Funny / Blue Sky (Waffles)

• In chapter 3, after Wheatley is uploaded into his Hard Light body, he attempts to stand up. It... goes about as well as you would expect:
  There was a horrendous, multi-part crash. Chell, who was currently bearing her whole weight on the crowbar, shut her eyes and waited for it to end. Things hit things and fell on top of other things, knocking them into other things on the way. The last thing, whatever it was, sounded quite small and went clingclingcling… clink.

  Another pause.

  "You know what? We've ascertained one thing, definitely, and that is that this body absolutely does have the ability to feel pain. Just like my old one, they clearly thought they needed to throw that in there, don't know why but there you go. Hell of it, I suppose, they were having a slow day, not much left to do on the big 'make a proper moving hard-light avatar whatsit' project by that point, and they just thought they'd stick in a fully-functional artificial central nervous system for a laugh, that would be my guess. For giggles, essentially. Yeah, thanks, guys, much appreciated."

  A fiddly sort of rustling sound, and a yelp.

  "Ow! Yeah- also, this 'standing up' thing isn't quite as simple as it looks. Definite props to you for managing it all the time, because it is actually rather tricky."
• His initial reaction to being in that form is gold.
  "What? What are you gawking at me like that for? What's wrong?"

  This was neither the time nor the place for long-winded explanations, even if Chell had been inclined to give any. Instead, she reached out and gingerly picked up the panel of oily, reflective glasslike stuff she'd almost punched the hell out of earlier, and held it up to his face.

  Wheatley blinked at it. "Er, what's that? Why's it… copy… ing… AAHH!"

  The penny dropped. He screamed, caught sight of his old body sitting forlornly in the docking port, and screamed again. His back hit the stand with a thump and he curled into a ball, limbs going everywhere, doing his best to become spherical. It was a doomed task, and from Chell's point of view, it was like watching a giant daddy-long-legs trying to assume the brace position.

  "Oh, God! Oh God, what did you do? Aaahh! You lunatic woman, what've you done? I'm- I'm- aah! What's wrong with my eye?"

  He pawed at his face, knocking his glasses askew. The simulacrum was incredibly detailed, affected by every movement he made, from the creases in his poorly-knotted tie to the way his hair went everywhere when he ran his hand through it. As she watched- more than a little concerned- he shut one eye and then the other, and then opened both and started to move his head back and forth like a concussed owl. The lead plugged into the device swung gently from the back of his neck, tapping against the stand like a sleepy snake.
• Wheatley going out in the sun for the first time:
  Wheatley's first impression of the great outdoors was not particularly positive. He recoiled, clamped both his hands over his eyes, and screamed.

  "AAAHHH! Aaahh ahgodwhat'sthat it burns!"

  Chell started to slip towards the ground. He tried to grab her while keeping a hand tightly over the part of his avatar's face that dealt with optical input. After a complicated moment or two, they both ended up sliding into something like a sitting position. It wasn't ideal, but it was all he could manage while dealing with the turbo-nuclear lightshow which seemed to be concentrating all its energy on stabbing him in the eyes.

  When he finally managed to ease his fingers apart a fraction, he slowly realised that what had at first appeared to be a raging fiery inferno was actually nothing more dangerous than the sun.
• His first interaction with Ellie is also pretty good:
  She was the thing which grabbed and held his attention, though. She was only the second human he'd seen in absolutely ages, after all- and if she was anything to go by, then there was something terribly wrong.

  "Agh! Oh, God, what happened to you? Why're you all shrunk?"

  The little human continued to stare at him. She had blonde hair which was pinioned into two messy bunches by far too many multi-coloured hairclips, and bright red wellies, and before she'd spotted him she'd been playing with a stuffed toy of some description, which she was now dangling distractedly by one limb (it seemed to have five.)

  Wheatley blinked a couple of times, his panic subsiding as his memory flagged up an important fact.

  "Ohhh right, you're a child, aren't you? Ha, God, what a relief, slipped my mind for a second there, I forgot you lot get bigger when you get older. I thought there was something seriously wrong with- right, never mind, start again... Hello there! Don't happen to know any first aid, do you, by any chance?"

  The little girl looked over his shoulder, to where Chell's head was drooping against his back, her hands hanging down and grimed with her own dried blood. She still didn't comment, but the big serious eyes got even bigger and more serious and she slipped backwards through the gate, keeping her stare fixed on him, hugging the stuffed toy harder against her chest.

  Suddenly, before it could occur to Wheatley that some kind of explanation might be in order, she jumped off the bar and took off like a rocket towards the redwood structure, wellies flying, yelling at the top of her voice.

  "DADDYYYYY!"

• Wheatley's short anecdote on what he did to get rid of an itch he had when he was a core is either this or terrifying.
• Why does breathing into a paper bag help you from passing out? According to Wheatley's guess:
  "[...] the idea was that you were so preoccupied with what an arse you looked huffing into a paper bag that you stopped thinking about whatever it was that was making you feel like fainting."
• Wheatley's attempt at baking.
  Romy was right. Wheatley's loaf was a work of art, in its own horrific way. Puffy in places it should have been flat, flat in places it should have been puffy, it leaned like a set of Penrose steps, baffling to the eye. It had strange geometry. It had been out of the oven for at least an hour, but it wouldn't stop smouldering (making the candle and the open windows a necessity, at least for the five present who needed to breathe) suggesting that there were still unpleasant chemical reactions taking place inside. What it had done in the oven was almost as worrying- showing alarming cannibalistic tendencies, it had overflowed its tin and eaten half of Chell's own loaf. It had the surface texture of sandpaper, and seemed to have gained at least two pounds of mass out of nowhere. It weighed roughly about as much as a bowling ball, which was a coincidence, since it was about as edible as one.
• Wheatley becoming "drunk" off of the Moonshine.exe...after having the equivalent of one drink. Plus a lot of his crazy rambling during said "intoxication".
  • And later Foxglove uses it to get Wheatley past the security of the Aperture mainframe, by getting the security system drunk.
• At one point in chapter 10, Wheatley's voice is being muffled by the roar of the generator as he tries reasoning with Garret, who is twenty feet up Foxglove, about running an extension cable down to connect to him. Frustrated that Garret isn't able to properly hear him, Chell unplugs the noisy machine and the gathering crowed is left with hearing Wheatley shout: "-and stick that in me instead?"
• Wheats playing around with the word "broadcast" in chapter 11 while Garrett is fine-tuning the signal, saying how they, "don't want to start narrowcasting by accident, or just sort of average-widthcasting," and ultimately culminating in the line, "Let's cast some broads."
• The English translation of Caroline's last song to Chell is guaranteed to cause a snort.
• Everyone's reactions when Foxglove 'borrows' every freaking satellite she can get ahold of.
• The bit when Wheatley declares that he and Garrett always had some sort of rivalry... And this is the first time Garrett hears of this.