Funny / Beast: The Primordial

• Some Beasts, who do not wish to act evil nor harm anyone yet realize starving themselves would be just as bad, resort to feeding through actions that technically fit the condition required to feed, but are way too insignificant to cause any lasting harm. This leads to some hilarious cases where you get to see these nightmarish Humanoid Abominations feeding by doing things that are at worst petty and annoying:
  • A Tyrant dominating people by getting a promotion over a colleague and then having said colleague forced to wash his nameplate;
  • A Ravager causing damages by throwing bricks through the windows of rich people;
  • A Collector who is a school principal and feeds by confiscating things from the students she punishes.
• One particular Anakim Ravager smashes up cars that belong to rich people. Fairly normal stuff, but when she feels like going the extra mile, she'll flip the car over, hide, and watch what is guaranteed to be a wonderful reaction.
• As usual, some of the stereotypes are hilarious:
  Namtaru toward Mages: Mysteries, you say. The uglier and more horrifying, the better? Well, my place or yours?
  Makara toward Vampires: You don't drown. My place, then?
• One of the common Heroic Gifts offered by the corebook, Chosen Blade, allows Heroes to enhance their weapon so that it's more effective between their hands. The book mentions Heroes frequently come to believe their Chosen Blade is some legendary weapon from a famous myth... and One-Steve Limit does not apply, which means some of them end up all believing they are wielding the Excalibur sword and arguing over who has the real deal.
• Conquering Heroes features a scene where Micheal Bellinger, a Hero who hunts Beasts for the satisfaction he feels when killing them, ends up accidentally attacking a werewolf that he mistook for a Begotten. After a few minutes of fighting, he realizes his mistake, calmly apologizes to the werewolf he just spent ten minutes shooting at, and leaves. The werewolf stands there dumbfounded, wondering what just happened.
• Another of the Heroes featured in Conquering Heroes, Martin Whist, specializes in hunting Makara and other aquatic supernaturals, to the point he has become The Dreaded to them. His motivation for doing so? He suffers from an ambiguous disorder making him unable to stand noise. The ocean is the one place silent enough for him to feel comfortable, and he resents Makara for living in it and making it noisy again. You read that right: he is literally going on murder sprees against them because they are making too much noise. While creepy, the sheer absurdity of this motivation is hilarious in a Black Comedy way, especially when Beasts have come up with theories such as him being the reincarnation of Odysseus and every hero who took on the ocean to explain his behavior.
• The Beast Player's Guide has several new Nightmares that draw on fears such as everyone around you being a Humanoid Abomination, having a tracking device implanted in you, and...stress caused by inability to fulfill a deadline.
  • It also has a new Nightmare allowing you to delude a mortal into believing he is a supernatural being. Meaning you can now justifiably cause someone to run around screaming "I'M A VAMPIRE! I'M A VAMPIRE!" A delusion, it should be noted, that can give actual bonuses to rolls to acting like whatever monster the mortal currently believes he is.
• The BPG section giving examples of how Beasts typically feed features Marko, a Talassii Nemesis who attempts to punish a man he perceives as a Domestic Abuser (translation: he saw him shout at his boyfriend once and immediately made assumptions) by kidnapping him and threatening to leave him in a trunk, unless he calls up his boyfriend and apologizes for shouting at him right now. He does so... and as soon as Marko leaves, the man calls up his SO again to be picked up, and they decide to beat up the crazy man who abducted him together. A bit further in the section, another Beast, a Makara Whisper named Kaori, is mentioned to have her hands full due to a Hero being after her, "and her broodmate Marko going around randomly throwing people into trunks isn't helping matters".
  • Even better, Marko ends up being an example of someone who calls to the Dark Mother in a desperate need when the couple is kicking the shit out of him, only for her to be so pissed off by his recklessness she happily sits on her divine hands and does absolutely nothing while the couple dumps him in his own trunk.