Funny / Dumb and Dumber

• "I'll bet you twenty bucks I can get you gambling before the end of the day!"
  • Even better in that he doesn't realize he's already won.
  • Plus they both know neither has any money anyway.
• Lloyd's revenge on Harry, the funniest diarrhea scene ever committed to film.
  • Lloyd's Evil Laugh after the prank has taken place, complete with the Wicked Witch of the West's theme.
• "His head fell off?!"
  • Even funnier is Harry's follow-up, "Yeah, he was pretty old..."
    Lloyd: That's it. I've had it with this dump! We got no food, we got no jobs! Our pets' HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!!
• When Lloyd accidentally goes the wrong way during the road trip:
  Harry: Huh. I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.
  Lloyd: I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of shit, man.
• When Lloyd pulls up next to Harry on a Vespa, and explains that he sold the Shaggin' Wagon for it and gas money.
  Harry: Where did you find that?!
  Lloyd: Some kid back in town. Traded the van for it straight up. I can get 70 miles to the gallon on this hog.
  Harry: [Beat] You know, Lloyd, just when I think you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!
• Lloyd runs to catch Mary's plane before it leaves.
  Airport staff: Sir! You can't go in there!
  Lloyd: It's okay! [flashes badge] I'm a limo driver!
  • "MOVE IT OR LOSE IT, SISTER!"
• The diner scene where Harry and Lloyd eat hot peppers. Their subsequent, simultaneous flip-out should be seen to be fully appreciated.
• Lloyd is leaving the bar when he sees a copy of an old "Man Walks On The Moon" headline framed on the wall. Taken aback, he walks outside and screams "WE LANDED ON THE MOON!!!"^note This was ad-libbed by Jim Carrey, to boot.
• Harry introduces himself to Mary by saying "Nice set of hooters you got there" completely out of the blue. Although he makes a quick save by claiming that he's referring to the snow owls.
• The snowball fight between Harry and Mary. After Mary playfully tosses some snow at Harry, he retaliates by pegging her in the face with a snowball at point-blank range as hard as he can. It goes downhill from there. (Literally.)
• Lloyd's dream sequence, which involves the Groin Attack to end all Groin Attacks, ripping a guy's heart out, a kiss from hell, and ends with Lloyd nearly hitting a semi head-on.
• Harry and Lloyd replacing the ransom money with I.O.U.s. Watching how they spend it is funny enough, but then the Big Bad finally opens the briefcase at the end and nearly blows a gasket.
  Lloyd: Go ahead and add it up. Every cent's accounted for. Look, see this? That's a car. 275 thou. Might wanna hang onto that one.
• When Harry explains that he survived getting shot because the FBI gave him a bulletproof vest.
  Lloyd: ...what if he shot you in the face?
  (beat)
  Harry: (to FBI) What if he shot me in the face?
  FBI: That was a risk we were willing to take.
• The look on Harry's face when Lloyd has his hand in his coat (ready to pull his gun during his Imagine Spot).
• Lloyd outwits Sea Bass at the diner by somehow getting him to put their lunch on his tab.
  Harry: That was genius, Lloyd, sheer genius. I mean, where did you come up with a scam like that?
  Lloyd: Saw it in a movie once.
  Harry: That's incredible! So what happened, so the guy tricks some sucker into picking up his tab and gets away with it scot-free?
  Lloyd: No! In the movie, they catch up to him a half-mile down the road and slit his throat. (giggles) It was a good one!
  Harry: (suddenly driving a LOT faster)
  • Perhaps the best part of the entire bit is that the movie in question, Something Wild, starred Jeff Daniels who pulled the same con!
• When Lloyd first suggests to Harry that they go to Aspen.
  Lloyd: What are we doing here, Harry? We've gotta get out of this town!
  Harry: Yeah, and go where? Where do you wanna go?
  Lloyd: I'll tell you where: someplace warm. Where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I'm talking about a little place called (whispers) Assspeeen.
  Harry: I don't know, Lloyd; the French are assholes.
• Also the Potty Humor where Harry just lets go and pees during the ride... the pair are frozen together by the time Lloyd stops.
• "Dear Gas Man, packed up and drove to Aspin. Sorry about the $. Lloyd and Harry." *smiley face*
  • Even funnier since the villains think that Harry and Lloyd are criminal geniuses playing them for fools, taking "Gas Man" to be a reference to Mental's ulcer problems.
• "Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world? AAAAAAAAAAAAAA..."
• At the bar while Lloyd is waiting for his supposed date with Mary, Beth shows up and starts rambling about her non-existent ex-boyfriend:
  Beth: And I said: "Run, Beth, run for your life before this man kills you both." Then do you know what the klutz did?
  Lloyd: (in Head Desk)...No, and I don't...CAAAARE... (back to Head Desk)
• Harry's encounter with Beth earlier whilst en route to Aspen. He accidentally leaks gas all over himself when refilling his tank, knocks her side view mirror off due to leaning on it and upon giving her a light for her cigarette finally throws down the match and sets his leg on fire.
  Harry: FOR GOD'S SAKES, JUST GIMME THE DAMN NUMBER!!
• Lloyd's attempt at a Love Confession is fantastically stupid. This line is just the tip of the iceberg: "What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me..."
  • And then when Mary tries to tell him it's "more like one out of a million":
  Lloyd: So you're telling me there's a chance? [Beat] YYYYYYYEAH!!!
  • Lloyd practicing a big romantic speech, ultimately screwing it up in, of course, the most hilarious way he could.
  Lloyd: I desperately wanna make love to a schoolboy.
• The final scene in the movie was originally supposed to have Harry's line be the same, then Lloyd would actually get them on the bus with the bikini models. The finished ending is the result of Jim Carrey looking at the scene and going "Well yeah, but wouldn't this be even funnier?"
• The trailer for the movie, especially this line: "If they each had half a brain, they'd still only have half a brain."
• Doubles with an inversion of Fridge Brilliance: Harry and Lloyd pick up Mental as a hitch-hiker, despite the fact that they saw him at their apartment, with a gun, merely days before. Neither even thought to mention "hey, doesn't this guy look a lot like the gas man?"
  • Although Mental did have his back to them when they were looking through the peephole.
• This completely pointless line, as Lloyd leaves a convenience store, improvised by Jim Carrey:
  Lloyd: Hey, guys! Oh, Big Gulps, huh? All right! [Beat] Well, see ya later!
• Harry is depressed that Mental's last words were calling them out on murdering him. Lloyd replies "not if you count that gurgling sound."
• The Cameo from Canadian comic Harland Williams as a state trooper, in which he pulls Harry and Lloyd over to intimidate them, then swipes one of their beer bottles for good measure, and takes a swig. Lloyd's spent the last few minutes peeing in those bottles.
  Lloyd: Tic-tac, sir?
  • Harry's face when Lloyd spills one of the piss bottles on him.
• After inadvertently insulting an old lady he asked to watch his stuff while he got change for a dollar, Lloyd comes back to find all the stuff gone. He returns to their apartment, slams the door, then melodramatically falls to the floor and loudly announces to Harry:
  Lloyd: I got robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart, and I DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT COMIN'!
• While watching Mary leave through the airport while driving his limo outside, Lloyd attempts a dramatic farewell with arm outstretched, but crashes into the car in front of him halfway through:
  Lloyd: Goodbye my love-OOOOAHHH! [airbag is deployed into his face]
• Lloyd just remembered to give Harry the extra gloves he had while in Aspen, with Harry understandably furious at him for not sharing them with him while his hands were freezing cold. The funny part is when Lloyd is completely oblivious to his friend's anger and how, when Harry chokes him for revenge, we get this amazing line:
  Lloyd: EEEAAAHHH! HARRY! YOUR HANDS ARE FREEZING!
• Harry and Lloyd in a heart-shaped hot tub naked. The former talks about a past, failed romance with a woman who cheated on him with the latter
  Lloyd: What's the matter, Harry? Some little filly broke your heart?
  Harry: Nah; it was a girl. Fraida Felcher.
  Lloyd: Felcher, from Cranston?
  Harry: Yeah, do you remember her?
  Lloyd: [excitedly] Yeah...! [then calls himself down and sheepishly says] I mean, I remember you talking about her.
  Harry: Yeah, we had the most incredible love. I thought that we were going to be together forever. Then about a week later, right out of the blue, she sends me a John Deere letter.
  Lloyd: Did she give you any reason?
  Harry: Yeah, I called her up and she gave me a bunch a crap about me not listening to her or something. I don't know; I wasn't really paying attention. But the part that hurt the most I think she was seeing another guy. [Scoffs] I never did find out who.
  [Harry drinks his beer while Lloyd has an "Oh, Crap!" look on his face]
• Lloyd selling their dead bird Petey to a blind boy in a wheelchair in their complex to make some money by reattaching its head with scotch tape. It is then revisited later on when Mary is watching a news story on A Current Affair about "the Rhode Island boy who was duped into buying a dead bird".
  Billy: [whilst speaking with reporters and on the verge of tears] I just thought he was really quiet...
  Mary: [genuinely unsettled] Who are these sick people?
• The prequel is pretty widely regarded as a dud and doesn't have any real standout moments in terms of hilarity, save for one: Bob Saget losing his entire shit over finding his bathroom covered floor to ceiling in (what he presumes to be) Harry's excrement. It's almost universally considered the one genuinely funny and memorable moment of the prequel and is something that ultimately defies description and simply must be witnessed.

---