Funny / Futurama Season 7

John DiMaggio meets John DiMaggio.

The Bots and the Bees

• When Bender's baby first appears, Bender predictably denies any connection with him. What does the baby say that proves he is the father?
  Baby Ben: Wipe my tiny metal ass!
  Bender: Aw, crap.
• The scene where Bender is bonding with his son Ben is both funny and touching. It shows stereotypical father son activities such as fishing and learning to ride a bike, but they are actually stealing together.

A Farewell to Arms

• Turns out the solar flare wasn't going to hit Earth (for once), but Mars... which everyone spent the whole episode evacuating to. Oops.
• "Cowardman, away!"
• The Great Revealo
  Fry: Wait! I did it. I got a Leela a ticket!
  Leela: How did you that?!
  Fry: A-ah-uh-uh! A magician never reveals his secrets. Except the Great Reveal-o!
  Zoidberg: That guy stinks.
  • Then, a bit later
  [The Great Reveal-o releases some doves, and the audience gasps in awe.]
  Great Reveal-o: The doves didn't magically spring from my hand, but rather were crammed into this netting sewn into my sleeve!
  [The audience claps.]
  Zapp: Thank you, Great Reveal-o!
• When Mars approaches Earth, the resident recurring hobos Dandy Jim and Gus get this moment:
  Dandy Jim: I have got to quit drinking.
  [He throws his booze bottle in the air. The bottle gets caught in Mars' gravity and falls into the hands of Gus.]
  Gus: Thanks, friend!

Decision 3012

• FREE BEER. To clarify, the intro ends with the Planet Express Ship

actully avoiding crashing into the scren... just as the slogan appears. Cue Beder deliberately crashing the ship.

• Bender is working for Nixon to dig up dirt on Chris Travers, a rival election candidate. While digging through his office for files at night, Travers comes back, forcing him to hide in the men's room disguised as a urinal (the rest of which are out of order). Cue Traverse walking up to Bender and unzipping his fly as we transition to the next scene.

  Nixon: Well, you did manage to get us a TREMENDOUS urine sample...

  Bender: (embarrassed and traumatized) Let's not talk about that...!

• Bender in Nixon's office after attempting to get video of Travers at a strip club:
  Bender: In and out of the club thirteen times in one night. That's a record!
  Nixon: Where's Travers? All I see is you going in and out.
  Bender: Yeah, me. I set the record.
• Bender "photoshopping" pictures of Travers, which is little more than pictures of Bender with fembots and taping a picture of Travers to his head.
• Nixon always WINS! A-ROOOO!!!!

The Thief of Baghead

• Bender's stunt as a paparazzo is pretty hilarious. Seeing what he does to sabotage people so the pictures seem scandalous.
• Leading up to the above, the editor of Us People sees the makings of paparazzi in Bender and walks him towards a window while he explains the premise.
  Larvae Levin: But it's not for everyone. You'd have to wallow in Hollywood filth, loiter in dark alleys behind seedy nightclubs and get spat on by the beautiful people.
  Bender: Hmm, I don't know. How much will it cost me?
  Larvae Levin: You misunderstand, Bender. We'll pay you.
  [Bender's eyes widen, then shoot out and crack the glass in front of him; a heavenly choir plays]
  Bender: Sir, you just hired yourself a new what'sawazzo.

Zapp Dingbat

• A trio of aliens use holophoners to create a male crossdressing dancer. Cue their audience:
  George Takei: Dance, slave!
• Zapp Brannigan offending the Carcaron ambassadors by attempting to congratulate them in their native tongue only to say this:
  Zapp Brannigan: (Gurgles Carcaron language)
  Universal Translator machine: I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of baloney.
  • Apparently, Zapp tried the same thing while at a Mexican restaurant with similar results. Literally, the restaurant declared war on them.
    Kif: It's the battle of Paco's Tacos all over again!
• Leela trying to console her dad over him and her mother's splitting up.
  Leela: It's time to move on with your life.
  Morris: But she was my life.
  Bender: Aw... (Leela, Fry and Morris stare at Bender) What?
• Leela tells her dad that she can't join him surfing because she has to keep an eye on her mom and Zapp so they don't "WEE WOO WEE WOO...chuggachuggachuggachuggachugga, yee haw!" which gives a surprisingly vivid depiction of Zapp and Munda's activities, down to what position they'll be in. Just how closely is she keeping an eye on them?
• Munda angrily saying "sex with Zapp" to Leela to make her uncomfortable. Then she leaves the apartment and immediately calls Leela just to say it one last time.
• Zapp officiating his own wedding.
• The Carcarons interrupt Zapp's wedding:
  Zapp: We're under attack and the wedding's off. Kif, return fire and the cake.
  Kif: Our weapons are disabled, and you can't return ice cream cakes! We're doomed!
• The "Space Surfing" musical number in the alternate ending.
  Morris: We're going space fighting!
  Chorus: Space, space fighting!
  Morris: Everybody come blasting with me!
  Munda: Stop now, sweetie, we'll negotiate a treaty with the Zebulon galaxy!
  Carcaron: Muh-roo?
  Munda: We give galaxy (gurgles) in exchange for Earth!
  Carcaron 1: Mulalah gugu voodoo!
  Carcaron 2: Snee do good!
  Bender: I kinda want to kill someone, but it's all good!
  Everyone: 'Cause you're going space surfing with me!

The Butterjunk Effect

• There's a little gem from "The Butterjunk Effect":
  Leela: (seductively) Fry, keep your door unlocked tonight.
  Fry: But McGruff the crime dog says-! Oh....
• Bender entering the room and walking in on Fry, Amy and Leela. He seems them altogether and gasps as his towel falls to the ground.
• Great Self-Deprecation
  Bender: You can do work and be lazy at the same time! Like a voice actor!

The Six Million Dollar Mon

• Hermes is doing performance reviews to determine which employee to fire. Cue Scruffy's review:
  Scruffy: My job? Toilets 'n' boilers, boilers 'n' toilets, plus that one boilin' toilet. Fire me if'n you dare.
• A drop of LaBarbara's curry eats through the table... and descends through the apartment complex, causing general havoc until it drops straight into Robot Hell and onto the Robot Devil's head.
  Robot Devil (screaming in agony): Ahh! It burns! It burns!
  • Important to note: the Robot Devil was eating fire at the time.
  • And Hermes still has to add hot sauce.
• Roberto yelling that he's going to stab the electro-magnetic chair.
• Zoidberg might usually suck as a stand-up comic and a doctor, but he definitely shows a calling in ventriloquism!
  Zoidberg: Thank you, I'll be here all week!
  Lil' Hermes: You've been warned, people!
  • Of note is his ability to harmonize. With himself. Amy is annoyed and disturbed he's even capable of this.
• "Robot brain implant? Never. No one in their right mind would do that." (Cuts to Professor Fansworth laughing in a dark thunder storm)
• The first time everyone sees the hulking form of Mega Hermes:
  Fry: (looking over his reflective backside) Nice shiny metal ass, Hermes!
  Bender: But—! (spouting hurt-sounding gibberish)
• This whole exchange.
  Zoidberg: Uh, Mr. Conrad, did you remember to save the trimmings for me?
  Hermes: Yes, yes, doctor. Right here.
  Hermes: Wait. You're not eating my discarded flesh, are you?
  Zoidberg: How could you even ask such a thing? Of course, I tried eating you, but your flesh was too spicy.
  Hermes: Thanks to years of Labarbara's curried goat, no doubt. But my mecha-stomach has no need of goat. Mecha-Hermes has spoken! Mecha-Hermes still wants to know what you're doing with his pieces.
  Zoidberg: Something wonderful.
• A deleted scene has Roberto peel Bender's metal skin off to demonstrate what he's going to do to Hermes, revealing that Lucy Liu is still living in his cabinet.
• "Here Lies Roberto: Beloved Killer and Maniac"

Fun on a Bun

• The very first scene, Fry eats a dipped Doritos chip with his feet:
  Leela: Ugh, Fry! That's disgusting!
  Fry: What?
  Leela: You double-dipped! Geez...
  (Leela then proceeds to eat a dipped Doritos chip with her feet)
• Fry leading the Neanderthals' attack against the Homo sapiens.
  Fry: Kill all modern humans!
  Bender: Hey, this guy's alright.
• The scene where Zapp is in his ship and the Neanderthals launch something with a catapult.
  Zapp Brannigan: What is that, Kif? (object is revealed to be a sabre-toothed cat which attacks him.)
  Kif: I believe it's a sabre-toothed cat, sir.
• The Overly Long Gag between Hermes and the Megatherium.
• Bender running back to a booth to drink beer and then a woolly mammoth crushes the booth.
• "In light of your overwhelming victory, we'll call it a draw." —Zapp Brannigan
• Bender, who has already taken advantage of the neanderthal attack to shove the second-place winner of the sausage competition (in which he himself placed third) into the path of a woolly rhinoceros and steal his sash and trophy, encounters the first-place winner.
  Bender: Chef Fritz! Thank God you're all right! Come with me, I'll protect you!
  (He quietly rips off the second-place sash and throws away the trophy, then hoists Chef Fritz over his shoulders while letting out a tremendously evil cackle.)
• Some unexpected wit from the Fry quarter:
  Farnsworth: Why, I don't even know half your names! You, boy. What do they call you?
  Fry: Most folks just call me "Orange Joe."

Free Will Hunting

• All of Joey Mousepad's lines in "Free Will Hunting":
  Joey Mousepad: [offscreen] Psst. Over there.
  Bender: Where?
  Joey Mousepad: I mean over here. Sorry, I forgot where I was.
  Joey Mousepad: Sorry there, sport. That cash greenback belongs to us Mafiolios.
  • Bender prostituting himself off to Hedonismbot for $5 for a hit of spark, a substance "analogous to drugs":
  Hedonismbot: Hello, handsome. Might I procure your services?
  Bender: Uh, what do I have to do?
  Hedonismbot: Oh, nothing sordid, I assure you! Simply vomit on me, ever so gently, while I humiliate a pheasant. [Bender begins to retch.] Save it for the boudoir!
• Bender in the hospital after being beaten up by the Robot Mafia
  Bender: It's been quite a journey. I dropped out of school, joined a gang, took money from a loan shark, and fell into a spiral of despair of addiction and discount prostitution.
  Hermes: Mon, you had one hell of a day!
• Leela asking Bender if he's ready to make the delivery and then he spits gum in her hair.
• Bender: Life is about decisions. Make the wrong ones, and you'll wind up face-down in a pool of your own blood and urine.
  Zoidberg: Still, to have your own pool!

Near-Death Wish

• Leela coming on to Fry and then him rejecting her advances because "he's trying to meet old people".
• On "Near Death Wish": Professor Farnsworth's bitterness at his parents causes him to run out into the street crying. While fully naked.
  Bender: That is one crazy, uncircumcised old man.
  • Also from the same episode, Farnsworth's parents tell him he can't go to college because he's not emotionally mature enough. Cue Farnsworth crudely mimicking them and then collapsing on his bed crying.

31st Century Fox

• Fry drinks straight from the champagne fountain:
  Old woman: Uh young man. One does not drink from the champagne fountain in that manner.
  Fry: But he's doing it! [Bender's horse is drinking from the fountain]
• Bender on a fox hunt after developing a sudden passion for the sport based on virtually zero knowledge:
  "Ah, yes, fox hunting. If there's one thing I know, it's everything about it." (Fox is revealed.) "What's that weird cat?"

Viva Mars Vegas

• Big Spender, adapted for Zoidberg.
• "Oh fuff! God didn't get to be God just by giving out money!" — Professor Farnsworth when Zoidberg says God gave him his sudden wealth.
  • How did Zoidberg suddenly get wealthy? He was sitting in his dumpster and starting to pray to God for help and guidance. He's barely started when a duffle bag full of money lands right in front of him, then looks skyward and says, "Alright, I'll shut up!"
• When the Robot Mafia need to ditch a bag of money they've stolen, Joey Mousepad points out a specific dumpster in New New York that they could drop it off in. Clamps clarifies the exact location and Joey asks what other dumpster he could mean, as they—in Earth's orbit—get a good look at the entire Eastern Seaboard of North America.

Naturama

• An episode showing that Nature Is Not Nice complete with sponsor from Mutual of Omicron, mating season, Morgan Freeman parody narration, animals eating other animals and so on.
• In the salmon segment, Lrrr's counterpart is a bear named Brrr, "devourer of fish and honey!"... whose wife still chastises him for eating two salmon in one day.
  Brrr: What? It's spawning season! It's a bear holiday!
  Bear Ndnd: That is what you said when you found those boy scouts!
  Brrr: Next you'll be telling me I can't crap in the woods!
  Bear Ndnd: That's it! We're hibernating in separate caves this winter!
• The tortoise segment:
  • The finches often jump around in a goofy hyperactive way when talking.
  • Farnsworth and Mom, as tortoises, mate just offscreen. The other animals debate whether they should be watching, complete with a nod to the... oddly sized equipment of turtles and tortoises.
  Finch Fry: Um, should we be watching this? It seems kind of personal.
  Iguana Bender: That's not an issue for us. We're wildlife.
  [Weak, raspy moaning]
  Finch Fry: What about the moaning? Is it okay to listen?
  Finch Leela: Sure, but act like it's no big deal. Just pretend you're eating seeds.
  [beat; Leela tries to eat seeds and Fry and Bender keep staring]
  Finch Fry: Is it weird if I talk about his crazy turtle penis?
  Iguana Bender: No.
• Elephant seal Bender defeating Kif. By which we mean smashing him into a pancake for hours after he died. While sleeping.

Forty Percent Leadbelly

• When Bender talks about wanting to make up his own folk songs:
  Zoidberg: But robot, you can't make up folk songs like you can a medical diploma. (points to his head) They have to come from the heart.
• Fry carrying dynamite into a railroad camp and dropping it. He then delivers it into a warehouse with other explosives and the whole building explodes.
  Gus: Dibs on the toes!
  • "So while Bender goofs off at some railroad camp, I have to deliver dynamite to a railroad camp myself! And it's the same railroad camp! I mean, the irony is palpable!"
• Bender after his "artistic integrity" monologue: "LET'S SELL OUT" And then he and Silicon Red become rappers!

2-D Blacktop

• A gem early on:
  Farnsworth: Ah, perfect timing. I just turbocharged the matter compressor.
  Fry: What's the matter compressor?
  Farnsworth: Nothing's the matter Fry, now that I've turbocharged the matter compressor.
• After Leela gets annoyed that the Professor made the ship faster instead of safer, he responds that he doesn't get involved when Leela improves her breasts, to which she responds by crossing her arms under her chest and saying that her breasts never put anyone in danger. Cue Scruffy getting distracted ogling her and walking into the edge of the ship's entrance stairway.
  Scruffy: Done broke my spine. Nice rack though.
  Leela: Thank you Scruffy.
• Speed Buggy's and Mach 5's cameoes in the junkyard.
• Farnsworth: Yo, soccer mom, speed it up! Move that lunch bucket! Oh, Leela!
  Leela: Professor?! What did you do to the Planet Express ship? And why are you wearing a leather lab coat?
  Farnworth: Because unlike you, I'm cool! I drive fast late at night when I should be sleeping. But you wouldn't understand.
  Leela: I understand I can still outdrive your saggy ass, even in this clunker!
  Gang: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! That one-eyed housewife called you out! When and where, PTA?
• "Bender is bored! Bender is bored! Bender, Bender, Bender! [gets sprayed over with cement]
• "HOORAY! A TIE!"
• While they're in the second dimension, Bender casually steals a four-pronged candelabra off a table. This becomes funny when they reappear in their dimension and Bender rolls up to his expected "We're back, baby" by popping four cigars in his mouth and lighting all of them at once.

T.: The Terrestrial

• All of Bender's attempts to cover up the fact that he left Fry on Omicron Persei Eight. And the fact that he succeeds.
• One of Bender's efforts at hiding Fry's absence has him loop an answering machine's recording of Fry saying "myself" partway through and claim Fry is exterminating mice. Bender ends up slipping up and making it sound like Fry is repeatedly saying "elf" instead of "mice", which prompts Scruffy to declare "The elves are back" and to walk away after picking up a mallet.
• Bender receives Oblivious Guilt Slinging:
  Leela: Bender, do you know where Fry is? I haven't seen him since we got back from Omicron Persei 8.
  Bender: Fry? Ahhhh, you, uh—just missed him! He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cause he loves you and crap.
  Leela: Aw, that's so sweet. Thanks, Bender. (She kisses Bender on the forehead and walks out. Farnsworth walks in wearing sunglasses.)
  Farnsworth: Dude! That herb you scored cleared up my arthritis and my glaucoma! Have you seen Fry?
  Bender: Fry? Uhhhh, he, uh, went to get you a burrito at the gas station.
  Farnsworth: Awesome! You gotta love a dude that brings the munchie! Fry is one guy I'd definitely never abandon! (He kisses Bender on the forehead and walks out.)
• Leela talking about the make-out session she and Fry supposedly had in a dark closet. Bender was pretending that Fry was still there so he wouldn't get in trouble for leaving Fry behind, this means Bender actually made out with Leela in a dark closet while pretending to be Fry.

Fry and Leela's Big Fling

• When Fry and Leela come out of their lockers to have a romantic evening together, Fry wears a robe, which is still stuck on the hook. He gets snagged and asks Leela to help him.
• When Fry and Leela are strolling through the park holding hands and having a romantic moment, Bender bursts through the trees on his nightly crime spree. He then tries to mug them anyways and reveals his "gun" is actually a carrot. Leela proceeds to beat the crap out of him and Fry and her steal the money he has stolen.
  Bender Help! I'm being mugged!
• The scene where Leela suggests they go skinny dipping. It also shows a great amount of progression in their relationship that Leela does legitimately find Fry attractive. Leela strips off her bathing suit and gets in the water in an attempt to entice Fry to join her. Fry, worried about modesty, decides to keep on his shirt, the camera showing this isn't leaving much to imagination in any case. Fry then takes off his shirt and canonballs in the water. Then he suggests they play Marco Polo, rather than something more intimate.
• The scene where Fry and Leela start having sex. Leela "wanting to make love by bug light" and the camera pulling away to show their friends' reactions. Zoidberg pretends to be horrified but when Amy, Bender, and Guenter walk away, he uncovers his eyes and watches Fry and Leela.
• "You know who I hate most? That monkey we haven't seen in years, Gunter!" There's something hilarious about Gunter's shocked and annoyed reaction.
• At the end of the episode, Bender desperately wants to tell Fry and Leela that they were at a zoo and all their "activities" were on display but Amy begs him not to because it will humiliate them. Fry and Leela then taunt them with earlier insults they had made about Amy and Zoidberg.
  Bender: Now can I!? Now can I!?
  Amy: Let 'er rip!
  (cue the Executive Producer credits, then cut back to Planet Express)
  Bender: YOU WERE IN A ZOO!!!

The Inhuman Torch

• Mayor Poopenmeyer: (to Fry and Bender) You boys must have hero in your bones! (to Leela) And you, lady, must have heroine in your veins!
• Hermes: It's like the flame has a mind of its own.
  Leela: It's deaky. Freaky-deaky!
• The news report of the mine collapse:
  Linda: Officials concede that any attempt at rescue would be an agonizing suicide mission.
  Farnsworth: Good news, everyone!
  Leela: [disgusted sigh]
• Zoidberg pole dancing on the fire station's poles:
  Zoidberg: Friends, look at these new poles. Get ready for one sexy firehouse.
  (Slides down the pole in a very seductive manner)
  Farnsworth: Zoidberg, quit turning us on and go polish your nozzle!
• Zapp Brannigan isn't very good at astronomy.
  Zapp: They said it couldn't be done, Kif. But here we are, stealing an unlimited supply of birthday-grade helium from the unsuspecting moon.
  Kif: Sun.
  Zapp: But at night, it's called the moon.
• Fry, Bender and Leela going in to rescue the trapped helium miners.
  Leela: (through a megaphone) Attention, helium miners! Can you hear me?
  Helium Voice from offscreen: For God's sake, help us!
  Another Helium Voice: We're in agonizing pain!
  [Fry, Bender and Leela start snickering uncontrollably.]
  Leela: (whispering) Stop laughing! (through megaphone) Help is on the way!
  Bender: (grabbing the megaphone) In the meantime, you should sing a song to keep your spirits up! How 'bout "Camptown Races"?
  Various Helium Voices: Camptown ladies sing this song, doo-da, doo-da...
  [Bender and Leela giggle.]
• Fry and Bender's Seinfeldian Conversation about the "Find My Robot" app that Fry used to track Bender without his knowledge.
  Bender: Neat. What was it, 99 cents?
  Fry: No, free. But it's got ads on it.
  Bender: Ehh, that seems fair.
• Fry insists that Bender would never commit arson for attention and lists all the reasons he actually would:
  Fry: For insurance money? Yes. Revenge? You bet. To give an autumn night that crisp, chestnutty smell? Absolutely.
• After Planet Express becomes a fire department, Leela paints Nibbler so that he looks like a Dalmatian. When they're off to put out their fire fire, Nibbler sticks his head out of the ship like dog would.
• Having saved the Earth from becoming another sun, Bender is proclaimed by the Sun Sages to be the greatest hero in Earth's history.
  Bender: Yes! Suck it, Gilgamesh!

Saturday Morning Fun Pit

• The episode takes a "warts and all" approach to the cartoons being spoofed by acknowledging that, as well-remembered by those who grew up with them as they were, the old Saturday morning cartoons were not perfect. Examples of aspects of and stuff related to Saturday morning cartoons being poked fun at include cheesy "We'll Be Right Back" bumpers, excessive commercial breaks, the Merchandise-Driven nature of cutesy shows like Strawberry Shortcake, The Smurfs and My Little Pony, the gratuitous celebrity cameos in The New Scooby-Doo Movies, Moral Guardians (conservative and liberal) protesting over Saturday morning cartoons not being educational and being too violent, and how sports (ex: golf) shows always aired after a block of cartoons on network TV.
• Bendy Boo: Buttery floor, "teriyucki" chicken, Larry Bird's literally phoned-in cameo, reused animation, Shaggy Fry drug reference and so on.
  George Takei: I'm mentally ill. (Canned Laughter)
• Purpleberry Pond: The orange-themed Fry shocks everybody in the strictly purple Purpleberry Pond. Bender calls Fry "chedderhead" and everybody exhibits Fantastic Racism.
  Hermes: There goes the purplehood.
  • The parody of Failure Is the Only Option villains with the Berry Burglar, whose scenes mostly consist of the same scene looped three times before he actually does anything, after which he nonchalantly admits defeat.
    Berry Burglar^*Played by the Professor: I must get my hands on those healthy purple berries!
    Cat-octopus-sidekick^*Played by Zoidberg: *Beat* Bort.
  • And the fact that the show itself turns into the cereal commercial at one point.
• Richard Nixon trying to edit G.I. Zapp for violence and language, beginning with what was entitled "Operation Throat Slit". Oh sorry, "Operation Banana Split". It's a spot-on parody of G.I. Joe: The Movie— complete with an obvious, on-screen death being hastily edited into the character "sleeping." He ends up unintentionally riffing on it.
  • His reaction to the G.I. Zapp team's strange-looking plane: "What the hell kinda plane is that?"
  • "We'll blow them straight to He—CHURCH!"
  • "Ready, aim, NEGOTIATE!"
  • The evil organization in the G.I. Zapp segment being called A.C.R.O.N.Y.M., especially since the acronym actually stands for something (A Criminal Regiment Of Nasty Young Men).
    Nixon: Oh, that's clever. I'll leave that the way it is.
  • Which is doubly hilarious when you remember that A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. is led by Professor Farnsworth.
  • Kiff: "Incoming surface-to-air—" Nixon: "TELEGRAM!"
  • This part isn't censored.
    Zapp: Pilot. Is your parachute packed and ready?
    Kif: Yes, sir.
    Zapp: Good, because I forgot mine.
  • The censored plane crash:
    Kif: Mayday, mayday! Tell my wife I'll be-"
    Nixon: Home for dinner! (plane crashes and explodes) I, uh, landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball. At Disneyland! (Kif's arm flies out of the explosion) Hi Tinkerbell!
  • As Leela throws a grenade: "Uh, here comes a water balloon. *BOOM* That's quite a splash."
  • After a ray gun successfully disintegrates a mercenary:
    Nixon: Uh, beam me up Scotty!
  • Amy throws an ax that lands in somebody's chest.
    Nixon: Yay! I caught it!
  • Amy uses blades to repeatedly stab a mercenary in the gut.
    Nixon: Three, four, cha cha cha!
  • As Hermes dunks a guy's head into a tank of water:
    Nixon: Find that apple! It's down there somewhere!
  • Nixon dubs Leela saying "bastards" with his own voice because "it's okay if I say it."
  • Nixon's replacement names for the G.I. Zapp soldiers:
    Fry: Freezer Burn!
    Leela: Nutcracker!
    Nixon: That's no name for a woman. Let's just call her "Pat"^note Now, who was Richard Nixon's wife?....
    Hermes: Waterboard!
    Nixon: Helpful Johnny!
    Amy: Boxcutter!
    Nixon: Powder Puff!
    Bender: Orphan Crippler!
    Nixon: Uh, pass.
  • Bender's killing spree, complete with Wilhelm Scream. Nixon's expression is priceless.
    Nixon: That's it. I'm pulling the plug! Agnew! Cut to the PSA! (Agnew angrily puts on tape)
  • Nixon playing the introduction backwards.
  Narrator: G.I. Zapp is an elite force of—
  Nixon: Patriotic peacekeepers, who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks! Yeah, that's what they are.
  • As Fry getting shot: "Oh God it h—TICKLES!"
• Great historical joke from the "G.I. Zapp" segment.
  Nixon: Rose Mary! Do we have anything to edit tape?!
  Female Voice (offscreen): Oh, you know we do!

Calculon 2.0

• The complete ridiculousness of the professor's science, which is really a Satanic ritual.
  Farnsworth: First, we put on our protective suits. (Puts on a black hooded robe) Then, place equal distance from the five nearest wireless network hubs.
  [The hubs project a pentagram in the air]
  Hermes: This is the least scientific thing I've ever seen!
  Farnsworth: You be quiet! Now it's a simple matter of reverse installing Calculon's operating system. Amy, play this installation disk backwards.
  Disk: Rise from the dead in the name of Satan.
  Farnsworth: Meanwhile, I'll get a spare circuit board from this mechanical goat. (cuts open goat like a sacrifice)
  Hermes: Seriously, this could not seem less scientific.
  [Farnsworth inserts the disk as Calculon's soul rises from the hub, causing the pentagram to ignite in hellfire!]
  • After Calculon is successfully revived, the Professor shouts "Hail science!", cackles maniacally and his hood falls off, showing the number 666 on his forehead.
• The Robot Devil's reaction to Calculon's less than stellar acting.
  Robot Devil: (looking down at the damned) Oh God, haven't they suffered enough?!!!
• When Fry and Bender show up and request Calculon's soul, the Robot Devil tries to make it seem like he doesn't want to be rid of Calculon by having Fry guess a number between one and three. Fry guesses that the number is four. The Robot Devil emphasizes that the number is between one and three, not including one or three. Fry then guesses that the number is "M". When Bender asks if Fry got it right, the Robot Devil sarcastically answers "Yes, the number I was thinking of was the letter M" and proceeds to just let Fry and Bender leave with Calculon.
• The reviews for Calculon's one-bot show are not great. In fact, they're all harshly critical. Bender reports that twelve people were hospitalized... but nine of them are expected to recover!
• The one-man show itself has to be seen to be believed.
• Fry and Bender's interest in "All My Circuits", and subsequent resurrection of Calculon, is mainly because it stops them bickering with each other.
  Bender: (for no reason) I hate your face!
  Fry: YOU ALWAYS LEAVE THE TOILET SEAT CRUSHED!

Assie Come Home

• The crew gets hired to make a delivery to two vicious rival gangs, and the Professor gives them disguises. Problem is, the gangs distinguish themselves with shirts that are half-red, half blue for one gang... and half-blue, half-red for the other.
• Leela, determined to know what's in the crate, "borrows" Bender's crowbar. Just in case Fry gets his head stuck in a jar of "hunny" again. Hardly her fault if she just happens to open the crate with it. And then...
  Bender: (after Leela's been turned away less than ten seconds) Leela, quick! Fry's got his head stuck in a jar of hunny!
  Fry: Oh, bother!
• Turns out the delivery is guns, which Leela gets Bender to sabotage. And the guns were a peace offering (also, an attempt to get the real enemy; giant spiders). But the gangsters are stupid enough to fire the obviously broken guns anyway. End result, both gangs are wiped out at once.
  Leela: Let's just say gang violence is a complex problem with no obvious solution.
• This part:
  Fry: I never even knew you had an ass.
  Bender: (Makes frustrated grunts, his eye twitches)
  • Especially funny considering the very first thing Bender ever said to Fry was "Bite my shiny metal ass."
• Bender biting his own shiny metal ass.
• Bender finding his legs being attached to Tinny Tim. Crosses the Line Twice at its finest.
  Leela: Well, Bender, guess you won't be getting your legs back. But your sacrifice will let an innocent child live a full and happy life.
  (chainsaw noises are heard)
  Bender: (now with his legs) I'm sorry, you were sayin' something?
  Tinny Tim: Oh, crumb. I guess it's back to the cart for me. (miserably drags himself over to a cart made from some wooden planks with wheels stuck to them)
  Bender: Oooh, nice cart...
  (cuts to Bender using the cart as a skateboard)
  Bender: Hey, this thing's pretty smooth! Eh, but I still prefer walking. (tosses cart in the trash, while Leela glares daggers at him)
• Tarquin (the lighthouse keeper who looks sorta like a toad mixed with some kind of bottom-dwelling fish) introduces himself:
  Name's Tarquin. Been alone here, tending this light, longer'n I can remember. [The "Ding" of a microwave is heard] That'll be my Cup-a-Soup. It's been microwavin' longer'n I can remember.
• After Fry and Leela retrieve Bender's head and torso, you almost have to wonder if the entire plot was conceived just so Bender could combine two of his catchphrases:
  Bender: I'm 40% back, baby!

Leela and the Genestalk

• From Leela and the Genestalk:
  Fry: You can't bend a wooden door!
  Bender: I know that and you know that, but this door looks pretty stupid. (Proceeds to bend door)
• Bender finding Finn and Jake chained up in Mom's castle dungeon.
  Jake: What time is it?
  Bender: Time for you to shut up!
• This line after Fry and Bender return with Leela, who is now a mass of tentacles with a face.
  Fry: It's okay. Leela's just changed a little.
  Zoidberg: More than a little. She's beautiful!
• Fry deals with his depression after Leela cuts off contact with the crew:
  Fry: I miss Leela so much. Last night in the bathtub, I ate a whole box of taco shells.
  Bender: (very annoyed) ...Yes. I was there!
• Bender and Fry reach the top of the beanstalk:
  Fry: Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life!
  Bender: (frustrated) I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together!

Game of Tones

• Leela (to Michelle): Hey you hussie! You can't dump Fry. That's my job! (Fry nods in agreement)
• When Fry's dad meets Bender "The waffle iron! It's turned against us!" He then throws a grenade into Bender's chest cavity, which Bender burps after it explodes.
• Nibbler drunkenly saying "Bye-bye, keys" in the flashback of Digby's keys falling into the sewers.
• When Fry sees that he's dreaming he's back in the 20th century, he refers to Michelle, who's in bed with him, as his "old" girlfriend. Michelle objects to being called "old" and claims that a lot of young women have false teeth.

Murder on the Planet Express

• Fry forgets his magnetic shoes that let him stick to the outside of the ship and promptly floats away, screaming for Bender to help...despite claiming himself as the only person he ever trusts. Bender makes a super tiny sigh with unmistakable "Oi, this guy again" subtext.
• Fry solves the problems of Bender's broken gyroscope and his own broken space helmet at the same time by wearing Bender's body like a spacesuit, creating a composite being called "Frender." It Makes Just As Much Sense In Context.
  Fry and Bender: (singing) Frender Frender Fren–DER! Frender Frender Fren–DER! Frender Frender...
• Amy apparently posted on Facebook that Leela wears a jock strap, thinking it was a thong.
• Hermes' manwich gets switched with a kidney that Bender stole from Fry to sell to a man in need of one. The man in question turned out to be Farnsworth so...
  • The entire sequence explaining this, which involves various members of the crew pulling out hidden security footage to indict each other and revealing a whole host of unexpected and bizarre truths instead, including the fact that Leela ate Fry's kidney after Bender put it in Hermes' refrigerated lunchbox to keep it cool.
    Fry: You ate my kidney?
    Leela: I thought it was one of Hermes' exotic lunches!
    Hermes: You can't eat my exotic lunch! That's a serious offense, woman!
    Fry: She ate my kidney!
    Leela: I'm sorry! I just get really hungry around 11:30! That's not an excuse, it's...just an explanation of what happened!
    Farnsworth: (entering) Ohhhh, I don't feel well! I'm beginning to think my kidney transplant was a total rip-off!
  • In a random aside, it turns out that Zoidberg was using Leela's punching bag as a sleeping bag.
    Leela: You were living in my punching bag?
    Zoidberg: (unimpressed) If you call that living.
• The many disguises the shapeshifter uses to fool the crew and eat them:
  • Twice does it fool them by posing as the Professor. When the third time they suspect him of being the monster, Amy then devours him, with the real Amy standing up from behind a chair.
  • Fry and Leela hide inside a closet and end up kissing. However, Fry then notices Leela is biting him while kissing, and then he realizes she's not the shapeshifter but him and devours her.
• Bender is irritated that Fry doesn't trust him although he hasn't made even a token attempt to pretend that he didn't steal Fry's kidney while he was sleeping.
  Fry: You go first. I don't want you locking me out there like HAL.
  Bender: Still don't trust me, huh? Well, you can take your lack of trust and jam it in your kidney hole!

Stench and Stenchibility

• The title caption for "Stench and Stenchibility".
  Not the episode with the dead dog
• When the little girl having a heart attack, while everyone is horrified, Bender is happily watching and eating a hotdog while laughing.
• Bender tap-dancing on a little girl's corpse. Even funnier when it brings her back to life.
• Zoidberg pinching himself to make sure he's not dreaming about Marianne kissing him. It ends with him bleeding profusely.
  Zoidberg: [only mildly surprised] Ouch! I forgot I was a giant crab!
• After a quip made by Fry in "Fun On a Bun," Farnsworth apparently still thinks his name is "Orange Joe."

Meanwhile

• A Black Comedy one-liner from Fry, caught in the middle of a time-loop where he's constantly falling to his death:
  Fry: You know those dreams you have when you're falling and you fade out just before you hit the ground? Those are great. [SPLAT]
• Fry's "Groundhog Day" Loop of his fall from the building is the darkest thing the show has ever done, but that doesn't stop it being hilarious. Especially when he gets tired of the endless plunge and falls asleep mid-fall.
• After getting stuck in a moment of frozen time, Fry and Leela wander into a food festival, where Fry notes they could have anything they want. The first thing he picks is a hot dog a visibly sickened Dandy Jim, the recurring hobo, was tossing into the trash.
• The last few minutes, where Fry and Leela are stuck as the rest of existence is frozen in time, is a true period of heartwarming. Except when Fry and Leela decide to get married, and drag all their friends and family to a church. Several of them are frozen in weird positions, like Bender drinking, and Leela's dad brushing his teeth.