Funny / Drop Dead Fred

• "Got some dog poo! Right here!" (handsprings onto new carpet and starts smearing) "Dog poo! Lovely lovely dog poo! Dog poo on the chair! All on the side! All up here! Lovely lovely smelly dog poo!"
• Fred looking up Polly's dress and exclaiming in wonder "Cobwebs!"
  • Which makes Lizzie laugh into her coffee.
• From the Mouths of Babes: "What a pile of SHIT!"
• Fred disrobing the toga-wearing waiter:
  Lizzie: Fred, let's just behave ourselves, OK?
  Fred: OK.
  Lizzie: Mmm, grapes. (takes a grape off the server tray)
  Fred: Mmm, grapes! (takes the grape off the toga uniform, exposing the naked waiter)
• Mickey matching Lizzie's insanity to the delight of Fred. "I like him a lot more than I used to!"
  • Just before, when Fred clocks Mickey in the restaurant. "Oh no! Mickey Fartpants! Who let him grow up?!"
• When Lizzie and Fred hash it out in public:
  Fred: You know what your problem is? You're no fun anymore; you've turned into your mother!
  Lizzie: You are so sick. You know what, I don't want an imaginary friend anymore!
  (everyone stares at her in confusion)
• Fred annoyed with being out of his box in the first place:
  I'm stuck! 'Cause your stupid, ugly, fat, grown-up husband has left you! So you're all alone and you're all unhappy! So I have to come back and I can't get home until you're happy, so WHY DON'T YOU GET HAPPY! (hits her in the face with a shovel)
  • Then after they argue that he's never been much help to her:
  Fred: That's it, I hate you! (kicks her in the shin) Goodbye forever, I hope you die horribly!
• Janie going nuts trying to attack the invisible Fred - unbeknownst to her, Fred has moved from his seat, so she really is just trying to fight an empty office chair:
  Murray: What are you doing, Miss Shigrue?
  Janie: I'm running for Congress, what does it look like I'm doing?!....That's for the boat! And that's for ruining the one schtoop I get a month when Murray's wife is out of town!
  (everyone stares at them)
• The following conversation between a young Lizzie and her father while her mother is cutting her hair.
  Young!Lizzie: Daddy, why don't we throw mommy out the window? It won't hurt her. She'll land in the gladiolas.
  Nigel: *trying not to laugh* You shouldn't say things like that about your mother. She might cut your head off.
• Fred yelling "PIRATES!!" and scaring the living daylights out of Lizzie.
• "You got married? You mean you've been doing it like the pigeons?! No! Yuck!" Fred disappears, and Lizzie hears him shouting from the backyard as he chases pigeons with a shovel. "Which one of you taught Lizzie how to do it? Whoever taught Lizzie how to do it is gonna get a smashing right now! Ha-ha, pigeon pie for you!"
  • Fred again, later, when a reunited Lizzie and Charles start canoodling in their apartment. "No, no, hang on! This isn't how the pigeons do it! You're supposed to stamp on her head and peck her!"