Funny / Call of Duty: Black Ops II

• The introduction to "Old Wounds". Woods is scouting above Mason. Mason then asks what he saw up there. What did he see, exactly?
  Woods: Sand, sand, and more fucking sand.
• Salazar's reaction to the ads that superimpose his face on them.
  Salazar: We're all going to hell, man.
  • And yes, if you approach one of the ads as Section, his face will also be superimposed on the ads as well!
• In "Pyrrhic Victory", after Jonas Savimbi tells Mason to take out the MPLA mortar crews, he jumps down off his armored vehicle and tries to fire the grenade launcher one of his lieutenants handed him at the start of the mission...only to find out that his lieutenant apparently forgot to load it before giving it to him. He then throws it away, impales a charging MPLA soldier with his machete on the draw, picks up a battle rifle from a fallen UNITA trooper and continues fighting.
  • Another one from this mission: after getting a skeletal, shell-shocked Woods onto a chopper..
    Hudson: Well, we got him, Mason.
    [Hudson does his signature Glasses Pull as epic music plays, only for him to be shot and a darkly humorous Record Scratch to play]
    [Mason prepares to shoot the aggressor, only for Woods of all people to shoot him instead]
    Woods: ..You can't kill me.
• In the beginning of the mission "Suffer With Me" Mason and Woods have just been compromised. Mason's response? "You know what they say, if you're gonna fuck up, get it out of the way early!" The amused and nonchalant tone he uses to express this sentiment says it all, as if to say, "I've been through the shit before, this ain't nothing new."
• Woods: Al, this is Dave. Dave... this is your dad!
  • Hell, just about every time Woods speaks tends to open up opportunities for this. The fact that he's recounting events with surprising accuracy, the grumpiness of someone who's pushing 90 and Cluster F Bombs is something to behold.
• When old Mason comes to visit Woods:
  Woods: Do not enter. [door opens anyway]
  Woods: I swear to God, I will shove this wheelchair right up your...
  Mason: ...Ass.
• Hell, even after Woods reintroduces David to his dad, he's aware of how "the two broads" are hogging up the space. So he leaves to smoke a cig (despite being 95 in-story).
  Woods: NURSE BATSHIT, WHERE'S MY SMOKES?!^Note The quote serves as a proper segue into the non-canon post-credits "Everyone Comes Back" Fantasy Party Ending, seeing as Avenged Sevenfold's logo is a skull with bat wings, coined by the band as the "Deathbat".
• There is a 'blink and you'll miss it' moment during the epic post-credits music video. During one of the first shots of the crowd, you'll see Viktor Reznov cheering in the crowd. The next crowd shows Reznov and Old Mason dancing in the same shot. Then when the camera returns to the crowd again, Reznov is gone and Old Mason is looking around confused.
  • David Mason jumping up and down like a fanboy at his first concert, while waving a Cordis Die sign, of all things.
  • The other characters are no slouch either: Hillary Clinton (actually President Bosworth, but whatever) and David Petraeus rocking out; Admiral Briggs and General Zhao throwing high-fives at each other; Manuel Noriega doing crotch-chops; Chloe and DeFalco getting it down on the balcony; even Harper going Air Guitar mode.
  • Really, the entire premise of Menendez and Woods joining Avenged Sevenfold is hilarious. Especially the fact that Menendez of all people becomes a nervous wreck at the idea of playing music in front of a crowd. Moreso in front of Woods, to whom he's pissed off at in the main game. The amount of abuse he gets from his band mates might even make you feel a bit sorry for him...just a bit, but...
    Menendez: Sarge... I get nervous when I'm on stage. My mind, i-it draws a blank; I feel like I want to throw up.
    Woods: Dezzy, we talked about this already, right? You gotta let that Cordis Die shit go, man. Come on, take a minute; breathe... you gotta breathe...
    (Menendez takes deep breaths, as M. Shadows and Synyster Gates approach him from behind...)
    Shadows: MENENDEZ! What the fuck are you doing?!
    Menendez: (still fidgeting nervously) Practicing... so hard-
    (Gates slaps Menendez on the back of his head)
    Gates: Hey, Goddamnit! Our fans are expecting a killer show tonight, so DO NOT FUCK THIS UP!
    Menendez: Th-that I am, Señor... Synyster...
    Shadows: (Reaches out to Woods) Hey, old-timer... You ready to rock?
    Woods: (smirks) Heh... I'm ready to ROLL, baby! (pushes away the wheelchair and stands up)
    Menendez: What the fuck?
    Woods: Oh, that shit? Nah, I'm just fuckin' lazy. Let's go kill this thing!
    Shadows: Hoo-Hah! Double time! That means you, Menendez!
    (Shadows plucks hard Menendez's Cordis Die guitar, followed by Gates slapping him again on the back of his head.)
    Menendez: (Still shaking nervously as he gets left behind) Señor Synyster, Señor Shadow... I've been practicing so hard all week...
    Woods: MENENDEZ!!!
    Menendez: OKAY, okay! Okay... Dios mio! (jolts and hurries out of the room...)

  • And then there's a zombie, standing idle on the raised seating platform.
• The horse level. Just...just the horse level. To wit, you ride around on a black horse, one-handing an assault rifle or a rocket launcher of your choice, mowing down Russians during the Russo-Mujahideen conflict. Doubles as a Moment of Awesome, considering you kill around six tanks this way.
  • If you replay the mission, you can even use a minigun one-handed.
• There is a sequence where you fight a group of mercenaries in a stylish night club, in and out of itself fairly mundane but you fight them in slow motion. With dub step music blaring in the background - timed to coincide with your gunshots. It's perhaps the most ridiculous set piece in the entire series and a either a brilliantly meta shot at glorifying violence, or an acceptance by the developers that this is what sets their franchise apart from others.
  • Then again, the idea of Skrillex blaring as you slo-mo headshot half a dozen mooks is pretty damn awesome.
• Though a Leno Device, just the fact that Jimmy Kimmel Live is still on the air well into the mid 2020s and he hadn't aged one bit. Apparently the futuristic audience of 2025 likes him just that much.
  • This is even funnier as of 2020, as Kimmel is still on the air and he still greatly resembles his in-game appearance (albeit with the addition of some gray hair.)
• The multiplayer voices, all of them, especially the death screams.
  We're WINNING this fight.
  COME ON! COME ON! I'VE GA-CHYOO!
  Wanna get paid?! MOVE IT!
  SHIIIITTTT!!!!!
• At the beginning of Karma, Harper can't resist this wishful thinking. Doubly funny if he was burned in the previous mission.
  Harper: You know, if this wasn't an op, I believe I could get myself a little hot chick action here.
  Salazar: You forgetting Pakistan? Your face don't look too good, Harper.
  Harper: Hey, it's not the face, it's the body they're going to be after.
• In the same level, Harper's attempt to flirt with the first woman he sees.
  Harper: Whoa! How you doing, beautiful?
  Woman/Karma: Screw you, jerk!
• In "Karma", there's one for players who speak Spanish. After taking down some Cuban PMCs and accessing the mainframe, you learn reinforcements have found their friends' bodies. One of them can be heard yelling in Spanish "Holy shit! What happened here?"
• In Fallen Angel, the scene opens up with the team pinned down and about to be overrun. That's not the funny part. The funny part is that David and Harper are yelling at each other while David attempts to get a Claw Tank running. Yep, it's the middle of a pitched battle and the player character is doing tech support.
  • This becomes even funnier when Harper solves the problem by kicking the Claw, which works. 2025, a time where armies of robots and supercomputers and really advanced weapons are the norm...and things still have to be fixed with Percussive Maintenance.
    Harper: Your GCM must be stuck! [kicks the CLAW, causing it to work properly] There! Unstuck!