Funny / God of War

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• The fight against the Colossus in God of War II. A giant eagle steals Kratos's powers and brings a wonder of the ancient world to life with blue lightning. By sheer determination and what's left of his powers, Kratos breaks its arms in a water wheel, launches a boulder the size of a house at its head and blinds it. He punches it in the face with its own severed hand, then slashes his way inside, and destroys it, leaping out of its mouth. Ladies and gentlemen, that was the punchline. To rant at the gods. Thanks to this, he fails to avoid being squished like a bug by the hand of the falling giant.
  • Earlier in the fight, Kratos can use a catapult to launch himself onto the Colossus. If he uses it at the wrong time though, the Colossus immediately rejects him by grabing him out of the air and slamming him into a wall. When its hand moves away, Kratos sticks to the wall for a second, then falls and bounces on the ground a couple times. Looks like something straight out of a cartoon.
• During the battle against Hercules, Hera, quite clearly drunk off her ass, tells the two blood-soaked bruisers, as they're about to beat each other to death, "You boys play nice!" Nothing amuses her more than seeing Zeus' little bloodthirsty bastards kill each other.
• Kratos's first words to Hermes are, "To catch a fly from the ass of Zeus is not worth my time, Hermes." Later, Hermes, upon being killed by Kratos, explodes into a swarm of flies. And Kratos smishes one that flies on his shoulder.
  • At the end of the Boss fight with him, Hermes launches a "Reason You Suck" Speech toward Kratos, who just stares blankly at him without a reply. Halfway at the end of Hermes' speech, Kratos steers his attention to the messenger gods' winged boots. After Hermes' death by leg chopping, Kratos dramatically poses with his brand new boots.
• The silly costumes in each game are an excellent laugh. Examples:
  • God of War has the Chef of War costume, where Kratos wears a chef's hat, white coat and wields a cleaver.
  • Also in God of War is the Cow of War costume, where Kratos wears a cow costume and his Blades of Chaos are replaced by milk bottles.
  • God of War II sees Kratos as the Cod of War, where he dresses in a giant cod costume.
  • In God of War II, there's also the Goddess of War costume, which makes Kratos look like Athena, but not sound like her. So basically, we get to watch Athena kick all kinds of ass while yelling in Kratos' voice.
  • God of War: Chains of Olympus gives access to the Mime of War, where Kratos wears mime makeup and goes unarmed, killing his foes by simply swinging his arms in their direction.
  • Also in Chains of Olympus is the Spud of War costume which has Kratos being dressed in a potato costume.
  • God of War: Ghost of Sparta has Robotos, in which Kratos wears a costume that looks like a robot made of cardboard box, ventiliation hoses, and duct tape.
  • God of War 3 does not have a silly costume, but they made a silly Gamestop pre-order trailer for the Phantom of Chaos costume in which Kratos states that the costume is made out of Chimera parts, which scares the Chimera.
• Cronos, who eats his own babies out of fear of rebellion, hilariously has the gall to call Kratos "A coward who kills his own kin." Pot calling the kettle black, Cronos; Pot, Kettle, Black.
• The scene where Kratos killed David Jaffe while congratulating the player.
• One of the potential bits of commentary during the sex minigame in God Of War III hangs a humorous lampshade on the provocative scene:
  Handmaiden: [fondling her partner while watching Kratos off-screen] This is definitely for mature audiences only!
  Other Handmaiden: Parents should not let their children watch this!
• The Ship Captain never catches a break. He keeps running into Kratos, being humiliated or getting killed each time — killed in plural form, as Kratos has a tendency to get thrown into Hades.
• The sex scenes in each game are funny on their own, but adding to the joke is the fact that they grow progressively over-the-top. In Ghost of Sparta, the scene starts with Kratos grabbing two prostitutes; then, as the player inputs commands correctly, the screen starts shaking increasingly violently, and more and more prostitutes will come running to join in. When Kratos is done he will have seemingly pleasured eight or so partners... at the same time.
• The Seen It All half-rotted guy Kratos encounters at the entrance to the Temple of Pandora in the first game. He sounds positively bored when Kratos comes by, but goes through the whole ritual because its his job to open the gate for anyone who want to try it... and then burn the remains of the idiots who fail.
• Castor the prophet, at the onset of his battle, orders a pair of hapless, scrawny mooks to restrain Kratos and remove him from the premises. The guards are smart enough to know what's about to happen, and run like hell.
  Castor: We really must find better slave traders.
• In his first encounter with Hephaestus in God Of War III, Kratos asks for information about the Flame Of Olympus’ whereabouts, only for the smith god to avoid the question. Kratos’ response is to wave his hand in a, “Whatever man,” manner followed by him uttering this gem:
  Kratos: "You have been truly helpful, Hephaestus."
  • The fact that Kratos raises his arms in a dramatic manner when he says this really adds to it's hilarity in one of the few non-serious moments in the series.
    • The fact that Hephaestus is sat in a pool of lava. We don't know why he chooses to sit in a pool of lava, just that he is.
• Gaia, after letting Kratos fall into the underworld while pretty much telling him that he was a pawn, actually expects him to help her up mountain when they meet again. It's utterly baffling how she doesn't consider the possibility that a man well known to be an utterly ruthless and vengeful warrior wouldn't forget that, and that she doesn't even feel the need to just try to apologize to him.
  Gaia: You live spartan? The blood of Cronos serve you well. Quickly! You must help me!
  Kratos: Help. You?
  Gaia: Yes child! Quickly! I suffer greatly! I tried to return to battle but-
  Kratos: Without me?
  Gaia: You know I had no choice! You must help me! (Kratos instead proceeds to cut the vines holding her mangled arm together)
  Gaia: Kratos! Do I mean nothing to you!?
  Kratos: You were a means to an end, Gaia. Nothing more.
• Listen closely in the beginning of God of War 3, right after Zeus says "Our mountain emerged out of the chaos. As it grew, so too did the might of the Olympians". No seriously. JUST. LISTEN. TO. THAT. SUSPICIOUSLY. FAMILIAR. SCREAM.
• There's something mildly funny about how Kratos, who's so strong that he can resist hundreds of tons of crushing force and even push it back, and so agile that combined with his strength he can leap and swing around like Spider-Man using his chain blades, bounce off platforms, slide down inclines using one of his blades as a semi brake, load himself up on catapults as a makeshift projectile, climb walls and ceilings by using said blades as a brace and even letting go of one to swing at enemies or grab them and smash them into the wall/toss them to their doom, and so on...still crosses thin ledges by holding his arms out for balance and walking with one foot in front of the other like any average schmoe.
  • Similarly, seeing the unstoppable god-killer Kratos get hit so hard he's flattened on the ground and bounces back up like he's a cartoon character is hilarious.
• At the start of the Chronos boss, Kratos steps onto a giant stone hand, investigates the dirt for a second, then looks absolutely baffled when the earth shakes and the hand he's standing on is lifted up by an even bigger hand - that of Chronos, a Titan so big, Kratos merely needed to look to the left in the last five minutes to see him.

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