Funny / Hellblazer

• In the Rare Cuts collections, there's one story about a man who's been magically compelled to blurt out all his most embarrassing secrets whenever he's around other people. Of course, this being a John Constantine comic, it gets a little less funny once we learn all the details. Still...

  "I'M A WHOREMONGER!!!"

• John Constantine's birthday party, where Swamp Thing uses his complete mastery of all plant life... to give John some quick-growing weed.
  • Later, John pisses on The Phantom Stranger's shoes due to being so drunk that he turns around mid-piss when the Stranger approaches him.
• Despite also being one of the Squickiest volumes in the series, Son of Man is chockfull of these:
  • Chas asking John to "magic" away a gun used in a shooting.
  John: "Well, let's see: flibble, flobble, flibble... kaflurp." (Beat) "Bugger me, it's still a bloody gun!"
  • When John and company try to summon a demon up from Hell... and get Sid Vicious instead.
  AW WHY WON'T ISS FACKIN', FACKIN', FACKIN BASS WORRRRRKK?!!
  'Cos you dunno how to play it, Sid. On your bike.
  • "Blimey, I'm shagging a lesbian. Do I win a prize?" (issue 131 pages 18-21, with Sylvia after her quarrel with Carol on pages 4-5)
• Constantine encounters the spirit of Sir Francis Dashwood, the English nobleman who founded London's infamous "Hellfire Club". The kicker? He went to HEAVEN! Turns out all the stories about black sabbaths and satanic rituals were all just myths. Er, except the orgies.
• John discovers Ellie in a two-part issue where she, for some reason, ended up in a hidden room in the Vatican. John, not wanting to kill his long-time demonic friend, decided to freed her, but not before an EPIC "fight" between each other that looked and felt more at home in a Doctor Strange comic book. They even ham it up HARD saying cheesy movie-style dialogues and everything! After they meet again, they're laughing it up.
  Ellie: "We meet again, my old adversary!"
  John: "Do your worst, hell spawn!"
• After clearing up the misunderstanding between King Arthur and Merlin that had been threatening to destroy England, we get this:
  Reports come in of marvelous and miraculous events taking place across the country. For a start, Chelsea actually manage to score a goal at Anfield.
• Goons kidnap Chas and use him to bring John to them, threatening to cut off Chas' head and bury it at Chelsea. Chas' main concern is about where exactly his head is going to be buried ("Tottenham is bad enough, but Chelsea?").
• "Andy, I've the horrible feeling we might have swapped underpants."
• John and Chas are at a bar and see that the piano player looks exactly like Nigel Tufnel from Spinal Tap. John can't resist.
  John: You played it for her -- now play it for me.
  Baffled piano player: Eh?
  John: Play it for me, Nigel — Play "Lick My Love Pump."