Funny / Final Fantasy VIII

As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.

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• Any time you see Biggs and Wedge is guaranteed to be one.
  Biggs: What's below Lieutenant?...
• Summoning the Tonberry Guardian Force: "Doink!"
  • Also: "Brotherly Love". Full stop.
• Cactuar, both the GF and the boss.
  • Speaking of which, Squall has several standard move patterns for his Limit Break (with varying numbers of trigger-for-bonus-damage spots) amongst which the game chooses randomly, with some important bosses getting unique ones. The Jumbo Cactuar has this.
• During the battle with Tonberry King (to gain Tonberry as a summon), he can use attack called Junk. Said attack makes him bounce, which causes a junk to fall on you out of nowhere, including TV, footballs, and finally pots that fall on heads of your party and do the damage.
• Some of the Limit Break specials for the cast. From Quistis' Frickin' Laser Beams from her eyes, to Zell headbutting and clobbering monsters and robots to death, to Rinoa's infamous dog missile. Not to mention Selphie's "Rapture," where she just.. attaches wings to an enemy and causes them to fly away, ending normal fights instantly.
• Use the Devour command, prompting a "Censored - please stand by" screen to appear with flowers or something else, then comical noises play.
• Selphie's ultimate Limit Break, The End, is something similar. The enemy appears on the same field with flowers, the text "The End" appears ... and then the enemy just dies.
• Anytime there's dialogue selection in the Laguna flashbacks, there's always an extra option that's shaded in to indicate Squall's reaction to the scene. If you select that, Laguna will react with confusion to "hearing" Squall, which he later associates with hearing "faeries". Made even funnier with the first mind-travel, in which you can select this option repeatedly in a row. Laguna starts talking to himself, baffling everyone around him, until he finally shouts "stop it!".

Disc 1

• An early exchange between Seifer and Quistis, just before the Dollet mission.
  Quistis: [to the assembled SeeDs] Good luck.
  Seifer: Instructor... I hate it when people wish me luck. Save those words for a bad student that needs them, eh?
  Quistis: Very well. Good luck, Seifer.
  [Beat]
  Seifer: [to his lackeys] Add Instructor Trepe to the list.
  • Blink and you miss it, but just before she says "Good luck, Seifer," Quistis does an incredibly sassy diva head-turn that clearly expresses what she's thinking.
• During the car ride to the docks, there is a short scene where the car drives down a street. If you press left or right on the controller right before, the car drives sideways down the road.
• When Seifer, Squall and Zell are on standby in Dollet, there's a stray dog in the square with them. As Seifer becomes more and more bored and the dog whines for attention, Seifer has a breakdown and asks if this is some sort of dog-training.
• If you chose to walk the long way round the cliff to the Dollet communication tower instead of following Selphie jumping straight down the cliff, there's a brief moment with Zell aping one of Selphie's poses, hopping in place with his arms in the air.
  • Even funnier than that is the exchange of dialogue that has both Squall and Selphie jokingly imitate Seifer by calling Zell a chicken-wuss, much to Zell's dismay.
  • Taking the long way round the cliff, Selphie asks why Squall and Zell didn't follow her down the cliff since it was faster. Zell calls out that people don't normally, you know, jump off a cliff.
• It's somewhat elusive, but when X-ATM092 is chasing you, you can actually go inside the hotel that you see a group of Balamb students exit as you're running away from the temporarily-absent machine and once you get inside you hear the poor students yell in fear of being chased by the machine. The kicker here? They actually manage to deactivate it fully as shown when you enter the beachhead area where the Assault Ship is, turning a normally-climatic moment completely reversed. This is not a joke.
• When the SeeD test result is announced, only Squall and Zell qualified from their group. The three dismissed cadet NPCs waiting in the same room expressed their disappointment simultaneously, right down to be in-sync of finger-snapping in disappointment.
• At the end of the Dollet mission, talk to Cid before you get your SeeD results and this happens:
  Cid: So, how did it feel out there on the battlefield?

  Felt good
  Scared to death
  ...Whatever (Pick this one)
  Squall: Whatever.
  Cid: Whatever? That's great! Whatever!
• The sheer fact that when Rinoa forces the normally distant Squall to dance with her the first time they met. It's very clear he doesn't want to dance, complete with him trying to run away from it (at first). Squall's excuse for not wanting to dance? "I Can't Dance". Note that the brief cutscene before this implies Squall really did feel attracted to her at the time, and the joke "hypnosis" Rinoa did to convince him to like her (to convince him to dance with her) wasn't really needed, meaning he may well have just been nervous.
• Squall's first impression of Laguna (AKA his father). In context, he tried approaching Julia the pianist, only to get his leg cramping up at the last moment out of sheer nervousness, much to his embarrassment. It's this fact, along with the escalating events that makes him even more nervous, that caused Squall to react to the scenes like this:
  Squall: I dreamt I was a moron.
  • Also, during Squall's time inside Laguna's head in this sequence, we get this gem:
  Squall: ...He talks to himself too much...
• When La Résistance are discussing what the message the Galbadians want to broadcast all around the world, Selphie guesses: "Love! And peace!"
• The entire first La Résistance scene and how annoyed Squall is that they're making him fetch Rinoa so they can begin the briefing.
  • Within that sequence is Selphie suddenly suggesting they blow up the train with a rocket launcher. Which actually might have worked...
  • How do you discuss things you don't necessarily want your contracted guns (who are in the same room) noticing? Why, crouch on the floor and start whispering, of course!
  • Then the meeting gets derailed when Zell and Selphie notice just how shoddy the train models look...
    Selphie: By the way...this model's nice but the president's car looks kinda shabby....Why is that?
    Watts: Yeah, Rinoa made it. That's why. We bought everything else at the gift store.
    Zell: Oh...I thought some kid made it. The paint job sucks, too.
    Squall: (....? Yeah...It kind of does.)
    Rinoa: Oh, shut up! I made it look like that on purpose. It represents my hatred toward Deling.
    Zell: Hatred, eh...? Yeah...right.
    Selphie: It's one of the...ugliest things I've seen in my life. You must really hate him.
    Rinoa: Are you guys finished?! Enough about the model! Can we get on with it now?
• Or when you arrive at Timber. The La Résistance member coming to pick you up recognizes that you are the SeeD immediately and asks you for the password. If you get it wrong, however, he decides to lead you to their secret base anyway since "these guys cost us a lot of money!"
• The Galbadian soldier who is first berated by "President Deling", then his superior officer, lamenting how he is so going to lose both this and next month's paychecks.
• When heading to the TV station, the party has to put up with a couple of little kids mocking them from the window of a house above, something along the lines of the following: "We the wesistance twied to kidnap the President! And fwailed!"
  • Prior to this, you can visit the house to get a look at the alley below. However, the boy tries to charge your party a "look-see" fee, only for his mother to come upstairs and give him a spanking, telling him she didn't raise him that way.
• The first time you visit Galbadia Garden, there are four guys doing push-ups as punishment in a hallway. If you pester one of them long enough, he will lose count and complain about it. Another will tell Squall that there's one saving grace about the whole thing — as in cue a female student will pass by and the guy will stare at her legs from his vantage point without her noticing. The programmers even coded the movement of the perv's head to match her steps. Finally, sometimes Zell will be seen doing push-ups with them just for the heck of it. (And looking up the girl's skirt too!)
• Before Headmaster Martine will arrive to rely his and Cid's orders to the team, Rinoa tells the others to pretend she's another SeeD from Balamb Garden to avoid having to explain why she's there (actually, she just didn't want to give her name because her father is very high up in the Galbadian government). Then she completely fails to live up to her own plan because she can't even do their version of a Military Salute properly.
• When Irvine joins your party for the first time, he arranges party members that would go to Deling City; he chooses Selphie and Rinoa for himself, while Squall gets left with Quistis and Zell. If you chose to agree with his selection, then Selphie and Rinoa would get angry at you then they try flirting with Irvine as payback. All the while Squall has absolutely no idea why the girls snapped at him. Squall is utterly flabbergasted when Quistis tries the same thing with him!
  Squall: Did I say something terrible? [...] Grow up!
  • If you put Selphie and Rinoa in your party instead, Irvine will get mad at you for it.
  • The usually no-nonsense Quistis hanging off Squall's arm after the others leave to his further confusion only make it funnier.
  • If you put Zell and Irvine together in the non-active party, the former will take it as an implicit order to "take care" of the guy. Irvine will then promptly walk off on him while saying "Catch ya later, alligator!" forcing him to run to catch up.
• In a mild case of Mood Whiplash given the circumstances, Zell provides a bit of funny on one of the train scenes when, in a fit of disgust, he punches the floor...hard enough for everyone, including the conductor to feel it. The conductor even has to come on over the intercom and let everyone know this didn't end up being a case of Nice Job Breaking It, Hero.
• During the first Laguna sequence, upon arriving in Deling City Laguna simply parks their vehicle in the middle of the street and leaves it there. Step outside the hotel before going up to Julia's room and you'll find that he's created a city-wide traffic jam.
• The first Laguna sequence also contains a priceless sight gag when Julia invites Laguna up to her room to talk, explaining that it's hard to have a conversation there in the nightclub since everyone's listening in. Cut to a wide shot of the nightclub showing that everyone in the room has clustered up close around their table to eavesdrop.
• When Laguna, Kiros and Ward are escaping from the Esthar soldiers, they find their escape blocked by a giant cliff. Laguna forcefully throws Kiros and Ward off the cliff into the water below, then comments:
  Laguna: (while peering carefully over the ledge) You guys...sure have guts. You know how high this cliff is...?
  • Then he slips and falls himself.
    • This video makes it even funnier!
  • The scene holds a sad element though: Ward has been wounded in the throat, which causes him to permanently lose his ability to speak. Unless you're playing the French version.
  Laguna: Don't speak of bad luck, guys. My mom used to say it's when you speak of bad luck that it happens.
  Ward: Then I won't say a word until the end of the game.
• There's something mildly funny about General Caraway running around the city as he lays out the plan to the SeeDs. It's hilariously amateurish; at least the Forest Owls used a briefing room in their base, which Caraway himself easily could've done.
• If you try to revisit the communication tower in Dollet, your path will initially be blocked by an extremely weak-willed Dollet soldier who tells you that there's no access. If you try a second time, the soldier falls asleep and you can force your way through. After a ways along the path, you encounter a Galbadian soldier, who asks if you know that the place is off-limits. If you say you're gonna take him on, he calls out "RoboVite 001," a giant mech similar to the X-ATM092 you fought earlier... which promptly falls off the edge of the cliff. He then calls for "RoboSharp 002," which falls upside-down, completely blocking the path.

Disc 2

• Selphie suggesting they skin the Moomba and wear him as a disguise to escape prison... and Zell isn't entirely sure that she's joking.
• Later when he's being interrogated by a flunky working for Seifer, he demands Squall tell him "the true mission of SeeD." The player can choose to have Squall lie, in which case Squall bluffs and blurts out that the true mission of SeeD is... to grow flowers all around the world, putting him right into Deadpan Snarker territory.
  • Considering that the rest of the bogus "true mission" Squall throws out involves waiting for the nations of the world to be lulled into peace by the blooming flowers, and then attacking them... yeah, probably.
  • This is twice as funny after Dissidia Final Fantasy...because one of the heroes actually DOES consider growing flowers all around the world to be his true mission. Wild roses, to be exact
  • It is triply funny following World of Final Fantasy in which the gag is specifically referenced by Squall deciding that what he wants to do in life once the conflict in Grymoire has ended is to spread flowers throughout the world because they relax people and make things peaceful.
  Reynn: It's a nice thought. Maybe we could help him plant those flowers.
  Lann: We could scatter the seeds from Balamb Garden.
  Reynn: We could!
• Irvine tries to finish off his Big Damn Heroes moment at the D-District Prison by making a casual, sauntering entrance... the effect of which is spoiled when Rinoa kicks him down the stairs and tells him to hurry up and stop trying to act cool.
• The scene involving Squall's team stealing a Galbadian train involves a determined Galbadian soldier running after the train so that he could try and reclaim it. He actually manages to keep up a bit before tripping, causing one of the other team members to comment about this feat.
• If you approach the Galbadian missile base on foot when it's time for Selphie's party to infiltrate instead of just driving up in the stolen vehicle, you're treated to a scene of cute, sweet Genki Girl Selphie trying to wheedle the gate guard into letting her and her friends in:
  Guard: This isn't some kinda club you can sweet-talk your way into. Besides, you're just a kid. I prefer someone more mature.
  Selphie: Up yours!
• During the battle which erupts at Balamb Garden between supporters of NORG and Headmaster Cid, a staff member and two trained Balamb students corner a SeeD defending two children in the training facility. One of the children declares he will help fight, and one of the students approaches him menacingly...only to keel over after the boy kicks him in the shin.
• When Squall returns to Balamb Garden, he's immediately confronted by a faculty spook who demands to know what side he's on. The player can choose to play along to get in without a fuss. The other option is to have Squall become progressively more baffled and irritated as he tries to figure out what the hell is happening in addition to the crisis he already knows about, until the faculty member decides he must be loyal to Cid and attacks anyway. The best part is that this is the better response, as it rewards the player with a number of items from NPCs on Cid's side who won't help Squall if he's pretending to side with NORG.
• During the Galbadian Missile Crisis, Squall comes clean to Cid about his resolve to protect Balamb Garden, and Cid says "Quistis was right about you." If you put Quistis in his party, Squall will shoot a look at her as she gets this "I dunno what you're all on about" expression that you will never see again.
• Squall, upon discovering the identity of the Garden Master, reflects that come to think of it, he's never heard anything about him before.
  Squall: (.........What a shock.)
• During the raid on Balamb, one of the orders you can give is to PROTECT THE HOT DOGS!
  Squall: Cafeteria team, collect all the hot dogs and store everything in the secret shelter. Don't leave anything for the enemy.
• During the raid, if you give the order for your comrades to come to you, He'll ask for Quistis, Zell, and Selphie to come to him. After all the orders are given, a short exchange between Irvine and Squall happens.
  Irvine: "Hey, hey, hey, what's up? I'm not invited? I thought I was part of the gang."
  Squall: "Sorry about that."
• The landing at Fisherman's Horizon. The Master Fisherman keeps trying for that fish a stupidly long time (Starts around 4:30).
• The Junk Shop owner in FH who's intensely annoyed by reckless Fisherkid, who, whenever he tries casting his line, ends up destroying some part of the shop. Eventually, the line gets wrapped around the store owner's neck and almoststrangles him, completely with the battle music playing until Squall rushes over to save him.
• When trying to find some good music for the dance, you can have each character play a certain instrument. So you can have Zell - short-clad, Tyson-tattooed, Hot-Blooded meathead supreme - sit down and play the harpsichord like he was born to.
  • You can also take this opportunity to explore Fisherman's Horizon and Balamb Garden while controlling Irvine, a rare chance to interact with various NPCs as someone other than Squall. To do this, you have to leave while one of the other party members is trying out a part for the dance, meaning that Irvine just wanders off while (for example) Zell is demonstrating the tap-dance number. Even better, no matter how long Irvine spends bumming around FH, when he comes back Zell will still be tapping away.
  • One of the things you can do as Irvine is drop into the FH hotel and check the news, which broadcasts a warning about a suspicious individual in a long coat carrying a rifle. Irvine, utterly oblivious, remarks to himself that it sounds like some kind of hardcore bad guy.
• If you go to the grease monkey after the Galbadian incident GH while you have Irving with you you'll find the captain from said incident trying to get the miniboss you destroyed fixed. Squall decides to intervene once it's clear the captain is harassing the grease monkey and when the captain gets aggressive Squall tells him to step outside with him. Once you walk outside nothing happens, and when you go back the grease monkey says the captain jumped out the window to avoid the fight.
• It's a minor one , but players who remember the infamous "This guy are sick" typo from Final Fantasy VII can get a chuckle out of Squall saying "This guy is sick." about Irvine at the Fisherman's Horizon.
• Following this, Squall discovering the naughty magazine that Irvine left to mark the spot that he thought would be good for Squall and Rinoa to hang out at during the concert.
• Before the now-mobile Garden departs to Balamb, Nida makes an announcement over the intercom before handing the mic to Squall so that he could make a speech. Naturally, he refuses to make one and demands for the (still live) mic to be cut (to the amusement of Rinoa who happened to be within the library at the time).
  Squall: "A speech...? Forget it. Cut the mic!"
  [Rinoa doubles over laughing.]
• The party's reactions when they go into Zell's room during the events to liberate Balamb in Disc 2.
  • Bringing Irvine releases his inner child, by firing off the rifles in Zell's Room.
    Zell: YOOOOO!! THE HELL YOU DOIN!?!
    Squall: (I knew he would.)
  • And if you bring Rinoa with you instead, when Zell suggests going up to his room she jumps up and down with excitement. Inside, her noticing a picture of Zell's grandfather prompts him to sing praises about him. Squall quips...
    Squall: ...So basically the opposite of you.
    (Rinoa is laughing her ass off)
    • Which then prompts her to comment on Squall being too cool, Zell saying she's got him there.
  • If you bring Quistis, she starts to tell a story about how Zell was riding his T-Board (hovering skateboard) through the hallways and ended up crashing into the girls' restroom, before Zell furiously cuts her off.
  • If you bring Selphie, she sits on his bed and tells him he should be honored that a cute girl wants to be on his bed. What's even funnier is that you have the option to make Squall agree with her. If you do then she replies "Squall, you are so getting it." If you don't, she'll deduct a SeeD rank from you for disagreeing (complete with comical sound effect).
  Selphie (After being told not to sit on his bed): Well fine then! I didn't know you were so... anal.
• Zell clinging to Squall's leg after he saved him in Galbadia prison, which ends with him conking Zell over the head with the handle of his gunblade for refusing to let go. Then he does it again if you choose him as part of the missile strike team.
• When Rinoa makes you take her on a tour of the Garden, if you go into the cafeteria you see Zell throwing a tantrum when he hears they're out of hot dogs (which he'll be hugely embarrassed at when he sees Rinoa there). And if you bring her to the infirmary, Dr. Kadowaki will ask if she's Squall's girlfriend. If you reply Yes then...
  Rinoa: Whoa, are you serious!?
  Squall: I'm serious.
  Rinoa: Wow, I'm speechless.
  Squall: I'm seriously joking.
• During Laguna's flashback sequence at the beginning of the disc, Kiros asks how Julia is doing. During the course of the conversation:
  Laguna: So what! Who cares?! As long as she's happy, right? That's all that matters! Ain't that right, Elle?
  Ellone: Right! Uncle Laguna and Raine are...
  Laguna: Ahhhhhh! Okay, enough talk about this!

Disc 3

• Laguna "the Sorceress's knight" vs. a real Ruby dragon.
  • And by Word of God, the movie that was being filmed at that time actually got made and shown on theaters (it inspired Seifer's fighting style), which means that Laguna's battle was not only filmed, the director threw it in...
• When Squall's party came to the moonbase, Laguna was in the control room and his subordinate asked if they should check those guys before letting them in. Laguna said that he had a feeling that they don't have to do this which led to the controller decided that this was why they should check those people even more carefully. Even as President of Esthar, Laguna gets no respect and this doesn't seem to be the first time it happens either.
  Laguna: Thanks for the vote of confidence. Why do you always play me like that?
• When everyone in the moonbase were evacuating, Laguna was taken to safety by his employees against his will (Ellone was still in the base), the man crawled to Squall, telling him to take care of her before got dragged away like he was going to be eaten by monsters.
• Zell Info Dumping everything that's happened since Squall left for the Esthar moonbase almost borders on Lampshade Hanging. Especially for those in their second playthrough onwards who just skim and tap through the whole thing..
• When the party boards the Ragnarok and it suddenly starts moving
  Zell: I hope this ain't the case but, I can picture Selphie in the pilot seat, and...
  Quistis: ...screaming, 'Whoo-hoo, we're flying!'
  Squall: (And standing next to her, a very excited Irvine...)
  [Gilligan Cut to the bridge...]
  Selphie: Whoo-hoo! We're flying!
  Irvine: Selphie's just amazing!
  • When asked, Selphie admits that she was poking at the controls and "it just kind of took off."
• One flashback to Laguna's time brings up Dr. Odine's sorceress research, and his kidnapping of girls For Science!. As the narration continues, we see Ellone crying and Ward about to get rough with Odine, possibly for his attitude, then Odine breaks into an ineffectual escape, followed by Ward in a very anticlimactic low-speed chase in circles inside the laboratory. What really tears it is Ellone getting up and running behind them like it was a game of tag.
• If you go to Winhill, taking Rinoa and Quistis, and go to the manor you have the option of starting a funny scene where Quistis scares Rinoa into thinking that the suit of armour is talking to her.
  Voice: I..I'm looking for my feet....Have you seen my feet...? (Rinoa acts startled).
  Squall: Quistis, cut it out.
  Quistis: Oh, you knew?
  Rinoa: Don't scare me like that!
• The president of Esthar being unceremoniously (and literally) dragged away by his aids in an extremely un-president-like fashion when a crisis starts during his visit to the space station. It gets funnier later on when you realize this was foreshadowing the fact that the president is Laguna.
• You can comment to Kiros and Ward that their Estharian clothes look funny, to which the former will respond, "You wanna wear it?"
• During the Obel Lake sidequest, you'll meet a trash-talking monkey called Mr. Monkey that you must throw rocks at in order to get a rare item.
  Mr. Monkey (after getting pelted by a stone): Your Mom wears combat boots!
• The description of the "J Disaster," in which Ellone put fruit jam in Laguna's shoes, leaving him in almost in tears. Followed by the technician's comment "Sounds like a brat...I mean, a spunky girl."
• At one point, Ellone sends Squall back to the past to see various scenes from Rinoa's perspective. One of the reasons she insists she and Irvine go back to save the others from the D-District Prison is "Squall might say 'but no one has ordered me to escape,' and end up staying in there." Especially because she may have been partially serious.

Disc 4

• After spending the entire game trying to get some hot dogs, Zell finally gets his hands on some during the ending movie. He eats them so quickly that he begins choking. Quistis and Selphie help him recover, afterwards he pauses and realizes that he had been filmed while he had his choking episode. Zell gets pissed off that Quistis and Selphie had to run, then he throws a hot dog at the camera.
• While it's possible to add amusement with any Final Fantasy game that allows you to rename the characters, this one offers an unusually entertaining possibility in that you can inject levity into the final boss battle by choosing to rename the lion on Squall's ring from the default of "Griever." "I thought naming a ring was a bit stupid in my first playthrough and ended up fighting "Tiddles.""
  • Not only that, but when Ultimecia calls for Griever to fight your party, she says "Griever, make them bleed!". Now, replace 'Griever' with any funny word of your choice and enjoy. Example: "MY TOES, make them bleed!"
    • And then again in the next phase, when you can get Ultimecia to say something like "I shall now junction myself, unto YOUR MOM!"
  • Something similar can be done all the way back at the beginning of the game by renaming Shiva. Summoning her against Ifrit prompts him to comment, "They have <Shiva>?!", and upon winning the battle, "Ugh, I underestimated <Shiva>..."

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