Funny / Coast to Coast AM

• The recurring atheist caller once took up 15-30 minutes of the show asking the audience/host to help him get a girlfriend, with very specific requirements.
• Pretty much anytime JC Webster calls.
  • During J.C.'s very first call, Art states that, "I wish bigfoot was my dad!"
    Art: So you're telling me that cats are evil?
    J.C.: Well, yes!
    Art: (using a voice manipulator, making his voice deep) MEOW!
  • "HOW DARE YOU?!"
  • When complaining about the song, "Some Velvet Morning" by Lee Hazelwood (and Nancy Sinatra), J.C. gets Hazelwood mixed up with Johnny Cash.
  • The song "Oh, yeah!" by Yello apparently makes J.C. nauseous, so Art plays it more as a Brown Note while alluding to "squatting down" when it plays.
  • J.C. thinks Charlie Sheen is messed up due to Rick James' soul possessing him.
  • J.C. vs. "Lesbian Tupperware Parties"!
  • J.C.'s many instances of malapropisms, neologisms and bad spelling: "Glonal Warning" ^note Global Warming, "Disgustating", "Fornication" ^note in a non-sexual context, as in, "This fornication against my name...", "Fraudulator", and so on. Also, "multiple organisms" ^note multiple orgasms.
  • When complaining about Star Trek, J.C. refers to Seven - Of - Nine as "Sixty Nine".
  • Amongst other countries, J.C. thinks Canada is a national threat and... by extension... William Shatner is a "Canadian Operative".
  • J.C's very first encounter with Ian Punnett is pure gold, also, during that call, when J.C. declares something as austere and healthy as Cheerios (... in relation to them being given to toddlers, dry, as a healthy snack) as "Food Porn"...
    Punnett: "... There's nothing more demonic than a toddler without Cheerios! Waddaya want them to eat, Space Sticks?"
• During a commercial break, Art tried to repair a broken bit of equipment on his desk with super glue and due to an accident after cutting the tip off of the bottle, ends up gluing his lips together.
• While Oscar managed to freak out George Noory, he had much less success with his one call in to Art. Art mocked him by saying that he could hear Oscar's voice cracking under the strain of doing the demonic voice for so long and answered with something of his own when ending the call:

  "If you want to talk like a demon, you're gonna have to (flips a switch to use the same voice manipulator as he did with the 'meow' above) TALK LIKE THIS!"