Funny / Asian Saga

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• At one point in Shogun, Blackthorne and Mariko end up discussing "pillowing", and Blackthorne politely refuses the company of a woman. Innocently, Mariko ends up asking Blackthorne if he wants to "pillow" a boy. Blackthorne is utterly aghast at this, and begins telling Mariko in no uncertain terms that he finds the idea disgusting. Unfortunately, this leads one of the samurai guarding Blackthorne to suggest he might be impotent, and tells Mariko to ask Blackthorne that. The novel does not detail precisely what Blackthorne says, but it evidently involves a lot of swearing. Finally the samurai in the room comes to the brilliant conclusion that because he heard that the "Garlic Eaters" like to "pillow" dogs, that must be what Blackthorne wants to do, before remembering that the rumor includes dogs and ducks. The samurai almost has Mariko suggest that Blackthorne have sex with a duck before finally thinking better of it.
  • Blackthorne, who is for the most part fairly sensible and cautious, is easily tempted by a priest into accepting an invitation aboard an enemy ship by a detailed description of the feast that they're laying out for him. Blackthorne - having endured the highly frugal Japanese diet for weeks (in between starving in captivity) - swears at the priest... and accepts. The next we see him he's lying on the floor, having eaten and boozed himself into a nauseous food-coma, with a bewildered Mariko looking on.
• In Taipan, after barely getting away with their lives and massive shipment of silver bullion, May-May and Dirk have a lengthy argument about superstitions and offerings to the pagan deities, since their current vessel is barely afloat and they will need divine intervention to survive. However, rather than being serious or somber, it's entirely played for laughs, especially after May-May has to explain to Dirk why she ultimately only thew overboard a calligraphed piece of paper, rather than the promised silver bar - and he just can't wrap his head around it. This is also the only part of the whole book where Culture Clash is used for purely humorous purpose.
  • To cap the whole exchange off, after May-May dominates the argument with rather reasonable points and berating him multiple times for acknowledging the in-spirit-only offering out loud, Dirk's final question amounts to "If your gods are Chinese, why are you worried about them overhearing us when we're speaking English?", and for once May-May seems a bit baffled and can't find a cutting response. Also amusing in that Dirk is turning her (to him) alien understanding of gods around on her, that being that they're not very relevant or concerned with matters beyond the lands they patronize.
• The never-ending bewilderment of various Westerners why the hell Dirk does such "pagan" things like brushing his teeth after each meal (using tea, but still), never drinking raw water, regularly taking baths and getting his clothes washed (it will ruin their styling, for Christ sake!). Worse, he demands this from his crewmen, too, under the threat of lashes and being locked in a brig - but only after they were first forcibly bathed. Bonus points for when, in almost the same breath that they bemoan suffering terrible afflictions stemming from poor hygiene and impractical clothes, they ridicule his habits and light dress and scoff at his advice. Brock even acknowledges Dirk's about the only one not in pain from "heat-sores", but waves away cleanliness as explanation in favor of the powers of darkness.
• In Noble House Dunross is complaining about his daughter's new journalist boyfriend. His wife Penelope very calmly notes she considers this one an improvement over the one who asked if he could sleep with her, which she promptly put a stop to. Dunross promptly has a near-meltdown while Penelope just says "at least he asked".
  • Later on in the book it's mentioned that Dunross took another unlucky boyfriend who thought himself a boxer to one of his company's gyms so he could express his displeasure with the relationship physically.
• Another moment from Noble House comes when Casey and Orlanda meet. Both superficially compliment the other, but both instantly realise internally they'll have to battle over Linc, which leads to a great moment of Mood Whiplash as we realise Linc isn't quite in tune with the female psyche.
  Both women knew the war had begun.
  Bartlett was delighted that Casey obviously liked Orlanda.
  • The fact that by the end of the book, seemingly every Chinese in Hong Kong have collectively dubbed Casey "Golden Pubics".
• Another one from Noble House. Early on the CIA characters crow about their unimpeachable source that feeds them info on Red Chinese troop movements during a meeting with Crosse. Fast-forward to an internal monologue by plainclothes policeman Spectacles Wu, which reveals the whole thing is made up by his relatives at the border stations using old newspapers. They even have the nerve to charge more by inventing fictitious informants that got caught and killed by the Chinese in the line of duty!

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