The end results of not drinking from a martini properly.
- Agent 7, one of the spies pulled out of retirement, has a pen with a smoke grenade in the cap
that detonates after 20 seconds.- When a staffer brings teas and coffees for the spies brought in, Johnny struggles to get the cap off the pen, eventually yanking it off with enough force that it goes flying and lands in one of the teacups. Johnny takes the one with the cap out of the room, and removes it. But of course, the tea is so hot that he quickly flings the grenade back into the room. He makes a priceless face as he realizes where he just threw the grenade, so quickly shuts the door. Cue a muffled boom as the smoke grenade knocks out all the old spies. Then English uses his hand to wave away smoke coming from under the door as Pegasus appears:English: They um, they nodded off...
- Since 7 is played by Charles Dance, Game of Thrones jokes can be made about the pen like "The Lannisters write their regards" or "The Lannisters sure have good pens for writing checks to pay their debts with."
- When a staffer brings teas and coffees for the spies brought in, Johnny struggles to get the cap off the pen, eventually yanking it off with enough force that it goes flying and lands in one of the teacups. Johnny takes the one with the cap out of the room, and removes it. But of course, the tea is so hot that he quickly flings the grenade back into the room. He makes a priceless face as he realizes where he just threw the grenade, so quickly shuts the door. Cue a muffled boom as the smoke grenade knocks out all the old spies. Then English uses his hand to wave away smoke coming from under the door as Pegasus appears:
- Upon seeing English again, Bough hugs him. English sardonically tells him that they're going on a mission, not a honeymoon, but then Bough's vest is caught on English's jacket button.Bough: Uh, um, sir, I think it's the pin of your buckle that's caught on my jumper.
English: Yes, I can see what's wrong, Bough. - A MI7 clerk shows English his new spy activation pack, containing a Galaxy smartphone.English: [While inspecting the phone] Ingenious. And what does it shoot? Poison darts?
MI7 Clerk: It doesn't shoot anything. It's a phone.
[English can only look at the phone with disappointment.]- Then when ordered to provide English with a gun the Clerk states he is obligated to inform English that it "Could cause injury or bodily harm." The look on English's face screams "No really?"
- After English and Bough spot the cruise ship they're looking for, English decides to activate a gadget called the "Shoebox Inflator", which is an inflatable boat... while the two are still in their car.Bough: NO, DON'T OPEN IT IN THE CAR!
[A gigantic black airbag goes off inside the car, causing both English and Bough to be squashed up against the side windows.]
English: [Voice smushed] Can you reach your door handle?
Bough: [Voice smushed] Not-not really, sir. - English and Bough pretend to be waiters to get access to a suspect's cell phone. Some mishaps down the line end up causing them to accidentally burn down the restaurant. When they realize what they've done, they both make the best "Screw This, I'm Outta Here" faces.
- English and Bough use magnetic boots to climb up the side of the Dot Calm. As they walk up, metal utensils from the kitchen end up being attracted to the wall. It leads to English and Bough crawling stealthily when they're on the boat, as English boasts that the occupants onboard won't have any idea that they're here. Cue a spotlight shining on them, and an alarm blaring.
- They're tossed into a cell and locked in. English reveals he has a secret weapon to breach the lock: a q-tip smoke grenade.Bough: That's quite a powerful charge for such a small space, sir.
English: No, nonsense. [Slips the charge into the door] It'll just be a slight pop.
[The skeptical Bough covers his ears as the grenade goes off, blasting the door off its hinges and out into the hallway.]
Bough: Should we locate the hold and look for the source of that signal?
English: [Deafened by the explosion] I THINK WE SHOULD LOCATE THE HOLD AND LOOK FOR THE SOURCE OF THAT SIGNAL!
[Yelling is heard as guards begin moving in on their location.] - Bough jumps off the ship to escape, while English is on the ship's edge, held at gunpoint by Ophelia.English: 'Til we meet again.
[Leans off the ship's edge to dive into the water below him, but falls onto the ship's lower deck, as he was on the top deck.]
Ophelia: That was sooner than I expected.
- They're tossed into a cell and locked in. English reveals he has a secret weapon to breach the lock: a q-tip smoke grenade.
- To get ahead of a French cycling group that is blocking English's and Bough's way, English fires a missile from his car ahead of the cyclists, causing them to pull over and cough on the smoke produced, all while the two casually drive past them. Also doubles as a nice callback to the first movie where he used a missile to destroy a speed camera that took a picture of him during the tow truck vs. hearse chase.
- English's justification for his actions:Bough: But they're just cyclists, sir. I mean, we'll get past in a minute.
English: They're French cyclists, Bough, and they're obstructing Her Majesty's Secret Service. - Then the car runs out of gas.
- English's justification for his actions:
- Ophelia is the target that English has to woo.Ophelia: I'm not sure I've ever met a man like you.
English: Let me clear up the uncertainty for you. You haven't.
[Sips his drink, but ends up getting a cocktail umbrella stuck in his nose.]- At another point, she seductively eats an olive, and English tries to do the same. But he accidentally throws it too far behind him, causing a waitress to trip on it. Neither of them notices.
- While English accidentally takes energy pills instead of sleeping pills, Ophelia reaches English's hotel room with a pistol. When she slowly turns the door handle, she is suddenly hit by the opening door, with English strutting out without any sign of slowing down and Darude's "Sandstorm" playing. Cue an entire segment of him dancing like mad. It's even funnier than this sounds.
- Ophelia cannot even kill English due to his manic dancing, via the pistol, or razor wire. For the latter attempt, he unknowingly evades it twice, with the second time involving him throwing her over his head and knocking her out. The dancers nearby can only check on her, while no one notices him continuing to dance vigorously.
- If one has seen Mr. Bean, they may notice that this kind of escape references the eponymous character's habit to run like mad when he screws something up.
- Ophelia cannot even kill English due to his manic dancing, via the pistol, or razor wire.
- Johnny English puts on virtual reality goggles. We all knew it was inevitable the moment Johnny English tempted fate.Bough: It's completely immersive, and some people may lose track of their actual surroundings.
English: Oh, I think we can pretty much guarantee that's not going to happen.- Every time the scene cuts from VR to reality. Sudden dramatic music that is an ear worm for you? Immediately stops when English's mundane and unintentionally dangerous game plays out.
- In the virtual world, he grabs a chopping board to whack an assailant, ride a lift, then disarm another guard of his submachine gun and shoots him dead with it. In the real world, he knocks out a customer with a book, gets into a lift with an alarmed looking mother and her two kids, then upon the lift's arrival at the next floor, disarms a man of his umbrella, and mimes shooting him with it.
- In the virtual world, he crawls on all fours behind a sofa to evade detection by some mooks. In the real world, he crawls on all fours through a zebra crossing and enters a sandwich shop.
- In the virtual world, he then grabs a pistol from an assailant and uses batons to repeatedly bludgeon a mook. In the real world, he fights an elderly woman in a wheelchair for her sandwich before pushing her wheelchair out into traffic, and wields two baguettes to attack a baker.
- He then ends up on a London tour bus, believes the tour guide is an enemy, and ends up hitting him with his shoe and throwing him off the bus. This while the bus is rolling right past Pegasus's office, where Pegasus and his staff are in a meeting. Pegasus is completely oblivious to this, while the others gasp in shock.note
- Then English safely returns to base and removes the headset. Bough then enters and asks if everything is all right. English says it is, and doesn't know what all the fuss is about (referring to the real-world people he accidentally assaulted). As Bough follows English out, he suddenly hears the sound of sirens, looks out the window, and sees police and paramedics attending to the granny and the tour bus operator.
- Every time the scene cuts from VR to reality.
- The British Prime Minister is less than happy with English's antics.Prime Minister: Can I just ask, what is wrong with you? Did you or did you not burn the Cote du Roc restaurant to the ground?
Johnny English: Um...
Prime Minister: And did you fire a missile at a peloton of French cyclists?
Johnny English: Well...
Prime Minister: Before commandeering an open top bus and tossing the tour guide off the top deck and then assaulting an 82 year old grandmother in a sandwich shop before battering the employee of said sandwich shop with two organic sourdough baguettes?
[English and Bough are confused by that last one; Johnny did that one while wearing a VR headset.] - "You are now in the capable hands of Her Majesty's Secret Service!" Said by English while he's wearing knight's armour. About four seconds later he slips on the excessive amount of oil he had used to try and fail to get the armour open, and then slides rapidly through the room, followed by an Offscreen Crash.
- When trying to pursuit Volta before he heads for the helicopter, English tries to stop Bough from going, wanting the honour of arresting him. However, his suit causes him to walk very slowly, step by step. Bough can only assist English in this slow run, opening doors and ensuring he doesn't fall down the stairs.
- When trying to pursuit Volta before he heads for the helicopter, English tries to stop Bough from going, wanting the honour of arresting him. However, his suit causes him to walk very slowly, step by step. Bough can only assist English in this slow run, opening doors and ensuring he doesn't fall down the stairs.
- Johnny commandeering a car from a driver's ed instructor during the escape from Volta's place. Hilarity Ensues as he uses the instructor's gas and brake pedals and scares the shit out of the student driver.
