Funny / Atun-Shei Films

Checkmate Lincolnites!

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"Fixing" Videos

• "Fixing Gettysburg"
  • In "The Second Day", Atun-Shei has a lot of fun with General Weed's name. He then describes the First Minnesota Infantry (262 men) bayonet charging a Confederate brigade (1700 men) as "shattering slavers' skulls with every swing of their stainless steel testicles."
  • The "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue at the end of the "Fixing Gettysburg" series. Atun-Shei survives the Battle of Gettysburg only to die of diarrhea later. Klaus the Nazi archaeologist shoots himself live on the Joe Rogan Show, survives, and goes searching for the Silver Play Button artifact. Ron Maxwell learns about Atun-Shei's reviews from his grandson, says "Couldn't care less", and moves on with his life. All this is set to the movie's beautiful, inspiring score.
• "Fixing Braveheart"
  • Atun-Shei loved the editing of Braveheart so much he has an Immodest Orgasm during a battle scene. He also loved the Battle of the Bastards so much he peed his pants. Also pooped his pants. He peed and pooped his pants.
  • The Running Gag of flashing a censored naked woman on screen called "Our Lady of Perpetual Audience Retention."
  • He says a Pornhub video entitled "Seducing My Stepbrother At Camp" has a more logical premise than a sex scene in the movie.
  • Dr. Von Murderall, the Nazi from his The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, reappears.
  Von Murderall: The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.
  Atun-Shei: What about the war YOU started, you Nazi bastard?
  • Atun-Shei asks several "average Americans" questions about medieval history. One guy says Alfred the Great was "The best butler Batman ever had." Another confuses him with Alfred Hitchcock.
• "Fixing The Mummy (2017)": He points out that since the movie takes place in the modern day, the grand shots of the Great Pyramids should have a Pizza Hut in the corner.

Frozen 50's Man

• The intro features Jett reading a newspaper, where he shrugs nonchalantly at an article about the COVID-19 Pandemic, only to react with horror at the headline "SEGREGATION OVER!"
• Jett has trouble adapting to modern technology, as demonstrated when he tries to "hack" Kit's computer.
  Jett: (holding laptop to his face) Computer machine, reveal incriminating documents!
• When discussing Conrad the Comrade's "cancelling" with Conrad's grieving husband, Jett asks why they didn't just turn off the "computer machine" and stay away from it for a bit. The husband cannot comprehend the concept of what he's asking. And then he and Alexis get right back on their smartphones.
• Alexis calls Jett out on some racially insensitive comments he's made. Jett responds by adamantly denying it, furthering his case by asking "Would a racist own this?" and pulling out a Nazi flag. (It's a war trophy taken from a Wehrmacht officer he rather gruesomely killed, but his timing and presentation were atrocious.)
• The explanation for Dick's hair changing in between episodes is that Antifa, in the middle of their kidnapping, decided to give him a haircut before interrogating him.
• In "The Corsican Dildo", Alexis, who is revealed to be the leader of Antifa, explains to Jett that Antifa is seeking the titular MacGuffin, as it is worth a fair bit of money, and they plan on investing said money in such "diabolical" schemes as reparations for disadvantaged minorities affected by decades of systematic racism, community gardens in urban areas and food deserts so that even the poorest can grow themselves a healthy and nutritious meal, and homeless shelters that offers (Gasp!) free healthcare. Jett is outraged.
• Jett's flashback, where he is working in his office with his partner, starts as a typical Film Noir story, where a mysterious woman walks in and tells them she has a case for them. Jett and his partner is taken somewhat aback, and begins to explain to her that regular civilians can't just randomly enter an FBI agent's office and hire them for a job, since they're government employees and it's their higher-ups that tells them what cases to investigate. When the woman explains that she is actually quite wealthy, Jett immediately drop all reservations and asks her why she just didn't say that right away.
• When Jett declares his love for Caroline Dubois after knowing her for ten minutes (during which she lied to him and was super sketchy the entire time), Alexis actually stops the story to ask him to explain himself.
  Jett: Love was a lot less complicated in my day. We didn't bother with things like "getting to know each other" and "spending time together" and "telling each other the truth". We just latched on to the first woman to show us any attention and relentlessly pursued her until we wore her down enough to get married, and then found out whether or not we were sexually compatible in a big surprise on our wedding night! It was a perfect system!
• Jett gets a phone call about his partner's murder.
  Jett: (picks up phone) Hello? (talk on the other end) ...Yes, speaking. (talk on the other end) ...Bing Fluffernutters? Dead!? How?! (talk on the other end) Shot in the gut? Where? (talk on the other end) The Hotel at Bush and Stockton? Wh— (talk on the other end) Well, yes, I'm repeating everything you say! I— (talk on the other end) No! It's not annoying or weird! (talk on the other end) Well, it's just how I like to retain information! Goodbye!
• The parody of Joel Cairo, or to be more accurate, the parody of the film's censoring of his sexuality. Not only does Thebes Karnack outright claim that his sexuality is ambiguous, his increasingly unsubtle hints towards this culminate Jett finding his ticket to a Judy Garland festival for men only with the tagline "Bring your boyfriends!".

Witchfinder General

• The Witchfinder General's Signing-Off Catchphrase.
  "Thou art a wretched sinner, utterly unworthy of God's love. A fountain of pollution is deep within thy nature and thou livest as a winter tree, unprofitable, fit only to be hewn down and burned. Steep thy life in prayer and hope that God sees fit to show mercy on thy corrupted soul."
• The Witchfinder General Visits Salem.
  • He asks random people on the street if they are or have seen witches. One hostess at a restaurant says she loves his accent but can't understand a word he's saying.
  • He looks through some books at a book store.
  "Not the Bible. Not the Bible. Definitely not the Bible!"
  • He goes into the Salem Witch Museum, where one of the cashiers actually recognizes him. She tells him to wear a mask. Then she tells him the best place to find witches is out on the Common.
  Cashier: you can buy tickets online, sir.
  Witchfinder General: On...line? ...The town line between here and Marblehead?
  • Another woman recognizes him and asks for a selfie. He takes her cellphone for "further study" and walks away.
  • The Witchfinder General goes into the Satanic Temple Headquarters with a musket, where he meets a modern-day Satanist who explains their religion to him. He reacts as well as you'd expect.
  • Lucien Greaves, one of the Temple's founders, briefly walks into the scene, sees the Witchfinder General, and walks away without a word.
  • The Witchfinder General starts giving the Satanist his trademark "The Reason You Suck" Speech, only for the Satanist to cut him off, say he's fine with being a "wretched sinner", and politely tell him to look around and check out the gift shop.
• The Witchfinder General Goes to Mardi Gras
  • The Witchfinder General gets photobombed by a curious Mardi Gras reveler during his opening dialogue.
  • One of the heathens attending the festival tries to hug him.
    "Why do you hug me, you Sodomite?"
• Why Christmas Should Be ILLEGAL has the Witchfinder General reading the r/Christmas thread and taking his usual view on things. A man celebrating his first Christmas as a grandfather? Leave the child to the wolves, it would be kinder than the corruption of Christmas! A woman baking a gingerbread Baby Yoda? THE VERY LIKENESS OF THE DEVIL! A tribute to the poster's late grandmother? A reassurance that they shall be together again....in Hell, when they join her there!
• The Witchfinder General is horrified to learn there are now witches in Salem and praises a man who is protesting them. Until he realizes that the preacher is something even worse than a witch: a Catholic!
  Witchfinder General: Saddle me horse! I ride for Salem to-night!

Other

• His video on Vincent "Clawhammer" Witcher is full of Black Comedy, but what finally gets Atun-Shei to call Witcher a "fucking weirdo?" The fact that Witcher never used punctuation.
• In his video on Bernard de Marigny, he recounts Marigny challenging an American politician named Humble to a duel. Humble wanted to get out of it without appearing like a coward so he proposed the duel be at a lake in five feet-deep water with sledgehammers. Marigny wisely withdrew his challenge and the two became good friends.
• "Slavery in New Orleans" is a mostly heavy subject but at the end, he explains how slaves invented what would come to be known as jazz, which some consider to be America's "greatest gift to the world". He thinks the Spicy McChicken deserves that title, but that's just his opinion.
• "The New World: A Beautiful Mess"
  • Atun-Shei flashes a picture of a run-down old convenience store when he says "America."
  • He mocks the movie's use of In Harmony with Nature.
    Atun-Shei: The amazing thing about modern life is that you can connect with nature any time you like. It's called camping, you numbnuts! Oh, I'm sorry, is your objectively amazing modern life getting you down? Then go hike the Appalachian Trail! Jesus!
  • His ending monologue, over a beautiful soundtrack.
    Atun-Shei: "Mother. Where shall I poop? Shall I poop on the ground? Or poop in the river? Should I dig a whole and bury my poop? Mother, give me a sign." [loud fart]
• "Following Bienville: The Founding of New Orleans"
  • He says he'll be traveling Bienville's original route on his own...except for his producer Eduardo, who will keep him supplied with beer and snacks.
  • "George Washington is way too problematic of a historical figure for me to dress up as," says the guy who regularly dresses up as a Confederate soldier, a Nazi, and a witch hunter Puritan.
  • While rowing under a bridge, he actually finds a liquor bottle, filled with some sort of liquid, hidden between the bridge's support. Atun-Shei actually seems tempted to drink whatever it's inside of it, before deciding that the wise thing to do is to leave it where it was.
  • While rowing through a rich area with nice houses, Atun-Shei says "It's a good thing [Bienville lived] before The French Revolution because these people wouldn't keep their heads."
• In "Julie the Naked Ghost: A New Orleans Folktale", he recounts how a resident of Julie's old apartment, tired of tour guides constantly coming by and loudly telling the same story over and over, stripped naked and took Julie's place on the roof right when the tour guide directed them to look up.
• One comment on a Checkmate Lincolnites! video, where both Johnny Reb and Klaus appears has the commentator say that Atun Shei is probably the only guy with both a Confederate and Nazi uniform in their closet that they'd trust.
• "Indigenous Weapons and Tactics of King Philip's War" features Jonathan of The Far Off Station as a random Englishman who Atun-Shei claims is a ballistic gel torso. He ends up running for his life while Dylan and Drew hunt him to demonstrate the flintlocks.
  Atun-Shei: No Englishmen were harmed in the making of this documentary. The same cannot be said for King Philip's War.
• His annual Lief Erikson Day video for 2023, "Did Vikings Explore New England?", although it does fit in some semi-serious history, largely consists of him throwing back flavored vodka so strong it tastes awful, in between drunkenly roasting Maine as an uncivilized, illiterate backwater that still doesn't have electricity whose inbred, barely sapient inhabitants are forced to build houses out of human bones and mate with cave trolls to survive, and complaining about how archeologists refusing to try coming up with their theories while blasted out of their minds on alcohol, hallucinogens, and/or psychedelics are being lame. It opens with a pompous apology for the low quality of the video and promising legal action against the hard seltzer company responsible.
  Atun-Shei: "But mainstream academic historians, who hate fun and have probably never even once watched Beowulf & Grendel on five dry grams of Golden Teacher, are just terrified to suggest such things, because... they hate America."
  • It's also a Stealth Parody of Graham Hancock, a pseudohistorian he's previously criticized in several videos for making wild claims about an ancient, ultra-advanced civilization that inspired Atlantis and trying to substantiate them by taking powerful hallucinogens to gain visions of that time. Footage of Hancock is spliced into the video at one point.
• Holy Horror: A New History of John Brown's Raid
  • Karl from InRangeTV as a Strawman Political caricaturing "based" Internet commenters who glorify and simplify figures like John Brown and General Sherman.
  • Atun-Shei's sarcastic smile and thumbs up as he drives past a Confederate flag.