Funny / Breaking Dawn

The book

• How to settle disagreements about the wedding ceremony:
  Alice: I'll play you for it. Rock, paper, scissors.
  Edward: Why don't you just tell me who wins?
  Alice: I do. Excellent.

• Rosalie making a doggie dish out of a steel bowl for Jacob. Even Jacob concedes writing "Fido" on the side was Actually Pretty Funny — before bouncing it off her head!
• Jacob warned Bella against having sex with Edward when he was at the wedding reception, and the next time he sees her again a couple of weeks later she is in the third trimester of a pregnancy that is eating all her food and kicking bruises into her skin and breaking her ribs.
  Jacob: I told you—
  Bella: Did you know that 'I told you so' has a brother, Jacob? His name is 'Shut the hell up.'
  • Even better when you know that that line comes from an episode of The Simpsons that came out a couple years before this book.
• When Jacob decides to preemptively follow Bella's plan to hint at Charlie as to what she's become, his introduction to the supernatural is phasing right in front of him. He does this by saying that he has something he needs to show Charlie, before proceeding to strip fully naked right in front of him.
• When Bella speculates that some vampire legends arose as a way to explain away infidelity, she imagines such a scenario.
  No, honey, I'm not having an affair. That sexy woman you saw sneaking out of the house was an evil succubus. I'm lucky I escaped with my life!
• After Sam sends Jared to try and guilt Leah and Seth into leaving Jacob's pack and Jacob defends them, he (Jacob) then asks for their feedback after Jared leaves, and whether he ought to have said anything else. Leah suggests he could have hit Jared.
  Leah: I wouldn't have minded that.
• Jacob instantly getting Bella's reasoning when Edward explains that she won't abort the fetus.
  Jacob: Of course. Die for the monster spawn. It was so Bella.
  • Him wondering if Edward's really losing his mind when witnessing his bizarre behaviour.

The films

• The speeches given by Emmett, Jessica, Charlie and Renee at Edward & Bella's wedding reception.
• Seth 90% of the time. Mixes this with being completely Adorkable.
• Charlie is baffled to see what he thought was a mural at the Cullen house is a collection of the many graduation caps they've collected over the years. Renee just gives it a look and laughs "how creative" as she walks off.
• At the wedding reception, Charlie is very subtly trying to hit on Sue Clearwater and offers to get her a glass of fancy champagne. Billy picks up on it anyway despite his discretion and cockblocks hilariously by turning his wheelchair around and nearly driving over Charlie's toes, forcing both Sue and Charlie to make some distance between themselves.
• The scene where Bella drinks fresh human blood out of a plastic cup and remarks how good it is was either this or complete Squick for most of the audience.
• Jacob's reaction to the name Renesmee.
  • Bella's reaction to the name Nessie.
    • Everyone together now in three, two, one: YOU NICKNAMED MY DAUGHTER AFTER THE LOCH NESS MONSTER?!
    • Jacob's defense:
    Jacob: It's not like that! If it was, Edward would have already killed me!
    Edward: I'm still on the fence about that.
    • Even better, at the end when they're finally friends, Jacob pokes Edward about it a bit.
  Jacob: Should I call you "Dad"?
  Edward: No
• Come on, nobody mentions Bianca getting dragged off for her grammar and spelling mistakes?
• Real Life version—the director for this and Part 2 admitted to USA Today that he had to work closely with Taylor Lautner to keep the Renesmee stuff as Squick-less as possible.
• Bella's "getting ready to have sex" montage.
• The Stinger with the Volturi.
  "By the way my dear, it's Carlisle...with an ssssssssssssssssss"
  • The entire Volturi scene. As Spoony put it (in his best Tim Curry voice), "Ooh, oh, I'm so gay, and I spend all my time sitting on a throne wearing a black robe doing nothing."
• The entire scene where Jacob makes a speech about showing Charlie something that will change how he views the world, while slowly stripping off his own clothes. He just doesn't want to ruin them when he turns into a giant wolf, but it's clear that Charlie thinks Jacob is intending to proposition him.
• The final battle turns out to be a vision Aro saw within Alice's mind. Tell me of a theater room which played this film and didn't get filled with laughter because of the massively trollish Mood Whiplash from this scene.
  • When this troper saw it, the elderly woman sitting in front of her at the theater stood up and did this:
  Elderly Woman: (shaking fist) THAT WASN'T FUNNY!
• Aro's Squee upon seeing Renesmee.
  • ... will have you in such uncontrollable hysterics you can't even remember how he sounded.
  • So funny that both Brad Jones and Noah Antwiler fell out of their chairs laughing in the theater.
  • So funny that the guys on the RiffTrax admit they couldn't possibly say anything to make it any better.
  • Also the follow-up scene when Aro is examining Renesmee and still giggling like a moron. Renesmee looks at Bella with a face that clearly says, "Is he always like this?" and Bella responds with a face that says, "I'm afraid so."
• Maybe it's just me, but something about Jacob's fearful attempt to explain himself to Bella about imprinting on Renesmee was really hilarious.
  • And Bella sounding just as outraged about the Nessie nickname as the imprinting itself.
  • Really, everything about this scene is hilarious - Rosalie and Emmett are both gleefully anticipating Bella's reaction to Jacob's imprinting. Then Jacob gets dragged outside by Bella and Bella kicks Jacob's ass. Jacob rationalizes that imprinting is something he can't help, and that Edward hasn't killed him for it so Bella shouldn't either - only for Edward to note that he's still debating it. All the Cullens become mildly amused at Bella's new strength as she continues to wail on Jacob. Then Esme advises Edward to stop Bella, to which he casually responds, "[Jacob] said he can handle it." THEN Jacob mentions the nickname...
• When Bella and Edward present Charlie with a fishing trip for Christmas as an excuse to keep him away from the upcoming showdown with the Volturi, he jokingly asks "trying to get rid of me, eh?" The two of them fumble around for a bit, attempting to think up a lie, then he responds "because it worked!"
• A couple involving Wolf-Sam in Alice's vision battle. First, after the fissure gets opened in the middle of the battlefield, there's a shot of Sam leaping across the fissure and tackling a Volturi Mook hard enough to literally knock the guy's shoes off. Secondly, when Alice tosses Jane down in front of Sam, he's casually carrying the severed hand of another Volturi Mook in his mouth.
  • It should be noted that the reason he's so aggressive in the first place is because some Volturi just killed his ex-girlfriend and her brother.