Funny / Big Daddy

• A little dark if you're watching it with your grandpa or grandma, but the scene with Sonny and Vanessa discussing her new much-older boyfriend.
  Vanessa: He has a five-year plan.
  Sonny: What is it? "Don't die"?
  • Sid's reaction to that.
  • This dialogue:
  Sid: You know, you remind me of my grandson. He didn't think things through.
  Sonny: Hey, Old Man River, zip it or I'll break your hip!
  Sid: (whispers to Vanessa) I like to see him try.
  Vanessa: (whispers back) Shut up, Sid.
  • "I know you'll be missing me when you got that old white, wrinkly body on top of you, with his... loose skin and old... balls... gross!"
  • Later, he makes a remark about how his ex "is banging the Pepperidge Farm guy".
• The fact that poor little Julian has to take a leak about every five mintues.
  Sonny: (to a couple of old ladies watching Julian pee) What's your name? He'll write it on the wall. Mind your business!
• When Sonny steps on Julian's Scuba Steve doll.
  Sonny: Owwww! Scuba Steve! Damn you!
• When Julian and Nazo, the Delivery Guy are learning how to read.
  Julian: Electricity. Constitution. Philadelphia.
  Nazo: Fish. Pony. (when trying to read the word Hippopotamus) ...Hip? Hip hop? Hip hop anonymous? (Sonny just stares at him) Damn you! You gave him the easy ones!
• Mr. Herlihy is a cross between this, and being a complete and total ass. He also makes a lousy character witness.
  Mr. Herlihy: Koufax is a good egg. He was nice to that kid. But he fights like a girl. You like that? I'm right here, miss. What are you gonna do about it? Ha-ha-ha.
  Sonny: What, are you drunk, Mr. Herlihy?
  Mr. Herlihy: Well, I-I had a few Chardonnays. What of it?
  Sonny: Get off the stand, please.
  • This description of him.
  Sonny (to Julian) He drinks a lot of soda.
• Julian's kindergarten teacher gets one of the best lines.
  • "One of the children wore rollerblades for show and tell, and Julian tripped him with a stick!"
  • She's also concerned about Julian's bathing habits.
  Sonny: I let him become the smelly kid in class? What the hell's the matter with me?
  Teacher: I've had some smelly kids in the past, but your son is by far the smelliest.
• "I watched Fantasia a lot. And one day it just clicked."
• Sonny tries to order breakfast at McDonald's, past 10:30, when breakfast is no longer served.
  Cashier: Hi. Welcome to McDonald's. What can I get for you?
  Sonny: (to Julian) Okay, what do you want?
  Julian: Cheerios.
  Sonny: Cheerios? They don't have Cheerios. What else do you want?
  Julian: Lasagna.
  Sonny: Lasagna? What the hell's the matter with you? (to cashier) Uh, we'll take hot cakes and sausage.
  Cashier: Uh, sorry, sir, but we've stopped serving breakfast.
  Sonny: What? What are you talking about? We're 4 seconds late!
  Cashier: No, you're 30 minutes and 4 seconds late. We stop serving breakfast at 10:30.
  Sonny: AW, HORSESHIT! ^note "OH NO!" in television broadcasts
  (A random customer is startled by this. Julian cries)
  Sonny: I wasn't cursing at you, I was cursing at the lady.
  (The cashier is feeling awkward right now)
  Another McDonald's customer: Nice parenting.
  Sonny: Thanks. What are you, my therapist? (takes customer's fries and throws them over his back) Take a walk! (to Julian) Do you want one of those Happy Meals? Do you want me to get you a Happy Meal? (Julian screams) WILL SOMEBODY GET THE KID A HAPPY MEAL?!
• The random goth dude:
  Sonny: You're mad at your dad, not at me. I forgive you!
  Goth (walking away and sobbing quietly): I am, I am. I hate my father.
• When Sonny decides to adopt Julian:
  Tommy Grayton (sitting beside his boyfriend): Way to sleep on it, pal!
  Sonny: Hey! You two wanna get married? I support that, leave me alone.
• Sonny's reaction to the kangaroo song video.
  Sonny: I can't take this shit, are you serious?
• Sonny pats the passed-out Nazo in the groin. And a few scenes down the montage, he's still passed out.
• Kevin's Big Damn Heroes moment is a bit undercut when he first arrives at Sonny's trial. "I'm sorry, am I in the right room?"
• When Sonny gives Julian a slingshot, telling him to go have fun and shoot a few beer cans.

A short time later Julian excitedly wants to show Sonny something, and Sonny's obliges, only to have a look of horror when he sees a rooftop full of dead pigeons.