Funny / Columbo

• The series 4 episode "Negative Reaction" Columbo goes to a homeless shelter to look up a drunken witness, except the nun mistakes him for a homeless person while being very sweet and genuine, and tries to find him a nicer coat. When he eventually tells her he's a police officer she presumes he means that he's undercover and that she won't tell anybody. (Either that, or she thinks he's delusional and only believes he's a cop.)
  • In that same episode, Columbo pulls up to the scene of a crime, which happens to be a defunct auto shop. The officer on duty initially assumes that Columbo is there to get his car looked at and tells him the place is closed. Columbo identifies himself and the officer tells him where to find the man he's looking for. Columbo attempts to start the car to drive to the designated area, but it stalls out. He says, "I'll leave it here," and then leaves the car, unlocked and with the window rolled down, with the officer, who throws up his hands in exasperation.
• "A Butterfly in Shades of Grey" has the culprit Chase walk by a room (with Columbo clearly in the foreground) before he stops and double-takes
  • Not long after, at realizing Chase doesn't appreciate his cigar, Columbo tries to simply dump it in the waste basket. Moments later, they notice smoke coming from somewhere, revealing the cigar caught fire to the trash in there. Columbo casually tries to put out the mild fire with a cup of coffee, but it takes two tries before it takes.
• In the episode "Mind Over Mayhem," Columbo is introduced talking to a school official, who informs him that he will have to withdraw his student. It turns out it's an obedience school and they're talking about Dog. Then when Columbo gets called on the case:
  Columbo: "Could I just leave him here for a couple hours while I go to work?"
  Official: "I'm afraid not. He demoralizes the other students."
• Columbo's entrance into the episode in "A Stitch in Crime", called into the scene exhausted and more bedraggled than usual due to how early it is. He keeps trying to crack an egg (his breakfast) on various things, including the victim's car. And then when they find the tire iron the woman was killed with...
  Columbo: 'Scuse me, you wanna hold that over here for a minute? *Starts cracking his egg on the murder weapon.*
• In "Undercover," the fact that twice, while undercover as "Artie Stokes" and being sent to recover pieces of the puzzle mystery Irving Krutch has placed on him, Columbo approaches both Mo Weinberg and Geraldine Ferguson and both of them are fully convinced he's a cop, even when he says he isn't. The first scene with Geraldine is funnier because she's played by Shera Danese, Peter Falk's wife.
  • This becomes even funnier when, after changing back into his usual clothes, he goes to visit the "D. McNally" on the list and is immediately mistaken for a hobo.
• At the end of the episode An Exercise in Fatality, Columbo is rummaging around in his bag for the evidence that will prove the murderer guilty (while the murderer waits, fuming) and pulls out a squashed package:
  Columbo: "Oh, that's my lunch; that don't mean nothing..."
• A small bit in The Most Crucial Game: Paul Hanlon makes his trip to and from the murder scene disguised as an ice cream truck driver. On the way back, he helps himself to a popsicle.
• In The Bye, Bye Sky-High IQ Case, Columbo meets a witness in a restaurant, unconsciously bringing along a donut he picked up along the way. A surly waitress (played by a pre-Halloween Jamie Lee Curtis) tells him that he can only stay if he gets rid of the donut and orders something from the menu instead. Columbo takes the menu, studies it carefully, and orders...a donut.
• The series 5 episode Last Salute to the Commodore:
  • The film opens with a group of people boating on a small motor ferry called "TITANIC" of all things. No, it doesn't sink, but it can be So Unfunny, It's Funny due to how random this is.
  • It features not only a rare whodunit twist on the series instead of the usual howshegonnacatchim, but it also portrays Columbo at his snuggliest, constantly invading Charles' (Robert Vaughn) personal space to the point of repeatedly hugging him or sitting on him. When they're at the pier investigating the Commodore's boat, Columbo even steps closer to Charles just so he can lean on him. Robert Vaughn can be seen barely keeping a straight face during these scenes.
  • The ending, after the case is solved. Columbo suddenly and randomly embarks a rowboat, then starts to row away into the distance. The reason? He wanted to go join his wife at the yacht club.
• In "Now You See Him" Columbo's wife gets him a brand new coat. Being of course that's it new and stiff and not rumpled looking, he hates it and takes it off at every opportunity and conveniently "forgets" it everywhere. The grumpy way he takes the coat back when people remind him to take it with him is hilarious.
  Columbo: I'll be a son of a gun. Where'd you find that? I've been looking all over for it.
  Wilson: In the lost and found. You left it at the cafeteria.
  Columbo: I thought someone stole it.
  Wilson: At police headquarters?
  • At one point he leaves the coat in his car with Dog:
    Columbo: I'll be right back. Now, if anyone tries to steal this, you let 'em!
• Columbo's antics when goofing around with Ward Fowler in "Fade in to Murder", including pretending briefly to be a villain on Fowler's detective show (and unable to keep himself from laughing during it) and wearing his hat to pose like Fowler's publicity poster.
• An example of Columbo's Deadpan Snarker tendencies in Murder Under Glass when he arrives at the killer's house and is greeted by his secretary:
  Columbo: "Good evening, ma'am. My name is Lieutenant Columbo, homicide. I'd like to speak to Paul Gerard; is he home?"
  Eve Plumber: "I...I'm not sure."
  Columbo: "Is it a big place, or is he just out to the police?"
• The entirety of the Alias crossover short.
• In "Caution: Murder Can Be Hazardous to Your Health" when Columbo is on his way to question the owner of an adult shop, two prostitutes try to flirt with him. Upon reaching the shop, he meets a customer that's wearing the exact same clothes he is, and is mistaken for a fellow pervert.
• In "The Greenhouse Jungle", a bit of a Bait-and-Switch happens when a Dumb Blonde lover of the victim shows up at Jarvis Goodland's house in the middle of the night.
  Gloria:(after getting Jump Scared by Jarvis) Gosh! you scared me
  So there's a reward for the person who can figure out who killed Tony?
  Jarvis: Yessss?
  Gloria: And I just happened to remember, Tony was shot by a pistol that made everyone assume he was killed by kidnappers, but the Police don't think he was.
  Jarvis: And?
  Gloria: And I realized that one person actually had a gun.
  (Jarvis opens drawer containing gun, unbeknownst to Gloria)
  Gloria And that person is...
  Jarvis: Yes? (Grips gun)
  Gloria: His wife.
  Jarvis: .....eh?
  Gloria: I just remembered Tony gave his wife a gun for protection last year, so what if she found out he was trying to extort money from her, got mad and killed her?
  Jarvis: (Puts gun away)...I suppose that's plausible.
  Gloria: Right, so can you tell the police for me? I'd get embarrassed in front of that Columbo person. (leaves)
• The rescue party at the end of "No Time To Die" includes a police officer crashing through a window with a somersault.
• A classic example of Columbo trolling a suspect. "Death Lends a Hand", Columbo tells Brimmer that apparently the right contact that was not found on the murder victim may have fallen out of her eye (the murderer had, in a fit of rage, struck the victim and sent her falling over a shag carpet). He "innocently" remarks to the murderer—it's later revealed he already knows he's the murderer at that point, but hasn't told him or anyone—that he'd love for the murderer to know that the contact was missing, because that would mean that the murderer would have to go through his premises essentially with a fine tooth comb in order to check and make sure the contact isn't there and couldn't potentially incriminate him. Cut to Brimmer having frantically ripped his carpet out of the floor doing just that at some ungodly hour of the morning.
• Late in the episode "Lady in Waiting", Columbo's been told off for his hounding by the increasingly agitated murderer, and just as he begins to leave, he turns back around and starts to say something. The murderer, expecting yet another round of questioning, starts shouting at Columbo... only for the lieutenant to innocuously inform her that he forgot to return her lightbulb.
• At the start of "Ashes to Ashes", Eric Prince, the mortician, has to complete a business deal right before a funeral for a rider of the silver screen, and so insists the businessman take a shortcut to his office... right through the embalming room, which Prince euphemistically refers to as his "chamber of horrors".
• In the series 1 episode "Suitable for Framing", Columbo walks in on a painter working with a nude model. The second he glances the woman, he instantly averts his gaze with an embarrassed expression all over his face, and avoids making eye contact with her, even when the painter introduces her.
• Season 2 episode 7, "The Most Dangerous Match," is a bit unusual for a Columbo episode because the killer doesn't succeed at first, and the victim is unconscious in the hospital when Columbo starts looking at the case. While he's talking with the suspect, he gets a notification to call "the hospital." On the phone Columbo says things like, "The patient is conscious and moving? That's very good," and the suspect listens in fear that the victim will be able to talk about the attempted killing. Then it turns out it's the veterinary hospital and Columbo's dog just got through a surgery. He goes to pick up Dog, leaving the killer too dumbfounded to be relieved.
• In the season 4 episode 1 "An Exercise in Fatality", as part of his usual schtick to get close to the murderer Columbo joins the gym the murderer owns, which is revealed to him in the audience with the shot of Columbo in sweats, running on the treadmill looking exhausted. Got to give Columbo credit for his dedication. Even better the murderer had been lecturing Columbo on his healthy lifestyle, so it looks like Columbo took his advice to heart.
• What list of funniest Columbo moments would be complete without his fall down the hill in "The Greenhouse Jungle"? See it here in all its glory.
  Columbo: But, I tell you, it was the quickest way down.
  • And the best part? He never dropped the cigar.
• "Lovely But Lethal" provides what is possibly the funniest example of Columbo's "One more thing" trick. Late in the episode, after Columbo wraps up another round of questioning with the killer, he pretends to be satisfied and says goodbye. He leaves the room, exiting the frame, then audibly closes the door... only for him to walk back in like nothing happened to show the killer his rash. The startled look on her face is priceless.
• What if Columbo were anime?
• At the end of "Ransom for a Dead Man," Columbo sits down to have a drink with the murderer at an airport bar. Another police officer brings over a suitcase full of about $20,000 cash, a significant piece of evidence that will be used to convict her. As the credits roll, a waitress brings Columbo the bill, coming to $1.10 total... and he can't pay it. He searches his pockets and eventually asks if he can pay with an I.O.U., as he's a trustworthy police officer. The waitress agrees. Neither of them acknowledge the open briefcase full of cash on the table between them.
• In "A Case of Immunity", the killer confesses to avoid being extradited to his and his victims' country (which apparently has a ruthless capital punishment system). Columbo lets him suggest confessing and then reveals he already has a pre-prepared confession (and two copies) for the perp to sign. He asks the frantic killer if he'd like to read the confession before signing it, and the man quips that he already knows what it says.
• In "A Trace of Murder", while talking with Clifford about the wedding, Columbo perks up at some potential evidence and asks if he talked with a certain person. Clifford affirms, commenting he's a healthy man like him. Columbo in turn tries to affirm by bringing up that the "healthy man" in question had a big belly. Clifford isn't amused.
• Not only does season three's "Double Exposure" include some of the best interplay between Columbo and the killer (Robert Culp) ever in the series, at the midway point, we're treated to this gem, and both Culp and Falk play it to precision:
  DOCTOR Keppel: Which way, lieutenant?
  Columbo: Pardon?
  Keppel: Right or left? You didn't tell me where the murder was committed...So I couldn't possibly know how to get there, could I?
  Columbo: Turn left.
  Keppel: Good try though.
  Columbo: Yeah, can't win 'em all.
• In Any Old Port in a Storm, Columbo is talking to the frantic fiancee of the murder victim, who has disappeared on the eve of his wedding. Columbo suggests he might have gotten cold feet and asks whether he'd been married before. She tells him he'd been married three times:
  Columbo: Three times? Well, I guess his feet are warm enough by now.

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