls Gretchen, while she's in the midst of robbing a bank for the Fimbriae Liberation Army, whose members wear Hillary Clinton masks and inform bank tellers that they’re experiencing a traumatic shock and may want to seek counseling.
  • Call Donna Maria: The first time you call Donna Maria, Kimmy will get some sensible advice—too sensible, really. Donna Maria, still a food-manufacturing magnate whose products now include "Mole Women Molé Sauce," counsels Kimmy to set aside her worries and marry the man who loves her. Cut to one month later, when Kimmy and Frederick are sitting next to each other, reflecting on the wedding we didn’t even get to see.
    Cyndee: [sitting next to them] I thought more stuff would happen. Why did I even turn on my TV, computer, or gaming console for this?
    Kimmy: I did think everything happened a little easy. Do-over!
    • Call Donna Maria (again): You get an automated line to Tia Donna Maria's Restaurant with dial options:
    1. Press 1 for authentic recipes, and one will get a recipe for Nachos de Jesus.
    2. Press 2 to report a diarrhea emergency. You will be told to take a picture of the diarrhea to send to the University of Bristol Biology Department at 44-011-739-4121.
    3. Press 3 to hear a seasonal message: Taco Snake the holiday mascot will sing a pre-recorded, Mexican restaurant parody of "The Twelve Days of Christmas". Kimmy will be delighted at first, but quickly becomes fed up, talks with Frederick, and then yet another special dilemma will open up. Listen all the way through, and return to the switchboard, the recording will then tell you "Press 3 for an Easter Egg." Now when you Press 3, George Georgulio will appear, call you a nerd and introduce a blooper reel.
• Kimmy must decide whether to take Jacqueline or Titus to Indiana. You must choose Titus for the story to progress. If you take Jacqueline instead, well, rather than taking Kimmy’s private jet (she’s still rolling in that Legends of Greemulax money), they take a plane piloted by Jacqueline’s son Buckley, whose inflated college applications said he had a pilot’s license, and she now has to prove that he really is a pilot to avoid fraud charges. Worse still, he never even took the flying lessons she bought him because he himself never wanted to get into USC in the first place. The plane crashes with Kimmy and Jacqueline aboard, killing them all; and as they’re plummeting, Titus is forced to suffer through interval training until the treadmill launches him back against a wall, killing him. Lillian’s old boyfriend Robert Durst then appears, and congratulates you for killing them all.
• If you try to skip the theme song, Walter Bankston will come out to berate you for trying to skip his masterpiece, and make you watch the extended version.
• Decide to have Kimmy socialize with The Reverend rather than get down to beeswax and start inquiring about the girls, and you end up with a dead Reverend. That's because the evil child snatcher will decide to bust out some Michael Jackson dance moves, crack his head on the visitors' booth, and bleed to death. That, unfortunately, leaves Kimmy with no leads and she gives up on her journey. The meta Titus, though, lets you know that's not the proper ending.
  “That doesn’t seem like the right ending, does it? Who are you, me at Chipotle? Because you’ve made some bad choices that affect everyone."
• On arrival in West Virginia, Kimmy and Titus decide whether to wait for an Uber ride or walk.
  • Wait for Mamadou: Mamadou arrives 4,000 minutes later to a pair of Titus and Kimmy skeletons (listening to "I So Famous") and yells "One Star" before driving away. It immediately rewinds to the same choice.
    • Wait for Mamadou (again): Cut to several months later, and their skeletons being crushed by an invading robot army. "The last good humans are dead. We can proceed," says one of our new robot overlords as they see the skeletons.
• Titus and Kimmy find themselves in a small-town bar looking for an answer, and they decide the best way to gain the suspicious locals’ trust is for Titus to jump onstage with the house band and sing "Free Bird." Titus insists he knows the words ("All four years of high school English was the poetry of Lynyrd Skynyrd"). But is he bluffing or not?
  • He Knows It: Titus, having grown up in Mississippi, obviously knows the song and easily ascends the stage to sing it. He does it properly, and wins the respect of the local crowd, who give him and Kimmy a round on the house and are open to all their questions.
  • He Thinks He Knows It: Titus goes on stage and sings an advertising song he learned in a pet store about giving away a free bird whenever one was particularly troublesome. The crowd almost immediately becomes enraged and throws bottles and other projectiles at the stage, even as the band flee the area and leave Titus as a singular, easy target. His rendition is so awful that the clientele literally call the police, and we see the televised transcript of a 911 call for a code 649, "disrespecting Lynyrd Skynyrd", which ends in gunshots as Kimmy and Titus are shot to death. Cyndee then comes on screen and gives you a chance to do better—and apologizes for the decisions she made as a staff writer on the final season of Game of Thrones. ("They did all my ideas!")
• The Reverend's escape.
  • Sneaky Plan: The Reverend simply slips underneath the glass and walks out in plain view of the guard, claiming to be a visitor.
  • Karate: The Reverend has a white belt, and kicks the gun out of his guard's hands. The gun discharges, causing the bullet to rebound a comical number of times before lodging in the guard's throat, killing him and allowing the Reverend and other prisoners to escape. On a second watch-through, he comes back to the guard's body and does an "Asian bow of respect to my foe" before leaving.
• When Kimmy confronts the Reverend, there are four different options on how to deal with him: bazooka him, stomp on him, shoot him, or spare him. Sparing him leads to the happy ending. Choose one of the ways to kill him will result in the following outcomes:
  • Shoot him: Kimmy shoots and kills the Reverend, and quickly moves on to find the girls. Yet, she never returns to the woods where they are being kept. Frederick ends up marrying Lillian.
  • Stomp him: Kimmy kicks the Reverend to death, and is driven insane after the Reverend uses his last words to reveal that the captured girls are somewhere in the forest. However, Kimmy's unable to find them and goes and lives in the hills, while Frederick marries Xanthippe, who makes a documentary about Kimmy turning into a "hill person". After their marriage, the entire royal family gets wiped out when they sail in a blimp over an active volcano, leaving Frederick and Xanthippe the new King and Queen of England.
  • 'Splode him: Kimmy blows the Reverend up with a bazooka. Unfortunately she’s only standing a few feet away from her target, so she gets incinerated too. The good news is Frederick is able to clone her, and he and the woman made from one of her hairs are … happy, sort of. Sure, he’s been disowned and is now just a maître d’ in Harrisburg, and she seems to have become an overly excited and sexually aggressive imbecile with a taste for the flesh of racehorses, but they’re together.
  • Kill the reverend all three different ways, you won't see the outcome of your choice, and instead you meet the Reverend in the afterlife, chilling out on a couch with Mr. Frumpus the molesting muppet. The flames raging in the background are a pretty obvious clue that they're in Hell, but the Reverend disagrees. After all, would Hell play Sugar Ray's "Fly" on an endless loop?