Funny / Girls

• As seen in this Season 1 compilation, a lot of things that come out of Shosh's mouth.
• All Adventurous Women Do has Shoshanna reviewing an outfit Jessa will wear to babysit
  Shoshanna: Okay, so you look, like, totally gorgeous as always. And, like, very current. I'm just wondering if it's maybe, like, a little bit threatening for babysitting.
  (camera pans out to reveal Jessa in a long, white, lacy, see-through dress revealing her tangerine colored bra and panties)
  Jessa: (turns around and looks) It's floor length
  Shoshanna: I can see your belly button.
• The Crackcident. Shoshanna thinks she's smoked some pot on the way to the bathroom. Also serves as a Corrupt the Cutie moment.
  Ray: Did you smoke crack — little white rocks?
  Shoshanna: No! It was a glass cigarette, and I'm high — and my ears feel like popping. Do your ears feel like popping?
  Jessa: You smoked crack.
  Shoshanna: Don't tell my mom — don't even tell me.
• When Adam takes Hannah running.
  Hannah: Endorphins don't work on me. Anyone who's ever promised me a runner's high is full of bullshit.
• Ray, ever the Deadpan Snarker, comments on Hannah's clothes when she comes to work at his coffee shop.
  Ray: Did you bring other clothes with you?
  Hannah: No.
  Ray: Then you have to go home and change.
  Hannah: Is there a dress code I didn't know about?
  Ray: Hannah, you're wearing a white dress. You're effectively begging the world to fuck with you. You're daring a homeless person to wipe their blood on your breasts.
  Hannah: Well, we wear aprons, don't me?
  Ray: This isn't a consumptive women's hospital. We don't wear aprons. No. Forget all the BBC you watch at home with your cats and pick out an appropriate outfit. And don't do some shit where you come back wearing grey, flannel sweat pants and a Taylor Swift T-shirt to be a dick. Okay? I know all the dick moves — don't be a dick. Just — a nice cute top.
• The end of Video Games has Hannah getting her UTI back, she gets on the phone to talk to her parents (with her Mom thinking she's trying to manipulate them), gets off the phone and starts cying...only to sound like a Rugrats character. It's darkly funny.
• Tad Horvath misses Hannah's sarcasm in It's Back when her parents take her to a clinic concerning her OCD coming back. Loreen is not amused.
  Hannah: Oh God, maybe I'm anorexic.
  Tad: Oh come on Hannah I know you're not anorexic, I've seen you in a bathing suit.
• Elijah sneaking into the cast photo at Adam's premiere.
• The final lines of 4x08.
  Mrs. Horvath: Your father's gay.
  *Beat*
  Hannah: Uh.
• The promo for Season 5: Hannah is in a dance/exercise class and grooving quite gloriously until her mother bumps her arse to her daughter's butt, much to Hannah's annoyance
  Hannah: Mom!
• Marnie's ◊Wedding Day Makeup (thankfully Jessa took care of the cosmetic issues).
• Hannah meeting the supposed creepy guy that her Dad ran away from. He turns out to be as nebbish as her Dad.
• Japan
  • Elijah and Ray are helping Hannah do some cheesecake style nude pics for Fran and she is failing at making a sexy face. Then Elijah comes with a solution.
    Elijah: Let me put this in words you understand: pretend you know there will be a cake later.
    (Hannah delivers a perky, sexy smile)
  • Shosh's response after she tells her Tokyo girlfriends that her family isn't rich.
    Girlfriend #1: I thought you were wealthy because of your spoiled attitude.
    Shoshanna: No, everyone in America acts like assholes.
• Hello Kitty
  • The Principal where Hannah works reading off the many disses she made about some of the teachers to the students, like one teacher having a "centaur butt" for one. Hannah then asks him what can she do and reveals she isn't wearing any underwear.
  • The play that Hannah and Fran go to see, where two actresses act like bickering sisters and one of them starts dancing to "He's So Fine" to piss off the other.
  • "I was too busy Yelping divorce lawyers to worry about the sex lives of my second-tier friends."
  • "Your friends are so nice. Mine are mean and poor."
• The hilariously predictable consequences of Hannah giving Ray road-head in Homeward Bound.
• Hannah's story in I Love You Baby is both this and a moment of awesome.
• Hannah's remarks about how her mother dresses like Pat Benatar because of her gay husband and mid-life crisis.