Lorne convinces a kid working at the motel where he's staying to piss in his boss' gas tank... then goes and calls the boss on him and watches as the kid tries to flee.
Lorne introducing himself to Sam Hess when he visits Sam's shop to "get look at him":
Sam: There are two reasons to come see me, friend. Either you drive a truck or you need a truck. Do you drive a truck? Lorne: I was just talking to your two boys. I think the younger one is a little dim. Sam: What did you just say? Lorne: His IQ seems low, I'm saying. Have you had him tested?
Lorne ordering a room at the motel is pretty entertaining in its own right. The way he asks his questions with such genuine curiosity helps drive it home.
Lorne: I need a room.
Clerk: For you?
Lorne: Pardon?
Clerk: Is it just for you? The room.
Lorne: What difference does that make?
Clerk: There’s a different rate for two, and if you got pets — dog, cat — it’s an extra ten bucks.
Lorne: What if I got a fish?
Clerk: Excuse me?
Lorne: Would a fish cost me ten dollars? Or what if I kept spiders or mice? What if I had bacteria?
Clerk: Sir, bacteria are not pets.
Lorne: Could be.
Clerk: Sir, perhaps you’d be happier in a different motel.
Lorne: I just want to know the policy. You see, I’m a student of institutions.
After killing Sam Hess, Lorne poses as the executor of his estate, and tells Mickey that Sam left all the money and property to his younger brother Moe. Mickey, being an idiot, then tries to beat Moe to death with a hockey stick. This is followed by Molly rushing out to tackle Mickey to the ground. By his head.
Mrs. Hess looks terribly amused by this and laughs, while Max Gold reacts with a horrified expression.
Lester murdering his wife is a pretty disturbing scene, but the way it begins is quite amusing, with Lester nonchalantly bonking her on the top of the head with his hammer and her subsequent dazed expression. Then blood starts gushing out of her head...
After killing his wife, Lester calls Lorne for help. As soon as the phone picks up, he blurts out "You gotta help me out, I've done something bad." Then he realises he's actually talking to the motel clerk and visibly kicks himself.
The Rooster Prince
Lorne picking up a package and rather casually noting that he's a pastor now, referring to his new alias and identity.
Lorne: You have a blessed day.
The argument in Sign Language between Mr. Numbers and Mr. Wrench over what sort of woman Hess was with when he was murdered.
Mr. Numbers: He was killed while with a prostitute.
Mr. Wrench: Was he standing up at the time with the girl, or was the girl fucking him while on top?
Mr. Numbers: What? You want to ask him specifically what position he was in with this girl?
Mr. Wrench: Yeah! It could be important information. For all we know he could have been fucking hoes on a boat when all of a sudden a sword fish jumped out of the water and landed on the back of his head stabbing him.
When Semenko shows up at Lorne's motel room in an attempt to intimidate him, Lorne's reply is to walk into the washroom, sit down on the toilet, and take a crap while reading Stavros' book. All with the door open.
A Muddy Road
Mickey shoots Moe in the ass with a crossbow after seeing his mom hit on Lester. Mrs. Hess just sighs with annoyance.
Lou serving Molly, Gus and Greta milkshakes.
Lou: I put bourbon in one of 'em. Whoever finds it wins a prize. [Gus takes Greta's milkshake] Molly: He's only kidding. [sips her milkshake] ...Oh, wait. No, I win.
Eating the Blame
The Reveal of what became of the unrecovered money from the actual Fargo movie.
Lorne continuing to pose as Frank Peterson, the innocent minister, the whole time he's in custody. Bill and Ben try breaking him during the interview, but Malvo manages a blank, clueless expression the whole time.
Lester in the trunk of Numbers' and Wrench's car, calling his brother from a cell phone.
There's also Lester tasing Mr. Numbers in the head and booking it. While Mr. Wrench just continues drilling a hole in the ice obliviously.
Trudging through the woods to escape Wrench and Numbers, Lester comes across Officer Knudsen on the main road and asks for a ride back into town. Knudsen politely tells him that the police are not a taxi service, leading to Lester casually punching him in the face so he'll be arrested and taken away.
And after all that, Numbers and Wrench get themselves arrested by staging a barfight and put in the same cell as him. Numbers Cheshire Cat Grin at the end says it all.
Numbers and Wrench have a heated argument in the middle of Lou's about how to handle Lester that devolves into Wrench slamming his hands on the table because Numbers is ignoring him, and as they're walking out you faintly hear Numbers shout "I'm not looking at you!"
The Six Ungraspables
Molly and Ida's conversation about the baby name:
Molly: They said, uh, Bernadette.
Ida: Vern's idea. His mother's name, I wanted Ally. And now he's dead. That man always knew how to win an argument.
Buridan's Ass
When we catch up with Gus and Molly, Gus has apparently been telling Molly about Ari's parable from the previous episode.
Lester's ingenious temporary escape from the hospital and way of planting evidence in his brother's home. It involves switching places with a hospital roommate who's heavily bandaged at the face and head and moaning to convince the nurses.
Who Shaves the Barber?
The diagram of all the involved parties Molly draws on the window of her hospital room, which has Mr. Wrench labeled as "DEAF FELLA."
And Mr. Numbers labeled as "DEAF FELLA'S PARTNER".
During the Fargo Syndicate Massacre, one of the gangsters gets the drop on Lorne with a triumphant cry, only for his gun to click empty.
Gina storms into Lester's office and tells him that he has till the end of the day to get her her money. Lester responds by stapling her two sons in the face. Doubles as a Moment of Awesome.
A Fox, a Rabbit, and a Cabbage
The scene where Pepper and Budge's boss walks onto their abandoned floor and lays a file on their desk. The two agents are currently laying behind the desk, and Pepper gets up to greet the man when he first arrives. Budge, however, doesn't get up until the Fargo syndicate files are mentioned.
Budge:(rising slowly from behind the desk with curious expression)Why?
Boss: Is it like a clown car back there?
Morton's Fork
This sublime deadpan line delivered by Molly of all people:
Molly Solverson [after being told on the phone that Lester's second wife was killed]: The other one now?
A tense and dangerous final battle between Lorne and Lester suddenly becomes hilarious when Lester's gun jams and Lorne responds by flinging a trophy into his face.
Others
In a deleted scene Numbers and Wrench walk into a gas station robbery because Numbers wanted to buy a bag of off-brand Funyuns. After shooting the thief, they kill the clerk, the only witness and rob the store themselves, with Numbers grabbing a bag of "Scrunyuns" on the way out.
