Funny / Fallout: Equestria - Project Horizons

• Glory's poor grasp of sarcasm and snark.
  Blackjack: As soon as I go into this [memory orb] we’ll be stormed by bounty hunters, ghouls, and Deus. But I’m bored and I’m curious, so I’ll need you two to protect me from Deus raping me with his cannon.
  Glory: I really don’t think it’d fit. That bore has to be a hundred and twenty two millimeters and that’s almost the width of a mare giving birth so figuring in the thickness of the barrel…Oh. Blackjack humor. Sorry.
• Blackjack reacts to being told that she's been exposed to taint.
  Blackjack: So, am I going to grow tentacles? A third eye? A penis? Eye tentacle penises?
• This exchange, from chapter 16:
  Deus: “Gonna give me a blow job?”
  Blackjack: *Magic Missile Groin Attack*
  Deus: *Villainous Breakdown*
• Recovering from a hangover in Chapter 17, Blackjack is offered a Hideous Hang Over Cure. She downs three, and even develops a liking for the taste. Rampage - the immortal, drug-immune reaper - tries one and promptly vomits. All over P-21.
• Shortly after Lacunae is introduced, Blackjack announces that she has something to say - and immediately has to reassure her friends that she is not pregnant, drunk or high.
• Any discussion of Blackjack's 'compact' horn, and her envy of Lacunae's larger one.
• Blackjack and co. need spark batteries to buy passage on a boat. The only trader nearby is Charity, and Blackjack is broke. Cue Puppy Eyes and whining.
• Blackjack's ridiculous mental image of the Stable Dweller.
  Blackjack: “I like to imagine her as some big, tough, take-no-shit kind of mare. [...] Big and tough and strong and doesn’t let anything cross her. She probably dual wields miniguns with missile launchers strapped to them. She’s probably got some kind of power armor too. Like magical super heavy plate that blasts lightning from her horn. And flies!"
• Scotch Tape tries Glory's cooking.
  “Oh, come on. It can’t be that bad. I’ve had poo water in my mouth,” Scotch said with a snort at the other two as I stepped out. There was a loud gulp and then, a second later, a thud.
• “Crusaders collection agents!”
• Finding out that Princess Luna's first Grand Galloping Gala as ruler was organised by Pinkie Pie.
• "Rubber hoof brigade, coming through. Wooga wooga wooga!"
• Blackjack and co. take cover from a fierce storm, and she uses a memory orb to pass the time. The memory, unexpectedly, is of a vigorous sexual encounter between Rarity and Vanity. BJ returns to her body to find all her friends staring at her. For some reason.
• As dark and depressing as this scene is overall, this line towards the end of the infamous chapter 33 might garner a chuckle or two.
  Blackjack: If you say sorry one more time, I will soil myself right here and now. And it will be nasty, I mean it! Poop so nasty, it'll sing and tap dance!
• Chapter 34: again, Blackjack gets hammered drunk, and again she manages to intimidate a group of winged ponies into giving her a piggyback ride. Only this time it's the alicorns instead of the Enclave, Littlepip is along for the ride, she's wearing a crown made of taped-together whiskey bottles, and she manages to exasperate the Goddess to the point of a mental breakdown.
  • Illustrated here.
• Chapter 48 has this gem from Rampage:
  " Welcome to the Blackjack and Co. Travelling Freak Show. Remember to shoot Blackjack. It's good luck."
• Glory's bait-and-switch at the end of chapter 49. She tricks Blackjack into thinking that they're about to have sex...then proceeds to beat the ever-loving crap out of her over her infidelity.
• Stygius's sister finding the group after they get out of Hightower. Not only does she switch from batpony echolocation to Royal Canterlot Voice, she also calls Blackjack a strumpet.
• Chapter 55. After a heated argument between P-21 and Glory, Rampage helpfully intervenes and advises that they "shut up and fuck already".

  P-21:"With HER?!"

  Glory:"With HIM?!"

  Both in unison:"GROSS!!"

  • Take one guess, what happens after they both get royally plastered at the Grand Galloping Gala a few chapters later.
• Another from Chapter 55, Scotch and Boo have a food fight in the middle of the Society's kitchens. And right next to Glory as she dissects several cybernetic zebra corpses.
• Also, from Chapter 55, it takes barely a few hours for someone to try to assassinate Blackjack, after she's made the Queen of the Society. She gives the potential assassin scorn for trying to do it with a knife, then, just to make a point, eats the knife.
• In Chapter 62, Blackjack uses EC-1101 to remotely shut down the Core's [Wave Motion Guns. The readout:
  > Emergency shutdown SUB 8, SUB 10, SUB 12, SUB 13, SUB 19, SUB 20.
  >Password: Thisisgonnahurt
  >Confirm Emergency Shutdown Y/N?  Emergency shutdown of power grid during power draw not recommended.
  >Y
  >Are you absolutely, positively sure?
  >Y
  > Execute: Y/N?
• In the second half of 62, General Storm Chaser hears that Blackjack approves of Rampage's plan to hijack an enemy Raptor and crash it somewhere.
  Storm Chaser: 'Go to the surface,' he said. 'They're savage primitives,' he said. 'What could they ''possibly'' throw at us?' Harbinger, you idiot.
• In chapter 69, to prove her status as the real Blackjack returned in a Blank clone-body, Blackjack lets Dr. Triage pour raw Flux/Taint all over her head. When this fails to be totally convincing, Blackjack snatches the bottle from Triage and chugs it. Even Triage scrambles for cover, but all that happens is Blackjack belching a cloud of rainbow colored fumes that transforms some nearby unicorn statues into, quote, "crude and uncouth depictions of Discord". Blackjack mentally describes the texture as "seminal", the scent as an overpowering mixture of benzene and cotton candy, and the flavor as hovering somewhere among wallpaper paste, rust, and raw radroach. She verbally proclaims it "pretty good".
  • And then a skeptic decides to prove she's a fake by drinking the remnants himself. The results are far less amusing.
• Chapter 70: Even while the Hoof is preparing for the storm of its biggest war, and the Highlanders are turtling up, Scotch Tape manages to find her life-long nemethingy.
  • For the icing on the cake, Glory finds this idea completely baffling, whilst the other ponies all treat it as just a natural part of growing up.
• In chapter 74, amidst a debate about the morality of stopping Project Horizons, Discord mentions that the exchange is largely taking place in Blackjack's mind, and decides to use the opportunity to sneak a peak into Blackjack's subconscious. Which he immediately regrets.
  “This is, after all, in your head,” Discord said as he reached over and opened a square hole in midair like a door. He poked his head inside only to immediately pull it back out, blushing furiously, the sound of slapping flanks and my moaning drifting through the opening. He slammed the door shut, manifested some planks, and hammered them over the thin air. “Oh my… Well, I think that that’s enough exploration of your mind, thank you very much. Twilight’s fantasies were so much more… literary. And much less sticky.”